Submitted by sprinklesbubbles123 t3_118l435 in GetMotivated
A bit dramatic, I know. But let me explain.
My apartment is absolutely trashed. Has been for months. I haven’t washed a dish since October. I struggle with mental illness, and went through a long depressive period this winter. I was also adjusting to working two jobs, which was very hard for me.
So much clutter and trash all over the place. I have a queen sized bed. Half of it is filled with trash- mostly take out containers. The mess just makes me feel really shitty in general. But it’s having other effects too.
I can’t cook because my kitchen’s a mess, so I’ve been eating out. This has prevented me from chipping away at my 13k in credit card debt and from losing weight. Which is important, as I’m morbidly obese. I haven’t been taking care of my personal hygiene, mostly because I don’t see the point in showering just to get in bed surrounded by trash and in dirty sheets. When I’m not at work, all I do is lay in bed, because I feel like I can’t do anything until my space is clean. I’m constantly afraid my landlord is gonna have to come in here unexpectedly and see the place and evict me.
The thing is, my depression has been lifting up. I don’t feel as down, I’m having no issues going to work. But I still for the life of me cannot start cleaning. I KNOW it will make me feel better- why the hell can’t I do it? Why can I find motivation to be yelled at by the general public all day but not to clean up? It is as if something is physically holding me down. I’m mad at myself and feel so lazy. I don’t understand and I don’t know what to do.
Advice appreciated.