A drunk guy climbs into bed with his wife. He's so drunk he instantly passes out. A while after passing out he is awoken by a bright light emanating from the end of the bed. He struggles to get himself into a sitting position and after doing so sees that there is a figure in or behind the light.
He asks, "who's there?"
"It is I, Saint Peter and I am here to inform you that you passed away in your sleep and I am here to let you into the gates of Heaven."
The guy is totally shocked and exclaims, "Whaa? I can't be dead, I'm young & have a young family who need me! - Can you let me stay here with them, please.. I've lived a good life & have been kind"
St. Peter considers this & replies, "There is only one way to do that I'm afraid.. You can stay but it will have to be in the body of another nearby creature.. the nearest ones are: the neighbours dog, a chicken on the farm next door or the mouse in your shed"
The guy thinks about it... "The dog is out since the kids are afraid of them and it can't be the mouse as my wife is petrified of them, so it'll have to be the chicken, which is ok as my my wife walks by the farm everyday with my kids on the way to school, so at least I'll get to watch them grow"
And in an instant he is in the farm yard pecking away at the scattered seed.
He catches his reflection in a puddle - and he is indeed, a chicken!
While involuntarily pecking the seed he suddenly feels an incredible urge to 'bear down' - something in him feels like it is trying to get out so he screams. A passing rooster hears his scream and (in chicken language), asks what's wrong.
The guy explains his involuntary urge to bear down & the rooster goes, "Oh that's just an egg coming out, just squat & push - that thing will just pop out..but you're a chicken so it'll happen often"
So the guy stops fighting it and pushes down and lo and behold out pops an egg! He's so proud of this fact and the moment he feels it happening again he instantly pushes and pop! out comes another egg.
He is so happy with himself and the feeling of relief that he doesn't at first notice the person yelling, "Brian! BRIAN!! BRIAN!!
He looks to his right and sees no one - he looks straight ahead he sees no one - he looks behind him and sees no one and then he looks to his left and sees his wife. He's confused... He asks her what's wrong and she screams, "Brian wake up you drunk asshole, you're shitting all over the bed!!"