Recent comments in /f/Jokes

Moldy_slug t1_j2cte73 wrote

Reply to comment by TooShiftyForYou in A man goes before Saint Peter... by SchwarzeHaufen

An old lady gets on the bus on a cold winter day. "Thank God," she says to the driver, "I thought I was going to miss the last bus and be stuck out in the snow!"

The driver shushes her and says, "You can't say 'thank god' these days, you'll get in trouble. If you must say something, thank Comrade Stalin."

"Oh, I see," says the old woman. "But... what if something awful should happen and Comrade Stalin dies? What do I say then?"

"If Comrade Stalin dies, then you may thank God."

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SchwarzeHaufen OP t1_j2ct18t wrote

Reply to comment by [deleted] in A man goes before Saint Peter... by SchwarzeHaufen

I actually have a joke about that:

So you remember uncle Shaun?

Big man, spoke with a heavy Austrian accent, constantly sloshed?

Well, he got his name when he was going through Ellis Island. You see, he had heard from his neighbour's wife that to succeed in America, you needed to have a good Anglo name like Cedric Wellington, so he had determined that he would change his name when he got there.

Standing in line, he started thinking of all the things he would do and all the things he would see, like visiting the Statue of Liberty! Oh, how nice that would be. But as he was doing this, he forgot to notice that he had come up to the immigration officer's desk.

'Name?'

Taken out of his day-dreaming, he got caught flat footed. Thinking desperately, he tried to remember the name he wanted and so to try to stall for time he blurted out. 'Ich habe es schon vergessen!'

And that is how he came by the name Shaun Fergusson.

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[deleted] t1_j2csb7k wrote

Reply to comment by SchwarzeHaufen in A man goes before Saint Peter... by SchwarzeHaufen

I understand. My great grandfather came in off the boat to Ellis island way back when. They changed the spelling of his name. Just enough. So that other relatives in the old country couldn't find him, supposedly. IDK. The story changes. My grandfather didn't know it until he needed a birth certificate - somehow something didn't match up.

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