Recent comments in /f/Jokes
Standard-Reception90 t1_j2eo6i2 wrote
Reply to Police found a large number of dead crows on the A251 just outside Ashford yesterday morning, and there was concern that they may have died from Bird Flu... by mykeuk
Mother Fu#^@%.
I read this not realizing it was r/jokes. I was very interested in why they died....
Defiant-Outcome990 t1_j2eo5ur wrote
Reply to What do you call an event where a likely sexual predator puts on a dress and reads stories to children? by Hitler_the_Painter
A republican convention.
rktek85 t1_j2enxwz wrote
Before sinking, 2 dudes aee having sex during which they both have a heart attack and die. Which one goes to heaven first? The guy on the bottom or top. The dude on the bottom. He already has his shit packed
Steady-Nutty t1_j2enofb wrote
Reply to comment by UpsetAd3710 in Police found a large number of dead crows on the A251 just outside Ashford yesterday morning, and there was concern that they may have died from Bird Flu... by mykeuk
The joke has all the context required within it.
True_Pen69 t1_j2enhmw wrote
Reply to comment by Perturabo_IVth in Jerry’s is naming a pizza after Andrew Tate by Kat121
Yea at least I’ll be a wealthy person doing whatever I want without the matrix affecting me, who gives a rats ass about fun and entertaining when your a brokie, kronie loser. I’ll be enjoying life on a beach or Paris or whatever 😂🤣😇
Responsible_Tax_2763 t1_j2enbcf wrote
Reply to comment by Narrheim in A man goes before Saint Peter... by SchwarzeHaufen
Or fall from a window at the top of a tower block
BazingaBen t1_j2en7d0 wrote
Reply to comment by MJSTEX in An LGBQT cruising ship sinks in the middle of the ocean. Who survives? by damluk
Borderline genius level response.
SorryFox6616 t1_j2en1j7 wrote
Reply to what is an English teachers favorite cereal? by athwolf
Cheer-i-o
Stunning_Ad6060 t1_j2emzns wrote
The ss. Straight spies.
StiffLittleFever t1_j2emwgs wrote
Qforz t1_j2emk0x wrote
That really paints a bad picture of your relationship
ColtS117 t1_j2embmr wrote
Reply to comment by biowrath156 in A man goes before Saint Peter... by SchwarzeHaufen
Happy cake day!
TheZang449 t1_j2embef wrote
Reply to comment by Negative-Ad-6533 in A man walks into a department store by sunflour4
Nah, I’d say just turned around.
BrAkE_FlyER t1_j2emavj wrote
Reply to comment by Affectionate_Guava87 in Vladimir Putin loses his favorite watch by nostopthoughts
Don't bother to elaborate, do you?
Anyway there is only one term to the people who can't prove his own words. It's called "deep shit".
Perturabo_IVth t1_j2em35d wrote
Reply to comment by True_Pen69 in Jerry’s is naming a pizza after Andrew Tate by Kat121
At least it’s fun an entertaining, instead of spending my time defending an incel and investing in crypto
[deleted] t1_j2em1p8 wrote
Reply to comment by froggiboi68 in Whenever my wife is upset I let her colour in my black and white tattoos. by heyandy1
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[deleted] t1_j2elvh2 wrote
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aparolin t1_j2els4b wrote
Reply to In the final round of the poetry competition, it comes down to the student from Princeton and the hillbilly from West Virginia. by benmrcsmith
made me cry; laughing so hard...
Affectionate_Guava87 t1_j2elrxu wrote
Reply to comment by BrAkE_FlyER in Vladimir Putin loses his favorite watch by nostopthoughts
I also think you're a moron. I'll step aside for the next one.
mpwalters t1_j2elmpr wrote
Reply to comment by iknowthisischeesy in Make sure to poop before midnight on 31st December. by iknowthisischeesy
I save that for after. Sort of a prize for a job done well.
iknowthisischeesy OP t1_j2elffi wrote
Reply to comment by mpwalters in Make sure to poop before midnight on 31st December. by iknowthisischeesy
Looking at porn?
kdawg123412 t1_j2elcn5 wrote
A villa in italy?
iknowthisischeesy OP t1_j2elb12 wrote
Reply to comment by Altruistic-Rip4364 in Make sure to poop before midnight on 31st December. by iknowthisischeesy
Oh shit
lordshocktart t1_j2el8dc wrote
... as soon as they get through, Walters says, "this just in"
As they laugh awkwardly at the wholesome but stupid joke, Jesus's mother bumps into Benedict. Annoyed, he exclaims, "what the hail, Mary?!"
Mary, in defense now says, "It was an accident! Shit! Benedict? More like still is a dick!"
God, upset now that this small group of people has upset the heavenly feng shui, yells out, "oh, you can all go to Hell!". They disappear.
Jesus walks in and says, "hey dad, have you seen mom?"
Joseph replies, "no, son, I haven't"
Jesus rolls his eyes, and says, "I wasn't talking to you".
Joseph then replies, "I'm so sick of you treating me as if I'm not the one who raised you! I taught you how to be a carpenter, a respectable career for a small child who was born in a barn! What did he do for you? Oh that's right, he had you murdered so that people who lived after you could be assholes and still get into Heaven! The holiest thing about you is your hands!"
Jesus, startled, says, "not cool, dude."
Meanwhile, the other three mentioned characters burn in hell for all of eternity.
Fin.
kyttan1 t1_j2eoeld wrote
Reply to Police found a large number of dead crows on the A251 just outside Ashford yesterday morning, and there was concern that they may have died from Bird Flu... by mykeuk
I originally read bird flu as Irn Bru and now I'm just imagining a bunch of wee Scottish birds having a drink 😂