Recent comments in /f/Jokes

punkfunkymonkey t1_j6039hq wrote

Reply to Polly wants a working girl by CYOA_With_Hitler

Sexually frustrated since her parrot was cramping her style by screaming 'someone's going to get it tonight...someone's going to get it tonight!' anytime she brought a man home so she went to the vet for advice.

"Your parrot is jealous" said the vet, " I'd suggest buying a second parrot so that your own parrots romantic needs are met. That should stop the outbursts!"

She left the vets and went directly to the pet store, explained the predicament and attempted to buy a second parrot.
"I'm sorry, we've only got a male parrot for sale I can get you a female one by next week!... too long to wait?... we'll lend you this female owl until the parrot arrives, hopefully that will keep your parrot distracted."

She took the owl home, sat it on the parrots perch, watched her parrot quietly stare at it and decided to go out on the town and hopefully bring back a man to a quiet house.

When she got back she quietly brought a man in, turned on the lights and was very happy that her parrot didn't scream out.

Until that is she kissed the man and all of a sudden the parrot screamed out "someone's going to get it tonight...someone's going to get it tonight!' at which the startled owl came to life flapped it's wings and screeched "t'whuu t'whuu'

The parrot stopped shouting, turned to the *owl and said "Not you, you big eyed ugly bitch!"

(Edit *doh)

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Vast-Support-1466 t1_j601kpb wrote

Reply to comment by TomAto314 in I got cut off by a taxi driver last week. I was walking through town today and I saw him at the back of the queue at the taxi rank. I got in the first taxi in the queue and said "How much to the station ?" "$5" said the driver. "And how much for a blow job ?" I asked him. by AdeptLengthiness8886

Honestly, the only way it's funny as-is if it's written that he's "blowing past" the other taxis.

Amazing no one has picked up on that!

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constantwa-onder t1_j600bwi wrote

Reply to comment by Evil_Creamsicle in I got cut off by a taxi driver last week. I was walking through town today and I saw him at the back of the queue at the taxi rank. I got in the first taxi in the queue and said "How much to the station ?" "$5" said the driver. "And how much for a blow job ?" I asked him. by AdeptLengthiness8886

I'm on mobile and haven't figured out how to get the holdover text to work for xkcd, but I'm curious what it is for this one.

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TomAto314 t1_j5zt66s wrote

Reply to comment by Vast-Support-1466 in I got cut off by a taxi driver last week. I was walking through town today and I saw him at the back of the queue at the taxi rank. I got in the first taxi in the queue and said "How much to the station ?" "$5" said the driver. "And how much for a blow job ?" I asked him. by AdeptLengthiness8886

I don't really get it either. So he tricked some random taxi drivers into thinking someone took up his blowjob offer. Ok...

It might be a funny story if you did it in real life but as just a joke not much there.

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