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You'd think posts like this would hurt less when my wife has been a hospice nurse for the last decade, but it doesn't, not when losing my parents is one of the few things that truly worries me. I hope you make it through this with as little anguish and as few long-term problems as possible, OP. It certainly won't be easy.

you’re the type of person who constantly plays devils advocate aren’t you? kindly, get some self awareness my dude.

Are you enjoying the book? Up until recently my issue with reading was I always tried to read books that I thought I should like, but they weren’t actually holding my interest.

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i can tell how much you loved her. that’s priceless and will stay forever in your heart. god i’m tearing up for you. may she rest in peace knowing how much she was eternally loved by you ❤️

haha i love this, letters take heart and soul to write. damn those credit card companies!!! did she write in cursive, too? sorry for your loss.

I have one voicemail from my wife saved and backed up. It's from a week before she died in 2013. I still cry when I listen to it. It makes me sad not having that voice in my life for the last 10 years.

It's just a routine voicemail too, nothing special. She asked me to pick up her meds from the pharmacy and that she'll meet me at her mom's house later that night.

I'd give almost anything just to talk to her and hear her voice again for just 5 minutes.

good, so what you need to. you’ll thank yourself in the future so much.

I can't tell you what method will work for you, I can only tell you what method I found worked for me after a few years of struggling really hard in uni.

I discovered 2 important things for myself. Sitting down just reading my book/notes made me feel really tired or lose my focus really quickly. What helped:

1. When reading my book/notes: I was making a summary, so I was writing things down, trying to put them in an organized/logical manner (in a diagram if appropriate). That way I was more 'busy' more 'involved' than just sitting down and reading. That helped keeping me focussed for longer.
2. When actually memorizing the stuff, I took one or a few pages of my summary and got up. I generally paced back and forth in my room. Pacing around made sure I felt less sleepy than sitting down.

Another thing that worked well for me was 'teaching'. So I made the summary, tried to memorize a section and then to see if I actually could do it, I 'taught'. I imagined I was the teacher of this course. So I explained the info to my imaginary students. That way I fairly quickly found out what pieces I was good at and which ones I lacked in. Bonus is that I actually had a whiteboard in my room, so I even wrote things down for my students on the whiteboard. I did it a few times until I could do that section completely. Sometimes it was a matter of filling up a few blank holes, so I had to glimpse at my summary. But occasionally I did so badly I had to stop and go back to the memorization stage before returning and doing 'the class' all over again.

Funnily enough, I remember at one point I was 'teaching' English grammar and during my explanation I realized I made a mistake. I remember I actually felt a bit embarrassed and had to tell my students I made a mistake and re-explain an entire section. Just funny how I could actually feel embarrassment, while my audience was completely fictional. Though I am happy to say my students were always attentative, forgiving, never interrupted me or asked annoying questions. :-)

Some people revision audibly, some by writing. For me I thing it was a combination, but writing was more important, whether that was on a sheet of paper or on my whiteboard. BUT writing down did not mean I had to waste huge amounts of time on writing it down. Writing was more of an evidence that I had mentioned the point. I know some people don't even write words but would just write a point or line to show they've mentioned the point.

An example for me. Let's say the question is: What fruits are in the teacher's favorite fruit salad?

Answer:

-Apple

-Grape

-Blueberry

-Melon

-Pineapple

When I reviewed it, I would name the things in my mind or out loud and at the same time write (so quickly, my handwriting was barely legible):

Q: teach fav frtsalad frts?

A:

-Ap

-Gr

-Bb

-Mln

-Pine

It doesn't matter that afterwards these abbreviation didn't make sense. Their only function was to show myself in that instant which items I had mentioned.

I hope there was something in here that was of use to you, even if it was just inspiration leading to a completely different learning method for yourself.

This is excellent advice. My mom passed a few years ago and I have a saved voicemail of her singing me happy birthday from before she was sick. I listen to it every year and always plan to. I turn 48 in a few weeks.

I also have them saved from my sister, aunt, and a couple of close friends. They don't know, mainly because it's weirdly morbid, but also because it's just for me.

Hope it helps! I have adhd and while it isnt a silver bullet it does greatly increase my chances of being able to focus or concentrate for an extended period of time. The noise provides some stimulation without being distracting.

Seriousness and jest are not mutually exclusive. In sadness laughs are sometimes needed to light the gloomiest corners and dispell the shadows.

Never been likened to a vegetable before but... thanks, I guess?

I would have done this if I knew one day my mom wouldn't be able to talk for 3 years before she died. She had some funny ones too. But she was a letter writer so have lots of letters written to credit card companies and the news paper editor.

You can also run an audio cable to your PC and use voice recording software to save a file to your PC and cloud accounts.

I believe you can do the same w/ a bluetooth connection, but I haven't personally tried that method.

I agree

Interesting. Never thought of this. Will give it a try, thanks

thank you, i have been kinda distant and he knows he fuuuucked up. it was months ago, but for a guy saying he’s been cheated on and hurt from it…sure is kinda ironic.

White noise/brown noise

Yeah thats a tough situation. I hope things work out for you cus that is extremely rough to go through for both of those things

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that’s fine. you have your memories and i have mine.

uhg. he didn’t really have one. he admitted he was wrong and deleted it. i wasn’t even going though his phone, i asked to see a specific picture of me because it was funny. he did that thing where he will hold his phone up to my face, but wouldn’t let me hold his phone. which is weird. without trying i got him to admit to the pics.

makes me assume he isn’t over her, and broke my trust. he’s been here while i’m going through this with my mom though and my main support. very conflicted.

Yeah but nowadays you got so many apps with voice messages. My grandma is turned 70 last year and she only talks through whatsapp now. Got tons and tons of voice messages from her I can save directly :)

Not saying everyone should use it, I just found it interesting that people still use voicemail. Seems so much more difficult to send and receive.