So you're saying I shouldn't immediately internalize it and hold it against them for the rest of their life and quietly work to ruin them and their goals?

Damn, I've been doing it all wrong.

Write drunk; edit sober.

Your feelings should not be number 1 priority. Rather your own mental health should be. It's important to consider if your feelings are based on facts or your own assumptions.

Funny I just got recommended this, as I was speaking about this in my workplace earlier, how I felt EXACTLY the same way. Constantly walked over, allowing people to wrong me or say shit, get in my personal life or business, heck getting info out of me at work, when it's none of their business. But unfortunately for some, like me, you live and you learn. And I mentioned how I'm gonna let people know on the spot from now on too. Great reminder. 👍🏻

Definitely having boundaries, even if they are internal (what you'll tolerate from people) and not outwardly expressed, is important. If a person has hurt or insulted you it is for them to right the wrong, after you express that you didn't like what they did.

While it’s ok to wait a day or two if you’re feeling rage, or if your livelihood or freedom is at risk, in most instances (and sometimes even those) SPEAK UP IN THE MOMENT. You can wait til later to go into detail or to have a heart to heart, but “don’t raise your voice to me” “That’s not what I said” “I’m not going to do that” etc are examples of what you can say in the moment. If you don’t, it’s possible that whoever you’re saying it to will deny the situation (whether purposefully or not; they might genuinely not remember it’s a big deal to you, not them) or if other people are present your silence will signal to them that it’s ok to disrespect you.

I used to be the give a pass, don’t want to embarrass them or spill their secrets person. I regret it. It hardly ever was to my advantage. I looked out for them even when they weren’t looking out for me and they fucked me every time. Save yourself. Fuck them people.

I had that when I was younger. I couldn't explain myself I just knew what I felt.

That’s the problem my mum doesn’t want to change.

A lot of time it's does depend of the person and their willingness to actually change the behavior that's upsetting you. From my experience a lot of people will try to help fix the problem some just don't want to change.

In my case, I often know something makes me mad or doesn't sit right, but I need time to figure out why it bothers me. It's hard to tell someone in the moment why you are upset!

For me, setting a boundary is the key. Being brave enough to say, “no that doesn’t work for me” in the moment. I can say that right away, before the ask becomes upsetting, before I can get angry with myself for being a “pushover”. It’s hard, it takes practice, but I’ve found the sooner I put up a boundary and the less I JADE when pressed, the less I feel I’ve been wronged or hurt or taken advantage of in the first place.

It still takes practice though.

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This might work for some people, but it’s a bad idea for me. I often feel hurt in the moment, but realize later that it was no big deal. And if I’m really angry, I’m also bad at finding the right words to express why until I cook off.

Doesn’t mean it’s not good advice for some people — but I think it’s often a case-by-case thing.

I was gonna say this. I get so anxious when someone says something to me that I like physically can't get words out, I shake and almost cry and write it off. Then the next day I figure just let it go and it isn't worth my energy. Also I dont have a ton of friends so.... lol

There's a difference between being assertive and being reactionary. Find a strong yet unemotional way to respond to disrespect that avoids being angry.

Listen to op dudes. The balance is letting them know how you feel without making them get defensive. Don't accuse or point fingers, just be sincere.

And if I offend someone I apologize immediately, crow is easiest to swallow while it's still warm

100 %

Sometimes I don’t really know how I feel right away.

Your feelings are not your #1 priority and if they are, you’re going to walk around with hurt feelings a lot.

Yes, there are times when you need to speak up but if you freak out every time someone looks at you the wrong way, it won’t be long before no one wants to be around the desk out drama Queen.

I did and i got blocked without even getting a response so that hurt. For real though i feel like i dodged a bullet and shook off a toxic friendship.

Doesn’t work, I do this with my mum all the time but she just copies my argument.

Maybe. Sometimes. It depends.

I don't think it's good advice to just let loose every negative feeling you have, unless your goal is to end up with no friends.

In many cases hormones can get in the way of calling things out without rage. Being emotionally mature means having the presence of mind to know you need to take a minute to cool down and figure out how to articulate your feelings in a calm and collected manner.

😭😭😭

I wish I knew this years ago too.