Foster parenting hurts but it’s so rewarding. I’m a foster parent in the process of reuniting a little girl with her bio dad… I don’t wanna cry.. but yeah..

Thanks so much for this. I am not maternal and am childfree, but I've often thought about being a foster parent because the plight of those kids weighs on me. I had no idea there were options beyond straight up becoming a parent. I'm going to check out these options in my area

I’m actually going to be seriously looking into becoming a CASA in the very near future! Super excited about it

I fostered for a few years. The courts gave back kids to parents that raped their own kids. The only parents I saw out of hundreds that lost their rights failed to pass a drug test for marijuana.

Sexual abuse, physical abuse and neglect are fine to the system. Not one out of dozens of foster care workers went out on a limb for the kids, they all went through the motions because they were afraid to lose their jobs.

The director or the state system we fostered in was married to the state placement manager. They adopted two separate kids from placements where rights were terminated.

I stopped supporting the system because as much as we did, we only propped up the nightmare.

Embrace the protein.

go do what you couldn't while you were together

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My CASA worker when I was a preteen-teen had a huge influence on me. I wish I had stayed in touch so that she can see the woman I have become.

Thank you OP. I want to slowly integrate myself into that world. This is valuable information 🙏

I knew a family who made ‘requests’ for donations to DVIS and some other places, for kids birthday gifts. Kids were old enough to know why donations in place of more toys was an option, and most people did buy them things to donate.

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I've realized that staying hydrated fixes most of these problems because you're forced to get up and move and go pee pretty often

My family did this for years. We didn’t have the resources to take on a full child, so we had teens spend the weekend with us. They slept on the couch, but got the chance to have a fun weekend, full home cooked meals, and someone to support them. The last child we fostered from 15-18, helped him getting into college, my dad gave him his old car. He’s now 35, married and rather successful. Any help is some help

If you can't control your temper, it's probably best that you're not around kids anyway.

I used to work in residential and inpatient psych with kids and I loved CASA workers so much. Having an adult in your life that is still there for you even when you're bouncing between foster homes and group homes with no stable parent can make such a big difference.

My friend runs a pajama charity called JAMBOS you can support as well! Their mission is to bring comfort to kids in the foster care system through new pajamas. Often children are quickly transitioned into foster care and they bring very little to none of their own belongings. Jambos gives foster kids a brand new pair of pajamas they can call their own. Please consider supporting them!

I was a social worker and my perspective regarding CASA is that they are a person who helps bring the child’s voice to the team and the court. Each team member sort of advocates for things in a different way, and sometimes the child’s wishes are not specifically addressed. CASA helps that happen.

Disclaimer: I’ve gone through this process twice with partners with whom I shared a decade long household with all the things you’d expect.

A lot of the advice I got was to focus on rebuilding myself. It half worked. The focus on the ability to operate independently and hold my own definitely did. But the bit that didn’t was to take a break from relationships altogether to avoid slugging others with a rebound situation.

My advice is to focus on this bit. Not necessarily on next relationship (very possibly that too) but rather, answering a simple question: “what is my next project going to be about?”

Walking out of a long termer that didn’t work out, you’ll probably have a lot of ideas what it won’t be about, and maybe the start of a thread re what you’d have liked it to be about. What matters to you. What your next one is definitely going to be about. What hill you’re prepared to die over.

For example, my first one was about following a formula the society gave us - get married, have 2.3 kids, a dog and a mortgage.

The second one was about saturating ourselves with fun and novelty… and it ended with my partner no longer finding that novelty at home and seeking it elsewhere.

The third one was about making people feel seen and safe at home.

Very different north stars, which attract very different people to them. What I found was that we hook up with very different people when we select based on what kind of project we aim to commit the rest of our life to building. Rebounding stops being a problem because our old partner simply isn’t fit or interested in building our new project. It’s for that reason we broke up!

And when we have clarity on what it is we’re trying to build, so long as we put ourselves in front of other prospective partners and talk with them - this clarity really helps find “our people”, avoids endless periods of dating, and shortens the orb to an equally keen and companion, who has just as much clarity and intent on this new (and hopefully lifetime-long) home/family project.

Work out what it is that matters to you and what your next project will be about.

I hope this helps.

Now I hear this.

Pffffffffffft

As a Community Mental Health worker, I love this so much. There are wonderful people who want to help foster kids, but who also make horrrrrrible parents.

What great advice!

It varies a lot over the course of the case. When the child first enters the system you’ll need to be on top of making sure doctors and teachers and case workers and foster parents are all working together. You would write a report for the judge and attend court. The first month might be 12 hours of work. Then there will likely be months where all you need to do is meet with the child and foster parent, then an email check in with CPS and the child’s lawyer. That would only be 3 hours. There were more 3 hour months than 12 hour. I served during covid times, so all court proceedings were online. That made it super easy… physically going in to court would run into daytime work hours. But I bet many reasonable employers would see the value of allowing that time.

Oh, interesting.

Not entirely sure as I have only worked beside CASA. I don’t know the specifics with a green card, but I would likely think that you could. I would suggest just looking up and talking with your local CASA and asking.

one of the reasons i chose my sorority is bc our philanthropy is CASA 🫶🏼 it’s so moving how important CASA volunteers are