Now that I know of this I'll intentionally try to ruin them sales agents metrics. I fuckin hate sales and marketing people.

To be honest, I'd just pick something. I was in a similar position when I just turned 18. No clue what to do. So I just picked the first full time job I could find. It was factory work. Stayed there and then decided I was working too hard for too little. So I decided to go back to school for kinesiology. Got two years in, found out my job outlook was making ~40k/year for a four year degree. Decided that wasn't going to be worth it. So I decided I was going to go into the trades. Did concrete for six months, didn't like it. So I decided carpentry was next. A few months of that and I said no thanks, so then I tried plumbing, and then electrical. Hated the working conditions and the dudes I worked under. I decided that I could probably make more money doing something else that didn't require me working 60 hours a week. I decided to go back to school for software engineering. Second semester in, I was struggling hard. I had every reason to think I couldn't make it. Nothing made sense, I was constantly reaching out for help, I felt hopeless. But I wasn't going to drop out a second time. So I figured I would just do whatever it took to get my degree and then find something else. Well something changed my third semester. Something just clicked. Eventually found a job about 2 weeks after I graduated and now I can't imagine doing anything else with my time.

I know this is a super long comment, but my point being, is that it's best to just start something and find out it isn't for you. You're never stuck in the position you're in now if you do something about it. If you try something and you don't like it, there's no shame in trying something new. You won't know what you like until you give it a good try.

Good luck OP. I wish you the best.

Not only that I don't give a shit if I'll bring their metrics down, but now that I know of it, I'll be looking forward to do it even more! I fuckin hate sales and marketing.

Pick up anything man just stick to it when it gets hard.

Recording: Congratulations. You’ve now been upgraded to Super Premium and will be charged $99 per month. Thank you for being a loyal customer. Goodbye.

Here’s the thing. You just said that you have no notable skills or hobbies that really means you’re not that valuable to an employer. This is why apprentices make about half the wage of a professional or journeyman. If I was you, I would try to find some thing with electricians, just pick a trade a lot of the skills will be useful should you decide to pick a different one. Until you develop some skills, you really can’t be that picky. If you are getting kicked out, the people kicking you out are probably tired of you being picky.

With the situation you are in you have to do what you can before you can do what you want.

Followup.

When you get a real person, ask to speak to a manager. Don't elaborate on why until you get to. The manager.

Managers are much more likely to help or be able to get you where you want.

It's not a surefire answer as automated phone systems are the actual devil, but it works more often than being in queue

You could try the Profiler or just explore on this site to get a sense of how your interests match with occupations https://www.onetonline.org/

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Push # or zero repeatedly when the robot talks. That usually gets me a human operator.

It's tough trying to find your place in the world.

The real LPT is that in a voice or keypad entry prompt 0 gets you to the operator 99%of the time. Sometimes it will fight back by saying “I understand you want to speak to someone but we need more information” press it a few more times and the phone will just start ringing.

The longest I had to go was pressing it 7 or 8 times with comcast (my local ISP) who were a pain in the ass to get a hold of. But it eventually worked

You'll get a salesperson who will then transfer you to someone else. If it's a real shit company, they'll transfer you back to the IVR, and you'll have to do it all over again. In most cases, saying agent on an automated line or pressing 0 works.

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Can't stand assholes that don't use turn signals or use them after they start breaking.

Yeah these tips really don’t work for the larger companies anymore. The only real power we have is to have the perseverance to eventually get a person, then explicitly telling them exactly where their company can shove it after they’ve assisted you (of course remind them it’s nothing personal against the person, the company is just shit)

This is why I use iPhone. No issues at all with pop-up ads and ransomware and all the other things that typically happens with androids. I only see a pop-up if I give permission. Apple rules!

And that’s after you waited on hold to be told they can’t help you. If you’re lucky, they might get you to the right queue. If you’re not, I hope you like hold music.

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You can sometimes just swear at the machine loudly for the same effect.

I just loudly say "HUMAN" until I'm speaking to one.

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I've found that if you speak some gibberish then they'll usually direct you to where you need to be. Just any time they ask a question, just speak gibberish.

I have worked at 3 different call centers in my life and not once did I ever even SEE the CEO, much less talk to whoever it was.

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Someone called me once knowing the CEO's name and asked for him by name. I thought it was another call center rep she spoke to, but then she told me it's the CEO of the company. I told her I don't have his extension, nor do I even know who that is. YOU are the one that told me the CEO's name so how am I going to know how to transfer you to him?

Like many others have said, this is a terrible LPT. You're just wasting time and goodwill which will result in you not getting what you want. If you aren't thrown back into queue, the person you get to will 'warm xfer' you to the other dept. The 'warm xfer' is first agent calling 2nd agent and saying something like "this joker called me to get out of the system to talk about a refund so handle accordingly (nudge nudge"). 2nd agent will take call and then deny your request because you were basically trying to be sneaky and waste others time. See how that works? So just use the system and get to the right person. That's what it's designed for. If you don't like the system or can't xfer, then use chat or email.

Here's a copy/paste of my answer to another "LPT" about automated systems.

I built these systems for a couple decades and these LPTs are getting annoying. There is no secret to any of it. It all depends on the individual design choices. Some companies don't want you to talk to an agent so no amount of pressing 0 or * or # will get you there.....ever.

It's not like there is a documented set of ISO design standards for IVRs. Sure there are best practices, but management will ultimately decide when/if you talk to someone.

Edit: Ok, rant over. You want tips from a designer?

Tip 1: try using the system. You might be surprised at how much time it could save you. It also helps keep costs lower by reducing operating costs of having much more expensive agents handle your rote transaction.

Tip 2: Option not available in the IVR? Ok, listen for the option to transfer. If it's not there, then try 0. If using a speech reco system, say agent or representative or person. In speech reco, you have to pass or fail a defined grammar of responses. A well designed system might have these. I say might because if the company doesn't want you to transfer, you won't no matter what you say or push.

Tip 3: You will likely have to fail 2 or 3 times. Many of these systems are designed to handle your error and prompt again, and again. That's right, there's error handling and call recovery designed in.

Tip 4: As someone else said, some of these systems do sentiment analysis. If you sound angry or frustrated, they will detect that prompt accordingly (maybe next prompt will ask if you want to speak to someone). These are likely companies with lots of money and focus on customer service....so not that many. This feature is pretty expensive.

TL;DR there's no one trick that works because each system is uniquely designed and has unique feature set. Don't like the phone system? Use email or chat instead.