"Base to Heifer Actual, Confirm ETA to target."

"Base, we are 3 min out from target. Visibility is less than 2 miles, we are mainly flying on instruments. Contact ground elements to advise them we're coming in on heading three-one-zero, and to start popping flares. We're prepped and ready for drop."

"Confirmed, Heifer Actual. Good luck."

[switches channel]

"All units in the AO, be advised. Heifer Actual on approach to target, three minutes out, on heading three-one-zero. Bravo unit, your elements are danger-close to the target. Repeat, Bravo unit, your elements are danger-close to the target. Drop flares and take cover."

"Bravo Actual here base, be advised we have civilians in the drop-zone. Repeat, civilians are in the drop zone. They refuse to move."

[cow bellowing in background, soldiers heard yelling]

"Understood, Bravo Actual. Heifer Actual, Heifer Actual, you are instructed to wave off and come around for another pass. Confirm transmission."

"Heifer ac... to... b... do you rea.... *ksssshhhh* do... read... repeat instruc..."

"Heifer Actual, wave off! Wave off!

[Two days later]

"Commander, normally after action reports are simply a formality for these types of operations. However upon reading yours I noticed a reference to 'hay-bale related civilian casualties'. Explain the meaning of this!"

"Sir, yes, sir. Due to the weather, we could not contact Heifer One to tell them to wave off. The drop zone was not clear as several civilians had wandered into the area and refused to move."

"Cows, Commander. COWS. Not civilians! You don't put the term 'civilian casualties' into a report when there weren't any! That sends up all sorts of red flags! Dear god, first you take out a Humvee with a hay bale, now this... We're the only unit that's had to provide a damage report for a humanitarian operation!"

"I understand, Sir... I'm also picking up that now may be a bad time to tell you about our new mascot..."

[mooing is heard down the hall]