A zombie apocalypse christmas

I have watched you. You were unaware of me. Every swing of your blade. Every grunt of pain. I was there.

I watched as you slaughtered, and you left gore in your wake. I was taken by you.

Not with your physique.

Not with your face.

But with your determination. Your drive to continue, no matter the obstacle. It was admirable.

You’d kill me the instant you saw me, I’m sure. True irony, to have you so close, yet impossible out of reach. It’s not lost on me.

Here you lay, chest rising and falling softly. I almost want to touch you. To caress your hair. I wouldn’t dare risk it.

So, I leave this note for you. I had to do something, the urge was consuming. Please don’t seek me out, I’d never harm you. But know…

…I’m always nearby.

The barbarian paused, only momentarily. He wasn’t expecting such an answer.

The soldier took his opportunity, slicking his opponent’s stomach open. He had gained the upper hand. He now stood over the barbarian, as he stood over the soldier moments prior.

“It is euphoric to know that I stand with my home, my leader, my people, even when the bitter end draws near. It is euphoric to feel such pride that you’d gladly face death for even the slight chance to save what you love.”

The barbarian groaned, each movement drawing more blood, and more pain. He didn’t care to respond. He was unsure if he even could.

“I’m sure you feel the same way. You felt euphoric when you laid eyes on the eternal city, at the prospect of ending your homeland’s sufferings. You felt euphoric as you bid your family goodbye, knowing you were contributing to a cause greater than yourself, greater than them.”

The two warriors locked eyes, one filled with pain, and the other remorse.

“I feel no euphoria now. It doesn’t please me to have killed you. To have taken you from your family. But, Rome is my euphoria, and I’d go through torture and torment for her.”

The life drained from the barbarians eyes, his groaning and movement ceased. The soldier closed his eyes, this was a feeling he knew too well. He felt a sudden coldness, then red hot pain emanating from his chest. Then, nothing.

A barbarian looked at the young man, no older than 25. He had taken his life, as he had with many others.

His eyes drifted towards his fallen companion.

A love confession to a monster hunter (if specific monster, writers choice).

Bro, I don't know what jobs you've had, but you just described hell.

A child gets creative with a box.

"How does it feel to fight for a dying Empire?" asked the Barbarian mockingly

"Euphoric." answered the Soldier resolutely

Thank you for the information

[deleted]

Maybe you could try getting footage from an outside store cam or a traffic light camera of your near-untimely death if it wasn’t for the regen

E.B patted soot of its fur, when sleigh bells and the crunching of snow came from behind it.

fuckfuckfuckfu-

“sigh not again, man”

E.B spun on its pink heels

“Hey khris”

“Dude, you’ve gotta stop”

“Well, I’m not doing it on purpose”

“That doesn’t matter, this is my show. I mean, what if someone sees you? You don’t think that’ll cause more than a little existential dread?”

“…”

“Well?”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“…no.”

“…yes?”

I can imagine santa having to climb back up because he can't cross the rabbit :)) Must be an awkward moment for both of them.

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Groggy, I pulled myself out of my pod and sat on a nearby chair. I learned the hard way that after a good cryo-nap, your legs are a little wonky. As I came to my senses, things seemed…strange. But, nothing was different. Everything was where I left it, every light was still dimmed, there was no evidence that anything was amiss. Still, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off.

After 5 minutes, I stood. Well, I tried to. I lost my balance, and fell back into the chair. Why was I out of breath? Cryo really did a number on me this time. Ok, focus, I’ve got to be nearly at…I can’t remember where I was going. I felt the tickle of panic, but focused my breathing. The worst thing to do in space is panic. I think.

fuck, is this common for post cryo? I mean, it’s gotta be. Wait…is it? I grew more confused by the second. My focus collapsed and I started hyperventilating. I reached for the water dispenser, but my arm failed me. My senses began to…alter, my mind alight with terror, fear, dread. This is foreign, this is all strange, this is…different. I don’t like this, I don’t like this, I don’t like this I don’t like this I don’t like thisidontlikethisidontlikethisido-

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep

I was brought back to reality by my pod, and the beep it produced. With great effort, I shifted myself to face the monitor on the right side of the pod. It displayed a message.

MEDICAL EMERGENCY DETECTED DURING CRYOGENIC SUSPENSION. EMERGENCY STATUS: CRITICAL/LIFE THREATENING. CAUSE: HEMORRHAGIC STROKE. SEEK PHYSICAL ATTENTION IMMEDIATELY

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‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

Because we were fucking petrified by the commotion coming from our chimney. Me and Sicilia shared subdued glances at each other, not making our fear obvious to the kids.

They were ecstatic, Bobby and tommy were still at the age where Santa was very real, and this was a dream come true for them. “Hey, get the boys to bed. santa wouldn’t like it if he say them up this late.” I hinted to Sicilia, and she rushed them off to the relative safety of their bedroom. I stood from my chair, took a step back, and silently shat myself as I waited for whoever this was to come out.

I really didn’t expect pink fur. Or an Easter basket.

What stood before me was a 6 foot tall human-rabbit combination. A “regular” body covered in pink fur, with the head of a rabbit. It was holding a basket full of colour eggs. “Alright, time to hide these bad b-AUGHHH!”

We simultaneously jumped and recoiled back. The thing hit the chimney, and spilled its basket. “Wh…what the hell are you?” I was no longer silently shitting myself, I’d imagine it was quite noticeable. “Isn’t it obvious? What are you doing awake? Aren’t you all usually asleep by…” it trailed off as it took in the room. “Hey…why do you have…is that a tree?…oh boy, this isn’t good.”

I couldn’t react. I couldn’t speak. I was more confused than scared now.

“Uhh, my bad? Look, I’m just gonna…” it ducked as it entered the chimney, leaving its dropped eggs where they landed. “If anyone…well, they won’t. But if anyone comes…have my back?” It put on an awkward smile, which was quite disturbing on a rabbits face. “S-sure…no problem?”

“Thanks, and hey, Merry Christmas…hehe…no? Alright. See you in April” and with that, it scurried back up my chimney. Once the noises and grunts stopped, I sat back down.

“April…that was the fucking Easter bunny? Jesus…”

As I contemplated the last 2 minutes, I heard more commotion from the chimney. I didn’t move this time, I figured it was coming back to collect its eggs. Then, I saw a red suit with snow white lining slowly descend…

When you awaken from cryostasis everything seems as it was when you were frozen, except that it all seems a little bit... off. The big picture is familiar but there are many little details that make you question what the hell happened.

"Hey Mork, come over here!"

A six-wheeled alien sauntered over to a larger, eight-wheeled alien.

"Wazzup, boss?"

"I am impressed by your creativity, my young apprentice. You have managed to waste more of the humans' time with these just-so stores of yours, than the rest of us have been able to do with all our old klaptrap flatted flying orbs combined. At the next meeting of the human timewasters summit, I'm going to give you a raise. What would you like the raise to be in?"

The six-wheeler chuckled on the inside. He had actually invented conspiracy theories because he felt too lazy to be bothered to fly an actual flying saucer.

"Why thank you, boss, what an honor! I'd the bonus to be in vacation time. Because the humans do my work for me by spreading my stories themselves, I think I can afford to take some time off without getting behind."

The eight-wheeled alien tensed visibly at the suggestion.

"Well", he stammered, "that's a tall order." He rolled back a bit to think. "I'll see what I can do. Thank you for your tireless service, Mork, the society for the wasting of lesser beings' time has been breathing down our chapter's necks for years over the industriousness of humans. With your breakthrough, we may yet arrest their development without having to send in our precious tripod tanks to wipe them out".

It's Christmas eve, the whole family is in the living room. Suddenly, noise is heard in the chimney, and a minute later, a slightly confused Easter Bunny hops out of the fireplace.

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People are allowed to interpret it however they want

In my mind though, they work regular full-part time shifts and in between shifts they are released into e afterlife and do whatever kind of relaxation they did in their mortal life.

And the jobs are surprisingly easy in a spiritual form. So much so they barely pay attention, and do whatever else they feel they should.

That's something else. Reporting yes but getting money? I don't see they would.

Wait so it’s basically just work, but without all of the time off?? That sounds very much like hell my friend

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