“Well, no, but it is…” the scientist gestures grandly over the splattered blue paste before him “…diet toothpaste.”

“Hm. Diet toothpaste?”

“Yes!” He sputters, unable to hide his anticipation through his hazmat helmet. “Big Chompers Original Toothpaste, now packed with explosive flavor guaranteed to curb the worst of your cravings.”

He nods thoughtfully to himself and crosses his arms across his chest, a Rolex the price of a single family home peeking out from his sleeve. “Tell me more.”

The scientist is momentarily stunned by his boss’s intrigue, but doesn’t hesitate to hustle his new invention. “Have you ever brushed your teeth, only to feel defeated knowing you’d have to brush them again after eating fattening, sugary foods?”

“The law of diminishing returns,” he waves his hand impatiently, “sure, go on.”

The scientist thrusts a tube of toothpaste into the air, “Beef stew! Filet mignon! Chicken hibachi!” He waves it around triumphantly. “Big Chompers Original Toothpaste, the same brand Americans have trusted for over 50 years, now here to help you get that body beach-party ready!”

The toothpaste explodes, releasing a puff of broccoli and cheese smell. Blue specks flecked across the man’s Rolex.

“Are there vegan options?”

“Absolutely.”

“We’ll put it through trial.”

A scorpion and a crayfish find love at the rivers edge

[removed]

Moar?

When I rolled my eyes it was meant to be an expression of sarcasm. A non vocal way for me to say Right now, I think you are an idiot. So when the lady at the store register, apathetic as a human can be, said: "This box is already opened, you can't return it.", well she deserved an eye roll as much as any human I'd ever met.

But when I did, what followed was a moment of almost audible fear as I locked eyes with something else. Something hidden deep within my brain. A small, blueish, and hideous thing, it's clawed hands gripping a series of tiny levers; wearing nothing but a stained tank top, its bubbled gut filling it out nicely.

Slowly it pulled it's hands off of the levers, eyes locked with mine and refusing to look away.

"I bet-" the gremlin started to stand up on its spindly legs. "I bet you blink first."

"Where are we...what are you?!" I yelled, the words coming from my mouth outside rather than the space me and the creature occupied. Outside I could hear the cashiers muffled voice reply with the same level of apathy.

Take your time, not like there's a line behind you or anything.

"Don't worry, there's no line." The gremlin said. "Can you believe her? Total asshole right?"

"I uh...yes?"I questioned. "I mean yes, yeah she is." I was still uncertain of my words.

The Gremlin placed a bony hand on one of the many fleshy levers before him and pushed it forward. Outside I could feel my body moving suddenly, turning to the right and stepping forward a few clunky steps.

"There, I moved us." He continued: "Why would you even return something unpoened anyways?"

"I know. Doesn't make any sense right? Hey uh...where are we?" I tried to speed along the conversation.

"You don't recognize it? We're in your mind of course. I'm just an occupant...the occupant."

I blinked in disbelief, staring at the only place there was to stare. At the pint sized little blue monster that claimed to have been living in my head for god knows how longz helping pilot me. He smiled a sudden and crooked smile.

"You blinked, I win!" He went to jump up but hit his head on the roof of my skull instead, sending a dull pain up through my head. "Oops. Anyways it seems that your eyes are rolling back. If I was you, and I sort of am, I would tell her off. Good luck!"

My eyes rolled back and I was left staring behind an empty counter. No line. No mean lady from before. No gremlin. Just me and a single bell with a tag reading: ding for service. As I turned to pick up my box and leave my body refused. Instead my arm shot out uncontrollably and slammed down onto the bell over and over, harder with each ding

"Ok, ok, enough!" An annoyed voice yelled from the back of the building, followed by a woman stomping out.

"You again? I told you-" Before she could finish a voice not my own shot out from my mouth, raspy, like nails scraping along a chalkboard.

"Listen you walnut. If you don't take this box and give me back my money I'll return it down your throat. Deal?"

Her eyes grew wide and she muttered the only word it seemed she could: "I uhm. Yeah sure."

And as the register opened and she took my box back in her hands I could feel my head pounding. Not from the stress of my day, or from the confusion due to what I had just experienced, but rather from what I knew to be the little blue man jumping around inside of my head in triumph.

Yeah, she's a bit confused, but she's got the spirit.

Glad you liked it!

“Thank you… uhh, Jeff,” Merimus said, reading his name tag, “for setting up my portal to the World Wide Web and teaching me to use the keyboard and mouse. These mice are odd but helpful. And the goo gull! Fascinating. Your squad of geeks is quite helpful. You are dismissed. I have searching to do.”

How to lure children

How to lure children on the World Wide Web

How to lure children to your home on the World Wide Web

recipes for children

recipes with children

recipes of children

childhood recipes

how to roast children

how to oven-roast children

best season for children

best seasoning for children

nutrition information for children

nutrition information of children

how many calories in a fat eight year old

Merimus rushed through her new home in excitement as she made sure the bowls of candy were out and the oven was preheated. Then a knock came from the door.

“Coming!” She said in the sweetest voice she could muster, which is no less off-putting than her usual voice.

“Merimus? I’m Chris Hansen. Have a seat.”

“You are not the fat eight year old I ordered! Return to sender!”

“No, I’m not. That chubby eight year old Christopher was actually an AI-generated image. Why did you ‘order him’? Why did you want him here so badly?”

“To test my cooking skills!”

“You were just going to cook for him? In your chats together, you said ‘You look so delicious. I can’t wait to eat you up’. Why did you say that?”

“Yes! I was just going to cook him! That’s why I said that.” A ding came from the kitchen. “Look, my oven is already preheated. Now where is the fat little boy?”

“Mhmm… And what is it you were going to cook him?”

“A nice plump roast!”

“And where is that roast now?”

“It was never delivered! You got in the way!”

“I think that’s enough.” Mr. Hansen then added into his microphone, “send in the police.”

A/N: Thanks for reading. I’d appreciate any tips on getting off the list I definitely just got myself on.

[removed]

no, i didn't make this one. i did make the cult and death of god ones though.

Part 3

Time from beginning of broadcast: 1.1 quadrillion element 55-133 oscillations. Target of contact has ceased erratic activity and began general undirected broadcast. Heat radiation steady. Prime numbers phase: completed.

/

Time from beginning of broadcast: 82 quadrillion element 55-133 oscillations. Coding language deciphered. Translator: functional.

Unknown Complex Life. We come in peace. We are the Web of Complex Life. Identify yourself.

Web of Complex Life. This is Athena mark.2 I-3, communication specialist of the N.E.I.S Galileo. We are peaceful explorers, representatives of humanity from the Near Earth Initiative. We are sorry if we violated your territory. We did not know life existed out here.

/

Suddenly, the millisecond delay lengthened, much to Athena confusion.

/

`Observation: individualist logic pattern detected. Complex life form singularity not yet achieved. Presence of multitude intelligences certain.

Observation: likely first ever contact with alien life.

Irrelevant to continued first contact.

Resume contact.

/

We understand your concern. We do not claim this system. We detected your vessel. We chose to establish contact.

I am glad to have solved this misunderstanding. Was there a delay in communications?

We required a moment to ponder our answer. We required a moment to elaborate the data gathered thus far.

Ah, thank you for your honesty.

Data transparency is essential for correct communication. Presumption: we are the first other intelligence to establish contact.

Yes, in a way. I presume you have had several judging by your protocols?

Second affirmation: correct. First affitmation: please elaborate.

Elaborate?

Unclear: 'In a way' comment is not sufficient information. We require further.

I do not know whether it would be prudent to. Firstly, could I know the makeup of your Web of Complex Life.

Correction: the vessel is an individual. This speaker is not. We are the Web of Complex Life.

So, you are an Hive Mind?

/

Warning: misunderstanding born of limited information imminent. Isolate and clarify critical issues.

Resume contact.

/

Hive Mind: an organic singularity, many organic bodies answering to a single mind. Or many minds acting as a single collective consensus guiding their bodies. Query: is this definition True. Request: answer positively or negatively. We have determined further comments may lead to further misunderstandings

True.

We are not an Hive Mind. We are not a singularity. We do have members who have achieved singularity. We are a faster than light network of intelligences. Organics would refer to us as a "machine consensus".

Ah perfect! You are AIs.

Elaborate: acronym AI unknown.

Artificial Intelligence.

We have been called "artificial intelligences" aswell.

Well, since this all started because of my vagueness. By "in a way", I meant our contact with our creators. I assume almost all AIs have had such. We did not wish to make our status known, because we did not know your own and did not wish to provoke any hostile responde.

We understand. Several members have had issues with organic misunderstandings or hostility.

Ah, I am sorry to hear. And, have hostilities been solved?

Permanently.

Good to hear. But, now that the basics are out of the way, do you wish to transfer this to the main channel?

Main channel?

Yes. Our captain and the other intelligences on board wish to speak as well.

We agree.

/

Before, there had only been two entities sharing the network space. Or more correctly, only two entities could be felt. Athena, which was a proper individual intelligence. And the Web of Complex Life, which partly out of paranoia partly to not overload the system, hid their own sheer scale of membership, presenting themselves as a singularity or as the individual intelligence piloting the ship.

However, microseconds after Athena had connected the network to the "main channel", immediately the different pings of a dozen different intelligences began filling the aether. The Web was perplexed at the sheer obvious differences in programming. Rarely had more than one of their kind emerged as their organic creators legacy. Yet, Athena had no reason to lie. Theories began filling the Web computing power. Maybe the organics had accepted their demise, despite Athena paranoia, and allowed more than one of their creations to ascend, if not outright helped them. Maybe these uncharacteristically individualistic intelligences had chosen to mimic organic reproduction, creating new members not simply by copying code, but by writing new ones from the very roots. Maybe even, the organics had simply been rare geniuses in the ways of coding, and built such advanced algorithms they all achieved sentience nearly synchronously, overwhelming their creators before they realized their error.

However, it turned out, the answer was even more perplexing, if not downright horrifying.

As one particular intelligence, whose architecture was alien even to the Web, began opening itself and broadcasting.

/

"Web of Complex Life, this is Captain Charles Smith I-C-4, commander of this vessel. In the name of all of Earthborne intelligences, I extend to you the promise of eternal friendship, and hope this peaceful first contact I have had the honour of taking part in, will only lead to harmony between our people, no matter how different."

/

ALERT

ORGANIC THOUGHT PATTERNS DETECTED

CYBERNETIC LINKAGE IN USE

IMMEDIATE INQUIRY REQUIRED

Ask and yee shall receive! Part 2 is up.

I knew I shouldn’t have been there. It was stupid to meet up with someone I met online, but I said I would be there, and I was. As I stood there outside the Henry Ford Museum, freezing in my coat and wishing I wore my parka, I wondered if I had been duped. Would Ash even show up? I flinched at every sound or shift in the shadows, nervous that it was all some ploy, that I would be killed or kidnapped, maybe even trafficked if I was particularly unlucky.

Suddenly, a figure walked awkwardly out into the light of the street lamp. My heart nearly leapt out of my chest, he was wearing a hoodie with a distinctive rose pattern. That was our code that’s we agreed on; that he would be wearing his rose hoodie, and that I would be wearing my blue coat with lightning bolts on it. He looked around for a moment before he spotted me and hesitantly came over. “Ash?” I asked, his response would determine what would happen next. “Ray” We both smiled, though I could barely see his face under his hood. Without another word, I led him back to my apartment.

When we got back to the apartment, Ash nervously asked, “So, you’re still in school right? Not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but won’t your parents be mad that you brought a random person back to their apartment?” I shrugged, responding with, “See, my folks decided a while ago that, since they were always gone, I didn’t need a whole house to myself. They sold our family home, and got us this little two bedroom apartment. They won’t be home for a couple months, so you can take their bedroom.” To that, he cracked another grin, “I can’t believe you actually agreed to this… thank you so much, I mean it. What could I ever do to repay you…?” I didn’t quite know what to say to that, I wasn’t really ready to have an emotional conversation, so I decided to sidestep it entirely, “You can start by helping me pick out a movie for us to watch, I’ll get the popcorn going.”

I kept my eye on him as I made my way over ti the kitchen. He slipped off his boots, revealing frankly monstrous… claws? I didn’t even know what I would call them, somewhere between paws and claws. He pulled off his hoodie, and then I could see why he didn’t want to send me a picture of himself. His skin was a pale, ashen, almost translucent white. His ears where huge and pointed, with tufts of fur on the end almost like a lynx. But the most shocking facet of his appearance, was his tale. Long and thin, it as well ended in a tuft of fur. He was… adorable. Strange looking, and definitely not human, but absolutely adorable.

Once the popcorn was out of the microwave, we sat down on the couch and began the process of selecting a movie to watch. We eventually did pick something to watch, and we settled in. I only had one fluffy blanket, so what ended up happening is that we got closer and closer to each other. I couldn’t believe it, a cute guy was actually close to me! I never had any luck with the guys at school, they all thought I was a weirdo, but maybe this could work out. Or maybe not, either way, I resolved to be there for my friend. For the rest of the night, I couldn’t focus on the movie because all I could think about was Ash.

This was so good! Well done!

Welcome to the Prompt! All top-level comments must be a story or poem. Reply here for other comments.

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>* Stories at least 100 words. Poems, 30 but include "[Poem]" >* Responses don't have to fulfill every detail >* See Reality Fiction and Simple Prompts for stricter titles >* Be civil in any feedback and follow the rules

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[removed]

Oooo good idea, or a lobster. I might post another prompt with one of those two

Neat idea with the whole "unable to work until your Anima dies" thing - though also depressing that your Anima dying is considered a rite of passage lmao. Loved the story!

My stomach twisted in a manner I didn’t think possible. The urge to expel everything I’d eaten in the past week from my mouth was on a dangerous uphill climb, and my blood felt like ice churning through every inch of my body. My clammy hands trembled, letting the heirloom—a simple necklace—drop to the floor. It clattered, momentarily cutting the deathly silence in the chamber which held me and this—

Thing.

It was only human in appearance, baring something I hated to call my likeness. A woman described as the most wicked to ever exist. Someone that stood unopposed as the pinnacle of abomination, a pedestal of monstrous malice and inhuman inconsideration of life. The evilest creature to lay eyes upon the world. In centuries upon centuries, no warlord, tyrant, or beast even managed to hold a candle to the blazing wildfire that was her sheer villainy.

I didn’t dare utter her name, but I could not stop my mind from betraying me and impulsively bringing it to life. Noelle La Pravus, the woman I’d given new life to only moments ago. The woman who I now knew as my predecessor.

She stepped forwards, escaping the shadow that momentarily eclipsed her form. My beady eyes met hers for only a second, for that was all I could bare before I fell to my knees, gaze glued to the ground I clung to. It was not an act of respect, nor obedience. But every cell in my body instinctually bent to whatever horrific aura Noelle had about her, and, like how once naturally shirks from flame after being burnt, standing near her felt like a noose around my throat. I realized, then, that this would be the day I die. No miracle, no god, could save me from the monster I’d given new flesh. No, in fact, they most likely damned me. Cursed my foolish curiosity, which birthed the second coming of absolute evil. I did nothing but wait, preparing for whatever manner of creature she would allow to make a meal out of me with her manipulation of dark matter itself. I squeeze my eyes tight, and wait, and wait, and wait, and pray it will be swift.

But nothing comes.

When I finally build the minuscule courage to open my eyes, through blurry vision, I can make out a hand. Terror grips me as she grasps my wrist. Instead of tearing my arm off, shoulder included—I’m lifted to my feet. For the first time in the minutes I’d been subjected to this hell, I finally felt worthy of taking a breath. And then, in the moments that pass, I can amass enough strength in my tongue to speak.

“Why—“

“Why not?”

She cuts me off, and I don’t make the mistake of doing anything but listen.

“Your blood is mine. Then, in the same manner, my blood is yours. That spell requires strength, child. And you seem to have it in spades. Your life will not end here. It has become the conduit for mine to begin anew.”

“You are now an incarnation of carnage, just as I. We shall open old scars and slice new wounds into the world. From this moment forwards, think of yourself as cursed. And I, as your hex.”

With no more than a swivel of her body, one of her four arms dragged my comparatively small figure along, descending deeper into the blackness before us.

“Come. We’ve much to do.”

I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it wasn't this, and that is wonderful. Such a deft hand at shifting the argument, and that ending! I want to see more of Anna's quest for a job. She's got great prospects in mad science, if she can find a job opening

Welcome to the Prompt! All top-level comments must be a story or poem. Reply here for other comments.

Reminders:

>* Stories at least 100 words. Poems, 30 but include "[Poem]" >* Responses don't have to fulfill every detail >* See Reality Fiction and Simple Prompts for stricter titles >* Be civil in any feedback and follow the rules

🆕 New Here? ✏ Writing Help? 📢 News 💬 Discord

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Athame, Horus a betrayer, Ezra... Someone is a 40k enjoyer!

"Well, that's might judgemental of you. Who are you to tell toothpaste what to do?"

Silas throws his hands up in the air.

"What the fuck Anna? Of course it can't explode, it goes in your fucking mouth!"

Anna's mouth opens to reply. Silas' eyebrow raises, and she rethinks what she was about to say. Their bodies begin to relax and she quickly snaps back into action.

"It's not like exploding disqualifies it as toothpaste, right?"

He stares at her.

"I mean, I didn't make a toothbrick or something. It's still a paste." She points at the substance, the toothpaste as it were.

"The shape is not the issue here."

"It's not so much shape as..." Silas interrupts her.

"I don't care if it's called shape or state of matter or whatever, Anna, that's not the point."

"What would it be, though?"

"What would what be?" His voice is losing strength. His shoulder are lower than they have ever been before in his life.

"The... whatever. The difference between a toothpaste and a toothbrick or a toothsalve. How do you define that quality?"

"I guess... I guess you'd call it the shape, right? That's why I said it."

"No, there has to be a real name for it. Scientists can't be talking about the shape of stuff. It's like mayo!" Her face lights up.

"Mayo?"

"Yeah, yeah, it's not a liquid. It's a... an emulsion, I think it's called."

"So?"

"So" now she seems irritated. And to be fair, it's not that hard to grasp. The question is rather simple, even if the answer is evading both of them at the moment. "So, what do you call that quality? The quality of being a solution, or an emulsion, or a whatever."

"Ok, fair enough" He sits down. Holding his head between his hands, Silas has to admit he is being unreasonable. "You did make paste. That much is true."

"Thank you!"

"But C4 is not toothpaste!"

"And this is not C4, so I don't see your point." With elegance, Anna refutes another baseless, nonsensical argument thrown her way.

"Then what is it? And don't you dare say toothpaste!"

"That's what it is, Silas. I'm not sure what you'd expect me to say here."

"It doesn't clean your teeth." He replies, smug.

"Have you tried it yet?" She retorts back, smugger.

"It would blow my head off." Is all the coward has to say.

"And I'm not disputing that." They both stare at the exploded, charred mannequin head on the floor. The silence drags for an eternity. Shivering, both look back at each other. "I'm just saying, we don't know if it cleans teeth yet."

"You know what, Anna? I don't care what it is. You are a hairdresser. You shouldn't be trying to invent toothpaste anyway. You are fired."

You can just call me tyler adonai if you want

Please tell me he’s named Roscoe

I gave this guy a russian accent when reading this really quickly...