Jacob Frankenstein, MD.

A hard-working father who provides for the two children he's made. They tackle hard-hitting issues, such as growing up, fitting in at achool, and what thread you use if your foot falls off in P.E. class.

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All were handed little slips of pink paper by the archangel Michael and then he said “I know this is sudden and confusing but…your all fired. Your pantheon’s are all forfeit and you are no longer allowed to answer prayers. Rooms have been made available for you either in Hell/Tartarus/The realm of Isfet/Helheim whatever you call it. Additionally, you can if desired be rendered nonexistent by the almighty. Please, make your intentions known in the next…10 minutes? I’ve got a Sennercheib with an appointment in an hour, followed by my guy Daniel and some lions.”

The falcon headed god Horus and the helmed war god Ares rose up and said “YOU DON’T GET TO TELL US WHAT TO DO!” Horus then said “I cannot be conquered by the god of slaves!”

Michael looked at both then pointing at Horus said “listen here bird brain, Moses already slapped you in the dirt and he was a prophet of the almighty. I, WILL mess you up and bury your dumb ass in a hole.” He then shifted his finger to Ares and said “ I will do to you what I did to the betrayer with MY FOOT ON YOUR NECK, LANCE THROUGH YOUR DAMN SPINE PANSY!”

Horus looked aghast and Ares was stuck mid yell. Ra then said from his barque of the sun “Sir Michael, this convention was called to decide the true motives of your god. We are all called to discuss whether they are evil or good for all their actions. Because, frankly they are confusing to say the least. You have the Moses thing like you said and then there’s the whole bread from the sky thing and of course you’ve got the whole kill all the unbelievers deal in Cannan.”

At which point Zeus stands and says “we need an explanation for all these prophets sir. There’s so dang many of them. There’s Elijah, Samuel, John the Baptist and Moses to name a few. Plus you know how many saints to remember and why do we keep hearing they are a trinity. We need answers and wanted to discuss it all as responsible deities”

Michael ceases pointing at the war gods and crosses his arms. He then replies “look, you want to talk about this, that’s fine. Discuss at leisure though in the retirement homes provided to you. But right now for humanity the only things you all do is confuse them. If I’m being honest, your Socrates was right none of you are worthy of worship all of you do things that are more human than deific. Seriously Zeus a shower of gold impregnating a girl? Just how much adultery do you need to commit? And Ra, who abandons their post just because some girl learns your name? Are there any reasons to believe that humans don’t deserve a better class of Lord? You all fundamentally act like humans are beneath you, the almighty sees it as a parent looking after their children, loving all of them equally and punishing each according to their actions.”

As he finishes Michael shakes his head and shrugs before continuing “ probably some would complain that their lives are harder than they need to be, I know Lot could have. But part of being a parent is giving what you need not necessarily what you want. This is why we push humility and not revenge, yes there will be outliers but to borrow from something your Poseidon said sometimes what mortals do in our name says more about them than it does about us. That’s why the almighty plays the long game, and says to each human soul before they are born, I love you and couldn’t imagine my creation without you. Be born and make it richer in life and experience so that the lives you touch are in turn touched by me.”

The meeting did not continue long after this. Most left for the afterlife and a few chose oblivion. Michael his duty done returned to the lord and resumed his post in heaven whatever it might inevitably be from then on.

Sorry I don’t write much so formatting is a little strange on my phone. I just wrote til I ran out.

Archangel Gabriel, in all his golden and fiery radiance, stood in the middle of the Assembly Hall. His ten wings of Soulflame filled the horizon of the entire dimension that was the Hall. Intense was the Light of His Ten Thousand Eyes That See All, blinding every attendant of every god present.

Archangel Gabriel went ignored by said gods.

Are you done preening, Messenger? Izanagi asked.

Indeed, who is this Yahweh, that he is to judge us? Odin added.

He claims omniscience and omnipotence? Even I at my worst was not this arrogant. Zeus proclaimed.

My God is the One True God, and Lord of All. He is beyond all ethics, for Morality is a Gift from Him. The Archangel rebuked.

At this, Izanami ascended from her Throne in Yomi, and handed Izanagi a copy of the Bible, before returning to her realm.

15 “Have you allowed all the women to live?” he asked them. 16 “They were the ones who followed Balaam’s advice and enticed the Israelites to be unfaithful to the Lord in the Peor incident, so that a plague struck the Lord’s people. 17 Now kill all the boys. And kill every woman who has slept with a man, 18 but save for yourselves every girl who has never slept with a man.

Numbers 31:15-18

Tell me, what is the ethics of putting women and children to the sword? Not soldiers. Civilian women and children. Izanagi asked the Archangel.

There is no honor or bravery in killing women and children. None. Odin added.

Then the Archangel responded: "And tell me, 'Great Ones', are Thou Flawless?"

Zeus then spoke: "And I tell you the Truth, Messenger. At least we never claimed to be."

Gabriel's eyes blinked, and his Soulflame dimmed ever so briefly. After the slightest ruffling of his wings, he spoke once more.

"The One True God wishes to save you all. To free your souls," Gabriel proclaimed.

A sniggering could be heard from Yomi. In a moment, a black flame did appear, and Izanami, Lady of Yomi and Mother of the Dead, emerged from within it.

And I quote:

44 “‘Your male and female slaves are to come from the nations around you; from them you may buy slaves. 45 You may also buy some of the temporary residents living among you and members of their clans born in your country, and they will become your property. 46 You can bequeath them to your children as inherited property and can make them slaves for life, but you must not rule over your fellow Israelites ruthlessly.

Leviticus 25:44-46

Gabriel was speechless.

Furthermore... And lo Behold, another black flame did emerge in front of the Goddess, and a deceased Philistine woman did emerge from within it.

Mortal woman, tell the Archangel here of your life Izanami offered.

"I was eight years old when I was captured by an Israeli soldier. He... after satisfying himself, sold me to his fellow Israelite man. I escaped, got married, and me, my husband, and our three sons lived happily... until Samson collapsed our nation's greatest temple, and killed us five amongst thousands of others,"

The woman's features could not be fully determined, for Divine Shadows shielded her.

You may return to your Peace

The woman bowed her thanks and honors, and disappeared.

The Archangel stood in silence.

Now, faithful servant of your Lord. Do you have anything else to proclaim to us? Zeus demanded.

"The Lord is merciful and gracious in victory. As shown by the Israelites," Gabriel responded.

24 When Israel had finished killing all the men of Ai in the fields and in the wilderness where they had chased them, and when every one of them had been put to the sword, all the Israelites returned to Ai and killed those who were in it. 25 Twelve thousand men and women fell that day—all the people of Ai.(AC) 26 For Joshua did not draw back the hand that held out his javelin(AD) until he had destroyeda all who lived in Ai.(AF) 27 But Israel did carry off for themselves the livestock and plunder of this city, as the Lord had instructed Joshua.(AG)

28 So Joshua burned(AH) Aib and made it a permanent heap of ruins,(AJ) a desolate place to this day.(AK) 29 He impaled the body of the king of Ai on a pole and left it there until evening. At sunset,(AL) Joshua ordered them to take the body from the pole and throw it down at the entrance of the city gate. And they raised a large pile of rocks(AM) over it, which remains to this day.

Joshua 8:24-29

Just leave already

"Clocks ticking guys, we don't have all night."

The whispered words over our earpieces were level, but carried with them an urgency. Our crew was small, ill-suited to a active bank robbery. Our plan had started well, sneaking in in the dead of night.

Our intel had so far been proven correct. This was an unassuming building on the outside, a seemingly ordinary office building. But beneath it lay an ornate bank, holding a large vault with state if the art security. If the rest were true, this was where wealthy people held items of incredible importance. If they wanted it hidden, they had to be valuable.

"Got it!"

The vault door let out a hiss, swinging open slowly. The three of us gathered around its opening, peering inside. Inside we saw walls of safety deposit boxes, larger than what we knew to be the average size. Lights flickered on overhead, illuminating its interior.

We moved in, taking out sets of lock picks. With silent movements we split, tackling individual boxes. The air was filled with faint scratches, as we worked out their chamber and pins. It was oddly eerie, especially when the lights overhead flickered.

"What the fuck?!"

My head shot up, looking at Lock. Her face was faintly green, eyes transfixed on what lay inside. I gave mine a final twist, feeling the lock click, before giving in to my curiosity at what she had found.

I felt my stomach twist at what her one contained. A heart, lying on a soft black cushion. Despite being devoid of a body, it beat in a steady pattern. I saw her watching my reaction, and I gave a slow shrug. With a shake of my head I returned to my own, gently opening it.

Mine was also devoid of money, jewellery, or even gold. Instead it held a rough green crystal, producing a muted glow. I touched it, pulling my hand back almost instantly. It was cold,so cold it burned. I reached up to my earpiece, connecting to Jack.

"Jack, I'm not sure what to say on if we have items of value. Lock found a heart, and I've got some weird cold glowing crystal. Barrel, what have you got?"

I turned to our third member, who had managed to open his. He reached in, bringing out a swirling snow globe. Whatever was inside was obscured by the whriling clouds of white within.

"No idea Shock. Might be worth something to collectors."

"A fancy snow globe. Look, we will open more, but so far it's a bust."

Silence met me, which I found odd. Jack was normally good at think on the spot. I frowned, cycling through to Boogie.

"Boogie, you there? How we looking?"

I heard a faint sound, almost like a gasp. I didn't think we were being jammed, as previously it had been met with static. Not just dead silence.

"I'm afraid your friends are indisposed."

A cold voice met us, making my hair stand on end. A middle aged woman stood at the vault door, arms crossed. Her eyes flashed, and I could practically taste the malice pouring from her. She wore a sharp black suit, a simple golden necklace her only jewellery.

"In all my years, never have I known such an affront. Humans, in my hoard."

A rush of wind came from behind her, her shadow behaving oddly. It seemed to split, but a boink and it was back to normal. Barrel gasped, and I quickly turned my head to look. A man in a pure white suit had taken the globe from his grasp, face set in a blank expression.

"I... we..."

I tried to speak. I had to come up with a way to get out of this. But the woman fixed me with a glare, killing the words in my throat.

"Don't. Don't even try to lie to me."

I felt uncomfortably warm with her focus on me. She snapped her fingers, answered instantly by a trio of three.... things. Their top half was at least normal, wearing shirts. But their lower half was that of giant spiders. My breaths came faster, as I stared at them. I hated spiders. I hated spiders so much.

"Bind them, prep them for interrogation, along with the others. I want to know exactly how they found this place, and how they broke in. Tell Philius I expect him in my office in five minutes, and he had better have a damn good explanation as to how he missed this."

The woman rubbed her head, as the monsters crawled in. I leapt forwards to bolt, fear overcoming my instinct to stay still. But before I got more than a step one of the spider-things leapt onto me. I felt a horrible sticky substance hit me, as it manhandled me around.

"I'm going to have to comp those three so much."

Her tone was filled with rage. I knew much was aimed at us, but I felt some was just general at the act of paying out. I tried to struggle as I was wrapped up, but it was useless. These monstrosities were fast, cocooning us efficiently. They carried us from the room, taking us deeper into the bowels of this place.

I knew then I would not see the sun again.

Eh, he'll come back, again and again.

Welcome to the Prompt! All top-level comments must be a story or poem. Reply here for other comments.

Reminders:

>* Stories at least 100 words. Poems, 30 but include "[Poem]" >* Responses don't have to fulfill every detail >* See Reality Fiction and Simple Prompts for stricter titles >* Be civil in any feedback and follow the rules

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I wake up in a new bed, noticing the grand archetecture of what was obviously a nobility's home.

I sigh as i climb out of bed, looking myself over, mumbling to myself "and thats number 6.." i grumble, barely noticing the door burst open "young master! You're awake! How are you feeling? You got hit by a carriage and didnt wake up!" A servant asked, a young woman about my age, pink hair this time, last one had cyan hair. "Im fine. Hey, i got memory loss, tell me about the place" i say, a somewhat tired look on my face, her assuming it was from my supposed coma. I had started to use memory loss as an excuse after the 3rd time reincarnating, i never appeared in the same world twice so far, so it worked.

After about a week, i had learned all i wanted to know about the current world i was in, the son of a major nobility, my current father being a military general in the fight against the Demon Lord.

5 times now ive had to collect a group of people and face the demon lord, me as the fighter, an inexperienced but overpowered mage, a cleric or priestess with self esteem issues, and a rogue or thief whos kind of a dick till after we beat some major monster. Of course, all of us 18 or younger.

Ancouple times now i just avoided my quest until it was absolutely required.

A month had passed and i was still putting off the quest, when i was visited by, at this point, an old pal

"Greetings chosen hero, i have been sent by the.. oh, its you again, whatsup" the holy being said, dropping the pretense "not much, avoiding the holy duty. Can you ask your boss to stop? This is the 6th time now ive had to do his dirty work, and im getting tired of it, can i just reincarnate as like.. i dunno, a shopkeeper? Ive killed 5 seperate demon lords, your boss needs to get off his lazy ass and do it himself for once."

"Honestly, i agree, but i dont make the rules, he wants you to do it again, ill try and talk to him about your request, but no promises"

"Whether he wants me to do it or not, i aint. Im going to move out of the kingdom, start a small shop, change my name, shit like that. Get as far away from this life as possible"

(Creative juices kinda ran out, also busy at work, so thats all i got)

pretty sure this is the start of a>!hentai, where the robot girlfriend gets creamed!<

I wouldn't call myself a criminal, others would I'm sure, and by the letter of the law that's the box that I would be dropped into. But I consider myself more of an opportunistic businessman not dissimilar to anyone in sales or the stock market, I just happen to disagree about where the line falls on legality. And I'd argue I have more morals than the average capitalistic, power hungry hoarders of wealth that seem to have weaseled their way into power.
I've been around awhile and have seen my fair share of the inside of vaults that I wasn't invited to see, but the last job has made me stop and consider my line of work, or at least caused me to pause and ponder about human nature.
I'm writing this less than 24 hours after the job, mainly to get my thoughts in order and try to capture the moment I had what I would describe as an existential crisis. As usual the plan was meticulously organised, crew acquired, time and date and location precisely picked. Everything was going smoothly and with hindsight I should have been suspicious at how well our scheming was working. The target was a independent bank called Duygusal PLC, operating for the last decade or so a few miles out of the town we were temporarily staying in. We had gotten in smoothly with little fuss, alarms were disarmed, no security guards and any cameras were easily spray painted over.
Our safe-cracker, Jane, was busy with acquiring access to the safety deposit boxes while we emptied the less guarded areas, a little cash, a few pieces of jewellery here and there. I sometimes wish my expertise was combination cracking, the tension that rose within me, despite the distraction of filling our bags, waiting for the more coveted prize of the well guarded safes deep within the vault is as intoxicating now as the first job I'd ever done.
When we heard Jane's voice ring out that she'd cracked it, we all rushed to see what our efforts had rewarded us with. This was the point that I can vividly remember and I'm sure it will stay burned into my memory for as long as I live.
The first drawer I opened didn't contain jewels or bonds or gold.
The only thing in there was a single photo. It was a shot of a man mid laugh, the kind that makes you clutch your belly and struggle to breathe and on the back in faded ink, it read; Stuart 1997. I stared at it confused. In all my years I had never come across anything like this. And were it not for the hundreds of other similar drawers I would have put it down to an oddity, it would have become an anecdote told at drunken parties and become a fond odd memory. Instead, I opened another drawer, disregarding the first and was welcomed by a folded piece of fabric. I pulled this one out, half surprised and curious as to what it could be, but also expecting to find riches wrapped within it. But it was a baby's blanket. It was old but had been obviously cared for, the balloons and teddy bear design had lost it's bright colour but it smelled fresh as if it had just been washed.
At this point I looked over at my crew and saw them in various states of confusion and disbelief, each one holding a random object or peering into a drawer with a frown.
We went through every single box and drawer. There were more photos, figurines, odd knick-knacks, bits of clothing and many, many letters. Some were just pieces of paper, others were postcards or carefully folded into envelopes. They were letters of love in different forms, from friends to lovers.
This was the moment I lost what little sense of reality I had. It didn't make sense. It was obvious that these items were of sentimental value but who would think to keep them in a bank? A mixture of emotions whirled inside of me, the brief disappointment from earlier had long since evaporated and I found myself feeling numb, as if I had just been dropped into a void. I turned my head sluggishly to see the crew starting to leave, a few slamming drawers shut, others swearing and gesturing angrily at me to go and I could only follow silently. Even though it was only last night, if anyone were to ask me how I got home or what was said, I honestly could not say.
But before that I not only remember it as pictures and sounds in my mind, but also as a full body feeling. I don't think that feeling has dissipated much and I'm sure it won't for some time. I tell myself that I'm an anarchist, that I earn outside of the law that's forced upon us within our society and without a lack or morals. I'm a good person. I would never hurt anyone and never have. But after last night, for the first time, I question whether I've been lying to myself. Have I been trying to justify my actions or do I truly believe in them? I can't decide and I haven't slept. I don't think it will be answer that will come quickly.

Time to take a break.

A fantasy character was hit by a carriage and wakes up in a realistic, mundane world.

You go to a hotel with your best friend/weirdly temporary allied enemy and there is an unfathomable amount of beds

Good work.

"... Your pet?"

Master Pompadomp, Protector of the Shimmering Valley and grandest of all the Arch Mages, shook his head. "No more my pet than you- well, actually, less of a pet than you are. This owl possesses the very powers you were seeking when you knocked on my door seven years ago. Her name is Appilbeak, by the way."

Poor Alfred didn't know what to say. He stared at the hatted owl, helpless. Maybe, this was one of Master Pompadomp's pranks? Like that time he gave Alfred the task of finding his clothes, which he had hidden somewhere in town, in the middle of the night? He said it was an exercise to practice his stealth, and that there wouldn't be that may people about in the dark of night anyway. Well, shortly after he turned the moon into the sun.

But no, he looked much too serious now. And thinking back, he *did* always seem to pay more attention to the owl's health than his own. Always gave it - her - the cleanest bowl, the biggest meat chunks in the broth, the softest blankets to cuddle into, although the owl was so small it would get lost beneath the fabric and hoot angrily, until the Master helped her out. And that hat did seem too... sophisticated? It was black and shimmered like the rivers of the Shimmering Valley, like the night sky made liquid, with gems in a thousand different colours buried underneath. Had it always been so beautiful?

"Hoot- I mean Hoow!?" Appilbeak buried her head beneath her wing and began to snore. Master Pompadomp watched her lovingly. "It is a marvel, is it not? When I was a boy like you, she was already a legend. The Moon Bird. The beak that dug the valley. The orange eyes that outshone the sun, and see all."

"So, is she a polymorph? A phoenix, maybe, or a dragon? Or a wizard like you, cursed and imprisoned in this form?"

"Um, no. As far as I can tell, she's just an owl."

"That is..."

"Even more fascinating?"

"Yes! But how could you know? If that bird is older than you, I mean?"

"You know of the Decade of Death?"

"Yes, Master. My parents told me of it. When they were small, the wizards vanished from the Valley and left the simple folk behind. They told me of the terrible monsters that emerged from the rivers in your absence when I didn't want to brush my teeth, saying the smell would make them return. They told me the monsters killed and burned everything and everyone they could get their hands on. When you returned, my parents said, many had grown to hate the wizards. You... You left us. And you only ever told the people that you had no choice, but would not say another word."

"Yeah. So, there's this mushroom that grows in a far-of land, hidden in an illusion that takes the combined powers of hundreds of mages to clear away. Its taste is magnificent. Actually, we should maybe take another trip there. The mushroom grows once every 33 years and next year-"

"Master."

"Ah, yes. The mushroom was the last ingredient I needed for a ritual I had been working on for seven hundred years. Just like you, I suspected that Appilbeak had another form, hidden beneath this body. The ritual is supposed to reveal the true nature of a being. And, well, it appears that Appilbeak's true nature has brownish feathers instead of speckled grey, and possesses a very dashing hat."

"Master, please tell me you're lying." Alfred clutched at his heart, where his love for his master clashed with his compassion and his past.

"You do not find it dashing?"

"MASTER!" Alfred did not think that he had every raised his voice against Pompadomp - he did not think anyone had ever dared - but right now, he didn't care. "Do you mean to say you *abandoned* us, put the village - no, the whole *Valley* through the horrors of the Decade, took away all who could have protected us, because of *one owl*?"

Alfred could see Pompadomp purse his lips beneath his scraggly beard. A frown creased his forehead into a thousand folds, and, for a moment, the young apprentice did not sit across the most powerful creature in the visible realms, but just an old man. It scared Alfred to see him like this.

"I made a mistake", Pompadomp admitted. "After all those years... I was no longer myself. I had become maddened. I don't expect anyone to forgive me, but if it helps you to understand... I had heard all those stories of a powerful being. Back then, I was a mere knight and my lord had turned out to be an evil abomination. He had imprisoned my dear friends and my little brother out of despicable, low reasons and threatened to kill them. I was desperate. So I went on a quest to find this mythical bird. I presumed it to be a divine thing. In my dreams, its wings covered the night sky, and its feathers crushed mountains when they fell. I thought the Storm of Centuries was the wind it caused when it flew off. And then I found..."

His gaze drifted towards Appilbeak, who was no longer sleeping, instead trying to to eat the hat firmly attached at its head. When that didn't work, the owl - perhaps attempting to bring the hat into a vertically lower position - flipped upside down on its bird bar thingy, clinging to it with little yellow claws. It turned its head and looked indignantly at Alfred.

"Anyway, of course I thought I was mistaken. But when I walked past the bird, it followed me. I ignored it, at first. When it woke me up the following night, I did not think and tried to hit it with my sword, and my damned arm simply fell off."

"It *fell off*?"

"Yup. I knew then that this was no normal bird, but was still convinced that the Moon Bird had to be somewhere else. So I continued my quest like the fool I was back then, until I walked right into the nest of a Dragon Worm, deep inside the Jaw Mountains' caves, and the two inhabitants, each five times larger than our town, came right at me. I was still inexperienced then, so I thought it was over. Next thing, I heard an angry hoot, and Appilbeak flew right towards them. I called it back, but it listened to me back then as much as it does now. So I just watched. And I saw how the worms' hundred tentacles reached for her, and, right as they touched the owl, became grey and rigid. In the blink of an eye, the monsters had turned to stone. They tumbled and fell down towards me. I blacked out, but when I woke up, I was lying outside, wet feathers in my face and beak rubbing against my nose, almost tender. The moon shone right behind the bird, illuminating the silhouette of my saviour and it was then that I knew I had found the Moon bird, and it was then that I knew its name was Appilbeak.

It took only days to learn that whatever Appilbeak touches is either destroyed or gifted magnificent power. Depending on whether the bird likes you, or not, I assume. She gave me the power to defeat my old Lord and save my brother. And when her gift threatened to corrupt me, made me want to control everything around me, or else... Let's just say she took me down a couple of pegs, or rather pecks. Still hurts, I tell you..."

Appilbeak croaked, and it sounded a whole lot like laughter.

"And I still don't know much about Appilbeak. Just that she is the greatest force in the visible realms, probably in all other realms as well. My magic is a splinter of her forest. And, thankfully, she is truly benevolent. And adorable, too."

Alfred was speechless. But his heart thrummed with emotion, for he knew what was about to come next.

"Oh yeah, sorry Alfred! You're sitting there, and I'm blathering on and on and on... Of course. Your friends are awaiting you. Well, your ceremony is complete, and I have told you all I know, except for that mushroom, which we will come back to. Gods, it was delicious...

Ah. All that is left for you now, my once-apprentice, is to step into the moonlight with Appilbeak, and let her touch you. Let her determine whether you carry a true hero's heart, or whether you are to be destroyed. Any questions, my friend?"

"Yes Master Pompadomp, just one. Do you still have one of those owl treats left over?"

Welcome to the Prompt! All top-level comments must be a story or poem. Reply here for other comments.

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Welcome to the Prompt! All top-level comments must be a story or poem. Reply here for other comments.

Reminders:

>* Stories at least 100 words. Poems, 30 but include "[Poem]" >* Responses don't have to fulfill every detail >* See Reality Fiction and Simple Prompts for stricter titles >* Be civil in any feedback and follow the rules

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Why'd you remind me of this? 🤣

Enemies to even deeper enemies

Step on a crack, make your mom attack.

"Go go go! Cut that one open!" screamed Mr. M, returning fire at the SWAT to keep them at bay.
Clang! Mr. T. pries open the first wall locker, and out spill several vials of a frozen, white substance. They shatter on the ground.

"Aw, shit, the fuck is that?" yells Mr. F, running over to Mr. T. Mr. F. Slips and falls on the now re-liquidated substance, cracking his skull on the concrete floor.

"God... DAMNIT you shitbag!" Mr. M explodes over his shoulder, nearly catching rounds to his head, "Don't tell me you kook-headed fucks plotted a heist of a goddamn SPERM BANK!"

The SWAT teams rush in as the fire from the three bank robbers ceases. They are all taken into custody, and the event where three legendary bank robbers from Los Angeles robbed a sperm bank goes down in history as the one time they ever were caught.

Gomer crept up the winding stairs of the tower, following close behind his master -- he dare not do otherwise. The Skyward Tower of Grand Magus Malthus Erestris, Gomer's mentor, had many stairs, and it was easy to become lost upon them. If one was so foolish as to assume that negotiating these steps was as simple as walking up them to descend, and down them to descend, for example, they would almost certainly be lost upon those stairs forever.

Despite his trepidation at having to tread the impossible spiral staircase at the heart of the wizard's tower, Gomer was excited. He had always wondered where his master had learned the secrets of magic, and his master had always avoided the question. Until tonight, that is, when he had roused Gomer from a sound sleep, and told him they were off to converse with his master's master.

Malthus suddenly halted on the steps, then stepped back down. Gomer, having walked the perilous stairs with his master before, automatically copied the wizard's movements. Up a step, back down a step, up half a step and then back again, they went along the staircase, making dozens of seemingly random movements that appeared to take them nowhere.

And yet, after several minutes of this precarious dance, they somehow emerged onto the top of the tower, where Malthus Erestris' menagerie of birds slumbered in their spacious sheltered aviary.

"He's meeting us here?" Gomer asked, eagerly.

"He's always here." The old wizard replied. "But he's only customarily awake at night."

Gomer frowned, scanning the aviary. He'd been there on other occasions, and never seen anyone. Was the wizard invisible?

A few birds were in coops or cages, but the majority rested on open perches, either ensorcelled to remain in the tower, or simply inclined to do so for one reason or another. Malthus led his student over to a wooden perch stand, where a smallish white-faced owl sat, its large bright eyes half closed.

"And here we are." Malthus announced, gesturing to the owl. "Grand Magus Emeritus Agramor -- my venerable instructor."

Gomer looked from his master to the owl. It was, of course, possible for powerful wizards to turn themselves into birds or other creatures, but Gomer was quite certain he'd seen this particular owl before, when tasked to clean the aviary, and it had given no signs of being anything other than a bird. Deciding it was best to err on the side of caution, and assume his master was neither fully insane nor playing a prank on him, Gomer bowed to the owl.

"Master Agramor." he greeted the bird, respectfully.

Despite being prepared for the possibility, he was still startled with the bird replied almost instantly.

"Young Gomer!" the bird said, "I am given to understand that you're an idiot."

Malthus nodded in agreement.

Gomer blinked. "Uh..." He struggled with many of the more esoteric aspects of magic, but he'd thought his training was going fairly well.

"Uh indeed! Yes, you're clearly quite thick-headed. But don't worry, I'd be more concerned if you weren't a fool, at your age. No one's fit to be wise until they've put in a good few years as a moron." Agramor the owl opined, sagely. He cocked his head to the side. "Why are you staring, boy? Ah! I see. My disguise, is it?"

"Yes sir," Gomer admitted. "Master Malthus has taught me some about transmutation, but..."

"No worries, no worries." Agramor said, waving a wing dismissively. "I'll dismiss the spell, if it'll make things easier for you."

With a mystical gesture of his wing tips and a softly hooted invocation, Agramor dispelled the illusion surrounding him...revealing a tiny, pointed hat atop his feathery head.

"There we are. The real me." Agramor proclaimed.

"You're an owl all the time, sir?" Gomer asked, incredulously.

"He's retired." Malthus explained.

"Semi-retired." Agramor corrected, testily. "But yes."

"You retired...to being an owl?" Gomer said, hesitantly.

"Of course. How else do you retire?" Agramor said.

"To a house on the beach?" Gomer suggested. "A quiet country manor?"

Agramor snorted. "Mundane! Common merchants and craftsmen with money to spare might do that: go someplace nice, be waited on by servants, and do what they like -- they live carefree as a child."

"But you...didn't want to be carefree?"

"Of course I did!" Agramor snapped. "But children aren't nearly carefree enough: they're always worrying about who's going to play the knight and who's the dragon, having to eat vegetables, or getting sent to bed just after dusk. Who needs that sort of aggravation? Owls are much more liberated -- I sleep all day, eat the odd mouse, and that's all I have to worry about, full stop. Besides, children have a sort of native wisdom and insight, and I was damned tired of being wise and insightful all the time."

"But...aren't owls wise?" Gomer asked, confused.

"Owls are a symbol of wisdom." Malthus corrected.

"Exactly!" Agramor agreed. "The word 'wisdom' is also a symbol of wisdom, but try writing 'wisdom' out on a sheet of parchment, and then ask the parchment for advice and see how far you get."

"Ordinary owls are actually fairly dim, as birds go." Malthus added.

An awkward silence hung in the air after that, before finally being broken by the old wizard.

"Ah! Right. I brought you here for a reason," Malthus said, snapping his fingers. "Magus Agramor mentioned he had something important to tell me, and that I should bring my apprentice along."

"Oh?" Gomer said, perking up excitedly.

"Yes, yes." Agramor said impatiently. "Don't get yourself all in a tizzy, it's nothing that important."

Gomer deflated slightly. "Oh. Well, what is it, sir?"

"I've had a prophetic vision," the owl explained. "The world's going to end in a year or so." He gestured to Gomer with a wing. "Seems like you're the only one who can stop it."

Malthus nodded thoughtfully.

"What?" Gomer cried. "How is the world going to end? How can I stop it?"

Agramar shrugged. "How the hell should I know, boy? I'm just an owl! And we've been jabbering here for so long that I've used up all my 'semi' -- all I've got left is 'retired'."

The owl made another gesture with his wing, and the tiny mage's hat vanished from his head. Without another word, he took to the air, and flew off into the night.

Malthus smiled, and clapped Gomer on the shoulder.

"Well, I'm glad you two finally met. Breakfast, then?"

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Welcome to the Prompt! All top-level comments must be a story or poem. Reply here for other comments.

Reminders:

>* Stories at least 100 words. Poems, 30 but include "[Poem]" >* Responses don't have to fulfill every detail >* See Reality Fiction and Simple Prompts for stricter titles >* Be civil in any feedback and follow the rules

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Ah okay