[Poem]

Abandoned by the world,

My life soon unfurled,

The diagnosis arrived...

Crippling sanity, and a touch of apathy.

Left with little,

In a small sanitarium.

Monotony multiplies in my morose mind,

The ceiling is textured,

A strange pattern indeed.

This page is my sole solace.

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Never heard of that. Looks cool though!

Someone has been playing r/ss13

[Poem]

Open my eyes, the void awaits Open the soul, my love awakes Bound by fate, Bound by joys,

Pierce the veil, Between these lands, And in the dining room,

Silence. A fork clatters against the hard floor.

This was my first go at writing a poem, please give some critiques.

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It feels more of a plot than a prompt. You've set up a pretty complex prompt for it to be manageable within microfiction, and so it's just very hard to get any sort of engagement.

Prompts don't have to necessarily be simple, but you've setup the entire plot of a long short story, which makes it very hard for a writer to extend off that path. Just a heads up on future prompts.

So you want me to delete it?

Ok. But realistically how is it resolving in 100-1000 words?

I think of the plot as two parallel plots that the protagonists can’t let converge, otherwise the daughter dies.

I'm always kinda surprised by prompts like this... as it's a novella length prompt, it seems like a lot.

I appreciate the feedback, thanks! :D

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Lmfao I just watched that. holy shit.

I liked this a lot. I especially love the way you tied ideas like medication and space in different ways throughout the poem. The tone and mood are well managed. Sometimes poetry with this sort of heartbreak/loss don't work. This does.

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Thanks. I like the Ouroboros comparison.

“I'm sorry, babe.” Carl leaned his elbows against the steering wheel and rubbed his forehead. “I know they might be rough to deal with, but they'll come around eventually.”

“I already know they will.” Cnl'tchr buzzed, its voice unlike anything else. Rather than relying on sound, it instead conveyed meaning through every cell of Carl as if her statement was intrinsic knowledge buried into our DNA. “You'll do great, and so will I. Let's head in and greet them.”

“Fine. Just tell me if it gets too much, okay?”

“I always do.”

Carl left the car and walked up the driveway by himself. An orange glow flowed from his parent's porch and painted the brilliantly colored autumn leaves with an appropriate mood for the upcoming Halloween tomorrow. Standing in front of the door, Carl stretched out the nervousness lingering in his arms and took a deep breath before ringing the bell.

“Carl!” His mom's cheery voice blew away the anxiety like dandelion seeds floating on the wind.

“Hey Ma. Your hip still doing alright?”

“It's lots better. Your dad bought me these new shoes with spikes on them for winter. Anyways,” She peeked out the door and her eyes darted all around. “Is it here?”

Carl sighed. “I keep telling you, ma. It's always here, and everywhere at the same time.”

“Well that doesn't make a whole lot of sense.”

“Right? I think it's pretty cute.” Carl looked over and winked in a random direction, confident his partner's eternal gaze would catch it. “Can I come in? Cnl'tchr and I have some news to share.”

“Of course.” She waved him in and looked up at the ceiling as if she was speaking to a ghost. “And hello to you, Grlgrlgrl.”

“Ma, it's Cnl'tchr.”

“I'm sorry honey. Foreign names are just too tricky for little old me.”

Twisting lights began entangling themselves like a ball of yarn. Unusual, impossible shapes flowed together as a piece of Cnl'tchr manifested itself within the limited scope of their universe. “That's okay, Martha.” The thought crackled through the old lady's brain like a surge of lightning. Every time her gaze fell on one of the shape's angles, it would turn in on itself like an optical illusion.

“Oh gosh.” Carl's mom shuddered. “It gives me the heebie-jeebies.”

“Don't be rude, Ma. Come, let's go sit for dinner.” Carl wrapped a shoulder around his mom and gently walked her over to the kitchen. He felt her tremble as a distant, longing stare was etched into the old lady's eyes whose pupils dilated. Unable to hold himself back, he let out a disappointed sigh. If only his parents weren't so close-minded.

“Carl?” Sarah waved her kitchen knife in greeting, a stray piece of cucumber stuck to the blade's side. “What's going on?”

“Mom's just freaking out over Cnl'tchr.” Carl shook his head as his mom began whispering inhuman noises under her breath.

“Oh my god you brought your eldritch girlfriend here?”

“Yeah. I did!” Built up frustration leaked in and poisoned his voice. “What? I'm not allowed to bring my partner to a family gathering because it doesn't fit with your narrow, selfish worldview? How about we chill with the xenophobia for a moment?”

Sarah shook her head with her jaw agape. “Dude, it's a cosmic eldritch entity not a foreigner or, you know, a guy. Big difference.”

Dark shapes abruptly appeared and idly floated through the living room. Its sides ran like water while its interior flickered in and out of existence like a candle fighting a mortal battle against a passing breeze. It made no noise but Sarah couldn't help but cover her ears before the phenomena disappeared again. “Carl, for christ's sake it's not even in the same dimension as us. It's as if a drawn circle fell in love with your fingertip's shadow whenever you press it against the paper.”

“You always judge me, Sarah.” Carl unwrapped his arm from his mother and threw it up in frustration. “Why does my happiness bother you so?”

“Look at her!” Sarah pointed at their mom whose crossed eyes spun in every direction. Her tongue vibrated a chant between chattering teeth. “Get it out! Get it out of here, Carl!”

Carl closed his eyes and looked 38 degrees towards west where his partner's presence had gathered the most. “Can you talk to her?”

“I don't think that's a good idea.” Cnl'tchr's phrase wormed its way through the folds of his brain like feasting worms. The strong feeling of detachment from himself made it apparent how immature his reaction had been. Carl smiled. How grateful he was to have a partner to help him with emotional awareness.

“I'm sorry, Sarah.” Carl finally admitted while his face softened. “We should take it slow. Let's save the dinner and the news for some other time.”

“Dude, get out!”

Carl walked back to his car after getting kicked out. Sinking into the soft, slightly cool seat he let out another sigh. “That went poorly.”

“It's not her fault.” Cnl'tchr reverberated through his spinal fluid. “She just worries for you and your well being due to our unconventional relationship. She'll come around.”

As always, the kindness and understanding Cnl'tchr offered never ceased to amaze him. Of course, the perspective gained by peering into their synapses through the lens of past, present and future makes her endless compassion understandable. But Carl was still grateful for the happiness they shared together.

I rolled my eyes as yet another deranged adventurer walked into my office, sword in hand and an arrogant expression on his face. Putting that sign on my desk that said "Final Boss" had seemed like a hilarious joke at the time, but with the number of adventurers that had given me an overdramatic speech about how they were going to kill me and save the world or whatever, the joke was now anything but hilarious.

I simply crossed my arms and gave the adventurer a "are you serious right now dude" look as he pointed his sword at my face and said, "Your reign of terror is over, cruel villain! For I, the heroic Phoenix, have come to defeat you!"

I pushed his sword down and away from my face and said, "For the last time, no, I'm not some 'cruel villain who needs to be defeated' or whatever. I'm just some stupid CEO of some stupid company who can't remember his employees' names half the time. So your and your little metal stick there can get out of my office and go find whatever villain it is that needs defeating."

The hero sheathed his sword and said, "Oh, so... you're not actually a villain?"

I shook my head. "Nope. Now go get lost."

The hero's face turned red for a moment, then said, "Oh, ok then..." He then turned around and walked out of my office. Once he left, I handed my "Final boss" sign to my secretary and said, "'Bout time this thing goes in the burner."

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Love it! You definitely caught the personality of most chihuahuas I've met.

Thank you for your submission; it has scored 14 points!

Thank you for your submission; it has scored 11 points!

Thank you for your submission; it has been scored at 14 points!

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