Oh, I’m loving this! I would definitely read more.

Welcome to the Prompt! All top-level comments must be a story or poem. Reply here for other comments.

Reminders:

>* Stories at least 100 words. Poems, 30 but include "[Poem]" >* Responses don't have to fulfill every detail >* See Reality Fiction and Simple Prompts for stricter titles >* Be civil in any feedback and follow the rules

🆕 New Here? ✏ Writing Help? 📢 News 💬 Discord

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

I couldn’t tell if this was a punishment.

Common sense, reliving the same moment would drive me to insanity, if it hasn’t already.

The worse part of all of this is knowing that my actions would only benefit myself, the guilt I feel already by even considering this is already eating me alive- if that wasn’t the purpose in the first place.

Days could go on and nothing would change. A nightmare or a dream, relived, over and over.

It is in our human nature… to get bored.

All of these alternate endings I already know, only for it to start up the next day.

Knowing that my future was the same as my present and that the past only meant more options for the doom that awaits me.

To hurt people in exchange to see things in a new light, to have a possibility of change in this nightmare cycle, might even make it worth it.

Would god understand that I chose myself over the greater good?

Learning ways to go against what society has taught me over the years?

Already acknowledged wrong from right, and being told all of the consequences.

Hearing her voice over in over, the atmosphere matching her sobs as I left the alter.

Her white wedding dress, the patterns I have memorized.

Every time a new moment to overthink, to see her face stained in grieve, as I knew I had to make a decision I never wanted to make.

Perhaps, I am a bad person already, and this is my permanent purgatory.

Though, am offered a chance. A possibility of a cruel escape, the only escape.

A day more and I would be sure to seal my fate, a ending I can prevent.

The hand of chance being outstretched to me is blurry,

and the answer is as clear as the stained glass was, glistening and sparkling in the light from that regretful day.

[removed]

[removed]

The kid was called bob, and the kid lived inside a rocking horse, made out of wood. The wood was made out of a centuries-old tree, in which a demon named Neil had been bound. Neil suddenly had his heart reached by Bob’s love for him. That love spread into Neil’s heart and mind, through the old wooden rocking horse fibers. And now, Neil thought wow I now love a human being, and not just that, but a human boy, Bob. Bob and Neil got closer through the 3 year old riding the horse, and Neil’s love for little boys grew and grew. Soon after, he killed Bob by making the old wooden horse eat him, piece by piece. And he shuffled out of the house, onto the street, that was cold and had no lights. A father called Stan who saw the wooden rocking horse decided it would be nice for his little boy to play with and so he took it home with him. When Neil got to the house he saw the son was very tasty and the love grew even more, and within fifteen minutes he had eaten that boy too.

Over the next ten centuries, Neil carried on making his love deeper and deeper and to this day, Neil is behind the scenes, with the CIA, and the elites, and they help him get what he needs.

Thanks GD! Kinda tempted to try and do something more with this concept so the detailed feedback is really appreciated!

> It was puberty that did it.

Nice starting line, it gave me a good indication of what the story would be about, the frame of mind of the narrator, and served as a firm but gentle hook.

> Suddenly there were all these expectations for how I should look, what I should wear, and how I should behave.

I feel like this might be stronger if you refer to specific to the expectations that were already there, but contrast with how they're now tighter. For example, pants getting replaced with dresses, the wild hair needing to be combed, details like that.

> So I learnt to play the part I'd been cast in. Someone who wasn't me. But at least she was happy — or good at pretending to be.

Really great line here!

> And

There's five or so paragraphs that begin with "and." I think it works better sparingly but this much feels repetitive. See if you can just chop off the and in a few places or switch up the word order.

> And the first person who needs to accept me, is me.

Having said that, this "and" I do love, though. Very level headed and grounded protagonist!

> It arrived today, waiting on the porch when I got home from school.

Since the story is a teenager writing in their journal, you might try leaning harder into the journal-ness and kicking the second half off with a sentence about how they're relieved, or their hands are shaking, or some other kind of line that a person would write when they've rushed back to their room to write something down.

> Not all of it. Not all the half-thought thoughts and questions and worries and secrets. But I told them enough.

Again really nice sentence that feels real and touching, especially the half-thought thoughts. I love how varied your sentence length is throughout, coupled with the repetition, it makes the reading more exciting and also feels true to how a teen would write.

> , and of that, I am proud.

I'm really on the fence here, I've tried taking this off and reading the last sentence without it, but I'm not sure if the ending works better with or without it. You might give it a shot too and see.

Thanks for the lovely, sad but heartwarming story Rainbow!

Welcome to the Prompt! All top-level comments must be a story or poem. Reply here for other comments.

Reminders:

>* Stories at least 100 words. Poems, 30 but include "[Poem]" >* Responses don't have to fulfill every detail >* See Reality Fiction and Simple Prompts for stricter titles >* Be civil in any feedback and follow the rules

🆕 New Here? ✏ Writing Help? 📢 News 💬 Discord

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

‘’Love, don’t let it fade.’’ It's an encouraging request, 

and who am I, denying it? Relent - what I do best 

and nod a bit, and smile a bit, and give my very word 

that I'll continue writing, won't deflate you. Think I heard 

a stirring of false promises from back there in my head - 

but nothing worth examining. We’ll focus then instead 

on making up a story, something never seen before - 

it’s going to be beautiful, departure from the form 

and everything that makes it. I will pen a new cliche, 

and looking then will tell them that I didn’t let it fade 

 

So why are words not coming? There’s my head, and there’s a page 

but without a thing to link them. And I’m surely at a stage 

where these things should all be working. Rather doubt blank pages sell 

there's something burning brightly, they all say - I can’t quite tell 

if there’s anything at all in there. The spark is all used up, 

but the spark - I think - is all I have. Get by with that and luck 

and everything just sort of works? And falls out into place 

pentameter, most usually, but who am I to chase 

a different sort of meter when I don’t know where to start - 

I’m relying on a less-than-understanding of this art - 

and where, then, does it leave me? When it leaves me - if it was - 

ever here, that is, in earnest, and they weren't confused or crossed 

with blithe and bullish certainty. I hate to disappoint, 

but nothing's really special here: no reason to anoint 

my brain as bearing something that's a fire to be fed - 

there's better pyres out there, better warm to them instead 

of this iambic rambling. I fear their love's misplaced, 

and much more sure than I am that there's something to be shaped 

from all of this. Emerge now, words: be nonsense, please, just be - 

and spark or not, I'll try it out. I'll write. And fade? We'll see. 

 

Cheers for reading! Any feedback much appreciated :)

Good to see you again and that you're still flexing your mod muscles with SEUS. I'll try to pop in more this year, as SEUS is still the best thing on WP. No offense to everything else.

Seen this kind of thing before seems odd though since often but blood nail side scabs maybe cut on something... in this case deeper though

Human brain

Medicine Dispenciary?

This is great! And it leaves me wishing there was more!

[removed]

❤️

Welcome to the Prompt! All top-level comments must be a story or poem. Reply here for other comments.

Reminders:

>* Stories at least 100 words. Poems, 30 but include "[Poem]" >* Responses don't have to fulfill every detail >* See Reality Fiction and Simple Prompts for stricter titles >* Be civil in any feedback and follow the rules

🆕 New Here? ✏ Writing Help? 📢 News 💬 Discord

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Thanks throw! Gotta be honest, this one hit a little hard to write, so it's nice to know some of that came through.

Geese, how dare you. 😂

Rainbow!

I am so used to your gorgeous, flowing words that when I read something by you that is more direct, it hits me like an avalanche.

This feels so honest and truthful. The clear steps in the character’s journey are filled with subtle tells from them, revealing the layers of emotion beneath the circumstances.

I loved this and was amazed at how well it brought me into a new perspective and helped me feel what this character was experiencing.

A+, as always. Thank you for your words!

Damn, I felt every single thing that guy or robot? Felt Well done. Really well made

Thank you for the submission; it has scored 14 points!

To quote Douglas Adams:

"But, thought Dirk, what god? And why?"

Thank you for your submission; it has scored 9 points!