Damn man, I could read this stuff all day. Fantastic work, friend. Please continue.

Thank you. I was trying to remember where I remembered this from.

I wrote this when I should've been studying for my new job. Maybe in the future though! I'm glad you liked it!

"No ma'am, you cannot let your children climb the Sunqueen's spines to the top."

"What? Why not!? We paid good coin to visit this place!"

"Besides the fact the spine may come loose and cause damage to the cactus, the fall may also cause damage to your son." I took a deep breath as the noblewoman in front of me made all manner of complaint, having long learned to tune such things out. I heard her threaten to take this all the way to the captain and I was so tempted to snap, 'Yes, please, I beg of you! See what you could possibly have me demoted to besides looking over an oversized shrub!'

"If that is what you wish ma'am, my captain is in the purple tent." I just managed to cut her off from starting another rant when she took a needed breath, and she harrumphed for dragging her kids away to said tent. I didn't bother tracking her with my eyes, instead turning my focus back on the massive cactus others were gathered around, taking shade in the great pads of the Sunqueen or even having small picnics underneath. I could see across the way Neju relaxing in the shade of the stables, the lucky humped bastard. I had to stand around listening to entitled nobles and merchants complain about not being allowed to touch or take or whatever the Dark they wanted to pretend mattered.

For Gods' sake I'd gone from a manse in the capital to a personal tent watching over a tourist attraction. No matter how the captain tried to doll it up as "guarding the site of the Sun Goddesses' greatest blessing," it was just standing around and stopping people from being idiotic, all because I knocked over a single potted plant in the temple. I took another breath and sighed as the scent of blooming fruit on the Sunqueen's edges hit my nose, filling me with calm. I suppose there were worse options... at least I'm not scheduled to muck out the stables tonight...

> I wouldn’t be able to live with myself showing my face either if I had to do, what looks like the Robot dance while wearing a monkey mask as a hat?

that part doesn't give any powers, it's just fun to do

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Eren was nothing more than a stableboy from Humzali, and until the day he went off a cliff by accident, destined for a lifetime of shoveling manure. If his writings are to be believed, he was known amongst the villagers for his shaggy black hair, a mane so thick it often concealed his face. We could imagine that nobody could read his face the day it happened. Perhaps, if they had seen the incredulity etched into his smooth cheeks, they might have taken him seriously. Instead, his father whipped him for telling lies.

We know that right after he was whipped he went to AurAlta, and we know little about what he did after returning. At this point, he would have had some exposure to psychic and fire essence. It's possible that he put the village to the torch; maybe he recruited some of them for his operation on the Cliffs of Kedren. All we know is that interplanar teleportation started around 1517. Horses were run off the cliffs with passengers destined for a few of the planes he had encountered, most for AurAlta. Bones discovered in the valley beneath the cliffs revealed that many of the passengers didn't make it. The horse had to be traveling at a land speed of over twenty-five miles an hour, which was a lot.

Interplanar travel was also confirmed in AurAlta's historical record, which has the sudden introduction of horses in that time period. The beasts turned the tide of the Source wars in favor of the blue Seekers, who held power for two and a half centuries afterward. Unfortunately, we were unable to find any records of Eren himself; we suspect that he would have been too unimportant to record, or that he left the plane as soon as he found a suitable cliff.

The operation at Kedren only lasted four and a half months, and we wouldn't know anything about it without the recovery of Eren's writings at Blacktide. It's the only recorded instance of interplanar travel occurring to and from your planet. Those of your species who've studied the site have concluded that drought was the cause of death of both men and beasts. As expected. You'd have no reason to suspect that interplanar travel would have been possible.

We're not sure of Eren's motivations for telling his find to the locals. A sense of insecurity would best explain it - he wanted to prove his worth to those who had made fun of him, although this is not for certain. It could have been possible that he quested them with tasks to do on other planes, offering rewards that would not have been possible in their otherwise primitive lives.

If the latter point is the case, he wasn't successful. When we tracked down those that made it through the portal, we found that they often assimilated poorly into their new environments. 98% of the known teleporters were dead within the first 600,000 ticks of the multiversal clock. Only a few were able to cope with environments often far more technologically advanced than their own. None of those went on to any kind of notoriety, which makes Eren more special in the sense that somehow he rose above his station.

"I have no idea what you just said," the President told scholar Architus as they sat in the West Wing.

"I'm trying to tell you that a man from the place you call Turkey 500 years ago opened up an interplanar portal and now threatens to become the grand ruler of the multiverse. If he accomplishes that, your planet is surely finished."

"Are you saying we need to go to war with Turkey?"

Architus facepalmed. "You're surely doomed anyways."

-----

r/StoriesToThinkAbout

We live to serve.

Thanks!

Based, indeed.

Are hearts are feeling blue,

This war we disapprove.

But the beatings will continue,

Until morale improves.

I’ll write up the next part this evening and post it as a comment here. Thanks for reading!

Thanks! I’ll continue the story later this evening!

> "By all the gods. Initiate full planetary alert." the Praetor rasped.

That one really got me. Then you followed it up with some real comedy gold.

> Listen, I just want you to know I'm not like all those other humans.

Damn. More please, make me cry.

"Ah, DisTress, my old nem—whoa! Oof! Yowch!" Professor Pain stumbled off the platform as Herniac slipped on his own mop, slamming into his bosses back. On the bright side, it move the Professor out of DisTress's line of fire, preventing a blast of laser breath from striking him. Not that either the villain or his henchman noticed.

"Herniac, why are you mopping when a hero is in the lair?"

"Gotta keep the place looking nice for company, sir," the henchman replied. He also attempted a salute, hitting off his helmet and dropping the mop. He bent to grab the mop, slipped, and kicked the helmet back. Just as DisTress was running at them, she planted a foot in the sliding helmet, fell, and caught her face on the mop handle as Herniac lifted it as a brace to aid his own recovery.

"Oh dear," Pain said, looking at the unconscious hero. "Well, let's get her restrained. I'll have to wait for her to come around before I do my monologue."

"Understood, sir," came the reply from the ground, as Herniac had fallen once more when the mop was struck. He attempted a salute from his reclined position, which seemed to go well, even with the mop getting knocked away from him, stopping perfectly blocking the door, and later preventing other heroes from entering in time to stop the missile launch.

Fortunately, by that point, the Professor had sent Herniac on a coffee run, so the heroes did disarm the missile before it blew up the Orphan and Puppy Hospital. The coffee would also be thwarted, spilled in the hallway, but it was for the best, as the Professor certainly needed to cut back on the caffeine.

We are Humans.

Be our friend!

Or Else! ;)

A supervillain has the clumsiest henchman ever who somehow still manages to get things done.

Yea, interested

Really good. Not even pretending it isn't a Lyrical Nanoha reference.

Friendship through superior firepower.

Ax found himself on Earth. The sun was shining. He marveled at the ferocity of its heat and the brightness of its shine—he had never seen Sol from that angle before. He heard birds chirping and felt a breeze against his shell—his body was speckled in shades of red and blue as it reacted to the varying temperatures around him. He had nearly forgotten what he was doing there until he saw Jim walking toward a house.

The large alien, released from his reverie, followed closely behind the human. Once inside the house, Ax noticed varying still images of Jim and a female human. He then turned his attention to a dog who had stirred from a nap and ran to excitedly greet Jim.

Ax knew that the dog couldn’t see him—he was inside of a memory—but the sight of the golden creature made his shell crawl. It reminded him too much of the treacherous Thrall of the Canin of Thrax.

Thankfully, the female human soon entered the room and let the dog outside. Ax could relax. He walked over to the dog’s bed—the only furniture he could see that appeared able to hold him—and settled upon the pillow top and, again, wrapped his appendages around his thorax as he watched the memory unfold.

“We need to talk,” said the female as she sat on the couch.

“Ok…” said Jim with a tone of confusion as he followed her lead. “What’s up, Holly?”

“Jim…you know what I’m about to say. I know you feel it too,” she said as her eyes filled with tears.

Jim’s eyes were wide and he puffed out his cheeks. “I mean, I really haven’t the faintest. Is this about my working so much again? Holly I told you I’m so close to making a break on this thing. I’ll take some time soon, but I can’t just drop this in the middle. You know me, Holl.”

“You’re really going to make me say it?”

“God damn it, Hol! Just fucking say it. Don’t make me guess!” Ax was shocked at the abrupt nature of Jim’s anger. It reminded him of the geysers at the Many-Face Pools of Thrax—still waters that, without notice, boiled and burst forth high into the sky with an abundant and violent release.

“I don’t love you anymore,” her tone was even, it lacked the sadness of the previous things she’d said. Ax realized she was more upset about having to have said the words than having felt the feelings.

“What? What do you mean?” He said as he stood from the couch. “What—what can I do? How do we make this better? Come on, Holly, I know I’ve been working a ton, but you know that what I’m doing is important work. I’m finally doing something that matters. Something that helps the world. We’ve been disconnected for a while now, but you know we’re both to blame here. We can work on it. Let’s go to couples therapy. Let’s fight for this. Let’s fight for us!”

“It isn’t about your work, Jim,” she said. “It’s…it’s you. You’re so angry. You flare up without notice. You fly off the handle at the smallest inconvenience. You know that my sister told me to leave you after what you did at Christmas?”

“Christmas? This is about Christmas?” He said loudly. “Oh, come on, Holl. How many times do I need to apologize for that. I was drunk!”

“It’s not just when you’re drinking and you know it,” she said sternly.

“Ok…ok,” said Jim calmly. He sat on the couch next to his wife and took a deep breath. “Ok. Look, I can work on it. I can fix this. Let me talk to someone. Let me show you I can do this. Please, Holl,” he said as he began to cry. “Please, don’t let me go. I don’t want to lose you. I can’t lose you.”

Holly just stared at him, her face cold as stone. Ax was not a human, but he recognized that look. It was a look that spanned space and time, the look of cold indifference, the look someone gives before they break your world in half, the look of someone who is about to rip one or two of your hearts out of your thorax.

“There’s no saving this, Jim.” She said matter of factly. “There’s no saving us.”

Ax was enthralled by this slice of life. He’d spent his time observing Jim and the humans at the Global Defense Initiative. In that time he’d witnessed humans planning for battle, developing new technologies, building new weapons, producing space craft, he’d even seen them joking at the water cooler, but none of their actions betrayed any—for lack of a better word—humanity.

But this. This experience. Ax could understand this. Ax had lived this.

“What do you mean? How can you say that?” Pleaded Jim.

“I’m in love with somebody else.”

More in the next comment. r/InMyLife42Archive

Finding out about your superpower was a gamble. It can be ridiculously stupid or deathly embarrassing. I guess that’s why these people wear masks, huh?

I can’t really do that. Nope. Not even with a mask. I’d like to pretend that I haven’t figured out my ability yet. There’s no way in hell I’d tell anyone how it activates either.

But… it looks like I have no choice.

The asteroid was already a few light minutes from Earth. The shattered remains of our moon would soon rain down from the skies.

Both heroes and villains alike were doing their best. Some were dancing. Someone was walking upside down. There was one that started clucking like a chicken. Every time they laid an egg, they cracked it open. A random weapon of sorts popped out.

I rushed to the bathroom. My coworker saw me clutching my stomach.

“You really got Taco Bell for our last meal, huh?”

I guess he was hiding his despair with humor. I just chuckled and went to the bathroom.

As I sat down and did my business, I pondered really hard.

‘What if… there was a barrier around the earth. It would be like a part of the atmosphere. It could maybe possibly deflect debris from space. I really don’t get it. But what if…’

I kept thinking as hard as I could as I pushed the pain out from my stomach.

After I did my business, I cleaned up and went outside. People were cheering. It seems like there was a hero out there that did something. What it was, they didn’t know. All they knew was that the moment the moon shards and the asteroid disintegrated. It happened as soon as it made contact with the atmosphere.

My coworker was crying. "We're not gonna die..."

“Yeah,” I nodded. “That would have been [Really Shitty], right?”

Based humanity

This is how it'll really go down. Aliens seduced by Earth sleep-technology.