Except it's a calendar so it only works till December 31st of that year.

Gregnok stepped into the guild's office and grunted "I am ready for my next mission, sir."

Snelren, sighed. He was at a loss for what to do. Gregnok was going through a contract a day and completing every single one without failure. He should be thrilled. Instead each day was another punch to the gut. Gregnok was the least discrete assassin he had ever come across. He was skeptical of his size, but his kill sheet spoke for itself, or so he thought. Ever since he accepted Gregnok into the guild their reputation had plummeted. From masters of disguise and subtlely, The Shadows Hand had earned their name. Gregnok however, seemed to not know the first thing about either. Worse still, he was convinced he was a master of both.

"Very well. I have your next target here. And please. Gregnok. Try not to be seen." Snelren was honor bound to keep Gregnok's guild membership valid due to his track record, but he wasn't required to hide his disappointment.

"I am invisible. I am stealth. I am the night. Do not worry." Gregnok said flatly.

"Right. Of course. Just be sure? Okay." Snelren said, handing over the black envelope containing his next mark.

"Always." Gregnok said with a nod before loudly running out the door.

The average assassin under The Shadows Hand was lean. They wore dark blue colors to blend into the shadows. Their shoes were custom made with special fabric to dampen footsteps to almost completely silence. They moved with grace. Most were scholars and well educated. Their weapons of choice were poison and daggers. Gregnok was not anywhere near the average. He was 600 lbs of mostly muscle. His green skin caught every shred of light and amplified it. He towered 8ft tall. His intelligence was estimated to be that of a child. And his weapon of choice? A 150 lb spiked sledgehammer.

Gregnok located the compound. Inside was his target. He would have to sneak past the many guards as usual of course. He crouched and began to try and sneak towards the two guardsmen. The first guardsman spotted Gregnok 300 yards away. "HOLY FUCK! LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT THING! IS HE COMING HERE???" The second guardsman grabbed the first by the chest and held up his sword threateningly. "Quiet! Are you trying to get us killed? That's Gregnok! He's killed hundreds with just his bare hands. You're insane if you think we're paid enough to try and stop him." The other guardsman looked scared and confused. "What? That's him?"

"Yes. Do you really think there are that many orc giants around? Now quiet! I've heard from half a dozen men in the field he will leave you alone if you pretend not to see him." The guardsman gulped. "Fuck. Alright."

Gregnok was closing in, the guardsmen had seemed to be fighting. Perfect, even easier to sneak past them he grinned. The two guardsmen were now just a stones throw from Gregnok when they neverously resumed talking. "Oh man! Look at that, I think it's a shooting star." The other guardsmen said in a poorly acted line, "Wow, yes, I do think you are right. It's so beautiful. Let's just take a couple minutes to appreciate it. By looking exclusively up. Clearly no one is around to stop." Gregnok was just a couple feet away at this point and stopped to look up. "I don't see it." He said and the two men broke into a sweat. The first guardsman nervously tried a new approach, "uhh.. umm.. Hey, Markin. Isn't it our lunch break actually? We should just go." The other guardsman hastily stammered "wow, yeah, look at the time!" And the two awkwardly stepped around Gregnok as they spedwalked away.

Gregnok resumed his approach into the compound. He must have perfectly timed his approach with the guards lunch schedule. He was a genius. He entered the courtyard next where four guardsmen sat playing cards. One shot up and instinctively yelled "Intruder!" And grabbed his sword before promptly exploding under the force of the orc's sledgehammer. The remaining three guardsmen froze. "H-hey, did you guys hear anything?" The other two quickly yelped "Nope!" Then the first continued "Great umm.. It's.. It's your guys turn, he said wiping brain out of his eye."

Gregnok smugged triumphantly. He had executed the guard before the others could be alerted. Snelren could learn a thing or two from him. Finally he entered his target, Ezral's, personal chambers. "Gods! How did you get in here! Guards, kill him!" The two men standing next to Ezral rushed into combat. Their insides turned to outsides before their arms were even in reach of the brute. Ezral's face turned white with fear and anxiety and collapsed from a panic attack. Gregnok simply walked up to him and crushed his head like a melon with a casual foot step. No can see you if there's no one left to see you. Gregnok smiled. He was invisible. He was stealth. He was the greatest assassin to ever live he told himself as he expertly snuck out of the compound, not a single person noticing him. Snelren will be so jealous.

Love this, they have brunch every Wednesday.

Inquisitor Vail, is that you?

You could get another extension just by explaining the lore.

Funnier still is the fact that "Piecemaker" is a reference to the crossbow Detritus uses.

A massive one, yes, Grew up on it.

I think we'd need to grok the word and what it means.

this is just a more powerful Death Note, is it not?

since it can do more than just plain kill people?

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https://xkcd.com/393/

A stupid criminal and a judge who doesn’t suffer fools

"Ah but you see Death, before you can really start playing the game you have to understand the Horus Heresy. Here, just consult this handy reading chart."

You're either buying yourself an extra 10 years, or Death becomes so enraged upon seeing the flow chart that he immediately yeets you into the sun.

I was sitting on a hill enjoying the scenery. A field of flowers laid below. The village was in the distance, and the castle looked like a speck from here. A man in a blue robe walked up the hill to me. “I have seen your dark magic, sorceress. Now, I will end it!”, he said. “Oh, I’m not a dark mage. I have that color of magic because I like the aesthetic.” He looked surprised. “But, you have a pet dragon…” “Not all dragons are bad. Also, it’s the size of a small dog.” “Oh, sorry.” He started to leave. “Wait”, I called out. He turned. “You’re a magician, right?”, I asked. “Yeah.”
“Could you teach me?” “Hmm…alright. Follow me to my quarters.” We started walking. “The first rule of magic is to not use it for dumb things. Those TikTokers are an example.” I laughed nervously. “Yeah”, I said, thinking of my many TikToks in which I showed telekinesis to do chores.

“Yes, well done brave hero!” said the princess after Lorrath, the evil king, collapsed to the ground.

David took a deep breath and resheathed his sword, then turned to the princess: “Yes, thank you. Are you unhurt? Let us go now.”

“Oh, I’ll go with you anywhere! But come untie me first.”

“Sure sure, I’ll free you and take you home. Where do you live?” said David as he undid the rope that bound the princess to one of the stone columns at the back of the room.

“Oh hero, thank you, but don’t take me back to my parents, take me with you on your adventures instead!”

“No,” quickly replied David, obviously prepared for this line of dialogue. “I can’t take you with me. Besides just how old are you? Fifteen? Sixteen?”

“I am seventeen actually,” said the princess with an unmistakable tone of pride, “and I’m old enough for adventuring.”

“Fine, you can set off on a magical journey by yourself, after I take you home first,” said David, as he grabbed the princess by the hand and led her out of the room.

The princess tried to adjust her stride to keep up with his, but her gown made this very difficult, and while unsteadily following behind she started speaking: “But my knight, you don’t seem to understand. I’ve fallen for you the moment I saw you enter the room. May I ask for your name?”

“Yes, yes. Name’s David. Pleasure to be of service,” said David offhandedly. Can’t they ever come up with a more convincing line?

“Oh David, what a fitting name for a mighty knight like yourself. My name is Jazmyn.”

David? Nobody’s named like that anymore. Is this guy like 40? Ugh, just my luck… Oh well, no matter.

“I must thank you once more for your help. Fighting for my sake, what a noble thing! Won’t you stay by my side, protect me and keep me safe forever more?”

They were now hastily descending the long flight of stairs leading down from the upper ward of the tower.

“Look kid, I’m just doing my job. Let’s hurry out of here before some of these monsters respawn. I killed quite a few on my way up. Lorrath himself might come back at some point.”

What the hell is wrong with this guy? Is he new to this?

The main door of the castle was in sight at last, and David let out a sigh of relief. Whew, another job done without getting hurt. Luck had been on his side lately with these easier dungeons.

“Ah, how very selfless of you, saving me without any expectation of recompense. But nonetheless, knight David, I wish to reward you with the most precious of gifts,” said Jazmyn as they stepped into the daylight. She paused her walk and said with a soft and enticing voice, “I want you to take me as your bride.”

Ah, here we go again, thought David, as he turned around to address the princess: “Princess, Jazmyn, I saved you because it’s my job. Plus by law, I am entitled to receive compensation from the knights guild for my work. So you’re safe, I get my money, and everyone’s happy.”

“Wha…?” The unfinished word escaped Jazmyn’s mouth. “Wait a minute, this isn’t right… You’re meant to rescue me and marry me and then we live happily ever after or something.”

“Princess, I don’t know where you read that, but this isn’t a fairy tale. Most of us are in this line of work for the money. We have families to take care of… Look, you’re safely out of the castle now so that counts as a job done. If you want to tag along I’ll escort you to the neighboring village. Otherwise I’ll be off,” said David. Then he turned away and began to walk towards his horse, tethered to a nearby post.

Did this guy just turn me down? What the hell?

Jazmyn fell to her knees in disbelief. Then started shouting after the knight: “This is not how it’s supposed to go! I was going to get a knight for a husband and go on adventures! How am I supposed to face my parents after this? Tell them I was rescued and then rejected!?”

But David had mounted his horse and was now almost out of sight.

“Fuck you David!!”

—

Cold air radiates from the old stone walls. The familiar coarse texture of rope grazes her wrists.

“Now now, maybe you’re just not attractive enough?” says Lorrath with a good laugh. “Well, not a problem. I’m happy to keep you around for a while longer. It’s good bait for fights and if I win I get great EXP.”

“Whatever…” says Jazmyn.

Your stepsister. Stuck in a dryer.

And then, by accident, they find out we CAN, and it turns out to be something disgusting, biological, and in some parts of the world, illegal. 😁🤣

Where do you think all those coins over the eyes go?

So, write a true story, then? 😉😁

They got a new maid for the house. The reward was to be given the princess, not to marry her.

As a forever DM, that is my plan.

[removed]

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Love this! By any chance, are you a Terry Pratchett fan? Between the dry humor, Death talking in capital letters, and the comical foot notes, this reminds me a lot of Discworld. I could totally envision that version of Death getting into Warhammer.

Welcome to the Prompt! All top-level comments must be a story or poem. Reply here for other comments.

Reminders:

>* No AI-generated reponses 🤖 >* Stories 100 words+. Poems 30+ but include "[Poem]" >* Responses don't have to fulfill every detail >* [RF] and [SP] for stricter titles >* Be civil in any feedback and follow the rules

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I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.