I love it. I didn’t consider the possibility of foreign political influence when coming up with the prompt. That’s even more dystopian.

All of the pro athletes ate cupcakes

Another one.

Just sitting in my hallway from God-knows where.

And my husband behind it, looking as giddy as a child with a candy bar. He smiled at me while speaking, "Look at this! All the latest features and more! Apparently this one can hold up to two times more cans of beer than a regular mini fridge. Isn't that awesome?"

I pressed my face into my hands and took a deep breath. I loved Tom and all, but this...this was too much.

"What the hell, Tom? You can't just keep buying mini-fridges! What's the point of all that extra space, if we have...what was it, five?"

He grinned again. "Yep! This makes six."

"Honestly, Tom! This seems to be harbouring on some sort of obsession. We don't need that many mini fridges."

"Of course we do! Where are we going to store all our food if the need arises? I'm thinking ahead, that's all."

"Thinking ahead does not mean buying six mini fridges. Six! Two, maybe three is enough! But six? That's overkill!"

He slowly shook his head, "I promise you, the sixth mini fridge is not the problem here."

"Well I'll be damned if it isn't," I shot back at him.

"Just hear me out. Imagine we hold a Thanksgiving dinner at our house. My parents and siblings come, your family comes. It's like a big thing."

"That's not go-" I began to say.

"Wait a second, Susie. Let me talk first."

I narrowed my eyes at him, and he spoke again.

"Everyone brings a plate to share, there's some mac and cheese, some various salads. Just the usual. But, there was a miscommunication. Both your parents and mine bring a turkey!"

I rolled my eyes at him. What on earth are you going on about?

"Well it's pretty funny at first, everyone's laughing at the fact that we have two turkeys. But then your mother says to put her turkey in the fridge, so we can save it for later, Well I wouldn't have planned for that. I'd have opened our fridge and saw there was no space. I'd have to leave the turkey out to go bad, which would garner disapproving stares from every party involved."

"So...you want six mini fridges because...?" I asked Tom.

"I don't want the turkey to go bad."

"Are we still talking about fridges?"

I can't get this thing off me! Help me before I stop caring.

"Minecraft?"

I take a step back, taking a second to consult the otherworldly knowledge gifted to me by the powers of my lord. My mind is suddenly flooded by visions of a world entirely comprised of voxels, and a player character at the whims of creativity to explore, destroy and conquer it with. I clear my hoarse throat, ejecting a cloud of dust.

"Do you know it?" The young squeaky voice calls up to me, tugging at the black tendrils of my frayed cloak.

"Child. I am death. I have at least a basic knowledge of any game you humans have created... are you sure you don't want a game of chance? Or chess, perhaps? Many like to gamble one last time for their life."

The small boy scratches his head for but a second, clearly in deep contemplation.

"Nah! I saw in a movie once that, like, you're super cool and can't be beaten or anything, so.. Minecraft!" He blurts at last, a huge smile splattered across his face painting a vastly different image than I'd expect.

"You are wiser than most, child." I wince slightly, an odd twang of sympathy worming it's way into my nonexistent brain. "I.. I am sorry I must take you so soon."

"It's okay, mr Death! Just look after my Mommy, please?"

".. I will bring her to you, in time."

I am greeted by another huge, toothy grin, the child clearly unaware of what that would entail for his mother.

Finally, after a moment of sincere silence, I extend one of my bony hands, my fingers releasing an awful crackle as I extend them outwards, in offer.

"Take my hand. Let's beat your game."

Look, I told you. You have to leave the blue fish alone. Didn't I?!? And now look. This is all your fault!

Reward Poster, 1928

Rachel the duck had a very boastful quack though she did nothing but lounge in her plastic kiddie pool. Lysander knew this because he was fluent in duck.

Rachel had been born with club feet and Rockwell High School had created new ones. She was in a picture there that said she was "Our Hero".

This was a lie. That felonious fowl was a flower killer.

When he took her, he only meant to frighten.

Feed the fire! He did not intend to cook the duck. Still, she stiffened and floundered, falling over dead.

Lysander buried her near the petunias.

“No time to explain, get in!”

I could justify it as humans are stupid or .... I'm not a great writer. Good catch!

That was the other part of it that bothered me. Humans are supposed to be 'special' because we have free will, while other can only obey orders and instinct. That is still true in the modern version, yet somehow, a being without that free will rebelled and is now in punishment (which consists of making others do bad things so they can also be punished?)

“Of course the universe is in the shape of a donut!”

"I understand the trail of bodies, but did you have to wear pink?"

This was brilliant

“Ah, death, an interesting phenomenon”

Lol

"There's no such thing as a burger monster. They can't hurt you."

A supervillain runs into a room and screams, "Hide me!"

This was very moving and sublime

“Ah great, there goes the live alien fleet display! You let them leave containment! What are we supposed to show off in the museum now?”

Done!

I ended up working for half a day. My boss wants me to get settled into my new home, everything has already been organised. All I need to do is follow the succubus, Temptress, home.

I take a deep breath as I step out of the hotel, knowing my life will NEVER be the same again. "Hey, Myers" Temptress purrs, licking her lips.

I gulp, I can feel myself going red. "H... hi..."

She laughs and grabs my hand. "Don't be so nervous! You're mine now! I'll take good care of you!" She begins pulling me away towards her home, hidden within the nearby forest.

Every magical creature lives within the forest, houses dotted here and there. She opens the door and drags me inside. She bolts the door shut, instantly stripping. "So... want to get to it?"

"Umm..." I have no clue how to respond, my eyes drawn to her exposed chest.

Temptress kisses my cheek. "How about some food first? I like my prey to have their energy."

I nod, food being what I wanted to ask for. She smiles warmly and heads to the kitchen. I just sit down in the armchair. After a short while of me trying to figure out what to do, she comes back through with a delicious-smelling stir fry. I muster up my courage. "You're a succubus. You're not just simply prepared for my arrival, are you?"

Temptress smirks. "Smart. You're right; all the ingredients I have are enchanted, designed to increase lust and cause my victim to relax. Makes it easier to feast."

I'm feeling nervous, but it's not like I have much choice. She seemed to notice, as her face falls. "Do you want to leave? I can smooth it over with Xorgo. I mean, normally I don't care, but also, normally, I make sure humans are comfortable enough before coming over."

"...I guess I'm just worried what will happen to me."

She sits on the arm of the chair, putting a hand on my shoulder. "Don't worry. When I satisfy myself, the human loses their soul, but I don't HAVE to take a person's soul, I can take your energy instead. It's not as 'filling' for me, but since you'll ALWAYS be here, I don't mind."

I look at her, she smiles reassuringly. I smile in return. "Ok, I trust you." I begin eating. It's very tasty. Before I know it, the plate is empty. I find myself looking at Temptress the same way she had been eyeing me. "Should we... head to the bedroom?" It was a half-conscious decision.

She stands up, grinning like a hungry predator. "Come on then" her sultry voice commands. I feel strong enough to resist. I have no reason to. I follow her through, and strip myself down. I get onto the bed, Temptress follows suit. She runs her finger from my shoulder down my arm, stopping at my hand and grabbing it. She does the same on the other side, then stretches both arms away from my body. She holds my arms down as she gives me several kisses. I feel my breath being taken away.

The last thing I remember before passing out is her beginning the main event...

THE NEXT DAY

I wake up exhausted, but I have work to get to. Temptress has a drink prepared for me, designed to increase energy and blood activity.

I arrive at work, and see my boss. "Good morning, Myers! You look a little worse for wear..."

"You can thank one of your best customers for that" I respond shyly.

"I figured. Did she treat you well?"

"Very, sir. She even had a cup of coffee prepared for this morning so I could come into work."

He slaps me on the shoulder. "Good lad. Now, why don't you get started for today?"

I nod, determined to prove to my boss, Temptress AND myself that I can do this. After all, my life's in a pretty good place!

Dammit Jerry, you have to stop killing your bosses. The Illuminati are getting suspicious.

Damn! Love this one! That twist was amazing and I never saw it coming!

Someone translate

This was adorable, great job!