“How the hell did we wind up here?” I heard Ky’s voice echoing from down the hall. “Look,” Kolby began “Jagthaer already explained this..”

“Where the hell is Rose?” Erik yelled, worry etching his voice. “She was with us, I saw her right before they whisked each of us off.” Em’s voice soothing as ever. “I’m right here Erik, you always worry too much. This form took a bit of getting used to.” I say as I walked into the giant chamber.

I watched as they collectively turned and I swear Erik’s jaw hit the floor, which is quite the feat since he’s a centaur now. “Yes, I’m a fae. Look, I know it might seem odd, but I didn’t want the ‘mature’ version of myself if it was going to come with the messed up body. I always wanted to fly, and they’re tiny, so easily missed. Perfect solution, especially for a spell caster!”

Kolby as always was the logical one “That makes sense, but you know you’re perfect the way you are.” I looked at Kolby with their androgynous elven features. “Oh god Kolby, I know you’re so happy right now!!” Kolby blushed and dipped their head down, but not before I saw the huge grin on their face.

I looked around the room, Ky being Ky, he went for a more mature version of himself, but extremely muscular. “Ky, look at you! Oh how handsome you are!” Ky’s had a shit-eating grin as he looked at me and winked “Damn right I am!” I laughed at him, shocked at the delicate tinkle of my laughter. “The hell?!”

Em laughed at my my response, her muscular little body reminding me of a gymnast. “You may have kept your voice, but apparently your laugh wasn’t ‘fae’ enough.” Erik started chuckling, his front hooves slapping down on the ground as he laughed.

“Erik! You’re going to bring the place down, you got to remember to use your arms, not your front hooves!!” Erik always had a penchant for slapping his hands on his thighs or the table in front of him when he laughed too hard.

“Can you believe our little D&D party wound up in another galaxy becoming actual heroes?” Kolby asked, their face radiating with joy. “Holy shit Kolby, you know you’re the leader, just like you’re the DM in our world!” Erik blurted. Ky looked at Kolby and grinned, “You always did have that sexy brain for coming up with ideas!”

“Well, I DID assume you would all choose the classes and tasks your party had in your ‘game’ on our world.” Jagthaer boomed as he approached us. “Kolby is quite the exceptional leader, and thinks quickly on the spot, I believe they will best fit as a spellcaster, since they technically have no class as the DM. Your choice, of course. Erik, with all your loud gusto, you have a level head and quickly analyze the situation, guiding your fellow melee warriors. Em, your quiet strength and blessed heals make you the perfect paladin. Ky, you’re quite the warrior, knowing exactly when to rage, and always choosing the perfect moment.” After this, Jagthaer turned to me.

“As for you Rose, you always seem to have one last spell up your sleeve. You worry too much. I would’ve made your body whole if you chose your human version. I know you’re the ‘mom’ of the group, and worry about holding everyone back if you falter, or fall. Your support, guidance, and encouragement makes this group, and holds it together. Worry not. But how do you like those wings?” I grinned at Jagthaer and flitted over. “Let go kick Zeus’s ass!”

Y’all don’t be harsh lol. This is my first time writing, and I imagined it literally how it would play out with my friends. I know it’s a bit “chatty”, forgive me.

[removed]

I emerged from the door to find Mike pacing nervously; it didn't fit his new form. He should've been leaning against a wall or parked in the corner table of some darkened inn, calmly taking in the whole scene and planning for every eventuality. Instead, he was a wreck. I couldn't blame him.

I took a deep breath and tried to remember. I couldn't. Knowledge insisted upon itself in the place of memories. I was something called a Light Surgeon, and I was just barely above the novice level. As soon as I knew that, I began to see... differently. I knew that there was more to light - from suns, from torches, from sources unknown. I knew it had potential, and that I'd begun to learn how to tap into it. I knew somehow that I'd be able to weave illusions as something of a side-hobby to my more serious studies.

Sourceless light, incidentally, was what illuminated the odd, dimensionless, wall-less waiting room we were in. Nothing had changed since I'd last been in it. The floor was undefinable material that suggested stone but wouldn't commit. There was no ceiling above us. Rather, we seemed to exist in a dome whose only limits were the very sense of ending and limitation.

I remembered Alex's advice. I searched my knowledge, rather than my memory, for anything or anyone to whom I was beholden. I knew of nothing. I sighed in relief. It occurred to me that, before he'd even had a chance to cleverly save my life in whatever twisted nightmare we'd been dragged into, he might have already saved my soul.

"So?" Mike asked.

"'Light Surgeon,'" I told him.

"Shadow Assassin," he said. "Went with my gut, I think. If this shit is serious, flim-flam and fast-talk don't seem like they're going to be as important as slipping a dagger into somebody's back all quiet-like."

My stomach probably should've turned, but it didn't. "Makes sense," I said. "And hey - light and shadow. We'll definitely be best friends."

He laughed at that. "I don't think they did anything to weird to my mind. I'm still me, I think. I still like you. I'm not being told you're my existence shell enemy."

I shrugged, letting the malapropism slide. "Give it time. We might have to share a tent in a magic swamp."

"Well, I mean, I'd probably kill you in the real world after something like anyway."

"With your farts."

He laughed again. He was easy to manage.

Mary emerged from her door. She looked dazed, but not sick or scared.

"You okay?" I asked.

She blinked a few times. I saw her doing what I'd done. "Mistress of Battle," she said. "Tactics. Rallying the troops. Specialized fighter and hint of bard, I think. That's good. I can work with that."

Mike and I filled her in. We didn't know if there was anything extra to glean from the three roles combined. We tried. We really did.

Sam was next. She waved off the niceties and strained like she was trying to shit. "Fuck," she muttered. "Fucking messing with my mind. I do not like that."

We let her have the moment.

"Evoker," she said. "Master - er, Mistress, I guess? - of the Arcane Elemental Matrix. Huh. So, okay, it's like the magical versions of enthalpy and entropy. Fire and frost, but hoity-toity. And then there's just... magical energy, outright, from some special plane, which is fucking dumb. And then... it's right there. It's just out of reach. Fuck. I have to gain levels or whatever fucking bullshit. Then I'll know what my next options are."

"That's super fucked up," Mike said. "That's way more mindfuck than I got. I just know how to use daggers and swords and sneak around and stuff. Wait... huh. Something about actual shadows, though. Okay, damn, same mindfuck."

We filled her in too. Again, we couldn't piece anything extra together. All of us knew we were just waiting for Alex. It felt so wrong to be so reliant on him. It had never been like that around the table. His antics and ideas had been a fun sideshow. Now it seemed like they might be the difference between life and death.

Alex emerged. He, too, looked dazed for a moment, but it cleared up quickly. His eyes trailed up and to the left. "Yeah, no, no memories," he said. "But there it is. Yeah. That's good. That's real good."

He broke out into a smile. "Guys," he said. "We have to stay positive. We can't let this get to us - not yet. So gimmie a guess. One guess. Anybody. Then I'll tell you."

"Blue Mage," I said. "Use the most readily available hostile resource and turn it around."

"Well shit," Alex replied. "That's fucking clever, Nate. That's like a B plus."

"Swear to god, Alex," Sam seethed.

"Fine, fine," he said. "Okay. Mimic."

"Mimic?"

"Mimic," he repeated with a grin. "Final Fantasy Six, coming in clutch, so were you this close, Nate. Man, that is some poetry right there. Anyway, guys? I think we're gonna be okay. I really do. So, the next thing that needs to happen, is I need all of you to fight me. That's how it works. I gotta see what I can copy, and how many I can keep in my head at a time. We also need to start running tests on how the experience and leveling system works. Oh, shit, I also need to see if there's any fun interactions between my shapeshifting and my mimicry!"

Alex's door - the only one that had remained - vanished. He saw us see it, turned, and shrugged his shoulders. We all began looking up and around, waiting for the sound.

"FIND MY FOLLOWERS. FIND MY RELICS. WISE AND CLEVER CHAMPIONS, SAVE MY WORLD."

The final door appeared - an ostentatious double one, clearly indicating it was for all of us.

"Well, rain check," Alex said. "Who's the leader?"

We all knew what he meant. It was nice of him not brag.

Mary stepped forward. We all fell in line behind her. With only the clothes on our backs - no armor, no weapons, no backpacks, no torches, no ropes, not even the classic flint and steel - we braced ourselves to venture forth into the unknown.

I hung back with Alex at the rear.

"I think I need to tell you something," I whispered. "But you have to promise to be cool."

"Promise to handle Mike instead," he said.

I managed to keep my jaw from dropping. Instead, I just sighed and shook my head. "I'm almost entirely sure you didn't do this, Alex," I said, "but you're really going to make the most of it, aren't you?"

"Hopefully we all are," he said.

"Can you shapeshift just your clothes?" I asked. "You might want to. Take the inspiration from us."

"Crap," he said. "Thanks. Man, I hope this doesn't mean we're in some PG-13 adventure. That'd be a real bummer."

I was going to say something clever about people in PG-13 movies still being able to die even though they couldn't have raunchy sex, but it was my turn to walk into the blank whiteness once again.

"Maybe we'll actually remember something this time," I joked.

Did we? Well, that's either a story for another time, or it's not.

"... you look exactly the same," Sam said, because Alex did.

And then Alex didn't. "Shapeshifter, bitch." Out of politeness, he didn't add, "and the rest of you are stupid idiots for not having thought of it." It was implied. It was always implied.

There's really no such thing as a collective sigh, but call it that. We all had our reactions and coping mechanisms. I was sure that Sam was quietly sputtering about how that wasn't what was offered, but she couldn't exactly argue with the results. Mike was instantly envious; Mary was amused. I just breathed through it; yes, I was the one who actually sighed. That was my thing.

None of us were the Game Master. Alex wasn't wheedling or arguing. He'd made his pitch to whatever 'god' had 'summoned' us, and it had worked. I considered the possibility that that made him the bravest of us, and not just the cleverest. That didn't seem fair.

Not thirty minutes ago, I'd been proud of all of us. We'd only freaked out and cried for, say, an hour after having been 'summoned' by a 'god' from 'a magical realm' to 'save it,' and having been deposited in a grim sort of waiting room that was The Matrix meets an otherworldly plane. It had been a lot. I don't think any of us were yet sure what was really happening. Thoughts of Mark Zuckerberg drugging us and snatching us up had flitted through my head more than once. I hated to think he possessed VR tech centuries ahead of what was on market, but I was also finding Occam's Razor as dull as a butter knife.

"Okay," Alex-not-Alex said. He shifted from some demonic-looking brute to an ethereal nymph, and seemed very satisfied with himself.

"Are you like some kind of idiot-savant shapeshifter, too?" Sam asked, both bitterly and incredulously.

Alex shrugged. "Loophole. He - sorry, it, until we know more - let us choose our appearance. I have no clue if Mike looking like a dark-elf-ninja-supermodel-whatever actually gives him any powers, or if maybe we get the powers at a later stage, but I focused quite specifically on appearance. A shapeshifter appears as anything it wants to appear as, and, heck, even if actual shapeshifters in this world have limitations, I might not have the same ones. This is the equivalent of wishing for infinite wishes, within the bounds of the options."

I saw his second new face screw up a bit. Right before our eyes, it - she? - twisted up, compressed, made us all freak out all over again, and turned into a classic treasure chest. Then the treasure chest opened on its own, revealing vicious fangs that were coated in a thick slime that linked tops to bottoms.

"Now that's a joke with layers," the horrific thing groaned and creaked out.

After another sanity-destroying bout of visual impossibility, Alex was just Alex again. He looked no worse for the wear, just infinitely smug.

"And that is what Alex does," I sighed out. "He's that guy."

"'And for once,'" he replied in mock quotes, "'we are truly grateful that he is,' all four of my friends said, because they have all realized how incredibly beneficial my particular bent might be in this particularly insane and unprecedented situation."

"He's got a point, Sam," Mike said. His voice was higher and reedier, apropos to his new form. He'd only lost a few inches of height - always that pride, with him - but he'd become extremely willowy.

"And so diplomatically made, as usual," Mary added. The smile was already back, which I took to be a good sign. Even as a towering, taut, red-haired Valkyrie, it was still hers: small and pursed, like a teasing kiss just waiting for you to trigger its trap with your own lips. Its danger was less subtle on her new face - even a bit of a mismatch - but there was no denying that she was more attractive in her new form. Mike was arguable, but I'd have said all four of us were. Alex was Alex - and also, apparently, anything else he wanted to be.

Sam rolled her new eyes - fiery amber, just how she liked them on her character sheets - and flipped her snow-white mane. Of the four of us, she'd gone hog-wild with aesthetics. Mike, Mary and I had jumped into archetypes, though beautiful versions at that. Sam had agonized, clearly.

"Well, okay then," she said dismissively. "That's that. What's next?"

"MY POWER WANES," the voice boomed out, "AND SO MY FINAL BLESSINGS MUST CARRY THE CURSE YOU KNOW SO WELL."

We all just looked at Alex. We were quite beyond pretending that anybody else was in charge.

"Leveling and experience," he said. "Our buddy is saying he can only nudge us onto paths that mesh with this whole 'magical world' of his, but then we'll have to grind it out to become powerful enough to actually get the job done."

"... You got all of that, from that?" Sam asked. "Bull fucking shit. Alex, what is this? What did you get us into?"

Alex put up his hands. "Swear on my life, Sam, I didn't do this. I'm just rolling with it. But yes, to answer the question you should've asked, that little tidbit just pushed me about twenty percent in the direction of this being some elaborate setup. Thinly-veiled justifications for classic RPG tropes? Sus. As. Fuck."

The booming, otherworldly voice remained silent. Alex, in particular, glanced up and around, as if daring it to get defensive. Instead, the door appeared again. It was time for us to pick who went first, and once again venture into the unknown.

"Wait," I said. "Do any of you actually remember what happened last time you went in? Because I don't."

"No," Mary said. Her smile disappeared. "I just... I just know that I went through the door, and then 'chose' this form."

"Ditto," Mike helpfully added.

"Same," Sam said.

"Yeah, that's not great," Alex said. "Actually, that's quite bad. I was really hoping you four would be able to do recon for me before I went this time."

"What are those odds looking like now, Alex?" I asked.

He looked grim. "Tilting the other way, Nate. That'd be one hell of a laser-precision drug trip to inflict on five different people. Either that or our minds are being screwed with perpetually. Given the snappy and on-brand back-and-forth we're enjoying, though, that doesn't seem very likely either."

"We should talk it out," I said.

Alex shook his head. "Too many possibilities, not enough data. Not productive. Besides, call it a hunch..."

The door began to vibrate and fade away. Another beside it began to fade in.

"MY POWER WANES, CHAMPIONS."

"Yeah," Alex said. "That."

Mike stepped forward. "I know what I am," he said. "I'll go first." Putting it diplomatically, he was the group's blunt instrument, even when sporting ironically sharp daggers or swords. His rogues were never truly sneaky - just game-mechanic sneaky to pump up his damage.

"Thanks, man," Alex said. He sounded sincere.

"I'll tell you whatever I can when I get back," Mike said, and then he grabbed hold of the vibrating, fading door's knob. The door stabilized; I thought I saw Mike's new form absorb some of its instability before it did. He opened it into blank whiteness, gave us one last nod, and stepped inside. The door closed and locked behind him, but didn't disappear.

The next door faded fully into view.

"No time," Alex said. "I'll barely have a chance to ask questions, let alone run tests, even if Mike's back in a hurry."

I sighed again - differently, and the three of them knew exactly what I meant by it. "Just do the best you can, Alex," I said. "That's all we can ask."

I headed towards the door. Alex grabbed my arm. "You're going to be the healer?" he asked.

"I assumed," I replied.

"A thought has occurred," he said. "Walk the tightrope. Don't pick something that's too reliant on reagents, but don't make yourself beholden to some higher power, either. We don't know just how real, or for how long, this whole thing's going to be. Arcane magic. Inner strength. Nature. No patron gods. No pacts."

"You guys heard that, right?" I called out.

"Got it," Mary said.

"Yeah," Sam said.

I gave Alex a grateful nod, then tried for a smile. "Knew there was a reason we didn't kick you out."

"Too bad you didn't find a genie in a magic lamp instead, though, huh?"

I shrugged. "Who knows? We still might."

"I love you, you know," he said. "And keep your head out of the gutter. I'm still angling for that date with Susan."

"Love you too, man," I said. "Gotta go."

He nodded, and let me.

I didn't tell him he should ask Mary out instead. It was the wrong time, and Mike being her brother meant it might not ever be the right one.

[continued]

I was hoping for something like this! It's very wholesome!

Look, this was all just a misunderstanding. The communists were right on the horizon.

When you know that the twist is something expectable, always best to pile onto the twist to give an extra bonus to the reader. If that means turning into fanfiction, so be it.

"It's ya boi sluggy J"

"James why the fuck."

I absolutely love this. I intended to get people to think about what they or other people would change about themselves if they could, and this is a beautiful piece of commentary on that!

The last time this happened, there was a dwarf, a magician, and an accountant in the room. Not sure how were getting out of it this time.

'The stars only shine at night' (ominously)

"Keith, buddy! Looking good man!"

Keith grinned, glistening white teeth bared in a smile that would put hollywood actors to shame, his blond curly hair framing his face like a cloud.

"Same for you Joseph! Look at you! Man i just love those tats!"

Joseph smiled as he flexed his arms, his tattoos rippling as his titanic muscles stretched. He looked like an 80's action hero. Almost conan like.

"Are you two nitwits done flexing your good lucks?" A soft lilting voice called out from behind them.

Keith and Joseph both turned, and their jaws dropped.

"Sarah!?" They both shouted in amazement.

Sarah stood in front of them, slender and lithe, long blood red hair trailing down to her hips, pointed ears peeking through the locks. Her arms and stomach bare to the world and rippling with taut sinuous muscles, designed for speed and agility.

Another voice broke in, gruff and gutteral, but filled with humor.

"Yeh, yeh, we all knows ya got da guds sarah, no needz ta show it off"

The three heroes turned to behold the newest addition to their party.

Joseph groaned in despair.

"Aw come on man! Connor You're muscles are bigger than mine!"

Connor grinned, his tusks jutting out from his lower lip.

"That's cuz i'm an ORK ya git! Wez be ded killy!"

Sarah raised her delicate eyerbrows.

"Warhammer ork or tolkien?"

connors response was a simple yet loud

"WAAAAAGH!"

the elf rolled her eyes.

"Noted"

Keith looked about, concern in his eyes.

"Where is turner?"

"I dunno, maybe he is taking his time?"

"He always liked to get things right, be patient."

"He got dat kool mind tho, boy gonna be crazy, calling it"

The conversation cut off as footsteps approached. Heavy and slow, almost leisurely. As the footsteps drew closer, a low repeating sound made itself known.

ksssh kuhhh

ksssh kuhhk

Joseph's eyes widened in recognition and excitement.

"No fucking way."

An imposing, dark figure appeared at the top of the stairs, his form unmistakable. The electronic breathing a dead giveaway.

Sarah took a temptive step foward.

"Turner?"

The helmet of the figure turned to look down at her, it's glossy black eyes locked onto hers.

"Sarah, your form suits you."

Connor stepped forward, his grin massive and terrifyingly wide.

"I 'ad a feeling yous would go for 'im! Told ya guys he was gonna be crazy! HAH!"

Turner looked at his friends, and smiled behind his mask.

This world wouldn't know what hit it.

"Put that thing back where it came from, or so help me...!"

“How the hell are we going to save the world with a handful of magic sand, duct tape and Sarah’s lunch?!”

It's just a common target to make fun of.

I laughed my ass off after reading the ending

Obligatory I’m on mobile.

If you asked any outsider or basic acquaintance about our group they would all tell you the same story. Beth was the mother of the group with kind eyes and the stereotypical anime mother side-ponytail that quite frankly worried us all. Eden was the natural leader of the group who’s optimistic attitude made us all overlook how incredibly and quite frankly debilitatingly dumb he was. Lils was your stereotypical girl next door vying for Eden’s affection despite his obvious crush on Beth. Dylan was the sweet and soft spoken bookworm who had the hots for Lils but could never muster up the courage to do anything about it. Finally… there was Daisy. Daisy was eccentric to put it nicely. She was optimistic but had little to no faith in mankind. Her interests changed on a daily basis whether it’s taxidermy or baking. She gave the best advice but never followed it herself even to her own detriment. She was the happiest person you’d ever meet but also debilitatingly depressed. Which is why it shocked but did not surprise any of her friends with the form she chose.

“Be not afraid.”

“Daisy… are you fucking serious?” Lils said through labored breathing trying desperately to calm her heart.

The entity sighed “Cmoooon guys I said ‘Be not afraid’ I thought you’d be chill with itttt~”

Beth who was attending to the incapacitated Dylan let out an annoyed shriek “DID THAT EVER WORK FOR THE ANGELS IN THE OLD TESTAMENT DAISY?!”

“Be not mad?” Daisy said hopefully.

Eden and Lils struggled to hold Beth back for a good five minutes before she gave up.

……

“So like… can I be in charge of interrogations?”

unless its not a prison system but more of a sorting system. you put your defectors in charge of your unwanted byproducts that means nothing to you while keeping the good products up in heaven with your cohorts :D

Ah yes, friendship incarnate. Careful it can bite!

You captured a sinister mood quite perfectly. I enjoyed that greatly!

Reminds me of a short story I read where eldridge horrors from beyond attacked a world and started devouring everything like some sort of zerg swarm, turns out those eldidge beings were humans colonizing a planet fully populated by sentient plants

I enjoyed that. :) Thank you for posting it!

[deleted]

So the walking Trees from lord of the rings but with artillery cannons mounted on?

I think i'd go for cat