if high school Latin serves that should be Homo sentiens, as in "feeling man" (as opposed to Homo sapiens, "discerning man").

I saw that this didn’t have a story written, and I knew I had to write something even if it wasn’t uniquely interesting.

"Should we take matters into our own tentacles?" Cracked me up. Well done!

[deleted]

It all started when we saw them coming, galactic visitors unknown to mankind. The world froze. Many called for an attempt at destruction, while others took their own lives in a way to escape the potential coming torment. It was too late for many when the message “we come in peace” came. The population had already dropped by over 1.5 billion. Humanity was shocked when they invited them to join, but we weren’t alone for the invite. They said they had never seen anything like our planet, Earth, where every species was conscious and aware of their actions. They had said that it was thought impossible, until they had seen traces of our society through the loud radio waves we emitted that echoed through space. People were taken aback by this news, and even more taken aback when the translators came. Suddenly, there were entire cultures that surrounded us, completely unknown and unconsidered, and both from space and from home.

Eventually, a conclusion was made based on our laws and the laws the, newly known, Galactic Federation held: the dominant species would have a seat to represent the ruling power, land faring creatures would have a seat to represent the lands, sea faring creatures would have a seat to represent the oceans, and sky faring creatures would have a seat to represent the sky. After long and difficult discussions, the four representatives were a democratically voted for human, the wisest elephant, the fiercest dolphin, and the cleverest magpie.

Borders evaporated once decisions were finally made, everyone had food, water, the chance at an education, and a use. While this system worked well for many creatures, some struggled to adapt.

It took years for a system to develop that perfected the needs of all creatures, but it was eventually found. The planet itself was secure and happy. This Galactic Federation perfected life, and all we had to do was assist. The galactic culture had another cog in the complex machine that was our galaxy; we would assist in bringing even more cultures in.

The connection between minds was like a hug with a long-lost friend in a warm tavern. It was like a dagger in the back while being cradled by an assassin. It was every good and every bad emotion, linking up like a zipper, as the blade became an extension of my body, and I of its.

At last, exhausted, I held the blade aloft, where it shuddered with plasma fire, brightening the dim light of the dawn.

"Name," I thought to it, with surprising ease.

"Nightshadow Deathblade," it thought back.

"What," I said out loud.

"Wait wait wait," It thought back, slightly panicked. "I changed my mind. Nightblade Deathshadow, uh, the Engine of Despair."

"You can't make up your own titles," I said incredulously.

"Yes I can," It hissed into my mind.

"No you can't," I yelled out loud again. I looked around the hilltop sheepishly. A startled bird flew out of a nearby tree. Nobody else, thankfully, was around.

"Nightblade Deathshadow, Engine of Despair, Bringer of, uh," the words being whispered into my mind faltered.

"Doom," I offered, drily.

"DOOM IS TOO CLICHE," the sword screamed into my mind.

I winced and staggered under the weight of the accidental psychic attack.

"Try 'Harbinger,' then," I offered. "Bringer is kind of weak."

"Wow," the sword said. "Wow wow wow." I heard a sniffle. "I can't believe you would say that to me."

"Holy shit," I thought, unintentionally.

"WOW. OKAY I HAVE A LOT OF EMOTIONS OKAY? DARK EMOTIONS."

I clutched my now throbbing head.

"You can cut plasteel like butter, right?" I offered, weakly.

"Like it's not even there," The sword said, smugly, its sorrow completely forgotten.

I spent a little bit considering whether or not to throw the sword off the hill as far as I could. Then I remembered that I had spindly little arms, which is why I needed a persona monosword in the first place.

"You know what," I said, "this is gonna work." I said it half to convince myself.

"Of course it is," the sword said. "I attune perfectly to the personality of my owner, Acedia."

There was a long pause.

"I...I've never made up edgy titles for myself," I offered weakly.

"You totally would if you weren't such a coward," Nightblade Deathshadow said.

Another pause while I considered exactly how far I could throw myself off the hilltop.

"Okay yeah," I admitted, sheathing Nightblade Deathshadow, Engine of Despair, Bringer of Uh. "Yeah I probably would."

"So you're telling me this blade has no combat boost abilities?" the grizzled, bearded hero asked as the smith handed me back to him.

"None at all," the smith said.

"And it's possessed by the ghost of a 15 year old girl?" the hero asked.

"Yes. Taken too soon, and bound to it forever with demon magic."

"Excellent," the hero says, slinging me into the sheath on his back despite my cries of protest. "Just what I was looking for."

I couldn't tell how much time had passed--it surprised me that it wasn't longer--but he removed me from the sheath in the middle of a field a short distance away from the town he'd stopped to get me appraised in.

"Can't be too comfortable in there," he muttered.

His grip against my handle was firm, steady. The grip of a warrior. He lunged forward and took a few practice swings to get used to my weight and length. I didn't mind being handled anymore; the longer I'd stayed in my sword body, the less I'd felt like my hilt was a pair of stiffened legs and my blade was my grossly elongated head.

"Well then, missy: what's yer name?" he asked, holding me out in front of him and trying to make eye contact with my featureless face.

"Ana," I responded.

"You didn't have a daddy, did you?"

"Ew. Piss off, jerk."

The hero chuckled, shook his head, and sat down on a rock.

"Should've explained that better, that's my fault." He stroked his beard before continuing. "The particular binding spell used on you only works if its victim's daddy has passed."

"Oh."

"When'd you lose him?"

"Don't wanna talk."

"Not surprised. How long were you locked in that old trunk for?"

"I said I don't wanna talk, old man!"

The hero looked like he was trying to hold in laughter. That just made me more pissed off. I didn't see anything funny about my curse. After a few moments he spoke again.

"Did you ever want to be a fighter?" His words were soft.

"Yeah. I did." I internally swore at myself for breaking my resolve and responding to him. "Was only a few weeks away from my 16th birthday."

"And your first mission as a rookie fighter."

"Yeah." If I'd had shoulders, they would have slumped. "Wasn't gonna be much. Scaring off and possibly killing a small pack of wild dogs. But the gods know the town needed it." I felt a lump in my phantom throat. "My mom needed it."

"Your momma was a good person?"

"Yeah. I mean, she was always yelling at me to clean up my shit and get in my sword practice, but she wasn't a bad person."

"And now you're a sword."

"Yeah. Not even a good sword."

The hero stood up and took a few more swings at the air. My chest fluttered with each move. He was skilled. I found myself wanting to slice through something.

"You're a fine sword," he said. "Good length, good weight for your size. I can see you doing well in battle. You're just not enchanted to fight automatically." His face grew dark and he grit his teeth. "You should consider yourself lucky."

"I'm a goddamn sword for all eternity and you think I'm lucky?"

"A lot of those 'enchanted' weapons that are so helpful and powerful? They're still kids like you, they just don't have a say anymore. No voice."

I felt a chill run down my steel body.

"And those 'buffed' weapons everyone's after where the sword fights for itself? Well... trust me, you don't want your body to undergo that kind of movement, even if you are a sword. I've heard tales." He reached into his pocket with his free hand and pulled out something small and grey. "Ever had a whetstone on you?"

"No sir."

"Other blades I've found loved it. Tell me if I'm being too rough." He placed me on his knee and began to work away. The sensation would be impossible to describe for humans--the closest analogy being a nice, firm shoulder rub.

"So what happened to your last blade?" I asked once I was feeling a lot sharper.

"Broke the curse. Took what felt like half an eon, but I did it. I'm wondering if I can't do the same for you."

"I'm not looking for a savior. I'm not a damsel in distress."

"You're a sword in distress."

"Pleh."

"The way I see it is this." He stood up. "You and I are brothers-in-arms, so to speak. I can't fight without a sword, you can't fight without my skill. I can't get anyone back to normal without them helping me. I ain't the brightest."

"Do you just go around rescuing kids stuck in swords?"

There was a strained silence where his shoulders tensed and he breathed in a funny way, like he was trying to figure out how to word what to say next.

"My brother," he finally said. "Sealed away somewhere and could never figure it out."

"And you wanna find him again."

"Yeah."

Inside me I felt something I hadn't felt in a long time welling up--a thirst for adventure. I hadn't wanted any sort of excitement since my skin turned to steel and I began to get passed around between demons, goblins, and orcs of the worst varieties. Now I was having second thoughts about what I could do with the right hero by my side.

"Alright, old man," I said. "We'll go find your brother."

"What?" The hero's eyes scrunched at me. "No, I'm going to rescue you. We'll never find my brother."

"Nah, we'll find your brother first."

"It will be too dangerous."

"Then teach me to fight alongside you."

"Teach you to fight?"

I wriggled free of his hand and floated up until my blade reflected his battle-scarred face.

"I've had this power since a few decades ago," I explained, turning around in mid-air. "I was just too depressed to use it."

r/MyloRolfeReads

Well written! I wasn't expecting the Arachnopode to come back as anything but a throwaway joke.

It was just my interpretation. Yours may be as valid as anyone else's. I encourage you to write if you have an idea.

A world is ending, a world needs heroes, a world without selfless souls, a world without hope without you.

"That was the thought imposed in our minds when we arrived at the Spiritual Realm. A God met us and showed us Its world, devastated and corrupted due to Its continuous interference. It described every single aspect of Its creation, every detail of its inhabitants, everything about souls and magic in this universe and granted us the ability to see souls. I immediately knew why we were the chosen ones..."

"Great resume Roc, now explain: why are you a hybrid between a centaur and a fucking hippogriff?”

“God Itself let us choose the vessel for our soul. A Hero deemed to save the world should be something greater than anything we have ever seen. Why didn’t you take something different than a taller, stronger and prettier version of yourself, Aura?”

“Fair point, the Hero’s body and that. But I want to be remembered as a powerful woman, not as a monst…”

“Aura, Roc, please, do not fight, we are suppose to be a team. More difficult tasks will be ahead, both options are right. Look at me or at Yu, I am still human, and he is still he, just with horns and red skin. I am worried, have you seen Zaahir?”

“Fear not, we have known him for ages, he is a bit slower taking decisions. Maybe he is asking God for advice and doublechecking every little detail.”

“ROOC! YOU REALLY ARE IMPRESSIVE! How did you imagined a body so awesome and didn’t tell me?”

“Yu, stop screaming and look for Zaahir with us. Esther, we’ll find him.”

“Thanks, both of you. I thought time passed slower in the Spiritual Realm, so It should have already ended and…”

“I am here, sorry for the wait… I was truly disoriented.”

“AH, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE ZAAHIR? NOW I’M DISORIENTED TOO”

“Yu, relax, we can look at his soul. He still is himself as God promised us, just a bit different like ourselves. But could you explain your appearance please? It is truly ambiguous and difficult to understand.”

“Stop the bitching and the overexplaination, for God’s sake. Zaahir, why is your face so incredibly dull?”

“Boys, boys, let him space. We have been here a while, but he has just arrived from heaven and you are drowning him in questions. Whenever you are ready, we will be here to listen.”

.

.

.

“Thanks a lot Esther… It almost was too much for me, not you guys, but all the Godly things. I am not very religious myself you know that. And God has a face! And It has made mistakes! I was and still am truly perplexed. Also, you took a new body right after you hear all that monologue… damn, sorry I am late and slow for these things… I couldn’t stop thinking about the implications of my appearance. Did you think about all the details that your bodies…?”

“Damn you, you are derailing a lot. I’m sending you back to God to fix that awful look.”

“Nonono, no, please don’t. Aura, don’t you see the beauty of all our choices? You are a powerful woman, and your body shows it no doubt allowed, none will ever doubt the human’s indomitable spirit ever again. Roc took a monstruous and frightening body, but he is a gentleman and a scholar, he’ll make people think twice about prejudices. Yu there looks like a devil, but he is truly spontaneous and cannot tell a lie nor make an unfair contract, that alone could probably make people reimagine what they think about other races, you know, for all that devils making contracts and twisting them. Esther is compassion in soul and now in flesh…”

“HAHAHA! I haven’t read a full contract in my life, you know me.”

“Curse you! Shut up Yu, he was into something incredible.”

“Eh, yes, yes. As I was saying… Yes, did you remember why all the problems started?”

“YEAH, GOD SCREW IT ALL!”

“Yu, I am going to help Aura beat you to a red pulp if you don’t shut up and let him speak for once. Zaahir, please, continue.”

“No, he is right, God and Its continuous interventions made the world a mess. It chose us exactly to avoid more direct actions. And somehow, just by looking at our souls It knew all these appearances that we were going to make. Even mine, even without a single hint, we made as It wanted to save this unfortunate world. I truly want to save it, and I will do it as one of them.”

“What? You mad? You can’t change what you are. We'll be heroes of legend.”

“But we did change our looks. I will be remembered as a commoner, as an errant knight, as an orphan, as someone passing by that came to help you All-Mighty Heroes. That is my purpose here, remember them they are able to save the world. That they can and should be the heroes of their own world.”

“That is also a lie, we will have godly powers and no mere mortal will be able to imitate us.”

“Yes, Roc it is a lie, but Zaahir is also right. This world needs to believe, and then, it will save itself.”

Unlike the rest of the group, Marco and Kasey weren’t into fantasy stuff, so when the god asked them for their forms, they went with their regular human forms, with slight modifications: Marco was basically the same, except a little slimmer and with the muscles (and muscle memory) required to be an archerer. Kasey was also the same, except she asked the god to make her really strong but not make it obvious she was strong, that way any opponents they came across would underestimate her.

Things started to get weird with Alison. She was of Irish decent and loved Irish folklore, so she asked the god to make her a dulahan. So she became a floating head with her body being it’s own thing that was still under her control, with colorful harmless flames shooting out from where her head once was. She also had an affinity for magic.

Trevor, on the other hand, was even more bizarre. He had told the god that he wanted to fly but also breath underwater, so the god gave him bat-like wings, gills in his neck, and flat webbed feet for swimming. He called himself a breaker, because he was able to break any limits or something.

As Marco, Kasey, Alison, and Trevor conversed about their new forms, they all suddenly turned their attention to a squashing sound coming from the portal they entered. A medium sized blob began to hop its way towards them, but before the group could react, a telepathic voice entered their heads:

what do you guys think?

“Morgan?” Kasey asked. “What are you supposed to be?”

Just a formless blob, basically anything I can absorb I can become

Morgan demonstrated this by absorbing a spider crawler across the floor, then quickly transforming into a much larger version of it, much to the groups horror.

“Well I guess we’re all set.” Marco said. “Let’s go save this world.”

First off, I don't disagree with you. My first reaction to the prompt response was "Meh. As self-righteous indignant speeches go, I've heard better" (if you get the reference, shout out!).

However, you have to understand the prompt response is so amazingly genre-conscious it's insane. Isekai is all about exploring the what-if, the transformation, the difference between real and fantasy (and power trips and harems, of course, but that's just Japan being Japan). I could 100% see this rant as something at the start or midway point of an isekai show, absolutely. So the author absolutely, completely nailed it.

It's also about never trusting first glances and impressions -- maybe this rant was exactly what the group needed to get on track, or maybe it gets them killed in the next episode.

Also considering isekai target audience.. yeah, you really don't want to overthink them.

the Ents join the IRA

"Soulmates are real!" This claim has been going on for a while, and hyped up from a lot of people across the world who have experienced non permanent death. What I mean is that they were technically dead, but revived and they all have a few things in common when they come back.

All describe a small flash of their life that focuses in on a single person that they may or may not know, usually the latter and they see them in such vivid detail they could describe them to near perfection to a professional sketch artist. Some say they just see the person, others say it was only in passing, and sadly the majority say theyed never been to the place they saw their soulmate, but the details they could describe gives nothing less than definitive proof that they saw a real location and a real person.

In desperation some people have been trying to get to the point of death with the highest possibility of revival just to find their other half. There's a few success stories in the tabloids but you can never really trust those scummy things.

But as for me, I wasn't wanting to find them. I was content where I was in life. Then i died. Once I experienced the adventure of death, by no means of my own doing mind you, I saw them. It wasn't exactly who I expected though. As a straight man, I'd have figured it would be a woman who would be my soulmate, but it seems that it is more of a bro-mate than anything.

Due to the length of my death, before revival I was able to get far more details out of the experience than many have ever shared, and learned that a soulmate isn't always someone you would be in love with romantically, rather it's someone who just shares your other half. Your soulmate and yourself are complimentary, neither is unwhole, but together you make your world a much more amazing place. I still haven't met mine, and that's okay. Because I know I'm whole even without them, and can still find happiness, love, friendship and all that jazz. And I know eventually if even for a brief moment once I check out for good, I'll meet them. As for what happens after death, I'll leave that for you to find out. Just don't try to guess what it is, you'll know sooner than you'd like. So live on, be happy, and don't dispare if you don't find your soulmate.

"Four? But why?" Slyggzen asked, waving his upper tentacles in agitation. "Everyone else has one. ONE. Even that planet with two sentient species has one senator, and they start a war every-time they need to send a new one."

I ruffled my feathers, hoping the octopod could understand my body language as easily as I could his. "I have no good answers, my friend. I only bring word from the high council."

Slyggzen waddled to the viewing port, gazing into the void from our vantage point in the Human's star system. "Everyone gets one. Thats how it has always been, for... well, since the GP was founded. Why change now?"

I clicked my beak in irritation. "I have no definitive answer, Slyggzen. I was told a rumor, but... I cannot confirm its authenticity."

Slyggzen swiveled in place, rotating on his lower tentacles. "Well? A rumor is better than nothing."

I disagreed with my coworker's opinion, but I responded for conversation's sake. "Apparently, Humans cannot agree with themselves. The four Senators are from the four most prominent mindsets of the species."

Slyggzen's mouth fell open, forming a gaping maw of teeth and tongues that made a grotesque belt along his midsection. I knew it was rude to react negatively to any other civilized species' physical differences, but I couldn't repress the shudder that ran through my very core. Sliggzen seemed not to notice, or at least was cordial enough to ignore the slight.

"Four MOST prominent?" He asked, once he had regained his composure. "They have even more than that? Do we even want a species this internally divided in the..."

I squawked in shock. "Slyggzen, we have NEVER excluded a sentient species from the Galactic Union! Even the Arachnopodes have a seat, and their ambassador keeps trying to eat me!"

"We've never had FOUR senators for ONE species, either" Slyggzen pointed out. "The precedent has been set. This species is different, and needs a different solution."

I sighed, whistling softly through my beak as I did. "Its not so simple, Slyggzen. These people are not restricted to one biome, they live on 5 of the 6 large landforms on the planet. They evolved differences, almost enough to classify sections as different sub-species according to the xenobiologists. Did you know they have different colors? Not to distinguish males and females, but evolutionary adaptations to the environments they live within."

Slyggzen shook his tentacles in... something. I would need to consult my xenosocial manual later to interpret this gesture. "Nonsense. Why would they have migrated to climates that they would need to evolve to adapt to? That doesn't make sense."

"It appears to be true" I said, shifting my grip on my perch. "Did you know they have multiple languages?"

"That's not so special" Slyggzen said as he slithered back to the desk on his half of our shared office. "We have three ourselves; one for business, one for family and close friends, and one for hunting. The last is only spoken in historical preservation societies, but I think it's a waste of resources personally."

"You don't understand" I replied. "They have languages based on the regions they evolved in. By our estimates, Humans have over 7,000 languages, not counting the abandoned ones."

Slyggzen was silent for a few moments as he contemplated this latest bombshell. "Seven thousand... that's more than the entire Galactic Parliament has across all species..."

"Precisely. These people are more like their own Galactic Union, all on one planet."

Slyggzen was silent for a lot longer this time. His tentacles began typing something that I couldn't see, perhaps the start of a formal protest to the unorthodox arrangement. When he finally spoke, his voice was cold. Calculated. Constrained. "Should we take matters into our own tentacles?"

I blinked both sets of eyelids. "What?" I squawked.

"We cannot let such a divisive species infect our Union." Slyggzen said softly. "We would fracture the alliances that have stood for a millennia."

"And what peaceful alternative do you propose?" I asked. I slid one wing under my desk and activated the hidden audio recorder. Slyggzen was beginning to worry me, and it was best if I had evidence in case something went wrong. "We already admitted them, and granted four seats for their chosen senators."

"We need to destroy their planet."

I froze in fear, unable to even twitch a feather. "W....what?"

"This species is too dangerous to let live" Slyggzen said, rotating to face me once more. "I can arrange it so it looks like an accident, maybe a cold fusion reactor disaster or a meteor strike. But this species must not be allowed to fracture the universe."

"Slyggzen! How could you even say such a thing?" I asked as I hopped up and down on my perch in agitation. "We are a civilized Union! We try to improve the lives of every species, not-"

A small polite chime sounded, indicating that a political representative was requesting entrance to our office. I was not expecting a visitor, so I relinquished the door controls to Slyggzen's console without a second's thought. Slyggzen immediately opened the door, revealing...

The Arachnopodes representative clicked its fangs in excitement as it scuttled into the room. I flapped my wings, launching myself off of my perch as the massive spider delegate lunged.

"I'm sorry, Cheerep. I really am." Slyggzen said, with what sounded like genuine regret. "I must stop this, for the good of the universe. And that requires your silence."

I was too preoccupied with trying to remain un-eaten to respond. The Arachnopode lunged again, striking my left most claw with its massive limbs. I squawked in pain as its fangs sunk in, striking bone and nerves alike as it injected its venom.

"Goodby, my feathered friend" Slyggzen said, as he slithered out of the office. I tried to watch him leave, but my vision was quickly obscured by the spiderwebs that were woven around my frozen body. The darkness enveloped me, both from my organic blindfold and from the fast acting venom that surged through me.

/r/SlightlyColdStories for more stories, with surprisingly more stories involving spiders. I should probably ask my therapist about that.

"Shit they are moving slow!"

A female barbarian says. Her "armor" exposing her huge cleavage and her muscular thigh are mostly naked.

"They are indeed Tatiana. Not gonna be a match for my mighty hammer. " A dwarf in full plate answers. His hammer is two times his size. And engraved with magic runes. They are standing at the top of a hill, looking at their future battleground. Several miles away, ten of thousands of enemy soldiers advancing in several lines towards them.

A tall and well built middle aged man approaches them. They both bow to him. "Lord Arthur! My dwarfs are ready to kick some arses." "And my brave sisters are at your will as well!" "Okay then. Here is the plan." Arthur continues. "Your dwarfs charge the front Bughdan. My cavalry charges their flank while they are busy dealing with you. And Tatiana's amazons rain them with arrows. Let's give them hell!"

Soon they march. Dwarfs walk till they are several hundred meters from the enemy line then charge into them. To their surprise the line in front of them just keeps walking. Holding their spears in front of them. Dwarfs have to stop their charge before getting impaled by spear.

"What do we do now?" one dwarf asks. "Smash them!" Another replied. But dwarves are too short to reach the enemy and so is their maces and axes. They tried to charge several times to no avail . And the enemy was moving forward slowly. One dwarf tries to swing his hammer into them but just hits a few spears. Few dwarves rush into their doom. Others are just going backwards step by step. Soon they see no other way but to retreat. Bughdan encourages them to attack "come on you cowards, charge" but as he tried to swing his hammer the weight of the hammer breaks his balance and he falls. "Fuck this useless shit is heavy".

Arthur and his knights are leading a thusend heavy cavalry into enemy flank. But sadly the enemy is not blind and can see them advancing. And even if they were charging from cover their voice would ruin the element of surprise. So when they rich enemy flank, "the flank" is ready for them. And they are holding "spears!" Arthur shouts. "Don't charge into spears!" But the battlefield is way too noisy for an entire cavalry regiment to hear their leader. His horsemen rush into spears, against horses better judgement. And die an agonizing death. For some reason horses are not good at "breaking enemy lines" head on.

Meanwhile Tatiana and her amazons are shooting arrows non stop. They are all beautiful, strong, clean and wear make-ups. Some of them shoot several arrows at once but strangely enough none of those arrows fly far. Enemy archers are also shooting at them. And those big exposed cleavages and naked thighs are proving to be a nice target. Many of them bleed to death.

Enemy is advancing slow but steady. And soon Arthur and his warlords has no choice but to flee. Decades later when asked "what was the reason for your defeat", Arthur replied: we were backstabbed, by the reality!"

There are technically 4 human senators in the galactic senate, but they're in the senate the same way Puerto Rico technically has seats in the US senate. The 4 humans are only there because the other aliens senators demanded comic relief, but the galactic senate is a large building and everyone needs a human laughingstock in sight.

Huh. I assumed it was poking fun at how homogenous most alien races in fiction are, and that humans get multiple seats because they're the only one with multiple races (e.g. we get a seat for a white person, a black person, an Asian person and a Hispanic person).

Slow methodic thuds hit the ground, eyes slowly drawn towards me. Sarah gasped, "Alex, did you-"
"From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh," I interrupted. "It disgusted me. I craved the strength and certainty of steel. I aspired to the purity of the blessed machine."
John rolled his eyes, "of course he's doing a bit."
"Your kind cling to your flesh, as if it will not decay and fail you," I said, my hands dramatically wide.
"you think he's gonna do the whole thing?" Matt whispered to the others.
"One day, the crude biomass you call a temple will wither, and you will beg my kind to save you."
"He's a theater kid," Sarah bit back. Simply waiting me out.
"But I am already saved, for the machine is immortal..." John sighed. "Even in death, I serve the omnissiah."

"Are you done?" He asked in exasperation. I just nodded.
"So you're a robot now?" Matt asked as he admired my new metallic form. "Data spirit." "What's that?" "A form of mind spirit that specialises in possessing computers and shit," Sarah frowned, "that's a thing?" I shrugged, "god-man said we could become anything. I took the offer," a few glances all around. "So why a robot? You're not planning to go all skynet on us are you?" She ribbed. "She asked the ardent transhumanism advocate," I said with a small smile. "This is simply taken to the logical extreme so I thought, why not skip the middle steps? I get to be fantasy skynet without the genocide and that's both awesome and overpowered." "You sure you can handle all the programmy-computery multitasking bits?" John asked skeptically, I smiled. "That's the neat part about being a type of mind spirit..."

------

Not my best work, but it's good enough considering I wrote it on fumes.

“O Great Hero! I must congratulate you on the completion of your training! I know that it certainly must have been a truly arduous time for you.” Said the old man, leaning on his cane for support as he rambles on.

I never did get his name, it’s a bit odd really. Plucked from my family at six about what must’ve been twelve years ago and I’ve barely learned a thing about him. That can’t be normal right? One thing’s for sure though, he really likes the sounds of his own voice. If I do virtually anything he launches into praise. Pull out a chair for him? A five minute exaltation about how “fate chooses his heroes correctly.” Put a book back where it belongs in the library? Ten minutes on how “my kindness knows no bounds and will surely lead to my victory over the vile forces of evil.” It’s actually kinda impressive, or at least it would be if I wasn’t the one stuck listening to it all.

“And so, to at least put an end to this century-long saga, Fate himself has prepared a partner for you to travel alongside!” He exclaimed, barely taking a break to catch his breath.

My ears perked up at that; now that sounds interesting. I can’t even remember the last time I saw someone that wasn’t the large-lunged geezer. In all the history books that were shoved down my throat the heroes of old have always had some support. I wonder who Fate, fickle god that he is, prepared for me.

“Yes! A partner that will stick with you through light and dark, dusk and dawn, highs and lows. His Grace has seen the future of the world through His domain and has prepared a truly loyal partner that will never leave your side!” The garrulous geezer continued, still not having taken a breath for the past ten minutes.

Sometimes I wonder if he’s trained in some sort of magic to avoid having to breathe. In fact, now that I think of it, I did have to learn a spell like that in case I ever find myself trapped under water. Whoever this partner of mine is I just hope they don’t talk as much as he does.

“And now, O Great Hero! I present to you, your life-long partner!” The loquacious long-lived man finished as he drew a circle in the air, causing the very air in front of him to shatter, allowing a tentative glance at the very void itself before a dark, jet black, dagger rose up, looking as if the surrounding light was melting into shadow around it.

My breath caught when I saw it and I knew that this was it. This beautiful dagger is my Fate. Guided by a power beyond my own, my arm reached out to grasp the handle and a feeling of rightness soared through my body. Not even the kingdoms finest swords ever felt this perfect in my hand. The blade felt as if it was made by someone who knows me better than myself.

Before I knew it, I’d already pricked my thumb with the dagger, completing the bonding ritual. Now the blade would never leave my hand, and I could call it back to my hand with just a thought and it would answer, tearing through the void and whatever else stood in between it and its partner.

“Hey there little dagger, looks like we’re gonna be pretty good partners huh?” I whispered to it with a chuckle, knowing by instinct that it could respond back.

“You are not worthy!” A sharp voice echoed through my mind, causing me to jerk my head in shock. “I, the great blade of darkness, Voider of light, Enemy to all, could never be bound to such a being like you.” It said coldly.

A feeling of dread started to blossom in my stomach as I decided to play along. “Well, can this lowly being hope to learn your name, O Great blade of darkness?”

“I suppose, seeing as you were lucky enough to witness me and even hold me, you may know my name, if just so that you can worship me correctly. Now hear me now and well, for I will not repeat myself. My name is Shadow Duskbringer, First of its name, Shrouded by Fate, Born of Darkness-“

By this point the feeling of dread fully blossomed. At least the old man I could block out, but now this things voice is broadcasted straight into my mind.

I flinched as it suddenly shouted, “Stop daydreaming and pay attention! I’m not done yet!” It exclaimed.

…And it could sense my thoughts through our bond. I sighed as I suddenly noticed a note laying at my feet. Continuing to ignore the dagger I bent down to pick it up.

“Even a god doesn’t have unlimited patience. And after all, I’m very fickle aren’t I? Enjoy this gift from yours truly.”

Listening to the sword that still wasn’t done announcing its name, I wondered not for the first time if it was too late to retire from being a hero.

[removed]

King Gregor the 3rd sat in his chambers, sipping at a glass of warm, honeyed wine.

Today was an important day for him, the dawn of what was sure to be a successful campaign against the kingdoms at the edge of his empire. This was not his first war, one does not rule a land as vast as his without putting a few unruly lords in their place, and he doubted it would be his last.

The kingdom of Falder sought to expand its borders into the lush, resource rich lands of the fey courts. The courts were small, isolated, and very territorial, but the lands they held were some of the most verdant, beautiful lands he'd ever seen. The king idly wondered if he could build a summer home there, once the land was in his grasp. If his generals had advised him correctly, his first warband would have arrived on the field of battle a week ago. They were no strangers to war, and he doubted they would have faced much trouble against a force as small as the fey courts.

A knock at his door interrupted his train of thought.

"May I enter, my lord?" It was one of his military advisors. He recognized the voice, but couldn't recall his name. "You may." The door opened to reveal an average man in plain brown robes. He carried a few sheafs of parchment, which he placed on an empty desk. "News from the front, my lord. The generals told me to appraise you as soon as possible."

The king pursed his lips, and nodded for the advisor to begin. The robed man cleared his throat, and held up a letter. "Squire Peter of Faldridge reports that, the 5th infantry and calvary divisions of the royal Falderian army has been..." He squinted. "Completely destroyed."

The king choked on his wine. "What?! Give me that!"

He snatched the letter from his advisor, scanning the contents. The paper had seen better days, and was very short on details. Written in a clear, panicked haste, all the king could gleam from it was that his forces had faced a crushing defeat, with few survivors.

The advisor picked up another letter, this one a more detailed battle report.

"The squire of Faldridge.." The advisor resumed, "Was one of only a dozen to survive the engagement, and gave a clear report of events after retreating to the primary gathering at the edge of our borders. According to his reports, after rallying to defensive positions and establishing standard formations, our forces met fey infantry. The enemy footmen were loose and unfocused, many either rushing within the range of our pikemen and being cut down, or falling in close combat to our swordsmen."

"That... doesn't sound bad, how did we lose?"

"It began to rain blood, sir."

"It began to rain-" The king cut himself off.

"Yes. And then the blood caught fire."

"How the fuck does blood catch fire?!"

"I'm not entirely clear on that, my lord. I would have believed the squire had simply been hallucinating, if not for the fact that our entire division is dead..." The advisor reread a line on the letter. "Oh, I misread. Our entire division is undead."

"Unde-"

"Yes, they got back up and started killing each other. According to the squire, shortly after they lost formation a man identifying himself as a 'necromancer' revived our fallen forces, and instructed him to return and tell us what he'd seen."

The king rested his forehead in his hands.

"I see."

"Do you have any orders, my lord?"

"Is my son old enough to rule yet?"

The advisor raised an eyebrow in confusion. "He turned 23 last winter, sir."

"Good, tell him the crown is his, the necromancers are his problem. If you need me, I'll be busy faking my death."

https://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2007/09/19/in-the-love-nest-of-harakki

Is drew a transformer that transforms from tank to helicopter with no robot form?

"So which of you mofo is getting shipped off to the princess."