Im gonna skip that one don't feel like crying today

Humans just being immune to random poison is so on-point for humanity

groan Ok, that's a well delivered last line and it was entertaining. Kudos!

That’s interesting that you use Bees 🐝 as the basis of your story, thanks for sharing this with us, it’s not what I was expecting from this prompt but it’s still an creative short story so Thanks.👍🏽❤️

You're telling me, boss. I have to live in this hellhole.

[removed]

"So, what is it that you wanted to show me?"

"An absolute chemical breakthrough," the scientist in front of me said excitedly; he was nearly jumping with glee. "I've been working on a personal project, you see? Toxicology to be exact."

"Right," I nodded and took a sip of my tea.

"I think I've cracked something incredible. It is a poison - at least in its current form. It destroys the body on a molecular level. Literally degrades it."

"And that's... good?" I asked and took another sip.

"What's a poison now may be a cure tomorrow!" he cheered. "Imagine if we could refine it to only target, say, cancer cells! I mean the potency is incredible - a single drop would be enough to kill a whale!"

"Oh. That does sound pretty strong," I said and sipped again. "So where is it?"

"Oh, it's..." he said and started turning around, searching the room, "it was in this... this beaker..." His words trailed off as his expression changed to one of absolute horror. I raised an eyebrow and followed his stare - he was looking at me but more precisely, at my coffee mug.

But it wasn't my mug.

No, my novelty coffee mug that was shaped like a beaker - a gift from a friend - was resting on the desk while my hand firmly grasped the actual beaker filled with a slightly translucent liquid.

"Huh," I exclaimed simply.

"I'm- I'm so sorry," he blurted out, tears welling up in his eyes.

"Tastes lemony," I noted.

"I'm so- is there anyone I can call?"

"I mean..." I said and turned my eyes upwards, thinking. I raised the cup to my lips again.

"WAIT NO!" he yelled and snatched the beaker from my hands. "ARE YOU MAD?"

"Oh, right. I mean, I feel fine, actually," I shrugged. "How soon should it kick in?"

"It- it should have already killed you," he said with a puzzled look. He cleared his eyes and examined the beaker again - it was his project. "How?" he breathed out.

"How strong did you say it was?"

"A single... single drop could kill a whale!"

"Oh. That explains it," I smiled.

"How?!"

"I'm not a whale," I grinned.

🫂

The summoning circle flared to life as this generation's hero summoned to the aid of the Free Peoples-

Who promptly vanished out of the summoning chamber in a blur of speed. Vaklos the court wizard blinked for a moment before hurrying after them.

"Which way?" he demanded from a very confused maid. She pointed towards the throne room with with her mop.

Vaklos nodded in thanks and took off with an undignified run. He managed to reach the throne room where the king was waiting to brief the hero upon their arrival, just in time to see the heroine (they were a woman this time, rare but it sometimes happened) waving her hand in front of the king.

"The Eldritch-" was all the king managed to say before she waved her hand again.

"Skip," she said in a flat monotone.

"The gates-"

"Skip. "

"Monsters are-"

"Skip. "

"You are-"

"Skip. "

And then suddenly the Sword of Light was in her hands, despite the box where it traditionally rested behind the throne still lying closed. Vaklos blinked at the impossibility but before any of the bemused nobles or even the fair princess could react, the heroine was already on her way out of the throne room.

Vaklos managed to see a strange stutter step motion her feet were making that really should have just tripped her but instead propelled her out through the doors in a dizzying blur. The royal guard knights had barely reacted before she was already gone.

"Vaklos, quite an impatient heroine we've got," the king mused as the nobles muttered among themselves. "I tried variations of our prepared speech but she seemed uninterested. "

Vaklos was about to reply when he felt the wards on the Royal graveyard ping about an intruder- and fire their traps- and report that the defences had failed, in the span of a single second.

"She's in the Royal graveyard," Vaklos reported dutifully.

The king sighed, "I think it is time we asked for some advice. "

"Are you sure? The Higher Powers are known to be... cryptic. "

"Any guidance is better than none. "

Vaklos nodded and began to incant the rite to contact a higher power. The king and princess and nobles watched with interest, keen to understand the mystery behind their speedy heroine.

In the middle of the rite, the two royal guards from the graveyard came running into the throne room. "My liege! The heroine has broken into the royal graveyard and stolen a glowing sword!"

That the graveyard wasn't supposed to contain swords didn't matter to the heroine's logic apparently. The kingdom would not have let a magical sword of any potency lie in a tomb when it could be put to use in these dark times.

"Where did she go?" the king asked.

The pair of guards looked at each other, then one of them said hesitantly, "she triggered the explosion ward on the inner castle wall and flew away. "

The throne room was in silence apart from Vaklos's muttering.

"What?" the king mumbled.

"She hit the wall with one of her swords and jumped over the explosion ward just before it triggered. The explosion sent her flying. "

Never mind that siege wards were not supposed to be triggered by sword strikes, nor that the heroine had somehow not been blasted into small chunks across the castle gardens.

"Where?"

"She seems to have been sent flying over the mountain range to the south. Straight to the Tower of Doom. "

Nor that not even siege wards had enough energy to send a person flying over a mountain range. She was apparently headed straight to the Dark Lord. At least it appeared their heroine was dedicated to stopping the Dark Lord from taking over the world with power stolen from a sealed god.

Vaklos's incantation completed and the outer gods reply manifested in his mind. He blinked in confusion and turned to the expectant king.

"When asked 'what is the hero doing?' the Higher Powers replied 'TAS speedrun. Sequence breaking. ' "

The court muttered in confusion. No one had any idea what those words meant.

Vaklos was about to ask for court historians to examine the records of all past Higher Power revelations when the cloudy sky parted in a sunbeam and singing angels descended to herald the destruction of the Dark Lord and the saving of the world.

- dramatized account of the Five Minute Heroine, adapted from interviews with Vaklos, court wizard

Lmao the US gets worse and worse the more I learn

It is shit, Austin.

No, but if you break their arbitrary rules they have the authority to fine you. And if you don't pay the fines, some even have the authority to foreclose on your property until you pay up. If you don't pay up when you're foreclosed on, you're forced out of the house (just like with a normal mortgage default foreclosure)

They're an evil invention and I'll do whatever it takes to never live in one.

...and they have legal authority? What happens if u do not do it? U get sent to jail?

On the fishing boat The Flounder Pounder, the enthusiasm in the crew was boiling over. They were getting ready to pull out another full net.

- Just be careful this time! - shouted Captain Samatar over the radio in fluent Mandarin.

He turned in his bridge chair to Officer Farax.

- If we'll lose one more freight like that and we can say goodbye to the boat. - He muttered. - Cheap labour was supposed to help us bounce back. With each passing day, I'm becoming more convinced that chasing these freeloaders off and working on our own would work out for the better! - he almost shouted, banging on the table.

The pompous tirade was interrupted by a stone that shattered the glass in front of the helm. The two officers looked out onto the deck.

- Captain, I don't think you've switched off your microphone... - whispered Farax.

Somewhere from the crew a loud "Feed the fire!" rang out in an Eastern accent and all hell broke loose.

WC: 162

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He'd been handed over to a sibling, raised as their child, for most of his life. He was told about Mother the whole time, they never kept that secret. The whole nation was her children, all toiling away in their brief lives, working to keep each other safe from the outside world.

He had been one of the few men born, a one in a hundred chance, and had always been treated well. His education had suffered for the spoiling, but it was also fact that he would not work, he would not leave his home, and he would not live near as long as them. He, like every male, would be sacrificed, a price for the wonder that was Mother.

For a time, a brief moment, maybe he had considered another life, perhaps an escape from the Golden halls of the palace, but he knew it would still be death. A death without purpose. And isn't that even more terrifying? He was only 32, so young to his sisters(some lived past 200), yet so old to his brothers, but he felt he lacked the wisdom to really answer that. Even his sisters never questioned it. It was the will of mother, and estimates said she was over 1000, so who could be wiser?

Today, he made his pilgrimage, his final journey. He world be useful, for the first and last time in his life. He world see Mother for the second and last time in his life. And he would die when she was done with him.

But, unlike his sisters, who were useful their whole lives and perished, childless, he would continue in his children, his countless daughters. And, though he didn't know it, but Mother was not quite immortal, was even dying as he saw her, glorious and gluttonous. One of his own daughters would be treated, transformed, made into a new Mother. She would lead their nation for generations to come, and have sons and daughters.

She would never know her father. His purpose complete, his wings torn off, he would be cast from the hive well before she hatched. Such is the life of a bee.

Unfortunately they're real. They're most common in North America/the U.S.

Basically it's a group of stuck-up property investors masquerading as homeowners that have banded together and formed a cult tiny local government to enforce certain rules in the name of keeping property values high in their neighborhood.

Because (at least in America) home values are based largely on "comps", that is, comparable homes that have sold recently, keeping the value of all the homes in your neighborhood high is the same as keeping the value of your own home high.

So they make people bend backwards to follow all these idiotic rules, all so they can make sure their property stays as valuable as possible...

As you can imagine, this attracts some of the most sociopathic people you'll ever meet.

Read some more horror stories from r/FuckHOA

accidentally, yeah lol

> And then a light bulb went off. But that was just Corny in the living room.

lol, this line got a good chuckle out of me

Ever understood this HOA thing? Just don't? No way it's a real institution

Welcome to the Prompt! All top-level comments must be a story or poem. Reply here for other comments.

Reminders:

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I read the whole thing in the voice of Scout from TF2 and loved every second.

[removed]

"That doesn't look like Rome," the sergeant observed.

"No, it does not." The captain looked up at the sky. "I do not see any familiar constellations. I do not know what happened, but we did not come out of the Alps. These mountains are strange. Perhaps we are in the Orient? My compass does not seem to work here."

"What's your orders, sir?"

"While I hope the locals recognize the authority of the Pope, I suspect we are among heathens. I know it has been a long march, but we need defenses. Have the men dig a ditch and set up a palisade.

/---------

"An army appeared overnight?"

"Well, not an army, m'lord. More like a large company."

"And what have they done so far?"

"They appear to have set up an encampment like the northern barbarian tribes, with a crude stake wall."

"So they're tribesmen, eh?"

"Well, we aren't sure. They aren't dressed in furs like the barbarians. They wear a mixture of brightly colored fabrics, and use metal armor. And they seem to use exceptionally long spears and crossbows, not axes."

"At any rate, they are armed intruders and should be dealt with accordingly. Have them dealt with."

"Yes, your majesty."

/----------

"Well, I don't recognize the style of their armor and clothing, but it doesn't seem very exotic. Maybe even a bit drab."

"This is a conscript army, I think. Bound by sumptuary laws. The knights have nice armor, though, they are probably petty nobles."

"I wonder what that one in the blue robe on the hill over there is doing, waving his arms like that?"

"Some sort of messenger or scout, maybe? Communicating by arm signal? I've read about such techniques before. Maybe we should try it sometime..."

FTHOOOOOOM!!!

"SHOOT THAT SCOUT!"

/-------

"General, your report?"

"Yes, your highness. We started with the usual approach. Have the battlemage open with a fireball, follow up with a charge to mop up the panicked stragglers."

"I am familiar with the method."

"Well, they didn't panic. Dozens of them shot at the mage with crossbows. He blocked most of the shots, but a few made it through."

"Go on."

"The charge failed as well. Those spears are too long, we couldn't close. And their armor was strong enough that our archers had to get dangerously close before they stood a chance of penetrating it."

"Tell me why I shouldn't have you thrown in the dungeon?"

"Because a second group of soldiers just appeared on the other side of the city?"

/---------

"Sir, where are we? That river does not look like the Yangtze."

"I am not sure, but this looks like what the caravans describe as being to the far west of us, beyond Constantinople. Perhaps we are in Rome?"

*its