Idk, my dog has learned to like spicy food. I started eating more spicy food to disuade my dogs from asking or trying to steal, and one of them liked it and has built some tolerance. He also loves green veggies like celery, lettuce and spinach. So far the only thing he doesn't like are bananas, he'll eat a small piece then refuse more.

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This is ... brutal !?!

Fredrick smiled as he twirled the wine glass with two fingers, shutting his eyes to his own murky reflection as he sipped on the red liquid. "A fine day," he began a moment later, placing his beverage down upon the dinner table, "would you not agree?"

"Most certainly," another man, accompanied by his spouse, nodded, grinning pleasantly. "It has been a long time indeed, since I could last reveal myself so openly."

All around, the soft murmur of chatter reverberated across the chamber. Fredrick's toothy beam only expanded, as he basked in the jovial atmosphere. He too had been getting rather exhausted with keeping his cravings in check. But here? At his own private gathering — not to mention in the company of his own kind — his carnal desires could be wrenched from their leashes at last.

"Please do engorge yourselves, my dears, on the fountain as much as you see fit."

Glass now empty, Fredrick swished the vial through the crimson streams, doing his best not to stain the sleeve of his suit. He could tell that many of the newcomers to their society were giving the suspiciously human-looking lumps at the bottom of the waters concerned looks, but he paid them no mind. They would learn, eventually. Perhaps, given enough time, they would even become accustomed to it.

Sebastian kept up his pleasant demeanor, a certain entranced twinkle highlighting his eyes, whenever he did glimpse upon the brilliant stream. "Lifeblood," he sighed, "there is no greater thing. Yet again, I find myself thanking you most dearly, Fredrick."

As Fredrick's guests went positively insane with whatever was the vampirical version of gold fever, he shut his eyelids softly, leaned against a marble pillar, and relaxed. Another successful party, was the only thought to cross his eased mind.

The proceeding crash made sure to do away with that momentary peace, however. Jolting awake, it would be safe to say that Fredrick was more flabbergasted than irked, as an upheaval of blood rendered his grey suit unwearable. Some dark shadow had just fell directly into the fountain, and by the creaking of an open window overhead, whoever it was most certainly didn't have an invitation.

"I don't suppose you ordered an extra serving of blood, did you, Fredrick?" Sandra, Sebastian's wife, spoke.

"No." Fredrick felt the muscles of his mouth bending downwards. "No I did not."

With enough force that every bone in his right arm and hand cracked, he pulled the robber out of the disturbed lifeforce, frowning most severely.

The burglar squirmed in his grip, and even behind their jet black mask, Fredrick saw the man's eyes dart all around in horror. "What — no, I-"

Fredrick pushed the invading presence back down into the fountain's vermillion depths. There was an obscured thumping sound, and no body surfaced again.

"Apologies everyone," Fredrick swept down his shirt and tie, moving towards his private chambers to redress himself, "I must have forgotten about the refill I ordered. Please continue as you were!"

This is so good thanks so much for filling this

The lack the receptors, leaving them without the ability to taste. Not sure if birds developed it to eat plants or if plants developed it so only birds eat it. Either way, birds are the ones who carry and spread the seeds.

I don't want to admit how much work I did on figuring out what the times should be. I will say, I did not burn any buildings for it.

The wrought iron doors were massive, with twisting, sharp designs etched into it. Every curve, every artistic protrusion and flair, ended in a sick point. It resembled a deathly vine, all thorns and malice. It was through this doorway that my quest would finally end; months of journeying, fighting, bleeding, and starving, would finally be worth it.

I would walk in with my sword, and out with the queen's head.

But I knew it wouldn't be easy. The Queen will have concocted some sickly puzzle, some moral dilemma for me to sort before I could reach her. No doubt the palace has been prepared for intruders with trap doors and traps. She would surround herself with her most dangerous bodyguards, the Greys in their ashen cloaks and impossibly sharp blades.

I downed a vial of Courage, its super-sweet syrup not quite pleasant as it passed over my tongue. Immediately, my heartbeat raced, the gloomy sky brightened, and my anxieties dissolved. One day I would have to stop using potion. But how?

That was riddle for another time. Now was the time for vengeance.

My muscles bulged as the Courage coursed through my veins. I withdrew my sword and the Tome of Entrance picked from the Coastal Sorcerer's library. I could use it only once to open any door, and here, at the end of my journey, before these colossal monstrosities, was the most perfect time.

I read the words on the browned parchment, and as the elven language was recited, the characters glowed a bright blue and the parchment disintegrated in my hands.

The doors groaned, metal twisting against itself.

Then they opened into an orange brightness.

Don't fail me now, Courage.

I jumped in, expecting an ambush. What I saw was...different.

The Queen's court was in session. Her evil kingdom's elite were congregated, each with the colors and standards of their houses, adorned in courtly attire: gowns and suits.

There was a smattering of applause by some, and a low bow by many more. They were aiming their respect...toward me?

What is this? The words barely escaped my lips.

"You're early!" A booming voice echoed across the hall. The queen sat, reclined on her throne. Her face was painted with a knowing, affectionate smirk.

She looked the same as the posters: tall, easily clearing ten feet; golden hair done up with intricate braids; bright blue, piercing eyes with long lashes. She was a fearsome beauty, a bringer of equal parts fear and lust among her victims.

"Well?" She cocked her head to me, "close the door, will you? It's chilly out there."

Without thinking, I turned to the door to close it. Wait, what am I doing? I turned back around, pointing my sword at the Queen.

"I'm here to end your reign of terror!" My voice felt inadequate to hers.

"Can we close the door first?"

My sword wavered in the air as I processed the request. Without taking my eyes off the reclined royalty, I scooted back, nudging the heavy doors with my feet. I shot the Queen a look that said is that okay?

She responded with a look of her own: that's good, thanks.

Servants approached me with food and drink. I was surrounded by neatly-dressed men and women offering me ale and some delectable smoked meats on crackers and bread.

I spun my sword around to ward off the unlikely ambush.

"I'm not here to dine! I'm here to kill you!" I shouted to the Queen, to the bemusement of her congregation.

"Why?" She asked, the knowing smile still plastered on her face.

"Because...you're evil. Your armies have killed thousands...Do...Do you really not know?"

"Oh, that." She waved off my righteous anger with the flap of a hand. "Never happened."

"Never happened? I was there! I saw the destruction! I wandered through the scorched buildings! I lost friends to you!"

"Oh? Did you bury any bodies?"

"There was nothing left to bury!" I growled through gritted teeth.

She leaned forward. "There was nothing to bury in the first place."

I blinked hard, the connections in my brain reluctantly meeting. "What?"

"It's no coincidence that every burned town and evil outpost was personally significant to you. your father's childhood home, your brother's trading ship, your friends' 'secret' meeting spot."

"You've been stalking me?"

"Yes," she nodded curtly, as if I should have pieced that together by now. "But, I assure you, it was all for a good cause."

"What good cause could involve killing the people I love!?"

"I haven't killed anyone," she shrugged.

I opened my mouth to speak when I spotted a face in the crowd. Jero was clean shaven, healthy. Like the rest of the nobles surrounding him, he was smiling.

"Brother," I whispered, disbelieving.

"Yep, everyone's safe. Everybody was relocated, compensated for their move, paid to participate in the charade."

"Charade?" My mouth was dry, hands shaking as the Courage had no outlet for its energy.

"Oh," she wore a mock expression of sympathy. "I'm not really an evil queen. I'm sorry. I just needed to know if you were worthy. And, hey! Good news! You're worthy!"

"Worthy of what?"

"Why, of my queendom! Though, I suspect, when you take over, you'll want it to be a kingdom, won't you?

I shook my head. This was some sort of trick of the mind, some kind of magic that clouded my thoughts and made me see things that weren't true. I thought about retreating, regrouping. I was compromised as I was.

A familiar group approached me: my father, my friends, my brother. They patted me on my back, embraced me in hugs and kisses on my face. I couldn't bring myself to return the affection. I wasn't convinced that any of this was real.

My father placed both of his hands on my shoulders. "I'm sorry for the trickery, Pol. When the Seers told me you were destined for greatness..." He shook his head. "I was trying to do the best for you."

He looked like my father. He spoke like my father. He had that faint stale pipe smoke smell to him. My body wanted to embrace him, but my mind wouldn't let me. If I simply accept this all as truth, my entire life would have been a lie. My understanding of the world would fall apart.

My quest would end.

The Courage would stop.

"I'm sorry," I told the specter posing as my father.

A gasp swept over the crowd. Guards pulled their weapons from their sides. The Queen straightened suddenly from her relaxed posture, eyes wider than I thought they could go.

My creature posing as my father fell backwards, blood bubbling from his mouth as my sword slid out from his gut.

My hand still shook, the tip of my sword now dripping red. A powerful sadness pulled at the edge of my mind. With my free hand, I uncorked another vial of Courage.

I would have the Queen's head today.

Good book. Similarities weren't intentional, but are definitely undeniable.

"I struggle to grab my phone, to open Genshin one last time."

Thanks, it was a great prompt.

[long whistle] ".... Ya gonna do it? That's quite a bit, looks like enough to put Gabriel through 4 more years of uni." Asked my wife.

"Mmmmm, I don't know, seems like too much of a hassle. Thinking about finding and killing the client instead." I said with doubt.

"Eh, If you kill the client, you won't get the money. Also gas prices just went up, driving to who knows where their location is may cost a lot. I think you should take it." She reasoned.

I let out a long sigh. "Well when you put it like that, it sounds logical but we still haven't addressed the elephant in the room and the obvious complication that this job will create ... who's going to take Max to his play tonight?"

My wife furrowed her brow. "Sss ooo, you're right." The nail of her index came to her mouth, something she did when she was really trying to think of a solution. "My sister is out of town ... What about your-"

"Golfing."

"Your-"

"Bingo night."

She thought some more and raised a finger, but I answered before she uttered a syllable.

"Killed her last month, surprised they still haven't found the body ... but then again, maybe hanging it from the top of the Halloween shop wasn't the brightest of moves."

"Hm, we really don't have anyone available right now, do we?" She asked.

"Doesn't seem so" I replied.

Their son walked in with his bag strapped over his shoulder.

"Hey mom, dad. Something wrong?" He paused seeing our troubled faces.

"Actually yes sweetie, your father was planning on killing me today and-" She was cut off by Gabriel who's eyes had widened upon hearing our absurd statement.

"The heck!? ... Who's going to take Max to his play!?" He exclaimed.

I chimed in. "That's the issue, we were wondering if you could take your brother for us?"

Gabriel's eyes narrowed. "Fine, but you'd better have a good Christmas gift prepared. Was suppose to see a movie tonight with Clark and Frankie."

Me and my wife's faces lit up. "Thank you, Marshmalloooow" we both said simultaneously, causing his cheeks to turn red and him to immediately head up to his room. His door made a loud thud.

My wife turned to me. "You know, we really should stop reminding him of that."

"We wouldn't be good parents if we did." I joked.

Max came from outside carrying his roller skates and rushed past us. "Max, stop running ... and flip switch number 4."

Ignoring my first request, he flipped switch #4 as he ran past. Our family photo split open and the barrel of a shotgun quickly protruded and fired. My wife dodged this and grabbed the dagger from inside the flowers, raising her arm and causing me to back away as to not be sliced. She kicked the small table towards my face to obscure my vision and lunged forward upon me swiping it aside to unleash a flurry of stab attacks.

I tripped over Max's Xcube Playtendo 64 but kicked my leg out to cause her to fall forward. Spinning out of her path, I stood up and and pulled out my revolver and promptly fired it at her head. She had been no slouch and had pulled hers as well. Our bullets cancelled each other out. I chucked my empty firearm at her as hard as I could as she scurried behind the couch. The gun blew up with force surpassing a grenade and flung the couch into the wall with her between the two.

Running up and pulling the couch out to the surface, there was a "my wife" shaped hole where she should have been. The fire place opened and out she came fully meched. The large arm did a wide unavoidable sweep that sent me through our window. As she broke the wall and stepped outside, I whistled to call the raptors. They quickly swarmed her and nipped between the openings of the mech, forcing her to eject out as she set it to self destruct.

Somersaulting to the ground, she posed in front of the explosion. I knew she wasn't dumb enough to do that while fightng me and assumed it was a hologram, unfortunately she predicted my prediction and used my assumption to get the jump on me as I searched for her as it was not a hologram. As she held the blade to my neck, I pulled off my mask to reveal I was her. She pulled off hers to reveal me beneath. I pulled off hers to reveal her beneath as she pulled off mine to reveal hers beneath mine over mine.

Making the slightest movement to cut my throat her hand flicked horizontally. Doing so caused a disorienting gas to spray from my false throat and sent her gasping and cacking and spitting backwards. I followed the disorientation up with a running drop kick while wearing my spring loaded shoes and sent her back into the house, her crashing clean through the door. Approaching her while she struggled to get up with a broken arm, I said:

"Till death do we part."

and tossed a vial of dismemberment nanobots at her. Try as she might to rub them off her, they'd already burrowed into her skin and blood began to drain from all her orifices.

"Hm, she's coming out pretty nicely." My wife said. "Really was hoping to win that one."

"In your dreams. Score's 23 - 24 now." I chuckled. "I'm gaining on you."

I monitored the damage simulator screen as the clone infront was formed with the respective damage from the simulation. This process tended to take hours and I was thankful Gabriel had agreed to take his brother for us. Once the clone was complete, we snapped a photo and placed its gored body into a shipping package. The photo would go to the client while the body would go to the Assassin Gallery for receipt purposes.

My wife pressed her wrist which removed her disguise, revealing the real her that only her family got to see. She did two additional presses to change her appearance twice.

"So what do you think I should go now? Fiery Redhead or Confident Blond?"

I smirked. "Trick question, we let Max decide when he gets back."

She laughed a bit before giving me a kiss and heading to her work area to design more identities for the next time something like this happens.

You can get hefty fines and penalties for not abiding by these stupid laws like for example if you rake your leaves and they are picked up by a tree truck or something like that then they will not pick up your leaves if they are not X amount of feet from the mail box or driveway or the wind blows them into the road. You can’t plant trees in the ground, they have to be in huge pots but not on the patio or and it gets stranger like having to spend money on their neighborhood restaurants or facilities in addition to your dues and jumping through the rest of their hoops. No parking, not letting your dog out between certain times of the day and night, no packages left on your porch or door overnight etc and they actually have people driving around to enforce their stupid rules.

One of the reasons is the damn power it gives them. I housesat for my boss for two weeks and she got a fine because I put her trash bins out before I went to bed because I had to go to work early and I didn’t realize that I had to wait until 5:00am to set them out. She sold her house less than a year later!

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You're not crazy, it's good to put a lot of thought into world building. Also this is pretty interesting.

The way you described alien genetics sounds sorta like what bacteria do with plasmids, where they share good genetic traits with the other bacteria of the same species to keep them all alive (like a gene that provides resistance to antibiotics). Except that they transfer it to the daughter cells when they split too. I don't know much about it, just half-remembered stuff from youtube videos.

Love the twist! And the time stamps do a great job building suspense!

I wouldn’t call Utah Midwest, we don’t really qualify with our short goodbyes and lack of high consumption of alcoholic beverages.

I liked this one best. Wouldn't mind reading more about the upcoming war :)

Why it 125mm thats a russian shell why can't it be 'MERICA 120MM USA USA USA

Edit: burh it's a joke why downvote

You’re very kind :) I didn’t proof read it before I sent it cause I was in a hurry but I can already see how I could’ve done a better job. Next time! :) Thank you for your encouragement!

"Hoo shit, Jesus Carl, be more careful about what you-"

"AM I GOING TO DIE?"

"Christ Carl, no; you're fine, you're not a whale, are you? One drop will kill a whale, it would take like a gallon to kill a human. You should really be more careful about what you drink though."

"Why the FUCK did you put this in a goddamn coffee cup?"

"Well, it was a handy container, and I was already late for the meeting."

Carl slammed his hand down on the table "Ok, more to the point, why did you put it in *my* coffee cup?! This is MY coffee cup!"

"Why did you bring a goddamn coffee cup shaped like a beaker into the lab, Carl?"

"It has FLOWERS printed on it?!"

"Still, drinks in the lab?!"

A third voice cleared their throat from the other end of the long table, "It's very good to know that The Consortium won't need to find another testing director, but you've both demonstrated to our satisfaction that your lab protocols have become very lax, which we'll talk about at a subsequent meeting... And I think we're all very anxious for you to get on with the presentation."

".... Right."

Carl and Francine both remembered then, that they were in the middle of a meeting presenting their work from the past month to the directors of the Consortium, whose motives were often as terrifying as they were mysterious. The other end of the table was always shrouded in darkness at these meetings, so it was also never clear exactly how many people were watching them. After 15 years working for them though, Carl and Francine had learned two things very thoroughly: A certain familiarity with their workplace that occasionally allowed them to forget where they were, and to *never* question their employers, who paid quite handsomely and left them largely to their own devices.

"Yes, anyway... This poison, which is mostly safe for human consumption, is what I've been working on for the last month, and if, for some reason, you needed to kill a whale, it would only take one drop, but here's the real kicker: It would only take one drop *dropped into their aquarium*. For a whale living in an enclosure with the recommended water volume for an adult blue whale, one drop in that enclosure will be enough to kill the whale within an hour. Which... I don't mean to brag too much, but if you weren't aware, the 'recommended water volume' for a blue whale enclosure is very large, so this poison is... Incredibly potent. If you could deliver the poison directly into the whale's body, it would take about 0.000001 grams of it ."

The voice at the end of the table spoke up again, gravelly and raspy, but high pitched; "That is splendid, this will work perfectly for our purposes."

Francine became more visibly agitated as she considered her next words "My only word of caution about this substance is that it uh... Perhaps might be inadvisable to produce it in large quantities. Aside from simply being somewhat expensive to produce in bulk, a spill to the tune of even one gallon would do incalculable damage to whale populations the world over. A sufficiently large spill or leak could easily render the entire planet free of whales within a generation."

"Yes."

Francine's face turned white as she packed up her papers, and, with a shaking hand, accepted an envelope slid down the table.

The darkness spoke again, "Now, Carl, do you have anything to report on your new nanostructure idea?"

"I do, but I have good news and bad news about how it's made. The good news is it's actually much cheaper to produce than I could have ever hoped; I have those figures here," he waved a piece of paper, "but the bad news is... Look, how do you feel about reptiles? I don't usually ask questions like this, but... Do you have any moral issue with breeding them systematically while keeping them in constant excruciating pain?"

Carl heard silence, then faint hissing from the other side of the table, and his face turned white too...

'I thought my day was unlucky when the vending machine ate my dollar, but Fuuuuck.'

The gravelly, high pitched voice returned, "Francine, we feel that your presence is not necessarily required for the next portion of this meeting. If you'd like to return to your work, you may do so while we continue discussing Carl's progress."

But his soul is fragments, illusions of ashes of a once-whole, once-full being...

What I'm saying is it's fucking great

Somewhere, a bunch of dead whales have floated to the surface. Loved this!

I did! Don't put yourself down, you've written, so you're a writer! Good for you, and thank you very much!

Thank you! I hope you really did enjoy it :))