Nice! Wasn’t expecting lizard people

Can relate! had a massive bug poison exposure last year. Poison control and the doctor were both absolutely amazed I wasn't... expired.

Turns out the smoking habit I have from military service had blocked off some chemical receptor in my system that... didn't make me immune, but tolerant on a level they hadn't seen before.

I need to quit smoking but it saved my life in that one instance.

That's when I was educated about the entire reason plants produce nicotine... it's a pesticide that humans... like?

Well you did great on it here! Keep practicing and I'm sure you'll gain confidence in your ability soon :)

Good luck!

Thank you!

Can a lemonade kill a whale? For science research

yeah that's just a beaker bro https://www.eiscolabs.com/products/phbkm500

i still don't know what it was trying to say

Nice one!

Didn’t expect that, good one

Cool idea!

Somebody needs to get killed or robbed by bandits

I didn’t expect the ending, good one!

YEET.

The pizza box sails through the air and into the burning building. The cold chills which had been slowly growing through Jacob’s body from the small of his back shrunk back to an ignorable extent. “I almost got you that time.” A voice whispered and yelled in his ear, like nails on a chalkboard the imitation of a human voice receded.

“Yeah, well almost doesn’t count.” Jacob retorted as he pulled his helmet over his head and sped off. The fire department would be here soon and he needed to be gone before they arrived. He had just thrown an unidentified object into the fire after all. He honestly found it quite funny how the horror had thought this would stop him. It was a suitable stupidity to the fate of the world riding on his pizza delivery skills.

I agree with this review and couldn't put it between myself. When I realized it WAS the essay, it made it more meaningful somehow. Coming to the realization midway was a great catalyst to really putting myself in these teenage humans shoes. I couldn't have justified why I should get to live at that age. I probably couldn't now.

This story is going to stick with me. I'd love more, if you feel compelled to write more, but it's an absolutely beautiful statement about the relationship between humans and machines as it stands.

Thanks for sharing!

Nice!

Thank you!

Very nice.

He finds some mystery meat and decides to use it for his pie. The local priest has gone missing.

Seconded. I love this take on the prompt.

We're basically Cenobites to peppers.

One of the ingredients is not available in the local market so he must go to a larger village across the river owned by another feudal lord who is said to have introduced strange laws on his lands.

Capt. Lussiz was finally able to relax. Get a little thinking done. Maybe finally get around to updating the Captain's log. He had not done that in cycles. And he had a lot to report. Those new crew members were some of the most useful individuals he had ever seen, but they were also some of the most aggravating beings in the galaxy.

It seemed like every incident was either caused or solved by one of them. Mostly caused. He did not even want to think about what those damned bipeds were about to do with that broken gravity amplifier. They said something about atomic degradation rates and ran off saying the words that still haunted his rest period: "This is gonna be awesome!"

His dorsal frill still rose when he thought about those words, and what usually followed. But he still had to dictate every notable event into the logs, otherwise headquarters would flay him.

He was about to start the recording system when the door alerted him to a visitor. His frill stiffened in annoyance. He hit the comm system.

"What is it?" He asked.

"Captain, sir? There's been an... an incident."

Lussiz recognized the voice of his quartermaster. If she was nervous, then he could only think of one source. He opened the door to admit the aging Stelaxian.

"It was them again, wasn't it?

"Yes, captain." She said, tapping her third foot, indicating agreement.

"What was it this time?" He could already tell this would be a new entry in the logs.

"You recall last cycle the report of container 563 going missing?"

He gave his acknowledgement. It was hard to forget a large quantity of a highly toxic substance going missing. And her bringing it up made his mind go to the logical -- and unfortunate -- conclusion.

"What did they do with it?" He asked. "They weren't trying to weaponize it, were they?"

"No, sir. They were...using it as a food additive. Practically drinking the stuff."

Her rearmost legs were skittering across the metal floor. He felt the same way. How could they eat that stuff?

"But...that was pure capsaicin. Toxic to, well, everything." He said, as if that would change something.

"I know, sir. But they were eating it. They said they wanted something "spicy" for their meal, whatever that means. And when asked about drinking it, they said it was mimicking something called the "hot pepper challenge" from their homeworld."

He let out a tired rumble from his air sacks. Now he had another problem to deal with.

"Did you at least get the raining capsaicin back?"

"Yes, sir. They seemed upset by it though. They complained that their food rations were too bland and that...that poison was what they needed to make it better."

"Of course they drink poison for fun. Why wouldn't they?" He muttered under his breath. Then, much louder, "Thank you for your report. Keep all toxic substances locked up with grade one locking systems from now on, just in case."

The quartermaster gave her agreement and headed off. The captain trudged heavily to the log recording system and activated it before any more interruptions could manifest.

"Captain's log. The new crew members continue to be an irritant to myself and the rest of the crew. Their behavior is unpredictable and distressing. The latest in a long line of incidents has them stealing a large quantity of a controlled toxic substance. They did so to ingest it, while saying they wanted something spicy for their food. I don't even know what that means, but that was, according to my highly reliable quartermaster, the excuse given."

He continued to give his extensive list of reports on the crew member's behavior, both positive and negative. It took him far too long to do. When he was finally done, he sat on his reclining seat and said, out loud for some reason,

"I swear these damn humans are going to be the death of me."

The nuclear option should be to pull a Mr. Burns and block out the sun.

[removed]

His strict master wants him to stick to the recipe while he wants to experiment.

This is really good, tysm for the suggestion!!