Thank you, that's very good feedback.

My ego wants to say it's a first draft / I was rushing / the sun was in my eyes -- but no, I totally get what you mean. I'll definitely think about that a bit more when I write.

Thank you!

It’s only a little bit perilous…

Rejection spurring competitiveness.

How….. Human.

Top-notch writing! You have talent.

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Ok, ok, ok, ok... But.. Do I understand right that I just read what is quite literally a stereotypical intro to vampire smut, laughed at the funny parts, enjoyed the action parts and honestly would buy a book of just this funny back and forth even without the smut part (Okay maybe even with the smut part, who knows, if it's written this well.)? Am I okay? Is the one who wrote this okay? How did this happen, we're better than this, is right? RIGHT?

You summed it up nicely.

Well done writer, you had me completely absorbed. I wish there was more.

Hot diggity damn, you had fun with this prompt I see!

man, you're fucking good. you've got very evocative prose but i think you're skewing a little too minimal. give me just a little something more to chew on when you throw out stuff like "whatever I saw my revolver saw first" and ON THE FLIPSIDE ease off on the physical descriptions.

describing how the character had to angle down to get a shot into the tunnel was just a little clumsy but when you're working metaphor you're fucking golden.

your style is very meta so focus on your slick ass voice and dense prose and let the reader fill in more of the "mechanics".

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This was really creating! Is there part 2?

I stood shocked but quickly regained as I thought it was a tactic to catch me off guard. I’ve been purging these woods since I was old enough to walk. Surely they would know who was before them, my reputation went farther than the tree line.

But no they stood and noticing I wasn’t about move continued on. “Don’t worry this is new for me too” the vampire shifted to his other leg but held a firm gaze with his ruby red eyes.

“I infact need your specific help-“ “Don’t waste my time with a spun up story. You know who I am, what I do” I interrupted quickly. There’s no telling if a vampire is spinning a spell or distracting you for the shadows to pounce unsuspectingly.

“Yes, yes you’re a bane of my existence. Yet a babe to reality. You’re compelled to kill me and my kin here as duty demands. I would ask though you give me a common courtesy before falling my head” the leader tilted their head upward exposing their neck. Two holes still visible where their artery would be. If they were alive. “He won’t listen to you” one of the daughters whispered in a hiss. “They never listen- ahhhh uhhh!” Her sentence was cut short as the leader dropped his hand and she stuck to the earth.

I pulled my silver sword from its sheath and the light it caught from the moon beamed at the pack before me. They winced and covered their eyes while hissing at defiantly. “Oh please put that away, im not going to kill you and you’re not going to catch me if we ran. So uncivilized”

“No enough with the word play.” I spoke sternly prepared for a fight rushing towards them.

The vampire let out a sigh and released his daughter lifting his hand towards me and I froze. A simple but constricting spell using tangles of shadows around them to hold their opponent. I twisted my wrist and the reflection of moonlight revealed the strands that held me as they withered away. I spun my sword around and pulled to the left as the leader used this to rush forward and pull my sword from my hand. The smell of burnt dead flesh and the sound as he held it at his side staring down at me.

“There’s a cure.” He said blankly and powerful. He dropped the sword and looked at his hand as the burns glowed orange. Returning his gaze back to me he resumed “but you’re not going to like it”

“There is no cure. It’s why my family for the past 1000 years died hunting you and others like you. We would’ve found it by now. “

“Sasha come here” as he looked over his shoulder the brown haired daughter stood up with her eyes at the ground and slowly walked up to us. “Look at him and show him your humanity.” She glanced to the side and pulled her hood tightly slowly raising her eyes up to me through her ragged brown hair. Green eyes. “So you kidnapped a girl”

“Oh shut up boy” he snapped and picked up my sword again. His hand burning he swung it around fighting an imaginary foe. “It’s clear with your experience and my dance that you wouldn’t have stood a chance against me. This weapon, it burns but it would not harm me. We’ve long since evolved to handle light. This metal would not pierce me. Why do you think you’re the only one. Why did most of your family not live to see twenty? That’s why I need your help”

“What do I have to do with the cure.” He stopped swinging and walked back to me pulling his grey greasy hair back revealing the two holes. “It’s a bite. We’re all bitten. You know this. Vampires were humans once. Still are human, but tainted with a curse of insatiable blood lust. None of us like what we do. No one sees us in our darkest hour covered in blood standing over our victims. We ever wanted this. But you killed with out mercy to protect those around you. I am now doing the same.”

“Your blood” he finished. I stepped back “we tried that it didn’t work, we tried everything.”

“Yes I know you tortured and experimented on those you could capture. Using every mundane tool available to poke and slice desperately trying to find a fix.”

“So than how did YOU figure it out” I argued. “Sasha show him your wrist.” She pulled back her sleeve to reveal multiple bite marks. Than she pulled the other up revealing the same. “She was turned and returned. Because I wanted to make sure before I walked towards my death.” “How’d you do this without our.. my brother” “All is fair in love and war. You tortured and experimented on my brothers and sisters so I did the same. I’m not asking for forgiveness for me but life for my family”

“You don’t deserve this. I’ll kill us all here you won’t get a chance to use me!” I yelled in furious anger as flashbacks of my little brothers smile rushed through my head. “LIGHT OF SALVATION HEAR ME. PURGE THE SIN OF MY BODY. LET THE FLAMES OF FORGIVENESS CONSUME ME”

My eyes burst with flame as fire began to creep around my armor. But I felt a hand hit my forehead and push me down. As a language I never heard echoed over my chants. The flames disappeared and my eyes left burnt. “I figured you’d try that. “ as I felt cold steel down my forearm. Pain was no consequence to me or my family. We spent years in the basement of the chapel honing our bodies to attune with god. But I felt the blood and I felt the blade. As mouths clamped around the open wound. “You’re foolish beliefs lead you here. There was more humane ways to do this. But we deserve to not be slaughtered as gods sport no longer. Not when there is a way to fix this. He held me by my forehead as more and more cuts were made and more lips were felt on my skin. In a way I thought this was fair. I would die anyways and being the last they would win eventually. If my death ended then as well than I did what I set out to do. I smiled up at them not in defeat but a final stand against my enemy “ it’s finally over then” A laugh entered my ears.

Why would he laugh.

Maybe he was happy to finally die a human.

Maybe this sick game we’ve played for centuries had finally had its winner. “One final secret for the hero.” “What do you mean” I said. Moving my head side to side but only darkness no matter where I would perceive to look.

“You just made us resistant to light. Your blood is blessed with your god. Now we have it too. At the end you failed. But we are cured. We will be able to live amongst society yet again. But rule it in the shadows as we deserve. Enjoy your death little one. For it was you who gave us our greatest weapon.”

"We were in the nick of time. You were in great peril."

The lack of responses saddens me

Bullshit, this is Reddit. Have you seen some of the more... elusive subs? This is positively mild compared to what I'm sure is out there!

There's a very similar story to this in one of Terry Pratchetts books.

Me weapon flailed from hand to hand. Two sticks connected by chains.

"Are those, Nunchucks?" Count VanGray asked, puzzled.

"Yeah! The thinking man's whip!" I said, florishing my deadly weapons.

"Look my daughter's are young and they get out of hand sometimes. Pardon did you say whip? Youre not a-" he was cut off, as I kicked him in the solar plexus, the vampire's third weakness. "Oh hell!" he said falling over.

"Hell is right, you fucked up and they called me! The last of the Merlon family line, vampire hunters extraodinaire!" I tried to kick him again but he turned into fog.

"Ugh, you know you're all the last of your line. Have you tried exogamy? It does wonders" VanGray said as I tried to beat up the misty form he had taken.

"I'm going to whip the shit out of you!" I said, and that wasn't working out, because of the mist. "Crafty bastard!" I cried into the fog.

"Look I'm just going to pay for the damages and leave. Your tribe of homeless reprobates need to stop showing up whenever we get ten feet from out front door. I mean it's been a thousand years" He gestures to the mall around us. The shopping center his demonic spawn had looted in a frenzy of consumerism "Don't you think it's time we stopped playing good-guys and bad-guys and got real jobs?".

"My job-" I said, cut off by heavy breathing. It's hard to continuously roundhouse kick thin air for an extended period without getting super tired, that's the first thing they teach you at vampire hunting school "My job is to kill Vampires, even if there's only like four of you now".

"Alright" he said, becoming corpus and catching my foot. "Here's five hundred dollers. Get yourself some help" he bemoaned.

I threw it in his face "I don't want your blood money! I want the money the townspeople will pay me to spill your blood!"

"That's the exact definition of-" VanGray put his fingers to his temples and closed his eyes "I truely forgot how much of a headache you people could be." He took his leave in a scattering of bats.

And that's how once again I saved the day. No need to thank me.

You somehow made navigating social niceties far more tense than any fight against creatures of the night.

Is/was Abraham’s last name Van Helsing by any chance? It is an interesting name for a Vampire

Vampire Hunter no-fap run <impossible> (insert weird YouTuber making a blowjob face)

Well, I’ll be damned.

The ragged hem of her robe disappeared into the dark mouth of the collapsed hovel like it was swallowing a dangling strip of flesh.

Every town from here to the coast is filled to the brim with a mob that’ll trip over themselves to tell you what’s wrong and even more ecstatic to tell you who’s the cause. Credit to the people of Folwood — it’s not so often that they manage to get it right.

I gave a gentle tap and a soft click to Sally’s nape before stepping off. He was used to quiet jobs and long waits and seemed to have more patience than even me. He folded up nicely, with the sliver of the moon reflected in his dark eyes.

The faint moonlight lit the hovel just enough — from any further it would’ve been indistinguishable from a pile of wood and a simple tarp. Maybe you’d think, “I wonder what happened to that carriage, collapsed way out there?” as you rode on by. Who knew it was home to vermin. But that’s par for the course in the desert.

I like to think I don’t dress loud — but the soft clink of the tools of my trade were probably like church bells to them. Maybe she knew I followed her. Maybe she didn’t. But as I grew closer to the den — they’d damn well know now.

I had one last look at its face; a few boards nailed into a doorway leaned over the ground, tracks following the earth in at a steep angle, before drawing my revolver and driving the heel of my boot into rotten wood. It caved in easy and I followed through like a landslide.

Everything I saw my revolver saw first, followed by my feet and then me. Low ceiling. Gradual slope. Straight path to the heart. Faint light down the end. Practically a dirt tunnel. No noises. Deathly quiet.

I had to cant my head to the side and buckle my knees to get through evenly but I’ve shot clean in worse.

The tunnel opened up into what looked like a cottage if it sank six feet into the ground. Wood beams and the lot. Two doorways with dirty cloth curtains. A tiny hearth built into the side, a small table in the centre, an old rug racked with dirt.

And in the corner — a pair of eyes and fangs, glowing white in the dark, bending low. The girl I’d been tracking. Another pair of lit eyes a foot to the side, peering out from behind one of the curtains. Younger. My hammer was already pulled back, could have ‘em both marked in a heartbeat. The one behind the curtain less so, don’t know how far back that goes. But I wasn’t about to fire blind without knowing how many more were down here. My left hand kept at the ready for either knives or vials.

“Hunter — perhaps you might first wonder why a vampire den would keep a light on for their guest who has come to harm them.” Came a voice from behind a curtain. Male. Older. “Might I emerge so that we can converse, preferably without any gunpowder involved?”

Three. I’ve had dogfights with twice that. Though, this might be the first time they wanted to talk first. It’d be easy enough to just pull the trigger and pick up my bounty. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was different here. He was right. The light was on, flickering softly in the dark.

“Alright.”

A dark figure pulled itself out of the side chamber — a broad heavyset man with a beard and unkempt brown hair that came together like a lion’s mane. He would’ve looked like any other farmer except for his black eyes, and pale skin — like moonlight.

I could feel the electricity of his presence in the back of my neck. Sally would understand. Horses scatter for any reason at all, sure, but sometimes they scatter for the right reason. I had to fight the urge to scatter myself.

“I’m going to take a seat at my table. Would you mind taking a seat yourself, say at that stool and lowering your gun?” His voice was like if a beer cask could talk.

There’s a voice that tells me when to fold, when to push, when a simple drink at a bar with a couple of fellows is the precursor to a bloodbath. I tried to listen to anything it had to say, but it was quiet. I was on my own. I should’ve been terrified. But something about him made me want to listen.

I gently eased up on the hammer and put a crook my arm as I sat down. Wasn’t about to holster it, but I can concede it ain’t much fun talking to the end of a barrel.

“My name is Sieger. These are my daughters,” he said motioning — slowly, for my sake — to the one in the corner, “Mary,” and the one behind the curtain, “Lyssa.” “We’ve lived here 8 years. In peace.”

Hrm. 8 years, huh?

Not exactly a newly stricken blight that’s the cause of all Folwood’s woes.

“You might not be in the profession of understanding, but we truly desire not to cause any problems. We fed from our very own cattle as long as we could but — ”

“Certainly not a surprise it died.” I threw one out there to see how he’d react. Maybe not my sanest move.

His thick brow twitched. “ — Not true, hunter. She fed us for years. But Lyssa — she’s sick. She needed twice the blood just to make it to the next morning. We took too much from our cattle, I admit, and so I sent Mary to take only fractions from the farmers in Folwood. She blends in more than I do — and I would never allow for us to take from the folk. Never, you understand?”

Maybe it was just the light finally adjusting. Maybe I hadn’t really looked at Mary until then. A vampire, sure, but she was a young girl. Maybe 16. Dark hair like her dad’s. Wrapped in a tattered brown robe that might as well have been a potato sack. Smudges like left-over coffee stained her bare feet, hands, and knees from where she’d been crawling. Fierce dark blue eyes shone above another smear from where she had tried to get some mud off her face. I couldn’t help but think back to her hissing in the corner — she would’ve gladly gone out swingin’.

“It’s alright Lyssa. Come out.” Sieger turned to her.

The smaller pair of eyes glinting in the dark hesitated. Mary turned and whispered something. No fangs out now. Lyssa pushed through the gap in the curtain. She was a child, probably 11 or 12. Long dark hair down to her ankles and wearing a similarly grungy white dress.

Vampires are pale, sure — in the dim light of their home I could see neither Mary nor Lyssa were quite as stark pale as their dad; muted red tones dotted the edges of their ears, the knuckles on their fingers, the fronts of their knees — but even I could see something was wrong with Lyssa. Her skin was greenish and a thin yellow crust marred the edges of her mouth. The bags under her eyes were pallid and thin.

“I’m sure you’ve noticed it. My daughters aren’t pure-blooded. Lyssa has some strange disease we’ve never seen before. It’s already been four months since my wife left to meet our contact in Avalan. Please, hunter, I need your help.”

Wait.

I had to blink deeply. “Now, hold on, I can admit I ain't exactly unempathetic to your circumstances—but you do realize I’m a vampire hunter, right?”

“And I, a vampire. And yet here we are, sitting at a table. You may have killed many vampires but that too means you have seen our kind. You might not have understood us, but perhaps now you might at least try.”

I opened my mouth to respond but he was quick to point to my side.

“I don’t mean to ask you to do this for free. There’s $500 in that bag right there. You get to my wife, she’ll give you another 500.”

I glanced down. A satchel sat at the base of the stool. I pushed it with the tip of my boot and heard the clatter of coins. Definitely money.

A thousand dollars from a vampire living in a hole in a ground. Guess he had ample time to save.

“I would go myself, but as you might understand, it is not so easy for me to travel unnoticed.” His head tilted and one blink lasted a little too long. I could feel him crumple, even if he didn’t show it. Not to mention, he was the real deal. Sunlight? Bit of an allergy.

I sighed maybe the last sigh I’d have as a bonafide vampire hunter. I didn’t even realize I had made a decision before my revolver was already in its holster. Mary and Lyssa were bunched up looking at me like a pair of barn owls. I opened my mouth again but Sieger was quicker on the draw.

“Thank you, hunter. Lyssa, Mary, get your things.” The two scurried off into their rooms.

“Wait—”

“Lyssa won’t make it waiting here in this tomb. You have to take them to their mother. They’ll surely have a treatment for her in Avalan.”

Christ. “Sieger, I—“

“Hunter, you may not trust me. You may not trust vampires. But I trust you.”

I took a look at the man. He could’ve been a crazed lumberjack, but instead he was one of the most eloquent and polite people I’d ever met. Maybe the most trusting. And he was a vampire.

Lyssa and Mary were back with boots at least this time and a small bag each for their things. I gave them some distance as Sieger said his goodbyes. Some quiet words and a deep hug that lifted both his daughters off their feet. Lyssa buried her brow in his chest.

“Don’t worry, he’ll keep you safe.”

Maybe he said that for them. Maybe he said it for me.

Maybe I didn’t understand vampires. But it looks like I was going to have to try.

I loved this! Great job!

Honestly feels like this would be a great start to a novel or perhaps a serialized story. Would love to see what happens next :)