Sadly I don't. i should really start to bookmark those though.

Glad you liked it! Bea's already a recurring character in a lot of my writing ( r/TomesOfTheLitchKing ) but I like how Sam turned out so I'll start reusing him where ever he fits in

HHahaha this is great. I want more of clueless coworker Hijinks

So what was the joke?

Bea was trying her best to ignore her co-worker Brett as they cleaned up the coffee shop for the day. Yet again he was going on a spiel about why she should date him and yet again he kept overlooking her drastic hints, like saying she was not interested and saying she had a girlfriend. Part of her wondered if he was high or drunk whenever he got like this because his memory was clearly being altered by something. Unfortunately she'd spent the last six hours with him and was pretty sure she would have noticed him stepping away to indulge.

"So for reals, why don'tcha wanna go out with me?" Sam asked, picking up a chair and flipping it upside down onto the top of the table.

"For real? You want to know for real?" Bea asked, her sarcasm so palpable she could have spooned it into a latte.

"Uh, yeah?" Sam asked, clearly unsure why she was asking like that.

"Do you ever actually listen to what other people say?" Bea asked, "Like do you hear me when I tell you no?"

"I mean, yeah?" he moved on to another chair and shot her a cocky grin, "But you never really give a straight answer, do ya?"

Bea rolled her eyes so hard she risked giving herself a headache, "Do I give a straight answer? No, I only give gay gay answers."

"Gay?" Sam looked a bit befuddled as he paused mid-chair-flip, "Do you think I'm gay?"

"Why the fuck would I think you're gay?"

"Why'd you ask?"

"Did I? Did I just ask if you were gay?" Bea grabbed a paper cup and started to fill it with the excess steamed milk to drain the machine.

"Uhhh, I guess not?" Sam said as he replayed the conversation in his head, "But why-"

"Ever heard of a lesbian?" Bea asked, her tone starting to boil down to a flatness matched only by the soda she had left on the counter an hour earlier for herself. Unfortunately this conversation and the slow down in cleanup it caused had made her lose out on the treat and the machine was already off.

"You mean the chicks with chicks online?" Sam looked excited at the notion.

"Do you think they're only online?" Bea asked.

"Wait, are you one?"

Bea considered tossing the near-boiling contents of the cup in her hand at Sam but decided it might not be the best reason to get written up or fired. Not yet anyway.

"Gee, do ya think? Was the fact that last night when I said 'I'm a lesbian' not a big enough clue?"

"Ohhhh that's what you said? I thought you said you were a 'has been' and I was like 'Woah, what were you before'?" Sam chuckled, smacking himself on the head. Bea wanted to join him on that but he was too far away to make it easy. She just groaned and started to wipe down the counter on her way to the sink to dispose of the hot, foamy, milk.

"So... why won't you date me?"

"That's it, come here," Bea said, dropping her rag and vaulting over the counter with one arm, ready to throw the scalding liquid at him.

Bro, that was pretty cool.

That was hilarious. Thank you!

[deleted]

lmao based

“Hey, man?”

“Bro, could you not?”

“What?”

“Oh, stop playin. Do you really not know what you’re doing?”

“No, do you not realize how rude it was to cut me off like that?”

“Okay, fine, sorry. I’m sorry, I just assumed you were going to ask for money again. Could you not hear the emotions in my voice, and understand where I was coming from?”

“Uh, no, bro. Sorry, I didn’t think of it like that. Uh… anyway, bro, what’s up?”

“Nothing much, bro. Just studying for this exam. You need something, man?”

“Nah, bro, I’m good. Just… chilling, I guess. You wanna get some drinks with the boys later, man?”

“Ugh, sure, if I’m awake enough. Man, you remember how hard organic chemistry was?“

“Oh, how could I forget?”

“Do you think you could help me with this problem, then?”

“Oh, bro, sorry. I remember how hard it was, especially cause I was checking out Stacy’s ass most of the course. She sat in front of me, remember?”

“Yeah, so?”

“So? So she had a phatty. You don’t remember that?”

“Bro, Stacy was your friend. Anyway, can you help me with this problem, man?”

“Bro, I was getting to that. I remember Stacy’s ass but not any O chem. Don’t you have anyone else to ask? Someone from your class?”

“Ugh, fine, whatever. What’re you doing then, bro? Why are you hanging around me?”

“Well, bro, you were actually right the first time. I was gonna see if I could borrow three fiddy?”

Interesting. Well, that confirms an earlier thought of mine from a different thread. I was in the middle of a conversation asking for a source from someone, and then discussing it, and the moderators nuked the entire discussion.

The sun was setting but it was a beautiful sight. Moving slowly, sinking behind trees that had long grown past their date. But there was no one to cut tree anymore. Not in the ways that mattered. The world was finally healing. But it was too late.

I bent my neck slightly, a small crack loosening the tension built up there. A sigh escaped my lips and I turned to the young man next to me.

"From the earliest I can remember, everyone knew about the "Door". Not just any door, I'm talking about the actual "Door". The one that had a keyhole that was compatible to every key to ever exist. It was grand as well, 10ft tall, with golden curves carved into it. It had small little halo looking circles design along its sides and its handle was sturdy but comfortable to hold.

No one knows where the "Door" came from. But we all knew about it. We all wanted to learn more about how it came to be and how it worked and numerous questions seemed to spawn the more we talked about it. The most interesting part is how the door changed when you inserted a key. The door would open and the destination would be unique to you."

I bent to grab small cloth from the floor and wiped my knife clean before sheathing. It had been a long afternoon and it was going to be a long evening as well. Especially with what he had planned with the kid.

"Infinite keys, infinite destinations..."

I sighed again and the young man grimaced at me. I shrugged and a smile formed on my lips. Slowly, I walked over the corpses at my feet until I was crouching in front of the young man.

"At first, curious tourists used it to return back to their homes, using their house key. It was funny. We laughed. Then, it got serious. Keys were leading to more places than we thought. Spies used stolen keys to infiltrate secret complexes and compartments and buildings. Assassins got into the homes of their targets easily.

Wars were started. Wars were fought. Millions died.

Some even turned their weapons and nuclear armaments towards the "Door" and blew it to high heaven. And in the aftermath of the fire and smoke, the door remained standing. Gleaming even, in the light of the fires raging around it."

I glanced back to one of the unmoving bodies, pulling one close so that I could sit. My knife left its sheath and sank into the bodies heart, a little confirmation for me and some urging for the charge in front of me.

"The bodies piled up until the last few sensible people decided to put some security around the door to stop it from being used.

But how do you trust people? How do you trust that the humans you chose wouldn't turn their backs on you at the earliest convenience?

So, the plan died and the fighting continued until all our modern weapons were spent and we were back to fighting each other with makeshift axes, swords and frying pans. Human civilisation regressing back to medieval times. And yet, the door stood against the change, though the area around it became irradiated."

I smiled wider at the young man. I hoped it was a kinder smile. Truly. Kindness was not a thing of this new world. Kindness was a weakness. One that I still held. It was what separated me from them. It was why I still had him tied to the tree stump and not hung out to dry like his comrades.

"The years have come and gone. And I must admit, I'm not as spry as I used to be..."

He glanced at my hair and a laugh escaped me. I removed the knife from the corpse and point it towards him. His eyes fixated on it and I didn't blame him. I would have done the same. A small sound made it through his gagged mouth and I gave him an apologetic look.

"But do you know... that time affords you with information? Sometimes, not through living but by truly experiencing things?

After all, information is power. Information is golden. Information is key.

And that's why I'm here, boy... The information you are protecting. I want it. And I am willing to wait for it."

---

Took an hiatus but - /r/EvenAsIWrite is where I call home.

Welcome to the Prompt! All top-level comments must be a story or poem. Reply here for other comments.

Reminders:

>* No AI-generated reponses 🤖 >* Stories 100 words+. Poems 30+ but include "[Poem]" >* Responses don't have to fulfill every detail >* [RF] and [SP] for stricter titles >* Be civil in any feedback and follow the rules

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I didn't even know it got removed. Lol. I only noticed once I saw your comment.

Edit: Although mods deleted it from this post, it's still available in my post history if you wanna check it out.

Do you have a link to that prompt? I would love to read that

Welcome to the Prompt! All top-level comments must be a story or poem. Reply here for other comments.

Reminders:

>* No AI-generated reponses 🤖 >* Stories 100 words+. Poems 30+ but include "[Poem]" >* Responses don't have to fulfill every detail >* [RF] and [SP] for stricter titles >* Be civil in any feedback and follow the rules

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"They are NOT telepathic. None of the samples exhibited any such capability, no matter what kind of test we put them through. Sexual arousal, somnolescent states, extreme fear - no circumstance enables interpersonal telepathy."

"There have been examples in their entertainments."

"Do I need to remind you that most of their entertainments are 'fiction?' Not representations of real things, past or present. They are pretend."

"Ah, right. The Galaxy Quest paradox."

"Precisely."

"So how did they detect me?"

"As the humans say, let's go to the tape." Tar'Van operated his console and the video display lit up. "Here's you, approaching the group."

"In retrospect, such a large crowd of humans was not a good choice for social insertion."

"Analysis strongly suggested that missteps would be missed by the individuals, against the greater noise of so many other humans' behavioral signals to confuse them. It was a good plan."

"That did not prove to be the case."

"Indeed. Humans have a consciousness we had not anticipated. But it is not telepathy."

Nel'Gor and Tar'Van watched as the video progressed. Nel'Gor tried, in the recording, to navigate a few inconsequential interactions, minutiae in the day-to-day interactions of humans. He met one person, talked to it briefly, spoke to another. He answered questions - correctly, he knew, with the right jargon and even accompanying gestures, very amusing according to their research. There was a brief pause...

And then suddenly both humans lunged at him. With his Ordan reflexes, Nel'Gor was able to evade them and, despite the encumbering human garments, ran like the wind. A few more humans joined the pursuit but only halfheartedly, not knowing what the chase was about. The video changed viewpoints a few times, as other secreted pickups about the facility were able to provide a record. Nel'Gor shot past one, then another. By the time it moved to the third camera, Nel'Gor had opened a gap and the humans were losing inclination to pursue him further. Once he gained the open space where the humans all left their vehicles, Nel'Gor was able to open his stride even further and the humans were left completely behind, and abandoned the chase.

The humans spoke to each other briefly. "I did not hear what they said. Can you increase the gain on that?"

Tar'Van twiddled a few more controls, and background noise faded as the humans' speech gained prominence. He backed up the recording a few seconds.

"...and you don't know that guy at all?"

"Hell, no!"

"Where the hell's he get off, making a crack about your mom like that? Guy's looking for trouble. Damn near found it but damn he's fast."

"Some people, man."

Nel'Gor said, "the joke about the man's mother is at timestamp," he showed his notes to Tar'Van, who backed the recording further. "Magnify this individual's face and let me observe."

At the crucial moment, the human's face froze. Nel'Gor had encountered the word "stony" in descriptions before, and had not appreciated its aptness until now. The expression on the face became blank in a way he had not understood in the moment, when he was stumbling through his Innocuous Conversation In A Social Setting repertoire, trying to remember all the rules and their myriad exceptions. The human's eyes clicked to the side.

Tar'Van expanded the view to take in the other human, and sure enough his eyes glanced toward the first's. This nonverbal contact lasted approximately one point two seconds, and both humans initiated pursuit. It was only the sudden, enormous surge of pheromones dumping out of both humans that alerted him sufficiently; one human nearly made contact.

"That was it? That? That's all? They just looked at each other!"

"I suspect that no matter how much time we spend studying human modes of communication, we may never fully comprehend everything they do to communicate. They have been evolving with each other for millions of years, they have a head start."

"Let's throw away the Innocuous Conversation Starter pack from the Discord subcategory. It appears to contain unacceptable cues for in-person conversations."

"Agreed. Let's try the Starbucks pack and start over. Those are all face-to-face."

"Agreed."

Taking gaydar to a whole new level. Love it.

Apparently writing a whole ass novel now.

I think you’re the last person I didn’t tell about the continuation.

Its getting out of hand lol.

[deleted]

You meet a girl that acts like a cat and pees on your stuff. If your into that stuff of course.

[deleted]

Yay :D

I don’t think you’re ready for this smoke.