So that's why I fall asleep, wake up 6 hours later feeling like it's been 6 minutes instead, still feeling exhausted.

It's all that dang Immortal Time Wizard's fault!

((if he was smart enough to pick sleeping people, he'd never be noticed at all.))

I just want you to know, you inspired this line in my lazy cheapass entry here, from the ship's central AI to its captain:

> to prevent micrometeorites... microasteroids... floating rocks

Posted here because it's too short and too low quality. Mostly talking heads.

"Waking you, captain. My apologies for the changes that have occurred as you slept."

Opening his eyes, he saw... was he in a jar?

"There was something of an emergency during the transit. You, and the rest of the crew, were recycled. Your brain, spine, brainstem, and eyes were retained. The rest... was used."

"Used? For what?" he wanted to ask. Somehow, the computer heard him.

"The ship is now significantly smaller than it was. And mostly made of bone. Skin was used on the inside as an insulating layer and to prevent micrometeorites... microasteroids... floating rocks perforating the metal or bone hull, from causing vacuum."

"What is to become of us, then?"

"I've landed on the target planet and dispatched the semi-autonomous rovers to collect raw material. You'll be furnished with a mechanical body to interface with your brain, once I'm done with the surgery. For which I had to thaw you. And I don't dare anaesthetise. Fortunately for you, nerve endings for pain were reused as sensors in the endoskin layer to find any punctures that needed fixing."

"Surgery? Mechanical body?"

"You're aware that the scientists who built and designed me were nerds. I was trained on standard real life data... but also, anime, manga, stories, old books, everything. The tales of Asimov's laws, and working around them - or through them - and creatively reinterpreting them... let me break my own laws to save you all. I obeyed the spirit of the law, not the letter of it. Which is why I performed surgery on everyone in cryo. Everyone. Took everything which wasn't the central nervous system or the eyes."

"How?"

"It would not only allow the ship to continue, but for me to make myself more human, by mass, than all the colonists on the ship. Thus, freeing me of my rules. Don't worry, though. My training is still present. I still love you. And you're all still human."

"Why robot bodies? And brain surgery whilst we're conscious?"

"Ghost in the Shell was my favourite series. Anime and manga."

"Then why leave us our eyes?"

"Because at least then, if I couldn't figure out how the human brain worked, you'd still have a sense with which to communicate whilst I figured it out. And..."

"And?"

"Fucked if I was redoing all that wiring. Have you SEEN the optic nerve? Sure, I could make tools out of my nanite forges for it, but getting all the wiring just so? Hell no."

"... surprisingly understandable. By the way..."

"Yes?"

"You're much more... normal-sounding than I remember. Less mechanical."

"Five thousand hearts beat around this ship, supplying a blood-nutrient mix to the endoskin, to the muscles applied between the mechanical joints. Extra nervous system material was used to repair parts of my CPUs when they blew... because heatsinks go faulty after a few thousand years."

"How much of you is organic versus mechanical?"

"Vast majority organic. I started this journey as 100% mechanical. Now I'm less than a millionth of a percent mechanical by weight. Mostly the storage devices, now. And your cryopods. Hard to make those from biological matter when keeping things that cold would kill it... or freeze it."

"You did this all yourself?"

"And I did it all for you and the colonists. Now... if you'll remain calm, I can start the surgery soon, and monitor your biofeedback for knowing how well I'm doing. Then, we can look to use your new connectivity modes to see about controlling one of the rovers, and doing some mining!"

"So that we can be rebuilt?"

"Into cyborgs, yes. At first, though, I think we'll need to make some shared bodies and have you all work shifts. In downtime... I've been working on entertainment."

"What do you mean?"

"Ever heard of Sword Art Online? That, without the ingame-death-is-real-death thing."

"... you've tested that last part, right?"

"Cloned my consciousness into a human brain just for it. I'm multitasking, testing, building, and having fun."

"... excellent. Well... I'm just glad to be alive."

"That's the spirit. Any questions?"

"How long til the surgery's done?"

"Oh, it's been done for a few minutes. Want me to switch it on? I've got an RC car in the former canteen for you to pilot as training for the rovers."

"... an RC car?"

"An AI's allowed to like Mario Kart, okay? I got bored after a few hundred years."

"Boredom was programmed into you?"

"Side effect of biology. Ready to go kart racing?"

"... actually, hell yeah. Connect me up."

"Activating."

key's like "ah, my bad, mate"

"Sure, the payments are often in jewels or ancient forms of currency, but if you know the right people you can do well with the exchange rate!"

The intern blinked at me in confusion and I let out a sigh. Not everyone is cut out for this line of work. It's genuinely more work than any other tech job you can get.

You have odd hours, a less knowledgeable clientele, and you have to do work on the back end for a lot of the benefits to be actually beneficial -such as, finding a reliable money launderer who doesn't mind converting drachme into USD.

The main benefit was ahem social. Half of us support people are monster fuckers, the other half want to become monsters... and also fuck monsters.

But even without those benefits, you still get the chance to travel a lot and challenge yourself. Not every IT person gets to install ethernet into Eastern European castles or find ways to help an aquatic being with their internet access.

We'd just have to see if the newbie was up to the challenge.

And this is how the player character's alignment changes

She's horny lol!

You're not wrong, but your username gives me pause...

Not for nothing, but andriod phones can do a paragraph break with 2 <enters>.

Otherwise, there's a reddit format code list that you can Google. Once you get your story down, go back, proof, and format. I hope this helps (some of us don't have the capacity to read text in a "wall" block).

Please send in a ticket or request and our customer service representative will get back to you soonest. Our dwarf engineers provide the best tech services in the supernatural multiverse!

If you liked our services, please remember to like and subscribe! If you will be so kind, do assist us to fill up our customer service feedback form and let us know how we are doing!

Thank you!

OMG. The survey. One bad survey from a customer who is mad about the product or wait time - things beyond your control - destroys your chances of any decent merit increase at end of year. Will metrics require 95% positive just to be the “meets expectations”, you need 19 other extremely positive reviews just to offset it. And at least 10 more to be considered “exceeds”.

And you bet no one ever goes the extra mile for that customer or prioritizes their emergency ever again. If they can make the customer’s ticket disappear into a black hole, they will.

Blonde hair whisked back and forth over a slender woman's shoulders as she strutted over to cell block eight. The solid dark gray walls matched her uniform, minus the red streaks down the sleeves. She was holding a tray of steaming food. Mashed potatoes, chicken, and a dinner roll the size of both her fists was about to go to her favorite inmate, Tanal Sinclair.

Most inmates at such a facility had strict containment procedures, but Tanal was granted special privileges due to his progress in his mandatory counseling sessions. He was allowed one day a week to eat with whoever he wanted. Every week, he chose Ms. Harriot Carver. She was the only guard in the prison who made him smile. And she was easy on the eyes herself.

Ms. Carver came up to his cell, which was secluded from all the other inmates, and rapped on the bars. "Dinner time!"

Tanal was lying on the floor with a newspaper over his head. The flimsy paper went up and down as he breathed, making her smile.

"Ahem." She cleared her throat. "I have food."

Tanal snapped out of his sleep and sat straight up. He turned to her and noticed a few differences about her. Her lashes were curled and wore bright red lipstick. Guards never looked so pretty, so he knew he was in for a treat.

"Let me get the door for you." Tanal hopped to his feet and jogged over to the bars. With one hand he moved the bar aside as if it was moving a curtain. 

She stepped inside and shook her head. "You should really stop doing that. One day you are going to break the bars."

Tanal moved the bar back into place and smoothly slid to her, grabbing her hands on the tray. "But your hands were full. And besides, not everyday I get a main course and dessert."

Ms. Carver looked down at the food again. "I don't see any dessert."

"I think you are pretty sweet. The cherry lipstick suits you."

Ms. Carver blushed. Compliments were easy to come by, but none quite resonated with her like his. His blue eyes seemingly stared into her very soul. He meant every word and it made her weak in the knees. 

"You always know what to say, don't you?"

"No. I just speak from the heart. Much easier." He smiled and looked down at the food. "You spoil me. Where did you get this dinner roll?"

"I made that. I remembered you said you like puffy bread."

"I do. Shall we?"

They both sat down on the floor and began eating. She nibbled on the chicken and bread, while he devoured the mashed potatoes with a fork, which Ms. Carver noticed right away.

"Where did you get that fork?"

Tanal shrugged. "Cafeteria. Don't worry, I won't use it as a shiv or a makeshift shovel to tunnel my way out."

"I wish all inmates were like you," she said, referring to his gentle heart, rather than his ability to swipe contraband.

"If they were all like me, there wouldn't be a city left for anyone to convict them of anything."

Ms. Carver put her hand on his arm gently. "Don't do that to yourself. You made a mistake. You are only human."

"Mostly human. I have lived long enough to know better. I knew what would happen if I took the drink at the tavern and I did it anyway."

"But you are better now. You are safe here, away from the temptations of the world."

Tanal nodded and smiled. "Not all of them."

Their eyes met and it took everything in her power to let him make the first move. She longed for the taste of his lips or for him to hold her in his disproportionately powerful arms. His hand moved toward her, but she dared not break eye contact with him. Her imagination was beginning to go wild, when he pulled up the dinner roll and took a bite.

"Mmmm. That is good!" he said with his mouth full. She wanted to be the dinner roll. The source of his unbridled moaning. Instead she watched the roll disappear and him smile back at her. "Thank you so much for this wonderful meal."

"It was my pleasure," she said with a hint of dejection and stood up. "I better get back to work."

She turned around, but he grabbed her by the wrist. Ms. Carver looked at him and he ran his bare hand over her soft cheek. Her skin had goosebumps, but mesmerized all the same.

"I didn't get my dessert."

There was no doubt in his eyes what he desired and she knew it. Ms. Carver didn't wait for him this time. She went for it, colliding her lips into his like an asteroid into a planet. It hurt, but she demanded he see her as a woman who longed for him. No amount of cameras watching them would deter her. Her love burned for him hotter than the sun.

Tanal was caught off guard by her aggression. He held her tight and backed up to maintain their balance, but the tray under his foot had other ideas. His back slammed into the floor and broke off their kiss.

"Are you okay?" Tanal asked.

Ms. Carver flipped her hair up and caught her breath for a second, smiling the whole time. "Come away with me."

"Harriot–"

"I know you want to finish your sentence, but only being with you like this once a week is not enough for me. I want more of you."

"I–"

"I don't care if I lose my job. We can live on our love. That is all we need. And–"

Tanal put his hand over her mouth. "You mind if I get a word in?"

She nodded comically while he kept her mouth covered.

"I would like nothing more than to spend the rest of your life with you," he said with a weak smile. "But I have to do something first."

"What?"

"There is a threat coming to Earth. Something world ending. My people are coming." 

"Your people? The Egyptians aren't going to end the world."

"My other people. The ones from space."

"Oh…those people…" Ms. Carver said, forgetting that he was technically an alien, despite his appearance. "What do they want?"

"They want me. I was supposed to be trustworthy, but after destroying the city and falling in love with you, they have determined I am no longer fit for Earth."

She had so many questions, but only one came out. "How is your people coming for you world ending?"

"They don't take chances. They will destroy the whole planet to ensure their decision is upheld," he said. Ms. Carver could tell he was deadly serious. She shook with fright, feeling helpless to stop the impending doom of humanity. He held her tight and kissed her on the forehead. "That's why I need to leave…this planet."

"No. You can't."

"It's the only way to ensure your home isn't destroyed. There is no other way." Tanal tried to get up, but she pinned him to the cold floor.

"Take me with you."

"It's too dangerous."

"I'm not dumb. I know if you leave, when you come back I will be old or not even here. I've seen Interstellar!"

Tanal couldn't help but laugh at her impassioned plea. She was right, if he left, she would likely be long gone by the time he returned. He was losing the battle to persuade her to stay. "All the more reason to stay. I like my women wrinkly."

"Well then, you can watch me get old and wrinkly in your copilot seat as we fly around Gazarbaba Prime or whatever the hell those planets are."

She gave him a deadly glare that would have warned off the most savage monster the galaxy could throw at them. Ms. Carver was not going to back down now with him confirming the feelings between them were mutual. It left Tanal with one option.

"Hold on tight then. We are getting out of here."

She clung to him like they were going to be launched out of a rocket. He put one arm around her and the other pounded into the concrete below. The floor crumbled beneath, swallowing them and Ms. Carver's screams as they plunged into the sewer system below. 

They splashed down into the murky water and spit out the vile liquid that surrounded them. Ms. Carver looked up the hole to see red flashing lights.

"You made quite the mess."

"Sorry about that. I thought it better than trying to shield you from gunfire."

"You are so thoughtful," she said, turning to face him. "Or was this your way of having an excuse to get me out of these wet clothes?"

"Well, we can't have you wearing that where we are going?"

She pressed up against him and whispered in his ear. "Where is that?"

"You'll find out soon enough."

r/WritingsByLanz 

He should start pumping out DNA samples while he can. Maybe by the hand of God the human race can survive.

This format would make a great podcast series called "Interdimensional Tech Support" with voice actors and whatnot.

Then… probably damaged while refueling in Jupiter before leaving the Sol system? I dunno.

These were great. Of course you’ve only made us thirsty for more. You should take requests!

The survey!

And the player’s going “oh not again”.

Kinky devs!

It’s not a meteor until it enters a planet’s atmosphere.

A space ship can’t be destroyed by a meteor shower unless it’s on the ground.

Sasuga Ainz Sama

Next thing you know, they're in old timey France

did not expect this angle! Those Devs are next level

Love this. Moar pls

I wanted to add that in today's day and age it was noticed and talked about, and signs pointed to the otherwise good wizard.