Thank you Loki

Perry the aarakocra bard?! What are you doing here?!

Sir Gallahan was known around the realm as a symbol of peace, the knight who had slain the mythical evil dragon and saved the princess from its clutches. His sword was immortalized in stone and hung up in every city for miles around. As his traveling companion I can say that he’s the humblest knight I’ve known (and that's saying something). He polishes his armor till it shines and sharpens his sword by fire light, while filling the air with his tales of bravery and courage. Hell, he’s younger than me and has more to his name than some shed in dragon country! To me he’s the luckiest man I’ve met, and I’ve met mountains of men who are similar in disposition. His hair is black, his armor silver, his mustache trimmed to perfection, who wouldn’t wish to be his friend?

Lady Cathrine was kind and soft in the kind of way you kiss your children good night after a hard day’s work. She’s brought our party of bastards back from the brink with a single prayer! Her pale hair and skin must have made the snow ashamed by her beauty, yet she chose to travel with us, her ragtag team of misfits and knight known throughout the whole province. She’s soft spoken yet not nearly as shy as she looks, she’s willing to get two bastards out of a bar fight without throwing a punch or using magic! She’s helped our ragtag crew through dozens of missions, she’s a tough bastard as much as we are! Who wouldn’t want to travel with her?

And sure there’s Mitch the dwarven artificer who’s got us in a hell of a lot of trouble on multiple occasions, Perry the aarakocra bard who’s screeching has gotten himself a flock ton of bird tail, and… well… me I guess. I’m just some wandering dragonborn barbarian who’s in way over his head with a bunch of fools he affectionately calls bastards. What have I done to earn such an honor of being the commander to a mythical beast such as a unicorn? As it turns out… never having been laid is the rule, and it seems that I’m the only one in the group to have followed it to a tee.

To be honest it’s rather humiliating, my comrades saw this beast lay its head on my lap and laughed! I guess I can turn the other cheek this time because I’ve done the same to them hundreds of times at taverns.

Petting the beast has to have been the best thing I’ve ever done, its mane was soft as velvet and needless to say the beast is indeed beautiful, it’s a unicorn.

I’ve decided to name the beast “Starfire” . It seemed to fit and it seemed to like it! Sir Gallahan, Lady Cathrine, Mitch, Perry, and I got apron our horses (in my case it was the unicorn) and started towards the town!

It might be nice being the in limelight for once, I’m just glad I can travel with my comrades, I’m sure the year will be full of other adventures, but for now… we can rest.

Odin rested his head in his hands. Despite being immortal and ageless, the All-father suddenly felt very, very old.

"Loki, tell me again exactly what you did."

The god of mischief squirmed a bit as Odin's single eye bored into him.

"As I said, my lord, I simply imbued a number of midgardians with a small fragment of my power. You and the others seemed to have lost your taste for my jokes and japes, so I decided to... outsource, shall we say."

He was smiling, Odin realized. By the nine realms, the misbegotten little sot was actually proud of himself.

"Loki, I fear that I have been far too tolerant of your foolishness in the past."

"Tolerant?" the trickster growled, a hint of real anger entering his voice. "You chained me to a rock for an Age. With a serpent drooling on my face. How strangely you choose to show your 'tolerance,' All-father."

"And yet you have learned nothing!" The god of gods rose to his feet, his fury at least unrestrained. "I had hoped to teach you some measure of foresight, of introspection! Suffering is the surest path to Wisdom, Loki, I of all beings know that well. And now..."

Odin deflated, his fire replaced with exhaustion ten thousand years in coming.

"And now I fear we shall all become very wise indeed."

"I... I don't understand. "

"Of course you don't, child. You never did have the patience for the mortals. They were the briefest of playthings for you. A moment of amusement, and then you were on to your next caper. You never learned to understand them. I have."

The god of mischief waited nervously.

"If you place a shovel in the hands of a mortal, he will carve out a river. Give him an axe, he will fell a forest. Give him a hammer, and he will raise a mighty hall. It will take them years, a lifetime, tens of lifetimes, but it will be done."

"And if you sleight them? Those shovels, those axes, those hammers? They can destroy, as well as create, Loki, and they are masters of both crafts. And their memories are long. An individual man may forget the misdeeds of the gods, but Men will not. Our only salvation was that we have always been beyond their reach."

"Until now."

"You have, Loki, placed into their hands a hammer, a shovel, an axe, and so much more. And they will build great things, Loki, to rival the greatest empires of Asgard or the Giants. But when they have finished building, be it in ten years, a hundred, or a thousand, they will look back on their history. And they will see the injustices, real or imagined, that the gods have visited upon their peoples."

"So congratulations, Loki, you have fulfilled the prophecy of our Doom. Not with the monstrous children you birthed, but those you created. Hold your head high, Fool-God, for your greatest jape is made manifest. Ragnarok comes now, Loki, and it comes for us all."

The echoes of defeat

There was a sound in the darkness and it announced war.

"Witches!" it howled. "We are taking back our sons, our daughters!"

Swords drummed on shields to hammer in agreement, and to drive their foe out of their homes. The women heeded the call. They gathered, tattered-robed and grey-haired or beautiful and lush. It didn't matter. They were witches all.

"We will suffer you no more. You die this day!" the commander bellowed once his enemies stood before him, lined up neatly at the edge of their village.

The army charged. A thousand voices roared as one to the beat of hooves racing down the hillsides that surrounded the enclave. The witches did not run. Instead, they knelt on the ground, and from pockets and pouches came small figurines. Each one carved from bone. Some yellow and brown with age, some fresh as winter snow.

The witches chanted through the din. Their words of old lighting up the night sky in an eery glow. The air seemed to release specks of light as if the stars had fallen from above to join in battle. The soldiers stopped and watched the spectacle in confusion.

"As you wish," a woman cackled.

Spirits erupted from the lights as they were driven from beyond the veil to protect their mistresses. They struck, slaughtering with ferocious determination. One by one, fathers fell to the hands of their children. Begging, forgiving, pleading, cursing, and screaming. The wraiths did not care about their father's words, they simply murdered -- anything to please their mothers. And so the roar of the living became the wail of the dead.

More bones for the witches' protection. More figurines to be carved. They would be ready when the next army came.

There was silence in the darkness and it announced defeat.

*************

WC: 299

I hear you. Maybe the best outcome is that the princes in the tower are never seen again.

-=The Sovereign's Arrogance=-

- Knight to G6. How do you feel, Alfredo, when I tighten the noose around your king like you around our country?

President Amarante sighed and swept his gaze around the empty, richly gilded banquet hall.

- You are overconfident and arrogant, Luiz. Someday this will doom you. A bishop to B4. Check, my friend. Just don't get too high-strung.

General Paranhos twitched nervously on the extra seat cushion that allowed him to reach the chessboard on the table. His gold medals on his uniform rang ominously.

- Me arrogant? - he shouted. - Do you think I don't see what you are doing to our beautiful city? Kidnappings, deportations and unexplained disappearances. Our population is vanishing! Pawn on C3!

- Do you think we are behind all this? - replied Amarante in a more serious tone.

- Who else? We are a bloody enclave Alferdo! As far as the eye can see beyond our borders, we see you. It is no secret that we are a bone in your throat. A small one, but an annoying one.

- Don't flatter yourself Luiz. I only want friendly relations with my neighbours. You are no exception. - replied Amarante conciliatorily.

- Then where are these people? Have they been kidnapped by aliens? - The general slammed his fist angrily on the chessboard. The figurines began to swing dangerously.

- No, Luiz. You don't see your part in this. - replied Amarante, reaching for the queen figure. - Do you think people will put up with life under the boot of an authoritarian, complacent leader who doesn't give a damn about their opinions or their lives? They'd sooner flee to a friendly neighbour. Queen on H4, checkmate Luiz. It's over. You have lost.

After his last word, the door to the hall opened with a bang and the presidential guard rushed in, guns pointed at General Paranhos.

WC: 300

[removed]

YTA.

Now hear me out. You being TA here is the absolutely right thing to do.

Reasons of state dictate that it is more useful for the state to have a reasonable prince in charge than have it subject to the unpredictable whims of a child. Also, as I once said, if a prince can not achieve the reputation of being NTA and TA at the same time, it is more useful having a reputation of being TA. But beware: with an already unstable country, some faction may gather behind a claimant. It therefore might be expedient to...arrange a disappearance or accident, so to say.

Signed, u/nickMachiavelli1469.

<3 Thanks.

And, I hope I didn't come across as a dickhead. You wrote something awesome.

I just imagine zombies getting through a meat wall, and going "sorry human. I'm stuffed. I'll come back another day. Thanks for the meal!"

Yeah, that's right. :-D Multiply it with the fact English is not my first language so I honestly wasn't sure if I accidentally didn't write it with the wrong meaning.

"Yeah, the legend got it backwards. I only take orders from someone who's not a virgin."

#Such Beauty

Thomas could no longer hear the screams of the people he just recently called family. They still spilled into the air in agony but his mind was elsewhere. He had broken his enclave's number one rule, never go outside. It wasn't the first time, he was an adventurous young man. How could one enclave ever be enough? This time was different however.

He had discovered the creatures and their home on his third excursion, they were terrifying, yet beautiful. Even from faraway he could tell how they towered over him. Their skin was semi-translucent, shiny, and seemed to move unnaturally on its own. They were clearly intelligent, like they always seemed to know exactly where he was. Exactly who he was. Even in the dead of night and from impossible distance. He felt chills of dread and excitement from it. He felt alive when he watched them.

On his last excursion he had found a beautiful ancient figurine set on a pedestal on the edge of town. It seemed to be sculpted out of bone with intricate golden layers embedded into it, highlighting their worship for what must have been some tentacled god. He couldn't resist taking it. It seemed almost a gift. It felt right grabbing it. In fact, since he laid his hands on it his grip could only seen to tighten and his heart pound with ecstasy. Calling it beautiful would have been an insult. It was divine.

He wanted to share this treasure with his enclave. He could hear pairs of thick wet footsteps behind him as he wondered back in a daze. He felt love when his benefactors showed themselves after he reached his enclave. He smiled as the first of his people were slaughtered. He knew they would all make such beautiful figurines.

[WC: 299/300]

Someone's just playtesting their homebrew D&D artifact. All right, I'll bite. Is there a way to get it out afterwards, and can you control when you get it out or do you just take a dump at some point and find yourself stuck in the form you were in unless you can grab the rock?

"It makes me wonder if it's just hate." Alistair grinned, eyes locked on mine, ever-knowing. Ever-insufferable.

I leaned heavily against the metallic railing, arms crossed and eyebrows raised. "What's that supposed to mean?" As if I didn't know the answer.

"I know your history with him, Josh. Brothers-in-arms to a lover." She said. "Ever heard of the saying 'the deeper the love, the deeper the hate?'"

"I don't pay attention to bullshit."

She only grew more amused. "You're the only person he spares, and he's the only person you don't talk glib about."

"So you're a writer now?" Tone too sharp. Softer. Don't let her get to you. Countless have tried. She can't be the one who succeeds. "By your logic, the reason I don't 'talk glib' about him is because I hate him too much to bother sugarcoating it. And as for him.." I burn the hope that was about to lace my words. "It's because he hates me enough that he wants me to see how much he'll torment me alive."

She stared at me and sighed. "There's no winning this, is there?"

I'm glad you know.

Remember Simba's birth guaranteed him the throne. And Scar took that personally.

I would just like to add that I think it is odd such a bitter seeming character had never wept before.

I was.

I keep forgetting that since 2016 Poe's Law is the law of the land.

An astronaut drifts along the cosmos. He was broken off from his shuttle & is now alone. He closes his eyes accepting his fate. But, he instead wakes up on what seems to be an invisible floor in space. He stands up confused & sees an alien like figure standing far away with his back to the astronaut. The astronaut approaches the alien, noticing its shinny blue grey skin, sleek skinny octopus like body, & a horn on top. He looks at the alien, when it suddenly turns around speaking perfect English saying “Welcome!” The astronaut jumps back with a scream. “Oh sorry, forgot to change my form!” The lain begins to morph & shape shifts into a curvy brown haired lady with a suit on. Her voice changes to a kind voice of a lady & asks “Better?” “Yeah, I guess.” The astronaut looks around & asks “is this the afterlife? Or a different dimension?” “It’s both! The afterlife a separate dimension where life energy goes to be recycled & used back onto a random planet with life!” “Cool, that’s cool. But, am I being recycled right now?” “No.” “Why? Not that it’s a bad thing.” The lady stands still, blank, until she pops out of her thought & says “Oh! Silly me! I forgot to mention your purpose!” “My purpose?” “Yes! It’s quite lovely, I’m jealous of what you get to do!” “What do I get to do?” The lady pulls a screen out from her pocket. She holds up a box showing a yes & a no button. She explains, “God has chosen you to be the last & most powerful prophet!” “His prophet?” “Yes! You’ll be tasked with ridding the world of disease, corruption, war, & much more!” “Wait a minute? I’m really flattered an all, but why doesn’t he do it himself?” “Well, he’s not a he, but that’s because he is currently busy.” “H- gods busy?” “Yes.” The astronaut takes a step back & takes a deep breath. “If he’s so busy, why didn’t the other prophets fix the world before me?” “They tried, but weren’t given enough power. Due to gods battle with the stars.” “The stars?” She lowers the box. “Originally, god had made the universe pitch black. At some point, he added planets, such as Earth. Each planet had life of its own, incredibly unique.” “Wait, really?” “Yes. And it was just a year before the dinosaurs went extinct that a hole ripped in the cosmos. From the cosmos, blinding tendrils grabbed ahold of millions of planets & killed their creatures, eventually reaching your planet too. God fought back furiously. He eventually managed to contain the blinding beast & split it up into little bits, what you also know as stars.” The astronaut looked at the stars around him, just tying to image when they all were before hand, the giant beast they created. He couldn’t fathom the scope of the monster. “God also took the dead planets, which are almost every single planet, & have them orbit these stars, exhausting the beast. Eventually. At the same time, some stars have broke here & there, forcing god to keep them from breaking. This of course has consumed gods time & energy.” “Holy shit.” “And that’s where you come in. Your planet was made to create a prophet. God would lend some powers to them, but the powers proved quite weak. He eventually decided to save it, leading up to you to use it. You’ll be able to perform some of gods duties, first as restoring order to your planet, creating new life & adding order there too, & then helping god to finally destroy the beast.” The astronaut sits down, processing the information. It feels overwhelming, but he somehow understands the importance of it all. “So I’m meant to return things as they once were.” “Correct.” “…I’ll do it, if it means Earth can improve & new life can be made.” “Excellent!” The lady hands him an egg. “Break this egg & you will be sent back to earth where you will begin your first step & be given new powers.” “Ok. But, I’d just like to know.” “Yes?” “Where is god? If all these stars are the monster, where is god right now?” “God is everywhere.” “What?” “God is the dark, he is space between matter, gravity even. He helps keep this universe together. While it may not make a whole lot of sense right now, you’ll eventually understand.” The astronaut looks at the egg, back at the lady & smiles. “I think I will.” He cracks the egg.

I love the ending, I wasn't expecting that twist but it has so much potential

and an elf, yes lmao

I hope you're being sarcastic. I give them pristine rating if they at least try to help.

I... I guess I'm glad you kept it to yourself then? Is it about a demon lord kitty cat? Asking for a friend...

If this was by Scar losing the whole detail of how he killed nephews father etc and Scar knows he's the asshole