Great prompt

Huh, would the ring count as a horcrux?

Not all of us. Some of us are just normal asses.

I love the idea of humans being the space orcs. Every other space-faring species is fragile and civilized compared to the eraticly destructive and counter-intuitive ways of humanity

"Pretty peaceful, ayup?"

"Ayup."

The two old men sat in companionable silence, watching monsters and demons walk by. A few jeered at them, getting a cheerful wave in return. None dared to enter, despite their overwhelming power, because --

zap

Behind them, Loki fell over dead, the anti-god trap surrounding the bench triggered by his attempt to sneak in. Not even the trickster could fool it into thinking he was just another human. Another spying attempt, failed.

"Beautiful day, innit?"

"Innit."

The two old men sighed happily, secure in their little microcosmic bubble of society, while all around them the world went crazy as all the mythical elements of history came to life and wrecked havoc.

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[Part 2/2]

“Lamia’s cannot reproduce via sex, we do not lay eggs or have fathers. We reproduce via voluntary transformation, there has to be a host which becomes a new lamia.”

“Host? Transformation? I’m sorry I don’t fully understand”

“Then let me put it this way. I was not born like this, I wasn’t even born a woman. My original name was Sal Peterson, I was a man, and a human just like you Kevin”

“…”

“Lamia’s have a very slow metabolism, on top of our cold blooded biology it grants us very long life. My mother was 307 before she was taken away by cancer. But she told me that we can live up to 1,000 years old. When I was human, I noticed long tracks in the sand that I couldn’t explain, everyone else at the time just brushed them off, but I looked into them which eventually led me to my mother. I was fascinated by her, she was scared of me at first despite being nearly 20 feet long. She thought I would tell others about her. I didn’t and dedicated myself to her, I loved her platonically. And the fact that at the time she was over 200 and I just reached 30, she saw me as her offspring. Then one day she gave me the offer. Lamia’s… wombs are designed to incorporate any being, even other faye folk. It takes 11 months to complete the change, then I was reborn and she gave me my new name.”

“… no words… unbelievable… I guess. Um… is… is that what you were doin with Bill, making him your… daughter?”

“I was fascinated by my lamia biology, I aimed to understand simply to satisfy my curiosity, that grew into a love of science and eventually my medical career. What I learned is the initial stage of that transformation is to stabilize the host, to prepare them for the change. An umbilical is formed between the mother and host, blood is shared and stem cells are produced to repair any damage. Bill was only inside me for 12 hours so there was only a minor umbilical formed and trace stem cells to promote healing, essentially keeping him in a state of stasis. The stabilization takes up the first month of our ‘pregnancy’, during that time, the host receives no genetic change. Bill is still Bill and will remain human.”

“… still no words…WAIT! Is that the foundation of your research? For project newborn? To recreate that stabilization process?”

“EXACTLY! After my mother passed I poured myself into trying to find a way I could of prevented it. I thought of my biology and the idea grew from there. Alas It cannot cure cancer, but it is still a solid method of healing nonetheless. The project was not yet ready at the medical complex, but when you are a first hand witness to such a horrible accident and you know of a way to help, you do so. I never even thought about how it would appear to others, I was just focused on saving him. That’s why I…”

“You are a healer through in through, you knew what needed to be done to save your patient and you did it. And now a life that would have most likely passed away is now alive because of you. So now the question is, what do you do from here?”

“Best case scenario, I am forgiven and am allowed to resume my work on the project. I may look like a predator, but my mind is human, I was a human. I exist to prolong life, never to harm it. I would do it again.”

“This was filmed 1 week ago, I have heard that the High Desert Medical Complex looked into our interview with Sarah and are now welcoming her back to the project she founded. Bill is still in the hospital recovering from his accident, he denied to be interviewed only saying this, ‘It was the most disturbing experience of my entire life, one I will never forget, but I will have a life to remember it. Thank you Sarah, let me know when your work is done’

“That has been this edition of ‘faye or foe’. Tune in next time when we look into a dragon with daughter issues. Thank you for watching, I’m Kevin Baolowa, good night.”

[Part 1/2]

“Jeremy Clericson of South Carolina, famous back in 2008 when vampires first entered into the public eye. Then it was Ms Lucille Donovan in late 2009 with her fiancee who’s werewolf daywalker codename was snuffles. And finally in 2019 when we saw first hand the true extent of the damage we are doing to our environment with the Best Fishy Friends Forever, Caitlyn and Gillian. Not to of course mention Neptunes wrath.

“But today, in 2023, Id like to talk about a controversial face and a species that until recently many didn’t know about, despite coming out like the rest of fairy tale kind back in 2008. Today, we hear the side of the story of Sarah Salsans and her husband Steven Salsans in Phoenix, Arizona. I am Kevin Baolowa, and this is ‘faye or foe’.

“Disclaimer to our viewers at home, this weeks show will focus on the subjects of Predation and sexual situations. Viewer discretion is advised.”

“I am currently in the outskirts of Phoenix and as you can see there are still some protestors outsides the home, you can see however that they are keeping their distance as most are simply too afraid to get closer, hence why the crowd is as small as it is. We will be going inside.” knock knock “Hello? It’s Kevin Baolowa of HBO, we spoke on the phone.” click creeeeaaak “lets do this”

“Are we rolling? Ok, so this will be a very basic introduction, there will be viewers who have never seen your kind before and nay have not heard what happened yet, just start with who and what you are.”

“ EXHALE Ok.. ok. Hello, hi, My name is Sarah Salsans.. and I.. am a Lamia. A half woman, half snake. Top half woman bottom half snake, as you can see but some of you might be blind so.. anyways. I am a second generation Lamia to the United States. My mother was a migrant from the Eastern Sahara, she gave birth to me 70 years ago here in Phoenix and past away 20 years ago. I am… I was recently employed at the High Desert Healing Complex as a biochemist and the vice head scientist of project newborn.”

“Could you go into more detail about Project Newborn?”

“Yes, Project Newborn is a new revolutionary general treatment originally derived from a scientific paper I published 20 years ago. What it does is suspends a patient in a artificially made fetal-like fluid that can heal critical wounds in patients on the brink of death or in a state where their bodies are no longer able to withstand the stress of surgery or other treatments. It is a cure-all for physically damaged patients”

“That is absolutely incredible, such a treatment could save countless lives. You said physically damaged, can it heal other ailments such as viral infections or genetic disorders?”

“No, that is not how it was designed. And currently we are still attempting to properly synthesize the fetal fluid. It’s close, but were not there yet.”

“Incredible, lets shift to the incident. The viral video that caused this was uploaded 5 weeks ago. Lets show that. As you can see, there is our brilliant scientist working on saving lives, and there is the wriggling bulge that shattered that that image for most of the world. You can hear what he thought he saw as well as the millions of others that saw it online, ‘HOLY FUCKING SHIT! SHE ATE SOMEONE!! SOMEONE CALL THE POLICE!!!’ Is there anything you would like to say to the person who shot this video?”

“ crying I’m sorry I scared you, I was just doing what I thought.. no. What I knew was right, I’m sorry”

“I have in my hand a transcript of what a nurse said after Sarah was taken to Phoenix General Hospital where now famous survivor Bill Holloway was removed from her. And I quote, ‘Bill should be dead, not because of what he was just inside of, but because of the sheer damage he received in the accident. The semi crushed his pelvis, his right arm is mangled beyond recognition and there are minor fractures all across his skull. Since the impact didn’t kill him the trauma should have, and if that didn’t it should have been the blood loss. I still don’t fully understand what that snake woman did, but it saved his life.’ Some of you may be wondering why this was not released right when the incident took place, but in fact it was. Unfortunately the masses had already made up their mind and saw Sarah as unquestionably Guilty. Before we talk about what it is you actually did to save bills life, lets give some more context to what you actually are biologically.”

“ sniff Ok… ok. Sweetie, please sit with me.”

“She needs a moment”

“Of course, this is now Steven Salsans, Sarah’s husband.”

“Should I talk about myself?”

“Yes, please do.”

“Ok.. Hello, my name is Steven Salsans and I am a first generation Naga in the united states. A half man, half snake.”

“What is the difference between a Naga and a Lamia, is it strictly gender based? There is some difference because you look perfectly human while your wife has a snakes body right at the waist.”

“Naga’s can appear only completely human, or completely like a snake. Schrwwwm My snake form is a black python. Mwwwrhcs We can be male or female or any other gender. Lamia’s however..”

“ sniff Lamia’s can only be female.”

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I can do this.”

“They can ONLY be female? Could you expand on that Sarah?”

“It has nothing to do with gender, it’s purely our biological sex. It has to do with.. how we reproduce.”

“Ladies and gentlemen at home, this is your warning, viewer discretion is advised”

I think Will can make up his own mind.

[removed]

Cherry blossoms and a cool breeze under a mild sun. The hot dog vender's cart vents off steam from his product and makes stomachs growl. Birds chirp and old men sit on benches chatting the time away.

"He said no gods," he wears a fedora and scratches at a mustard stain on his brown sweater vest missing the glob of onion on his trousers.

"I know," says the other man who could be the twin of the first. Right down to the white orthotics and black cane. He didn't eat a hotdog but holds a stale slightly gummed on pretzel in his palsied hand.

"Or monsters."

"How dare you, but I know that also."

"Only People."

"I know."

"So, what are we going to do? Things have already gone too far. We can't just turn everything off and go home."

"Be a people I guess. Can't make the big guy mad."

"How do you be a people?"

"Well, the way I see it we are the people of this bench."

"What the hell does that even mean?"

"It means that if a census taker were to come right now and take the census of this bench we would be the people he would count."

"Wouldn't that census taker want to know particulars?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know, like religion and skin color and education level?"

"I would tell them the truth."

"What's the truth?"

"I would give them my name."

"Which is?"

"My name is Legion, for I am many."

"Stop, it is beyond certain that the census taker would have heard that old line, you'll give the game straight away with it."

"And you would what? Give him our real names? And that wouldn't give even more away? Just picture the news headlines, Abaddon and Apollyon have come to earth when will the malady mayhem begin? When will the seven trumpets blare?"

"Do you really think they have time to print another run of papers? Things are pretty much about to kick off any second."

"I know. Just fantasying."

"Look, I know you are disappointed they didn't catch on any sooner. Whether you checked with me, or not, they certainly had enough clues. But here we are. Go ahead stand up on the bench and shout it out. Let everyone know what's about to happen. It might make you feel better."

"I wanted a war."

"You get slaves."

"I have had slaves, I wanted to lead a great army and ride a bloody path across the earth. This? This is too--- "

"Easy, yah I get that. Look we didn't pick each other, we got punched together by fate. And now we make due."

"Speaking of due."

"You're right, lets's get started."

Thank you!

Thanks!

Thanks - I’m glad you enjoyed the humor.

Thank you!

[removed]

You're not thinking back far enough.

"Oh no! Some dark lord named Sauron is amassing a lot of orcs and dark magic!"

#POP

clears throat ...whispers... Avada Kadavra.

#POP

"Not anymore."

Loved it, great piece!

[removed]

Deep, distorted gutteral voice: amogus.

Showed us the meaning of haste.

No worries, deep down, we're all smart asses

I just don't expect he'd be able to resist as well as a hobbit. That ring thing is tempting after all. Look at how shiny it is.

meh, he's pretty anti dark magic though, at least by the end of his life.

[removed]