Direct prompt replies must be new stories or poem. For other discussion, please use the stickied comment.

Jack didn't bat an eye as he saw three familiar deities -- Thor, Ishtar, and Persephone -- enter the room. They each had some device with them, and Persephone was dressed in a black dress.

"MORTAL!" boomed the queen of the underworld. "My telephone will not heed my command! How can this be rectified?!"

"Let's have a look," Jack said and held his hand out. Persephone glared at the appendage, but handed the phone over. He pressed the power button, to no avail. "Just to cover all bases, have you tried charging it?"

Persephone looked quizzical. "Of course, ten days ago." Jack's look told her this might be the problem. "I shall attempt to recharge it, but if it fails, you shall suffer an eternity in Tartarus!"

Persephone turned and marched away. Once she'd left, Jack sighed in relief.

"That dude has no chill," Ishtar remarked. "Am I using that right?"

"Yup," Jack affirmed with a smile. "Anyway, would you mind if I ask a question?" They both assented to it. "You three are from different mythologies, right? How does it work that you all exist?"

Thor smiled. "If you only knew how many times I have been asked that. The answer is that we gods are all one family, and that humanity simply misinterpreted the pantheons and groups as separate."

Jack blinked. "Huh... that seems almost too simple to make sense, somehow."

"Perhaps," he said. "For example, Zeus is the uncle to my father Odin and my grand-uncle. Anyway, enough about the divine, back to tech support."

"Right, right," Jack said, quickly getting them sorted. Ishtar needed a routine force-reboot for her phone, while Thor wanted to know what amount of electricity he could use to charge his iPod.

Soon, a man in white formal robes stepped into the room. "Greetings. I am Enma the judge of the dead, appointed servant of Hades and Persephone. I wish for your recommendation regarding purchasing a computer filing system."

Jack again didn't bat an eye. "How does your current filing system work? There are a lot of options to meet different needs."

"Every day, we receive millions of new guests," Enma replied. "As you may imagine, this produces vast amounts of paperwork and personal files to carry around. Which system would you advise?"

Jack smiled, as he voiced his suggestion. The narrator decided to fade out now.

Oh you bastard....making me feel emotions and shit...

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[Sorry, had the irresistible urge to continue this.]

He hung up the phone finally, sighing in exasperation. That silly girl didn't want to go to the police. She wasn't hurt, nothing of particular value taken, no names, nothing to go on. To top it all off, she thought that some random confused spy had just bombed a top secret mission exclusively to get access to her lunch.

He hummed to himself, rocking back and forth in his chair while he thought. If only he was still on speaking terms with her estranged uncle, Louie. He lived in the city, and was the only family he could count on to look over her while she settled in. But... there was the wedding incident. He struggled, but finally, he made up his mind and placed the call with only a quick grimace.

"Thank you for calling, how may I direct your call?"

"I wanted to reserve my usual table, under the name Hank McGuire?"

There was a pause. "Sir, this is Senior Getaway Adult Care. You were probably trying to reach Don's Athletics. 8898, not 8889."

He grimaced. "Sorry about that. Must be nerves, my team's in the league and about to go to the finals, you've probably heard of us? Big Lou's Paddlers?"

The woman on the other side issued a friendly tsk. "Of course I have. And this happens a lot. Would you like me to hang up so you can redial?"

"Yes, thank you. Geez, that was an amateur mistake. This is why I always say: Wednesdays are never great for table tennis."

He heard a pause, then a hum and a buzz. The woman's voice chirped up again, still polite and bubblingly cheerful, although slightly muffled by the white noise of static. "But you know: you can still win if you scrimmage until Thursday."

"Or show up early and beat them on a Tuesday." He chuckled agreeably. There was a loud, crisp click, and another voice came on the line.

"Hey, Hank. You know I don't do family discounts, so you prepared to pay this time, or just wanting some chit-chat? Either way, make it quick, this ain't a good time, my boys are coming in hot right now. Some A+1 shit, you know what that means."

Hank began to explain about his daughter, and how she had moved to the city recently. Lou listened, growing more exasperated as he realized what the call was about.

"And you want me to play babysitter? What part of 'no family deals' didn't you comprende?" The voice faded as Lou leaned away from the phone. "Tell him to come right in, I'm done with this call. No shit bring the documents with him, did he think I liked his fashion sense and wanted pointers?"

His voice rose again. "Yeah, Hank. You want a bodyguard, you got the wrong guys. I'm gonna hang up now, business to do. Good hearing from you, bro, don't call again." A pause. "Well? Show me the goods."

"Lou. Be reasonable. You know you still owe me for --"

"YOU BROUGHT ME A GODDAMN TURKEY SANDWICH?!" Lou bellowed suddenly.

Dude every writer out there says the same thing! Writing is something that can always be improved. But I’m even more impressed now that you’ve said it’s your first go at it. Keep writing!!

Thanks! First time doing this so I know my writing needs work but it was fun!

The end made me laugh out loud! Thanks for the awesome story!

[removed]

Putting a hard topic in such a funky prompt takes balls. I really enjoyed your story and just highlights that you shouldn’t judge a book but it’s cover.

JoJo part 3

We always have problems with the printer, new guy helped us fix it, he said "Oi, why is de paper empty?!" He punched a hole on the side of the machine, thing works better than ever before.

Today boss wanted something done about the new landing page we've been working on, new guy told our team: "Oi, where is de git button?! smole people want dem fing!" He suggested a button with the word "BUY" on it, a huge red button on the center of the website and our online orders have gone up by 40%.

New guy stole my sandwich from the office fridge today, I don't really want to argue about it, I'm not sure he knows that the food in there belongs to everyone in the office, he ate everything, even Steve's birthday cake... Poor Steve.

Boss has been eyeing my cubicle recently I think I might get the promotion my coworkers have been talking about, with the new guy in my team we've been having zero problems with the new servers, new guy placed them inside the office fridge now that it's empty and they haven't had any issues, we haven't had to call the maintenance guys, servers are purring like kittens.

I may have underestimated the new guy... I know he's an orc (literally) but he has made some incredible changes in our work environment it only makes sense he takes on this project from now on, boss wasn't happy about how I used to handle things, one thing led to another and I'm now emptying my cubicle, hopefully I'll get a job soon.

I hate you "Goog" but damn... do you make things work!

That dusty tome in the old man's hands was so incredibly vague and difficult to translate and comprehend, the cultists were reduced to throwing everything they could buy on the altar. It was so engrossing watching their determined faces. Keep going, I'm sure all of you will get a response eventually.

They had been shouting and chanting complete gibberish I did not understand. Do they even know what kind of monster god they were trying to contact? Or what their god liked or disliked? I had no inkling and neither did they. Not that it stopped their devoted fervor towards their worship.

After over 18 hours of non-stop attempts at sacrificing something to appease a god they barely knew, dancing and singing in noises that did not match up to any language I knew, the cultists fell to the ground, drained and exhausted.

But I wanted them to keep going. It was amusing and endearing in a manner of sorts. So I opened a portal from the Abyss to the mortal realm and offered them this thing I recently learned about from my own followers: "Energy drinks".

>other world he was summoned ^(to) and open a permanent portal

Hope you don't mind a correction but that really stuck out to me.

Ohh.. loved the twist in the end.

It was in that moment, the girl realised that she had startled Terry Tate office linebacker.

"WHOOO WHOOO!"

I fucking HOWLED at this, if I could I’d gild you

I felt my heart beating in my chest as I slowly climbed the stone path, the roars of the wild dragons just beyond the corner. The journey was almost an hour long, but every one of my family has treaded this path. By long tradition, once we have been granted and passed the secret tests and granted permission from the eldest family member, we could go and climb the mountain to create a contract. Mind you, the mountain is on our private property, and we are but one of seven families who can even access this mountain, but thats besides the point.

Granny, my great great great grandma, is the eldest of my family. The rest of us have no idea what contract she made with her dragon, but she has lived for over 200 years, outliving her own grand children. She seemed to take a liking to me, even helping me with my tests and sneaking me hints for my trials. She knows how much I love dragons, and she wanted me to acquire my very own. She is the best great great great grandma anyone could ask for!

I turned the corner, and let out a gasp. The path lead to a stone altar, hanging off the cliffside. Beyond, the sky was swarmed with dragons, so many different types and colors! There were red wyverns chasing blue celestials, brown drakes play fighting with the giant wyms, even the smaller fae dragons were darting between the enormous necks of the hydras. I stood there in awe over the edge, my tiredness seeming to fade away as I was filled with hope. Soon, i will meet the one dragon who will be my lifelong connection.

I had to pull myself away from the sky, and approached the altar. I drew the ritual dagger from the sacred sheath, a sharpened dragon tooth from the first dragon who bestowedy family with their gift. The ritual was simple; Fill the cup on the alter with my blood, and the first dragon to approach and drink the blood will make a lifelong contract. From there, we would discuss terms, and then seal the pact by drinking the dragon's blood. Easy, simple, and straightforward, nothing could go wrong.

I hesitated as I pressed the serated edge of the dragon's tooth against my palm. I closed my eyes, took in a deep breath, and quickly yanked. It... it amazingly didn't hurt. I slowly openedy eye to see... I missed. I must of pulled my hand away before i could cut myself. Ugh! I took another deep breath, braced myself, and forced myself to watch. This time, I felt the edges sink into my palm the skin tearing as my warm blood started to drain into the bowl. I couldn't help it, i started to tear up in my closed eye, but I forcedyself to hold my bleeding hand over the bowl. Slowly the stone bowl filled with my blood, taking what felt like hours, my head and heart throbbing, waiting, bleeding. How much blood did I spill? How much more does this bowl need? Will any dragon even...

The bowl finally filled up to the brim, and i pulled my hand away, wrapping it up in the sacred cloth that held the blade. The cloth was enchanted to heal all wounds caused by the dragon's tooth, otherwise the wound would never close again. I fell onto the ground, gasping and groaning as I felt my body restoring its supply of blood. But even as I waited to recover, a thought occured in my head. Dragons can smell blood from several miles away, and yet here I was only about a half mile from their outcroppings.

I should of heard one approach by now.

Slowly lifting my head, my heart sank. The dragons did indeed smell my blood. A few did look my way, but they were all turning away. They were all leaving. "W-wait..." I stuttered, crawling towards the edge "Come back!! I... I am here to make a contract! I am one of the Doryu family clan! Please!! Come... back..."

I do not know if even a single one heard me. Each and every lasy dragon flew off into the four directions, leaving what was once a full valley of color and joyous dragonic roars to a silent, cloudy sky and dull greyish brown mountain sides.

I slowly curled up by the altar, and started to wonder, trying to remain clam. Perhaps my dragon isn't here yet? Granny did say that every dragon usually only binds with one human, perhaps the dragons know this and went off to find my dragon? Yes yes that has to be the reason, so all I need to do is wait. After all, dragons can fly around the world in merely a day, so it shouldn't be long, right?

And so I waited, and waited...The air and wind started to get cold, but I waited. The sun was starting to sink behind the mountains, but I waited. Soon, the sky was dark in a starless yet thickly clouded night, nothing but the sounds of the howling wind accompanied me. And I waited.

I felt shivers down my spine, not related to the cold. Where was my dragon? Did it always take this long? I didn't dare look into the stone cup on the altar, has my blood dried up? Maybe theres something in my blood that the dragons hated? Did the dragons... not deem me worthy? I didn't want to disappoint my family. I didn't want to disappoint my Granny. But at this rate, I would be the first in my family to not be- wait...

Over the mountain, I spotted a faint red glow. I stood up and watched as the red glow got closer and closer, and I realized whatever it was, it was on fire. And was coming in hot, in more ways then one. I quickly backed away from the alter, staring as the massive flames suddenly landed on top of the alter. There, I finally saw what it was, an ancient, massive phoenix. Its beautiful golden yellow and flame red feathers dazzled under its outer flames, its black eyes barely visble behind its long, shap pointed beak. It stared at me for a few minutes, stretching its wings before looking down at the stone bowl filled with my blood. It seemed to look back at me, then back to the bowl, and then dipped its beak into the bowl, slowly slurping down my blood.

"H-hey! Th-thats my blood thats for my dragon!" I stammered out, taking a step towards the phoenix. The phoenix glanced up at me, a hint of amusement in its eyes before pulling away from the bowl. I glanced fown, and gulped. There was nothing left of my blood.

"...Yes, that was your blood." The phoenix spoke, its voice ancient and slow. "And yes, you intended it for your... dragon... But they can only give you so much, where I can offer you something greater..."

"Something.... greater?" I hesitated, but slowly approached the large bird. I felt the heat of its flames surrounding me, so hot yet, oddly welcoming. Heartwarming, even. Almost like... Granny's hugs.

"Yes, my child... I will grant you... Everything!"

The pheonix's wings embraced me, and the phoenix started to turn to pure flames. I opened my mouth to scream, but ita flames started to flow into me. It was so hot, the burning, the flames, it seemed to ignite everything inside of me. I felt myself passing out and reawakening to the fires inside me, almost like I was dying and being brought back to life, again and again and again. Until at last, I opened my eyes.

The sun was starting peak out from the east, the clouds now long gone. Around me were the dragons who had left before, staring down at me with soft smiles. None of them spoke to me, but there was a soft message of approval from each of them. I slowly made my way back down the long stone path, the nights events flooding through my head.

When I arrived home, my mother and father were waiting for me and told me the terrible news. Granny was nowhere to be found, leaving only a lerter adressed to me.

Nice story! Your characters have a lot of personality. Their conversations were very smooth between them. It wasn’t awkward but flowed naturally.

Just a regular day. I was out by the flea market, hoping for something, anything, to take my mind off my own life. Off of boredom and off of the pain that will never leave. After casting aside a sundial in the shape of a cat, I peered into the crowd, hoping to see into all others' lives. That's when a swish of cloth attracted my attention to a rather short girl with white hair. Her eyes were red, and curious as I am, I wondered what made her cry. I prepared for the second she would meet my gaze so I could read her eyes, read her mind. This is what I usually do, and I'd help her if she deserved it. Just a normal day, as I said. Until I tasted pollen.

'Oh great.'

Like Clark Kent in a bank heist, I froze. Everyone else did too, but unless there is another like me, it wasn't so voluntary.

'She has powers. Another like Meg. I hope she doesn't meet the same fate.' I feel idle nostalgia as she walks around, peering into people's faces. She intrigued me, and I didn't really care if she nicked a wallet or two. 'Maybe it's just some harmless robbing. She's so small! Maybe this is the easiest way for her to rob without hurting anyone.'

I feel optimistic as she approaches a rather large man dressed as a mechanic. Then she pulls a butcher's knife from within her coat and plunges it into his chest. My eyes shoot open.

My brain freezes in horror as she takes it out, passing the knife to an unassuming suspect. 'Oh that was very bad...' and that's when I realized a secondary concern. 'Oh no, oh no, she's messing with time!-'

As part of my punishment for getting drunk Chronos to document the gestation periods of extinct animals, he made it so that whenever I mess with the time stream a bunch of pollen attacks me. 'This wasn't my fault!!' I internally shout before shooting my head back and letting out a sneeze so powerful it tore through the cloudy sky, decimating whatever planets are in its way until it reaches the Edge of Infinity...

"Oh shoot," I mumble. She rips herself towards me, and I could see the tears that had been streaming down her face. She turned so quickly that she left droplets floating in an arc in the air. And she gave me her eyes.

------

Trigger.

Bullet.

Shock.

She froze.

"~To-- deserving --- fight --- pain.~"

Trigger.

Bullet.

Freeze.

She ran.

------

She came back to reality, something covering her eyes. She freaked, punching him in the stomach and jumping back. There was an older man in front of her, whose face was full of sympathy - even as he clutched his stomach.

"Who - what just happened?!" Her mind was clouded, the recollection too vivid, too fresh. "You saw in my head!? You're like me?!?"

He put his hands up as if he was calming a horse. "Woah, woah. Calm down, calm down. I'm Mathew. Everything's good, everything's fine. Look, I know the truth about your powers."

She was confused, but adrenalized fear still took precedence. "You know what happened to - Wait a minute! You saw me sta- stab the- oh shi-!" She turned tail and bolted.

"oh come on." he fished around in his pocket and pulled out a mask. He put it on, and hoped against hope it would work. He snapped his fingers, stopping stopped time. Then he just walked up to and placed himself in front of her, unsnapping his fingers. She ran into him.

"Achoo!!!" The first thing he did was rip off his mask. A boatload of pollen fell out. "I freaking hate that curse."

She on the other hand, could not care less about his seasonal allergies. Well, she kind of cared. Because she was hyperventilating, and accidentally inhaled a little bit of it. For maybe a minute, there was a lot of wheezing and sneezing, so he frantically watched - not sure what he could do - as she pulled out an asthma inhaler.

"Okay, now you know I can do that. Please don't run away again."

"Are you going to - wheeeze - arrest me?"

"Well, you did just stab a man... How about you apologize and we call it even?"

Asthma attack aside, she gained some intensity in her eyes. "Never." She brought herself to her full height and looked up at me, taking a deep breath to center herself. "Enough about me. You were in my head you old creep. You said you know about my powers?" Voice a little shaky, but otherwise a successful assertion of dominance. She pulled out yet another butcher's knife (how many does she have!!) and held it out at me. "You will tell me everything, or I will gut you like a - uh..." She paused, waving the knife hesitantly in the air. "I - I've never really done this before... You could just take it with your super speed or something... I'm sorry, I'm not really used to 'asking' normally..."

My heart gave out to her. "No, no! You're doing a really good job! You can just bluff your way! You can say something like 'I let you catch up to me, to see how fast you really were. I must say, I had hoped you could've given me a better fight' and then press the knife against my throat slowly so I don't involuntarily react!"

She dropped the knife as her eyes lit up. "That's pretty good!"

I pick up the knife and hand it back to her. She nods and proceeds to press it against my throat, just like I taught her. "I let you catch me, to see how fast you are. I had hoped you we-would- ah dang it!"

"Ohh, don't get discouraged! I loved how you accented 'let', you can do it!"

She centered herself, eyes closed, deep breath. Then she pulled out another butcher's knife, and walked slowly towards me. When she opened her eyes, they shined bright red. "Hehe. I let you catch me." Her voice shifted completely, absolutely cold and dauntless. She closed the distance and pressed both knives against my throat in X-fashion. "I had hoped you would've been a better fight, but I guess I'll just have to gut you if you don't tell me why I was cursed with this power, if it wasn't to kill him."

"That was absolutely terrifying!" I applauded her and stepped a little back from the knife-wielder. However, she kept close.

"I wasn't joking."

Eesh. This one's hardcore. She seriously gave me goosebumps.

"O-okay, but could you at least tell me your name first?"

"No." She pressed the cold - and sharp -metal against my skin. "Now answer."

I chuckled a little. Is this what being proud feels like? It hurts. "Okay, you don't have to say anything. Just look into my eyes."

-----

I have never written any kind of script before and this is definitely not how you do it but here it goes.

HOGWARTS EXTERIOR - DAY

We see the hogwarts courtyard as students go about their business. Pan up to see Ron Swanson on a balcony overlooking the courtyard.

>Ron Swanson (Voice Over)
>
>I don't really know where I am or how I got here. I'm not really sure what this place is other than it's a school, and I appear to be in charge.

CUT TO SUBURBAN HOME INTERIOR - NIGHT

Ron Swanson is asleep on a chair in his living room.

>Ron Swanson (Voice Over)
>
>All I remember was drinking what a lesser man might call an obscene amount of alcohol, but what I would call moderation. I then fell asleep watching a re-run of This Old House.

Ron Swanson Vanishes from the room in a flash of light.

CUT TO HOGWARTS OFFICE - DAY

We see Ron Swanson in a close up shot sitting in the headmaster's chair speaking directly to the camera.

>Ron Swanson
>
>Next thing I knew I was in this office. All I can say for sure is that I like it here.

Ron Smiles

>Cont.
>
>I mean these people really know how to run a school. We're talking strict discipline. We had one kid try to sneak out at night to go to some restricted section of the library. I told him as punishment that he had to go deep into what these people call the "Dark Forest". I was sure some of the other faculty would be pissed.

CUT TO EDGE OF FOREST - NIGHT

We see a lone student walk into the forest holding a lantern.

>Ron Swanson (Voice Over)
>
>Turns out that was the normal punishment for sneaking out at night.

RETURN TO OFFICE

Ron swanson laughs giddily.

CUT TO POTIONS CLASSROOM

In a classroom full of students sitting at cauldrons. Professor Snape can be seen holding a student by the hair and yelling in their ear while the rest of the students stare at a large hole in the floor where a desk used to be.

The camera zooms into the background to see Ron Swanson holding a steaming coffee mug standing in the doorway looking approvingly at professor snape.

CUT TO CONFERENCE ROOM

The various teachers and faculty of hogwarts sit around a large table with Ron Swanson at the head.

>Ron Swanson
>
>From what I've learned this school is funded by your government. Is that correct?

​

>Professor Flitwick
>
>That's correct.

​

>Ron
>
>Excellent, we're going to need to cut our spending as much as possible. We'll start with the kitchen. I mean do we really need all these oversized bi-pedal naked mole rats making the food? Surely the kids can figure it out on their own.

​

>Professor McGonagall (Shocked)
>
>Those are house elfs Mr. Swanson. We don't pay them.

​

>Ron (Happily)
>
>Really? Excellent. Next let's move on to living spaces. We don't need these four separate living spaces. I say we give the kids some blankets and have them sleep in the dining hall. That way we can rent out the empty rooms to people who will pay for them. Capitalism at it's finest.

​

All except Ron look at each other concerned.

​

>Ron (Serious)
>
>Now how much are you charging for medical services.

​

CUT TO HOGWARTS OFFICE - DAY

We see ron sitting in the headmaster's chair looking directly at the camera.

>Ron
>
>It's going pretty well so far.

The bench overlooking the old, overgrown quarry was still slick with morning dew, smattered with fresh-fallen leaves and aching from years of rain-battered use.

On it were two people, one old, one young. The old one, a tall, thin man in an overcoat twenty years out of date, wished his unintended companion would leave, please and thank you. He had been coming to the quarry to sit ever since he had moved to the area, one foggy, far-off day decades prior. Now he struggled to make the hike up on a good day, and he feared that he may not get many more chances.

The younger bench-sitter was initially a bit worried he might disturb the old man as he came around the bend and up the hill to where the bench kept its silent watch at its apex. Now he was beginning to think his suspicions were correct, as he tried very hard to creep over to the farthest end. Attempts at eye contact, and perhaps a conversation, were met with annoyed ignorance.

Leaves rustled, fell, and came to rest on the ground surrounding the bench. Early autumn wind blew through the trees, and time seemed to stop, as if nature herself was contemplating the absurdity of the silent melodrama playing out on the bench.

It was as if the men themselves, and the bench too, had become a part of the dun quarry walls they overlooked.

At last, after several empty seconds had passed, the young man took out a careworn copy of Walden from a ragged, stitched up hiking bag. As he flipped to where his place was marked, the old man slowly turned his head to look over his shoulder.

And as they let their guards down and began to talk, the earth opened herself up once more, to bask in the joys of autumn wind, fallen leaves, and new friendships.

Nope, I honestly don’t care enough to look them up 🤪

It's all in the same vein of a magical knick knack that keeps the bad guy alive like a lich's phylactery or Koschei the Deathless's needle.

Next thing you know, Goog'll say "Bitchin'" about learning to drive