Thank you I think? Heh.

I plan to have a prequel to the OP later tonight/early tomorrow morning.

“I thought they’d never leave, bro,” says Jesus as he takes a swig of wine from a Nalgene water bottle.

“They were certainly persistent, my dude,” I say as I take a seat on the couch beside him. “Hey pass the Cheetos would ya?”

He tosses the bag of the orange mana from heaven into my lap.

“So who were they? Why were they looking for you?” I ask. “I’ve never had those types give me the third-degree like that before.”

“Oh my dad likes to keep tabs on me,” he replies. “He wants to be sure I’m being productive down here, you know, not wasting my time drinking wine and eating Cheetos,” he says with a wink.

“Come on, man,” I reply. “Be serious.”

“I am, I am,” he says showing his palms for mercy. “Look, it’s really nothing. I just—I don’t like to talk about it. Now can we drop it and just chill, dude?”

“Yeah, ok,” I say. “I get it. My family stuff is weird too. Just know that if you want to talk I’m here for—“

“Ah crap!” He interrupts. “Get down. Now!”

He dives across the couch and covers my body with his just as a bomb goes off in the kitchen.

“What the fuck?” I scream.

“Language!” he yells back. “They found me. We gotta go. Now. Go get your go-bag,” he says as he digs under my couch and pulls out a fully loaded backpack.

“Go-bag?” I reply, “what the hell? Who keeps a go-bag?”

“Someone who’s prepared,” he says as he lifts me to my feet. He roots around under the couch some more and pulls out a flack jacket. He puts the flack jacket on me and tightens the straps snug like a dad would secure a life jacket on a little kid.

“What the hell is happening?” I ask again.

“Would you watch your mouth?” he replies. “There’s no time to explain. We gotta get the heck outta—“

I hear a slam in the kitchen. The back door’s been kicked in. Gun fire erupts and the living room is filled with flying feathers as down pillows explode and the couch is torn to shreds. Thankfully, Jesus knocks me to the ground before I explode like the pillows.

“Crawl!” He commands.

I crawl army style toward the front door. As I approach the entry way I hear a hard knock against the door.

“Shoot,” says Jesus, “they’re trying to bust down the door. Hold on.”

Jesus grabs his Nalgene of wine and readies himself in a crouch before the entry way.

SLAM

SLAM

SLAM

After the third slam the door flies open, three men in white shirts and black ties—the same who had come and inquired after Jesus—burst in with guns drawn.

Jesus unscrews the lid to his Nalgene and throws it onto their pristine white shirts.

“Yeah, that’ll teach them,” I think to myself.

The men scream in agony. Their skin hisses and burns, it melts and begins to slough off onto the tile with a sickening splat.

“What the hell?” I say again.

“Holy water,” says Jesus matter of factly. “Works every time. Let’s go,” he says as he waves me on.

We exit the house and break into a dead sprint. Jesus is quick, nimble on his feet, his gear flies freely in the wind. I sneak a glance at his face and I notice he’s…smiling? He looks like he’s having the time of his life.

We get to the street and I hear a salvo of explosions erupt behind us.

“Don’t look back!” he commands. “Just keep running.”

I hear bullets whizz by my head, I try to shimmy myself downward into my flack jacket—I wish he’d have given me a helmet. Soon the bullets subside and we get about three blocks away. Jesus pauses and looks behind us.

“It’s ok,” he says. He’s notably not out of breath in the slightest. “We can take a break. They’re not following.”

“What in God’s name was that all about?” I ask again.

“Oh, that? Like I said, my dad likes to keep tabs on me,” he says. “You know, wants to make sure I’m staying sharp for the war ahead.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I ask. “I could have died! And my house! Why did you have a go-bag in my house? Oh and my couch—“

I am interrupted by a deafening explosion, much larger and louder than the original explosion that kicked off this nightmare. I turn around to see a mushroom cloud rising from my house. Or rather, what used to be my house.

“Jesus Christ!” I scream.

“Yes?”

“They blew up my house. What the hell, Jesus? You let them blow up my house for…for a god damn test?”

“You’re really a potty-mouth today, dude. And don’t worry about the house,” he says waving me off. “Take it from me, you can’t take it with you. Now let’s get to moving. You don’t want to be caught out in the open for this next part.”

“Next part?” I ask not wanting the answer.

“Yeah, the angels are going to blot out the sky with their arrows,” he says. “It’s actually pretty bad ass.”

“Lovely.”

r/InMyLife42Archive

Me fred and sarah stand around the control panel. And apparently, it's like a sitcom, I say. Who am I? the comic relief character? Fred asks. no, nah, We're all background characters. What!? no, I'm definitely the comic relief character. Every single one of us is a fucking background character. Besides comic relief characters usually have hidden depression, I say. You don't think I'm depressed, Fred responds. Sarah cuts off this awkward conversation; How have we not noticed we're in a simulation? I mean, I guess it's not like we have SIM gems floating over our heads. Actually, there is one I point to above her head. What the fuck!? how have we not noticed they're there!? Wait? Why would we have The Sims game if we're sims? We'll haven't you seen how sims play sim spin-off games in the sims 4? I respond. Fred snaps in a finger gun. Good point. Ugh, this is stupid, sarah says. I'm out of here. Out of where!? it's not like we can leave the simulation. We're just a bunch of pixels, I tell sarah. whatever, I'm gonna see if I can get out of a pool without a ladder. Anyway, what are the cool things we can do? fred asks. Uuuhhh We can- what the fuck!? we can make people pregnant. How would that work, because like.... oh, maybe it's like a jesus situation. Ooh what's that button? Fred asks. It says "cure for nerves" I read out. When I press the button, a screen appears showing the local theater's audience but completely naked. Okay, i'm starting to think the developers of the simulation are just perverts. And Sims fans, fred adds. Yeah, let's just combine that and say they're rule 34 artists that like to draw Sims porn.

Two men in smooth black suits stood at the doorway, Bibles in hand. "We come in the name of God," the taller one said.

I wanted to welcome them as I normally did, but I heard a deep "shhhh!" from behind me. Not wanting to give Jesus away, and not wanting to stare silently at the men, I whispered a simple "hello"

"Good sir, you seem rather nice this morning," the shorter one said, motioning towards my suit. "Say, do you happen to know God?"

"I do," I whispered back.

"Ahem, there's no reason to be quiet, the taller one said."

"Tell them we're not interested," Jesus whispered behind me.

But, why? I thought, flabbergasted. We almost never turned anyone away. Yet, I was not one to disobey a direct command from the Lord.

"We're not interested," I spoke loudly.

"We?" the taller one said. "Who else is there?"

"Shut the door," Jesus whispered in a hurried tone.

I did as commanded, hearing a loud bang as it closed.

"Good work, Saint Peter," Jesus said. I turned to him. He saw my facial expression and explained at once. "They've been peddling a God who only remotely resembles me for over a hundred and fifty years. They've led millions astray and their religion has caused misery en-masse."

"But I thought we forgave everyone?" I asked.

"We do. And we will, once they've spent some time being reminded of the pain they've caused."

I looked through the peephole of the door and saw their feet being pulled down by the Hand of Satan.

r/StoriesToThinkAbout

Getter bro, we are rare these days

Before the story progresses further, its important I give you some information about demons. You see, they are not born like humans are. Instead, there's a constant amount of demons. When one dies, another is created, fully-grown and aware, wandering the many planes of hell.

When a demon is created, they are weak. Some of them can barely even lift a sword. And there's only a few ways to get stronger. They can train their bodies, exercising and working to make themselves physically stronger. They can train their minds, studying, learning, and practicing to gain magic abilities. Or, they can steal the work of others.

If a demon is dying, they disappate into ash and smoke. This ash and smoke, when consumed by a demon, passes the dead's skills onto the consumer. If a demon becomes strong enough to defeat other demons, their power will grow exponentially.

But eventually, demons get bored. The planes of hell are nothing special, after all. If you've seen one volcanic lake of hellfire, you've seen them all. So, demons will leave hell, usually as soon as they're strong enough to pierce the veil dividing Hell from Earth.

But once they do so, they need to look human. They need a body. They need a host. They find a human they can overpower, and they unknowingly flip a coin. You see, when a demon takes a human hostage, there are two possible outcomes.

Outcome one; they gain control of the human. They live the humans life undiscovered, experiencing the human world until the body dies, and the demon needs to either return to hell, or find a new host.

Outcome two; they are discovered. The control is unsecure, leaving the host scrabbling against them, and the host's friends and family aware something is wrong. This then has two results. Either the host will die, by their own hands or by complications involved in the process. Or, the host will be exorcised. The demon dies, and the human regains full control.

I am one of the exorcists called upon during the second outcome. Most of my fellow exorcists call my methods "eccentric", or "a mockery of the art". But dislike my methods all they like, they cannot argue with my results. While it takes most days or weeks to exorcise a demon, it has never taken me more than an hour.

Lock me in a room with the possessed and a few witnesses, and my "eccentric" chants will leave the demon dusted quicker than any one of my colleagues could manage if they got thousands of years of practice.

You see, Im a demon. When I left hell, my coinflip landed on outcome one. I experienced earth in another's body until they died, and then I went back to hell, with new understanding of the difference between Earth and hell.

I used this knowledge to grow my strength even more. And when I went back to Earth again, this time, I tried something different. Instead of taking a body by force, I found a human who was willing to have a passenger. I did not vie for control, I simply watched. I watched how humans' walked, how they ate, how they grew, how they thought. How they lived.

I learned everything about them firsthand, from the way their cells replicated and their neurons communicated to their unconcious body language. I learned what their every tone of voice meant, I learned about their technology, I learned everything my human was willing to let me experience.

And in exchange I gave them what help I could. I lessened their pain, I aided them with their studies. I helped them maintain schedules, helped them remember things. Rather than a parasite-host relationship, I and Ella maintained a beneficial relationship. The day that she passed, I learned firsthand what the humans called Sorrow.

I retreated to hell again, hiding away for a long time as I picked my way through this new experience called grieving. Decades passed before I crossed the veil again. But this time, I used everything Ella had taught me, and I made myself a body from scratch. My frist attempt crumbled, and my second turned to sludge. But my third attempt was perfect. It fit me just right.

So I became the first demon to walk Earth in a body all my own. And the knowledge spread through all of Hell. And the very idea terrified every demon alive.

"No demon has ever done that before" They whispered to each other. "How strong must they be to manage that feat?"

I'm not sure if my strength of the time had an effect on it. But with my job exising those demons who are possesing humans, I'm even stronger now. I can do anything I want without repercussions. And what I want is to live a life among the humans.

Bro I was thinking getter myself

"...What have I to do with thee, Jesus, thou Son of the most high God? I adjure thee by God, that thou torment me not. For he said unto him, Come out of the man, thou unclean-" the young girl screams, and an unnatural force knocks me to the ground.

"Father David!" Gabriel, my apprentice, ran up to me, "Are you okay?"

The young girl, formerly Lydia, struggled against the chains, bound to the stone column. The candlelight flickers, a sent of rotting fills the room, and an innate sense of fear stabs like a dagger into me. An unnaturally deep and grizzly voice escapes the girl, "Foolish mortals, you cannot contain me! I am the darkness, I am... what is this presence?"

"Father, who art in heaven, hallow be thy name..."

The girl grows still and begins to hyperventilate.

"Father, what is going on?" Gabriel looks up at the stairwell, trying to see where this unknown prayer was coming from.

"...thy kingdom come, thy will be done..."

"No wait-" the girls eyes roll to the back of her head, "Please lord, have mercy on me."

"Not him, anyone but him..." I put my hands on my head and sigh deeply.

"...on earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day -"

A dark shroud erupts from the girl, and tears swell I her eye, "Wha- what's going on?" Lydia begins to cry.

A young man, in a black suit and bow tie, with his black hair slicked back, comes into view, "Brother David, and you must be young Gabriel."

I let out another deep sigh, for a moment forgetting about the demon and crying child, "Brother Caine, to what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I was just in Roma, and I heard you were having issues with a level 13 demon. I'd love to catch up, but we need to get her out of those chains first." He walks over and slides a small knife, with an elaborately carved wooden handle.

"How did you do that? You exercised at tier 13 demon, with a full possession of a host, only using a portion of the lord's prayer!" Gabriel runs up to the Caine, with a look of amazement and admiration.

"It's not the verse that banishes the demon. It is the faith in our lord above." He smiles down at Gabriel.

"Don't feed him such nonsense. Not everyone possesses your natural talents." I grab Gabriel by the shoulder and pull him closer.

"Leave me now, I'll finish up here."

"Gladly. Come, Gabriel. " I could tell Gabriel wished to stay, see him work, and ask more questions, but he knows not to defy my order. Caine's abilities are great, but he is without caution. Entering the extraction chamber, knowing there is a powerful demon within, without proper raiment, would open any normal man to possession or death.

"Come here dear, it's over now."

The girl, seeing his warm smile and the silver cross around his neck, lunged forward, embracing him in a hug. Caine bends down on one knee and takes the girl by the shoulders, "Everything will be alright, you can trust me."

Caine proceeds to stab his hand into her gut, going through her shirt and skin. The girls face freezes as he slowly removes his hand, a bright white light contained within. His jaw unhenges as he consumes a pure, innocent soul.

"That would explain it." Shadows amass, like a puddle of darkness on the floor. From this unnatural darkness, a form emerges. A skinny demon with two large horns, with skin as dark as night. The demon kneels before Father Caine.

Caine snaps his jaw back in place, "I expected you to flee, I am pleasantly surprised."

"I would never abandon the chance to serve you, Lord Beelzebub, prince of he'll, devil of gluttony, Lord of the Flys, master of savages, bringer of-"

"Enough, I cease your groveling."

"Yes, my lord. I must ask, why have you abandoned hell for this lesser form?"

"You will see soon enough, first though, overtake this body. Without the soul, you'll find no struggle." Lydia's body stands almost perfectly still, blabbering about 'the darkness,' as most of those Caine exorcises do.

"Yes, master." The shadows lose their form and flow into the girl.

"Meet me in Vien in a fortnight. Act like a traumatized child before the priests, return to her family, and drown the body in a river. Then, hide in animals during the day and travel in secrecy at night. Once you arrive in Vein, I'll find you." Caine grabs the girl by the shoulder and ascends to stairwell.

Oh, you naughty lad

Usually stuff like that jumps out at me a bit more when I'm reading but I got too engaged with this one and only got hung up on the one typo near the beginning.

One note I did notice just now glancing back is that the words 'says' and 'replies' come up a lot (particularly says). It wasn't noticeable to me on first read but it might be worth taking a look at. On the other hand there are a few other words like screams that come up which maybe are a little more emphatic because they're rare? "I guess you could also stick with words like says but then maybe describe the declarer a little more," he says now yelling loudly.

Anyway this was a particularly fun read. Thanks for the story

Thanks!

Thank you. I really appreciate that - it means a lot to me that my story hooked you. Thanks for taking the time to comment!.

I always pick Wario on a Motorbike

"Dude, tell them I'm not home" he said in a hushed tone.

Lmao gotchu gotchu okay yea that would be funny word plsy

Oh, til. How frustrating

Oh that first part I got, I just thought the twist was that "carnal" meant he ate people instead of molesting kids. I mean both cases are monsters

I’m biased towards pedophilia bc it was my own idea but I also think it tracks with making him a monster like the demon. He’s consumed an entire persons life with this horrible horrible action.

I think having carnal desires in quotes for emphasis also allows it to be a highlighted point of fact. Because it didn’t need to be in quotes. But now it’s like..okay what are the “carnal desires” and why were they enough not to get him kicked out of the clergy but excommunicated

It sounds like his carnal desires that was in parenthesis for emphasis in the first part was actually more than just what we first would have thought was consensual sex between another adult. And that’s what the demon is referring to all throughout when he’s alluding to the fact that Daniel is also a monster

To add to this: depending on your device, pressing enter may not be enough to jump a line.

On my phone, I personally need to press it twice. There is a full empty line between those two paragraphs. Otherwise, it does this (Yes, I jumped three times, no, it doesn’t display beyond the editor)

Good job.

I'll just hope the Father was only speaking of Communion, then.

Cool.

I thought he literally ate someone

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