At your service, power! Glad you enjoyed it!

This is so stupid. Thanks for making my day.

Which one?

“Quick question is this Legal?”

r/hpfanfiction

Some lifeforms can regenerate their telomeres.

I stood there in shock as I looked down at the assignment laid on the table before me, wondering how on Earth they’d expect me to complete it; i work for the Culinary Institute of America, not the Central Intelligence Agency.

Fuck around and find out

The shell exploded, knocking me off my feet.

I entered the tomb for any ancient history to only be ripped through time and am face to face with a sphinx.

Why do you have so many lemons?

Clearly, this was Rory passing the time while he protects the Pandorica. He was a nurse, might as well share some medical knowledge

"Now that I know what you meant, my answer is that I love you even more."

OwO

The color of the sky was an aberration.

A gigantic serpent named Carla is pretty damn funny. I've always loved the gag of great and powerful beings with mundane names.

The assassin crept down the hall, careful not to alert the target's guards, but as they rounded the corner, there stood the target themselves

Never thought I'd die laughing, but here I am.

The sunlight forced its way through the overgrowth to intrude upon my grave.

I could not believe my eyes, the mythical creature was real.

Just because someone is expendable doesn't mean you should be eager to spend them.

Terry said that if you ground the world fine and sifted it all out, you'd not find an atom of Justice, nor a molecule of Mercy. No such effort was needed in the plastic deco hell called Moonbeam Gardens. You could tell just by looking.

Sonic Undergoooooooound!

Lights. Not the harsh light I was used to. These were soft, warming, cosy even. The room was small, smaller even than the cage I had been born in. But the walls had features. A strange pattern of animals, repeating one after another. It was broken up by blocky shapes, furniture of some kind. The exact names escaped me for most, having been barely mentioned as i grew.

My eyes focused on the bed, and the body lying within. I could see it's warmth, even as it hid under the covers. I could tell it was like those that kept me, but smaller. My enhanced hearing picked up muffled sobs, even though this person tried to be quiet. I could smell the fear, and knew I was the source.

I hated it. I had been made to be a weapon. I had killed, and would certainly kill again if they found me. But I never wanted to be feared by those who did not mean me harm. Judging from the size of this one, they were a child. And I had just given them material for nightmares spanning the rest of their life.

I reached out, gently patting the shaking lump. I wanted to tell them it's OK, and that I wouldn't hurt them. But that would require being able to speak. Something that hadn't seen fit to give me. I knew I was made to be a monster. A bioweapon, one to hunt and kill. An intelligent beast.

They shook beneath my clawed hand. I was careful to keep them away, using only the palm. I just carried on patting them, letting them build up the courage to come out. I could leave. I should leave. But where would I go? I didn't want to be lonely anymore. Here was as good a place as any to start.

Eventually my efforts bore fruit. They shifted, and pulled the blanket from over their head. A pair of green eyes stared at me, as the little girl looked out. I bowed my head to her, letting her be in charge. She was still afraid, I could still smell it. But there was a hint of curiosity as well.

"Are you a monster?"

Her voice was quiet. I raised my head to stare at her, before slowly nodding. Her trembled, raising the blanket to her mouth.

"Are you going to eat me?"

Her voice was even quieter. I quickly shook my head, making sure to keep my mouth closed.

"Do you want to be my friend?"

It was a genuine question. One that made my hearts leap. I nodded, ducking down. She grinned, her fear vanishing in place of joy. Moving fast she sprang at me, hugging my head. I reared back, surprised but pleased, before nuzzling into her.

"Polly, time to get up honey."

I heard someone shout. They were older, presumably a parent. I whirled around, letting my carapace change colour to match her pink carpet. It wasn't the best, but I was better suited to darkness and outdoors. Polly giggled, clinging onto me.

"Wow! You're magical!"

"Polly?"

As she was latched on, her door opened. A human man stood there, grey beginning to emerge from otherwise brown hair. He instantly realised I was there, as my camoflage was hindered by the limpet on my face.

"Polly! Get away from that, now!"

She looked over her shoulder, before hugging closer to me.

"Daddy, it's OK. Simba is a friend."

Simba? I practically melted as she gave me a name that wasn't Subject. Her father stared at us, and I let my carapace return to black.

"Honey, listen to me. I don't know what that thing is, but you have to get away, now!"

His voice was very reminiscent of those who gave me orders before. But he wasn't directing them at me. I could smell his own fear, directed at the fact I had his child attached to my face. I gently reached up, prying her off. His face paled, even as I put her down. I held up my hand, putting some distance between us.

"Daddy, Simba's nice! He's a monster, but he doesn't want to eat me. He's my friend."

She was pleading with her dad. I nodded, slowly standing. I couldn't reach full height, with the low ceiling, but I could tell he was even more concerned as I obviously didn't fit.

"What are you....?"

I shrugged, the answer difficult to convey without speech. He frowned, looking around.

"How did you even get in here?"

I blinked, not sure even how to begin. Polly reached up, motioning for my hand. I slowly reached down, letting her take it.

"It was magic Daddy! Can we keep him, pleaaaaaase?"

I was always told in school that penguins can't fly.