Recent comments in /f/WritingPrompts

hs1308 t1_ixmqt3e wrote

Started off great but you could have taken the story in a different direction.

The siren was delighted to have found someone who could resist her charm, which was a really good hook but eventually you still had her charm him. That was a bit off for me.

Sorry, but honest feedback.

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YOMGuitar t1_ixmojbz wrote

I couldn't help but giggle at the sailor as he swam towards my island. He was so eager to meet his doom, and I was more than happy to oblige. "Please," he begged as he reached the shore. "Stop. You're so bad at singing."

I put on my best pouty face and batted my eyelashes at him. "But why?" I asked in a high-pitched voice. "Don't you want to hear me sing?"

He shook his head adamantly. "No, no, no," he said pleadingly. "You're terrible!"

I pretended to be hurt by his words and lay down on the sand dramatically. But deep down, I was delighted that I had finally found someone who could resist my charms.

I cleared my throat and then began to sing in a deep, throaty voice. My song was filled with words of temptation, seduction, and desire. The sailor's eyes widened as I sang, and he backed away slowly. I could see that he was trying to fight against the urge to be lured by me—an effort which was eventually in vain.

As my song came to an end, the sailor found himself standing before me, completely under my spell. I smiled mischievously and slowly began to draw him closer with every wave that washed ashore. He was powerless against what I had done; he could no longer resist my charms.

And that is how I lured my first sailor to his death. But it certainly wouldn't be the last. With time and practice, I had become a master at my craft — an unbeatable siren with a song that none could ignore. My island would soon become overrun with willing sailors, all of them delivered to their watery graves by me, their irresistible siren. I had found my true power, and it was beautiful.

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Rupertfroggington t1_ixmm8ay wrote

Errol had been the first and final man to visit her on her rock-pool island in the uncharted sea. He’d been a handsome captain of an exploration vessel, and when her wailing had hit his ship like a vile storm, when mens’ ears bled and they begged for mercy, it had been Errol who’d tied cloth around each of their ears, dampening the terrible sound. It’d been Errol who’d rowed alone in a smaller vessel to find her.

To stop her.

Now, many years later, she watched this new vessel with interest, her mouth — for now — closed.

Although this ship was much larger than Errol’s had been, it wore the same livery and flags as Errol’s ship once had. Bore the same topless goddess carving as its figurehead.

​

​

Men and women screamed alike as the sea bubbled up around their ship. Babies wept in their mothers’ arms. The ship moaned, rocked. Lifted.

”Where’s the captain?” yelled Maria, struggling against the rolls of water that rushed through the inside of the ship.

Morgan, the dogsbody, pointed to the stairs, said, ”At the wheel. Not that it’s—“ Salt water sprayed against him, a wave threw him to the floorboards.

”Here, take my hand.” Maria helped the boy to his feet then made her way up the stairs, knuckles red as she gripped the bannister each time a wave battered against her.

”Captain!” she yelled, stumbling towards him like a drunk. “Captain!”

When the captain saw her, he took the rope from off his own waist and tied it around hers. “It’ll keep you from being washed away.”

“What’s happening?”

“I made a mistake. I shouldn’t have brought us this way. It’s where Errol vanished — I knew it as well as anyone. Better, even. This sea is cursed!”

”That was a century ago! It’s a legend, nothing more. And if you—”

Her mouth remained open but no words left.

The creature rose above them.

It blotched out the sun and shadowed the ship. Loomed over it like a tidal wave of scales and teeth.

A tentacle as thick as a tree crashed down on the deck near to them, splintering wood.

”God help us.”

-

Errol had landed on the pebble beach; she was sure he’d come to kill her. His head was wrapped by shawl and scarf.

Her singing was of no use.

She swiped at Errol with her clawed hands as he tried to clamber out of his boat.

”Please!” he said. “I come unarmed. I come with only peace in my heart.”

​

So long ago, she thought. She held a piece of cloth that had once covered Errol’s ears and watched as the Kraken rose above the latest ship.

-

A body lay next to Maria. A man — one of the few soliders on the transport vessel — lay crushed, chest flattened.

She untied the rope from her waist, then uncurled the dead man’s fist and took the spear from his hand.

”Maria, don’t be a fool!” yelled the captain.

She charged towards the tentacle wrapped around the mast, as it slowly cracked the wooden pole like a spine.

She shouted over her shoulder, “You have a better plan?”

He didn’t. He had no plan at all.

She thrust the spear through the scales and into the wet flesh.

The creature didn’t even flinch.

The mast snapped. Fell.

“Maria!”

-

Errol had stayed with her. His ship had sailed on without him, as he had instructed. He wasn’t sure how his plan would pan out — if he’d calm her or only enrage her further.

”Your singing,” he’d said. “It… It repels people. It hurts them.”

She had meant it to. It was the song of her heart. As tar-black as the depths of the sea.

She could not swim and had been stranded here as a child, a freak of gods and demons, on this lonely rock, to live off whatever washed up in the pools. To harbour hatred for all she was jealous of.

Here she had been for centuries.

It was her heart’s song. It was all she could sing.

And yet, she couldn’t bring herself to kill him. Not yet, at least.

She made Errol tell her of life outside of the island.

Eventually, she told him about life on it.

They fished together that night.

Cooked by fire.

Told stories of the stars.

Slowly, over many weeks, they became enchanted with each other’s quiter siren song.

-

The captain jumped at Maria and they tumbled to the floor as the mast collapsed.

Too slow. His left foot was caught, crushed. He lay trapped.

Maria had his hand, tried to free him as a tentacle rose above them.

”It’s okay,” he said. “We had a good run, didn’t we?”

”It’s not over.”

He smiled against the pain. They both knew it was.

​

And then came the sound.

A melody that seemed to rise from within each of them and make its way outward. But that wasn’t right; it was on the air, in the breeze and water. A melody so delicate and wondorous that it seemed written by the gods themselves.

The captain thought it was the song of cherubs who must be, even now, taking him beyond.

”The sound,” said Maria. “It’s like a harp being strummed in my heart. It’s beautiful.”

The tentacle, high in the air above them, slowly lowered, gently, back into the sea.

The creature itself rocked slowly as it settled and sank peacefully into the water, lulled into a deep, deep rest.

​

-

She watched the ship long after the Kraken slumbered, as the people on board repaired it the best they could.

She sang for them as the worked. All the while she held the precious rags to her chest.

Whether these people visited her after or sailed away, she didn’t mind. She didn’t feel lonely.

She was glad just to have sung the new song that possessed her heart.

1,562

HeartwarmingTroll t1_ixmk9xs wrote

I am so proud of myself.

Yet another day where I accomplished mission success. I watch the young man who is 20 years old at most slowly but steadily closing in to my small chunk of land in the midst of the vastness of the seas.

Seduced by my sheer will to make him obey he is willingly sacrificing his life. For me.

I am flattered. I feel so adorable. Another lover for eternity, collected inside of my beating heart. Hell yeah, I will get them all! As I keep dwelling in these thoughts of pure ecstasis, the sailor has now reached the bottom of the cliff. He desperately looks for a way to get up to me, his new godess of love, his new haven of safety. And safety he will get. The certainity that he will be a part of myself for eternity.

I am amused as I see the desperation in his eyes giving way to determination. This is what my song I am singing right now is doing to him. Taking away his free will. Making him MINE!

I sing him the most beautiful song of desire and freedom. My words are shifting his reality into a mere illusion of the thought of a better world, which I create for him with every beat of my heart.

Just a couple seconds left.

There we go....

I am getting ready....

"You finally made it, honey."

"Ma'am, I am sorry to disturb you, but would you please shut your mouth already? This is a public place and the people are getting annoyed by the sheer madness you are inducing onto them."

Wait.

WHAT?????

The illusion is gone.

I am sitting in my cell. Alone.

The walls are made of rubber.

The jacket that's keeping me warm at day and night is putting a squeeze on me.

Tears start pouring down my face.

"Who.. and what... am I?"

edit: phrasing

edit2: wow, I am flattered. 48 upvotes may not be much at first but.. I absolutely love the idea that I was able to make you guys read it until the ending - and you even enjoyed it <3 Pardon these grammar and occasional typing mistakes, english is not my first language :-)

Have a great day!

Sending love from germany <3

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Tricky_Appearance_66 t1_ixmj44s wrote

Yeah. She didn't expect there to be a child with him, and she likes killing people creatively, so death by train seemed like a cool idea. Sucks to be the kid I guess.

2

wannawritesometimes t1_ixmi75y wrote

Thanks so much! :-D

lol, I honestly considered going that route of having Reddit karma being the currency there. It could've been a funny alternative to have someone go to that afterlife and find out they're just surrounded by karma farming bots!

7

Tricky_Appearance_66 t1_ixmgz4n wrote

I stood back, admiring my creation. A motion-sensitive device, that shot anti-magic metal rope around the target. I would kill that damn detective, no matter what. Something always got in the way before, but now now. I hid around the corner, waiting. But when Detective Slaton arrived, he had... a child with him?!

A fucking child?! Who the hell does he think he is? Shit. Before I could even react, they activated the device's motion sensor, and the metal rope shot out, and wrapped around them so tightly that the both fell the the ground. Seeing that kid on the ground crying made me feel bad, a little bit. I turned the corner, showing myself to the detective.

"Slaton. I can't tell you in words how fucked up you have to be to bring a kid with you when you're trying to catch someone like me." I scolded, hands on my hips, giving him a disappointed look through my mask as he lie on the ground. He shrugged.

"Thought you'd have a change of heart." He said. This asshat tried to guilt trip me with a child? What an asshole. I crouched down to he more on his level.

"I'll cut you a deal. I let you two live, and in return, I give you my name. Fair?" I said, not wanting to have to kill a kid today. He thought for a moment.

He nodded.

"Fine, just don't hurt the kid." He said. I'm not going to give him my real name for my sake, but I'll give him fake one.

"My name is Suyeung Han. S-u-y-e-u-n-g H-a-n is how you spell it. I'm the Jericho Killer. You can call me by either name. But I'm going to leave now. And for your sake, I hope you make it out before the train comes. We're on a train track, after all." I said, walking away as they struggled to get out of their bindings, and as I left I could've sworn I heard the kid crying. That's for guilt tripping me.

Until next time, Detective Slaton.

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_foolishly OP t1_ixmgb4n wrote

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