[Start of recording]

"Hey," my roommate started.

"Yeah?" I replied. "Wait, you're off today?"

"Uh, about that, they're closed." he said, with a scared expression on his face.

You see, my roommate, Pedro, works at Waffle House, which only usually closes in emergancies.

There was a long pause, I think we were both thinking of reasons it would be closed.

Finally, Pedro decided to break the silence.

"Maybe it related to the category 1 hurricane about to make landfall?" he said, in a shakey voice.

"The what now?" I questioned.

"Didn't you get the alert on your phone?"

"No, I turned them off. The sound it makes is scary."

"You child." he said, kind of laughing.

"Excuse me? I am an 19 year old adult."

Then, I realized something.

"Wait, W.H. doesn't close unless its a cat 3 or above!" I exclaimed.

Then, Pedro got a message from his manager. 'Run'.

"Uh," Pedro said, he looked incredibly pale.

"Yeah?"

"My boss just texted me 'Run'." with the most worried expression.

"Oh, its fiiine!" I said. "You live in Florida now! Weather like this is practically the norm!"

"But-"

"Now help me find the damn remote so I can turn on the Weather Channel."

"Uh, okay." he said, but I could tell he wasn't convinced.

Then, Pedro got another text from his manager that read

> This is catastrophic. This "storm" is going to be the worst one the world has ever seen.

After reading the message to me, and nearly having a panic attck, I found the remote and turned to the Weather Channel on the TV.

"Hey, just because your boss said it would be bad, doesn't mean it will." I said, in an attempt to comfort Pedro.

"But everything hes ever said and all the predictions hes ever made were right!" he cried.

Then, the commercial break ended. It revealed massive damage. Its doing more damage than Hurricane Michael, a category 4 that hit 4 years prior, could ever do! Even storm shelters were taking heavy damage. Oh, and the road was flooded 2.4 feet.

Yet, somehow, it was still a cat 1, because of its short windspeed. Wait, now its a tropical depressed?

That is when I knew, its not the hurricane doing it. It was something else.

Something.. big. Something like tha- OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAMGJP7246gja4m-

[End of recording]

[removed]

“So… must thy have one self righteous vermin as I say it?”

The “human” snarls and whispers something unnatural under their breath. People nearby all hold their heads in pain besides the “humans” date who is currently reading his menu. The “human” noticing this regains their composure. Everybody continues eating as if nothing happen.

“Vile vermin, why must you tarnish my evening.”

“I will say it then.”

The Pigeon Smirks

“Tis only a child compared to such an ageless being… or should I say horror itself? Why accompany yourself with such a youth, Ageless Horror?”

The Pigeon chuckles to themselves while ruffling their feathers. The “Human” begins to heat up with a seething anger. The Pigeon is unaffected and still laughing. Just before the “Human”’s chair succumbs to the heat, they hear a voice directly in front of them. The “human”’s date puts the menu down and looks visibly alarmed.

“Um, Stacey?”

The “Stacey” perks straights up and smiles at their date.

“Uh… yes… dear?”

The “Stacey” looks visibly uncomfortable.

“Is it just me or is there’s a pigeon on your shoulder?”

The “Stacey” briefly panics before improvising a reply.

“Uh… lunch for later. Want to share?”

The “Stacey” smiles in a unflattering way. The Pigeon stops laughing and frowns. The date looks at The “Stacey” and warmly smiles.

“I’d like that, you’re sweet. You know that?”

The date picks up the Menu. The Pigeon gags.

“Thy make me want to vomit…”

The “Stacey” smirks at pigeon”

“You know nothing and will never know of the primal feeling and deep intrinsic pleasures of the earthly realm of “dat-thing”(Dating). Let it make you suffer for all eternity as your punishment for ruining my “dat’s” (date’s). Late evening reading.”

The pigeon flys over to the dates menu. The Pigeon returns to perch on The “Stacey” shoulder looking visibly confused.

“Why does the youth continue to read only the kids menu?”

The “Stacey” thinks and immediately frowns. They call over a waiter while packing their belongings.

“Possibility succumbing to madness.”

The date gets up and starts screaming in unspoken tongues.

“Definitely succumbing to madness. Dates over then. That was an… okay 1 minute and twenty seconds.”

The “Stacey” looks visibly bummed out. The Pigeon stops and thinks. The Pigeon halo’s appears on his head as soon as he gets and idea. The Pigeon turns into a beautiful blonde male human.

“So….”

The “Stacey” is already paying for their check and leaving. She gives one last look and says:

“Just… no dude… Won’t like, what, your dad will get mad?”

The “Stacey” laughs off in the distance while The Pigeon stands there dumbfounded in his human form while the whole restaurant begins succumbing to madness this date has ensued.

The end!

My family is super rich. I have seen all my aunts and uncles suffer with some addiction or other. When you have money to burn, no drug is off limits. I can tell you about my uncle, who put meth in his redbull and woke up naked in the gorilla enclosure. Or about my aunt who ate a whole pan of Magic Brownies to try to cure her munchies. She tried to rob the nearest gas station for all its twinkies. My dad was in the ICU for a month after drinking his weight in vodka.

Like I said, when your family is rich, what they do for fun is a little out there.

But I see in your eyes that you're already thinking that won't happen to me. I heard it all before. Cigarettes are legal. It's fine. It's safe. Blah blah blah.

I will give you $100,000 a month for the rest of your life as long as you don't smoke.

So. The money or your life?

Learning about Waffle House is kinda like being surprise attacked by American Culture. lol

[removed]

Haha, give me under an hour and I'll put up part 2, then we'll see if a part 3 is warranted. :)

Mergoloth held a knife to his own throat. With a trembling hand, he pressed the blade and swayed it, slicing his skin ever-so-slightly. Drops of blood slithered down his throat and dried at the seam between his neck and armor.

"Why?" he screamed at the top of his lungs, and the stone walls of the throne room wavered and cracked. "Why do you forbid my death?"

His expression shifted from hatred to repentance. He hauled the knife and collapsed to his knees. With a quick motion, he held a gloved hand to his heart and muttered, "This is a prayer to the Three Gods, Vilkor, Vanazar, and Vaeros. Forgive me for yearning for death even in its most disgusting, unworthy form. Forgive me. I will not succumb to my thoughts. I will ignore them. I will die an honorable death, not one that comes by my own hand. I will sit with you in the Brimming Halls. I will not be weak. I will not falter."

Mergoloth moved his hand from his heart to the stone floor. Then, he mumbled forgotten words under his breath and traced the names of the Three Gods across the stone.

"I pray this prayer reaches the Brimming Halls," he said and the names of the gods burst afire on the floor. "For I fear there is no one who can gift me a worthy death. For I fear my might has reached bounds no other being can reach. For I need guidance, temperance, and patience."

A sigh followed as he rose to his feet. On cue, the gates of the throne room grated open and a small, hunched figure stepped in and faced Mergoloth.

"You can speak," Mergoloth said.

"They're ready, Your Endlessness. They've killed Bamoth. Gruesome death, but a worthy one."

"Did they struggle?" His words came out with a hint of worry.

The servant nodded. "They struggled oceans, Your Endlessness. They barely survived."

Mergoloth stood in silence. The air grew heavy and tense. The walls trembled again and their fissures deepened the longer the words lacked.

"Your Endlessness?" the servant said, stepping backward.

Mergoloth drew a deep breath. "They are not ready. They are too weak. Bamoth, who was said to be the most powerful being roving the world, knelt the moment she felt my presence. I could have killed her with a single word."

"Yes, Your Endlessness, but the enemies are growing older and Bamoth was our most powerful minion. There's no one else we can send. They won't get stronger--"

"They are not ready!" Mergoloth shouted and the thundering roar of a collapsing palace followed.

A storm of boulders fell upon them. The servant was reduced to a pool of blood and crushed bone but Mergoloth remained unscathed, for every rock that touched him broke and turned into sand.

After the noises settled, he swung his hand in an upward motion, and the endless debris encompassing him disappeared into the sky. He walked then, and he did so for thirty days. Not a word was uttered throughout the journey, not a sound was heard.

Mergoloth came to a halt in front of three adventurers, who, upon seeing him, unsheathed their swords and surged towards him to commence a flurry of attacks that lasted for thirty more days. For the entirety of the bout, he remained stone-still against the battering of swords and spells. He never moved nor retaliated. He didn't even flinch.

But when exhaustion embraced the adventurers, he shed three silent tears. "You were my only hope. My one and only hope." His gaze strayed to the stars then, and with a shattered voice, he screamed, "Why are my prayers not heard? Why am I left without aid? I yearn to die a worthy death. I yearn to reach the Brimming Halls. I--I yearn to be gone. Why? Why?"

The adventurers attempted to escape as he spoke, but after ten steps, the cracking of bones thundered through the night. All of them collapsed like ragdolls to their death, for Mergoloth pulverized everything inside of them with a single word.

Mergoloth broke into laughter. His tears turned into plumes of smoke. "I understand now." He looked at the sky again. "Vilkor, Vanazar, Vaeros you hear me. You have always heard me. Every single word I spoke you heard and you ignored them, for I am your worst mistake." His grin widened. "And because of that, you fear me. For I can murder all of you. You fear me and so you hide from me in the Brimming Halls and fill my head with the importance of honor in death. There can not be honor in death, for death is the destination not the journey."

Mergoloth stopped to laugh a deranged laugh. "I see now. I see clearly." His extremities trembled with delight. "You may prohibit my entrance to the Brimming Halls, but I will tear the gates down with a word and devour each one of you across all eternities. You made me, and you made me only to bring me suffering. It is time for your punishment to come. It is time for you to suffer the suffering I felt.

"Tell me, what can a God do against a Mergoloth?"

With that, Mergoloth unsheathed the knife from his waist and sliced his throat.

-----------------------------

/r/AStoryToRuleThemAll

it's like those songs that folks sing of tales of old, like "Scarborough fair".

de ja vu i have seen that image before

Thank you for already being busy with parts 2 and 3, very appreciated!

So, you mean florida, u/impressivevideo3823?

While I know this is a joke about how waffle houses never close except in extreme scenarios, they are actually quite well known for having one of the best disaster recovery teams in the world. They are more often then not one of the quickest organizations to recover from any kind of disaster and really are a great indication of just how bad a scenario is likely to be. If the waffle house closes, GTFO.

[removed]

Awwwwh, it's so adorabubbleeee

Very sweet :)

Thank you for writing, I enjoyed this story.

Thank you for your stories. I enjoyed them.

The leaves were gently rustling in the breeze, the warm sunlight of dusk painting the sky a golden yellow. She sat on a park bench, shoulder to shoulder with her newest date, his arm wrapped around her, her palm enclosed in his. She snuggled close into him, sighing contentedly, watching as a flock of pigeons landed in front of her, scouring the ground for some evening snacks, perhaps...

Without notice, she felt an extradimensional weight press upon her being. Hurriedly, she shifted into the astral sight, where she saw a raw, searing ball of light nestled in the breast of a pigeon. Sensing her attention, the pigeon lifted its head, and fixed his monocular, unblinking gaze on her.

"Hello, unworldly abomination."

"Hello, self-righteous vermin. Come to steal my date?"

"Hardly. I'm here on official business. At this very moment, ten of my brethen have already snuck up on you, well positioned to deal a killing blow. I just thought it was courtesy to inform you, before we annihilate you and scatter your ashes to the winds. Any last words?"

"What-" She broadened her perceptions to conduct a quick scan of her surroundings.

"Ha! Made you look."

An involuntary scowl formed on her alien face, and with her many eyes she affixed a nasty glare at the pigeon.

"If you need some ideas for entertainment, go grab a mortal or two instead. Shoo. Stop invading my privacy."

The radiant pigeon stared back mutely, its rays still.

"Well, go on then. Go somewhere else, or I'm going to have to kick you."

"How about ... no?"

She glared harder at him, but inside she knew that it was utterly unreasonable to make such a request of him. He was assigned to watch and counter her, and duty-bound as he was, he would never, ever leave.

"..."

"You're so annoying."

It's dusk, and a couple still sits on the park bench, shoulder to shoulder, his arm wrapped around hers, her palm enclosed in his. Her other hand is stroking a common pigeon, its feathers as white as snow, its gaze somehow piercing.

The trappings of this mortal disguise does nothing in the way of true subterfuge, not for otherworldly beings such as them. She feels his essence under the soft downy feathers, feels the weight of years - oh how has it stretched their souls! Countless memories are summoned, unbidden, into her mind. No one asked them before assigning them to the roles of "unworldly abomination" and "self-righteous vermin", roles that could not be laid down, for fear of breaking the balance of the world. Yet they are real troupers, sworn to see through their story to the very end...

Tears fill her eyes without warning, and though she is still pampering the pigeon with rhythmic strokes, she is wracked with quiet sobs. Her lover looks on, concerned; he whispers to her promises that it will be all right, squeezes her hand in an effort to comfort her. He implores her to share her sorrows, so that he can take a share of her burden, but she shakes her head, and gives no answer.

The artist even has a scene of the eldritch horror confessing to said date: https://at.tumblr.com/mishacakes/701295212248629249/g5gkxmt87qii

Oh and here's the original post https://at.tumblr.com/mishacakes/700206963205849088/7p4bgtm79jx0

[removed]

If the point of this is to illustrate how hyperbolic DARE ads are you really nailed it.

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Paragraphs and dialogue breaks are very important.

If there was ever a word to describe Reinita, it would be "small." She didn't have much height to her despite being a full-grown woman and she didn't have much muscle or meat to her, either. As such, it was no surprise that on one of the busiest days of the year, she was bumped about the street until she ducked for cover in the nearest store she could find.

It was still packed, even if less so than outside; the musty air mixed with the humid sweat of the many patrons as they looked to and fro at the wares being offered. Reinita couldn't make out anybody's faces; she tried to calm her racing heart by attempting to steady her shaky breath. It felt like the world was closing in on her in a way she couldn't place.

Another person came into the store behind her and said something she failed to comprehend - they could have been speaking the same language as her, but for all she was concerned, it might as well have been word salad. She tried to escape out of their way, bumping into this person and that person unnoticed until she stumbled and fell to her knees, knocking onto the floor some of the stacked wares in the shop.

Reinita stared down at the various items beneath her, hands on the floor to keep her propped up. "Damn," she whispered.

A nasally voice called out to her, "You! What do you think you're doing!" She scrambled to pick up each of the items and put them back. The last item she was to pick up was a hammer, battered with its cloth wrapping about its shaft, tattered. She lifted it with surprising ease despite its size, such that it caught even her offguard.

The owner of the nasally voice made their way to her - a man covered wrinkles with skin like tanned leather, green eyes jaundiced. He held in his hand a carved wooden cane that supported him, as he stood upright as best he could. His lips parted as he revealed yellow-stained teeth, uneven and some sharper than others.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... I mean... I'll buy this, to make up for my clumsiness... please don't yell at me," Reinita rushed out, still holding the hammer in her hands.

"Buy it, eh?... you will pay twice. First, your name."

"Rei... nita..." she said unsurely.

"No, no, sweetie, your full name."

She questioned briefly if she should tell him her full name, but it was all she could do, if he didn't want her to pay for damaging the goods she had knocked over. "Reinita Agaufe."

"I see... and for your second payment, you will owe me a favor." When she opened her mouth to speak, the man countered, "Just a small favor, nothing really, a trifle. A use of your skills, and nothing more, sweetie."

Reinita held the hammer with one hand as she asked, "Skills?" She hadn't yet landed a job that she kept for more than three months, and she was starting to think there was nothing she was good at or good for.

"You'll see yet. And when you do... I'll come find you. Now, out."

Reinita stumbled out of the store and back onto the street, hammer in hand. She lifted it to look at it more carefully. "... what in the world am I supposed to do with this?" She had to take back her previous thought. She was pretty good at gathering random junk. Before she could contemplate the hammer any further, the crowd walking down the street pushed her along again, like a wave sweeping her away.