omg this is Fa-buuuu-lous!

Beautifully written!

INFO:

Firstly, how long did the two of you date prior to your engagement, and how much discussion did the two of you have regarding your eventual [undead] lives? Most relationship issues can be solved with clear and honest communication; whether to keep finances separate or combine them, whether or not to have/create offspring, whether to continue a monogamous relationship or allowing for additional vampire brides, etc, these topics should have been discussed thoroughly to determine whether your undead/life goals were truly compatible.

Secondly, what is the age gap between the two of you? Sometimes a marked difference in maturity levels can lead to conflict. Even amongst humans, May–December romances can be quite complicated due to generational differences, so I can only imagine the misunderstandings that must ensue in a 21st century–Pre Industrial era romance. With these generational difference there are oftentimes a great deal of misalignment in what each party assumes are "givens."

My advice would be to sit down and have an honest discussion now around relationship goals and how the two of you plan to spent either her remaining years or eternity together. Good luck.

Oh man, I could get behind that. In my mind, Doug is Ryan Reynolds.

I wouldn't go as far as telling she is using him but there clearly is some selfishness into basically telling him he'll have to live seeing her state deteriorate and one die and then continue his life as if everything was okay. But on the other hand, I guess that for a human immortality can be pretty terrifying at first glance. She'd have the same problem toward her entire family after all ! It seems like some kind of double edge situation.

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I wish I had an award to give you. I want this made into a movie.

That "fuck you bouquet" probably wouldnt exist without social media.

I mean. It would, but that moniker? Its reputation?

I was there on the day that tumblr thread went wild. So many other wonderful bouquets with very special meanings if you can find the original thread, I have long since lost that bookmark.

I applaud your use of it, my dude.

Challenge Mode: Impossible

NTA. How presumptuous of that… harlot to look upon the gift of vampirism and turn away! Does she understand how incredibly rare it is for us immortals to deign to add another to our number?! This is like telling someone they’ve won the lottery and having them say “Nah”. Not to mention the sheer selfishness! “Oh honey, I hope you understand, I just want you to stay young and hot forever while I age out of my looks, until I die and you have to remember me for the rest of your immortal existence!” I bet if you asked her for a prenup she’d also try to give you an ultimatum. She’s using you honey. The humans always do. I’d recommend leaving her and finding yourself a proper vampire woman.

Are you a fan of Brandon Sanderson? This has the feel of one of Hoid’s stories

Our ancestors had told stories of the stars, named the planets of our solar system after Gods and became assured that what lay beyond the black, abyssal void was Heaven. Maybe it was Heaven, but if it was then it had changed beyond recognition.

The Milky Way was home to trillions of aliens, differing cultures, technologies, and species. It was everything we dreamed it would be, it was everything we could have ever thought of. In our fledgling years dreaming of the stars, the stars dreamed back, but their dreams were cut short - now we know why.

All the information we've obtained is from what we recovered from a derelict monitoring station established just beyond our solar system. The station was a part of a small network, a series of outposts dedicated to keeping the galaxy a secret from Humanity. We now believe this was done to protect us.

Every planet, every drone, every light, starship and station had lost power a handful of decades ago. A strong, all-encompassing blast from a dying magnetar had reduced the entire galaxy back to the stone age. The advanced but now aging alien deflectors arranged around our solar system proved to be Humanity's saving grace.

According to the database of a long dead but recently rebooted alien computer, the galaxy, like Mankind in many aspects, was completely reliant on technology. Billions of dying, elderly aliens were on constant, permanent life support. Hundreds of thousands of shipping companies delivered vital goods to planets and stations that couldn't sustain themselves. Machines similar to our freezers on Earth kept food safe to consume, to store - but all of those completely necessary activities were stripped away in a terrifyingly fast yet slow process.

The magnetar blast swept through half of the galaxy within the first decade, billions would have their fate sealed with no ability to cook or store food - let alone procure medicine, water, or other necessities that could be otherwise received via the interstellar market. Hundreds of aliens living in luxury resort hotels would suffocate as life support systems were taken in the night.

The other half of the galaxy would face a slow, agonizing end as their technology was rendered absolutely inert. Humanity, hidden behind its weak yet stable alien deflector shields, would retain its ability to grow and prosper, and to uncover the fate of those who had protected us.

The aliens the public now calls, 'the Protectors,' were a race which had dedicated itself to protecting and uplifting primitive life. In a last ditch, purely altruistic, effort - the aliens had attempted to save Humanity. Now, we would try and return the favor.

Chaff pressed a button on his holopad, typing a period as he finished off the first new entry of his new journal. He gently laid the device on his desk, leaning to turn off his lamp. Light from an alien star streamed into his room as he grabbed his ID card and then his white helmet. A red cross adorned the top of the helm, with his red, white suit having, on his upper shoulder, the symbol of caduceus. Chaff adjusted the helmet, sparing time to take one last, long deep breath before he set foot on an alien world.

please write one. I wanna read some more gay stuff

A perennial problem of mine that takes multiple passes to fix, if I don't end up making it worse.

I'm glad you enjoyed it.

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“Absolutely not, I refuse. I will not be entertaining such frivolity, it’s beneath me.” He sneered as he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

The man was the picture of snobbery. His nose twitched in defiance as his white pressed shirt was tucked within his grey slacks. His feet sported the latest loafers, some foreign leather I probably couldn’t pronounce. His face had one of those fake tans you had to pay for, and it highlighted the point on his nose.

I bent over to stretch the back of my hamstrings before giving my shoelaces a quick tug. They needed to be snug, we’d be running after all. “Now, now Jeffrey, no need to get all uppity.”

Jeffrey’s face went a shade of red. I could tell he was in a stiff debate internally, deciding whether to tell me to shove my challenge someplace unpleasant.

“You know the law, Jeffrey. If you decline, I don’t just get a small piece of your fortune, I get the whole thing.” I flashed him a smug smile knowing he was trapped.

Out of all the rich jerks to challenge, Jeffrey was my guy. He was a bit different from the others. Despite being born into money, I remembered Jeffrey as a child filled with laughter and eyes that lacked any form of prejudice.

My friend.

He was in there, and I was going to get him out.

Jeffrey gave a resigned sigh, “Very well. I accept your challenge.”

“Excellent.” One last tug on my laces and I was ready to go.

“But before I begin…” he gestured around him. “…what are we doing here?”

I slapped my friend on the shoulder. “Jeffrey my good man, this is where the game is.”

His dubious eyes took in the rundown street. Trash littered the sides, and the houses that still stood were rundown and synonymous with the poverty that plagued the area. The street had several large potholes and cracks. It lacked sidewalks and streetlights, but thankfully the sun had a few hours left.

I glanced down at Jeffrey’s loafers before raising my eyebrows, “You sure you want to play in those?”

“Yes, yes. Let’s just get on with it.” He waved me off.

We stared at each other in silence, eyes locked. We both seemed afraid that if we should blink, the other would gain an insurmountable advantage. The silence stretched on and I felt a smile tug at my lips.

Then, the rest of the players arrived.

“Tag!” a small girl giggled. “You're it, Mr. Jeffrey!”

The crowd of kids and I bolted, and laughter rang through the empty streets.

I looked back at my friend and saw his smile, the same childlike one from long ago, and I knew I had won.

Thank you! Being interested in a part two is a great compliment, you made my day.

Thank you!

I set up my campfire as usual: six logs of wood and a lighter because who actually knew how to light a fire? Wake up people, it’s not 1450 anymore. I grumbled and waited for my fire to grow significantly. I liked being alone out here. It often became taxing to constantly be around incompetent beings and I thought it better when I was out here, alone. The thing is, I put on my tough act for so long that this time, with myself and my beliefs, was the only time I could really put down that mask.
The clearing where I light my fire each day is usually empty. The grass stretches out cleanly for miles and the stars glimmer brightly. Tonight, however, the stars are obscured and clouds conceal their glistening light. The clearing is still empty but a large pile of animal poop brings bile to my throat.
The fire has finally grown to a height that will do the job. I turn around and grab the food for tonight: mashed potatoes, a slab of meat, and some green beans. I arrange them on a plate, each sectioned off into its own clean area. Suddenly, I hear a gag from behind me and someone says, “You know, I would very much prefer my food un-burnt.” I whip my head around and see a silhouette walking toward me. A woman. Her legs are long and her muscles bulge out of the sides. Apart from this, I cannot tell much.
“Who- who are you?” I yell out to the shadow. A prank, I’m sure. Perhaps my brother found out and thought he’d get a laugh out of it.
“Leave me alone, Derek!” I say, trying to scare away my nuisance brother. I already know it’s not Derek.
“That isn’t of importance. I appreciate your sacrifice, Jasper, but it would be more appreciated if the food was less…” she paused. “How do I put this? Charred and well, ashy.”
I stared at her. What the heck? “I don’t go by that name,” I mutter. “And to my earlier question, who are you?”
She took a step closer. I could see who she was now. A white dress elegantly framed her muscular body. A gold belt wrapped around her waist, securing it in place. Her arms were muscular. She was striking. What was most intriguing was her shimmering pink eyes. I knew who she was. But I didn’t believe it. “Sorry, you go by ‘Joe’ now, correct?”
I scoffed. “Yeah. Look, lady, if you don’t mind, I’m busy and I'm not gonna donate to your charity so if you just scurry back along to your boyfriend who’s probably already married,” I make a pushing away motion with my hands, “that would be lovely.” She stares at me. “Give me that.” She takes the mashed potatoes, green beans, and meat. Just digs in. No fork. My mouth drops.
“That’s not for you,” I say laughing nervously. “It’s for-”
“The gods,” she replies, mouth full of food. Her hands go back to her mouth and shove in any crumbs that might have been left. “Very kind of you, these offerings.”
I just gawk at the woman. She steals this food that I’m offering to the gods, ignores my questions, and won’t stop talking about how it isn’t cooked right? “You know,” she says licking her fingers, “I’m a goddess. And something really cool that comes with it is I can hear your- this was delicious by the way, so much better un-burnt- thoughts.” She looks me up and down. “I can’t be coming down here every night because my brothers and sisters want some of these offerings too, and frankly they’re quite delicious when they aren’t blackened. I’m going to need you to find a way to get these to me without, you know…” she looks into the fire, disgusted. “I’m Eos, by the way.”
What. The actual. Freak. “Okay, ‘Eos”, how would you like me to deliver your meals? I don‘t suppose you use Seamless or Grubhub,” I shoot, sarcastically.
“No, I don’t in fact use those,” she says genuinely, “But I do have something else for you.” She opens her hand and gold sparkles begin to form a tiny tornado in her palm. It grows larger and larger until it takes the form of a shimmering delivery box. Eos blows on the box and all the glitter goes away. It’s… a cardboard box. Scrawled in pink crayon on the side are the words “Oddities and odds for your favorite gods”. She turns the box and on the other side is a smiley face, also written in pink crayon.
“You’re kidding me,” I say. “This is the end, I’m definitely hallucinating, going crazy, something.”
“Just put the food in here and it’ll send it right up to our home,” Eos says, grinning. “Look, I’ll try.” She leans down and grabs a brown leaf off the floor, placing it in the box. I lean over to look inside and the leaf shimmers away in a tornado of golden glitter. Not long after, a leaf lands on Eos’s head, and written on the leaf, again in pink crayon, are the words, “Stop it, Eos.”
“Not only am I going crazy, but apparently cults for kindergarteners exist now.”
“Try it tomorrow night,” Eos says.
She begins to walk away but I call after her, “And what if I don’t?”
She looks me up and down. “I will get my meat one way or another,” she says. “It doesn’t have to be a cow.”

I found the Emperor at the back of his study fingering through an unknown volume that he had plucked from the shelf. His deep cherry stained desk, carved three hundred years ago, still glinted candlelight across its scratched surface. Of all his majesty's royal halls and apartments whose grand ornamentation festooned the Great Palace, only this study betrayed a humble beginning. None now could remember when the Emperor's kin walked among the commonfolk.

"Godliness..."

I remained frozen. Rarely did the Emperor speak to his advisors, and much less directly so, even to those among the highest echelons of his council.

"Godliness, Ramsey... godliness in a man. Unquestionable only insofar as he be unassailable."

The Emperor's words took me by surprise and my tongue, as loose as he must know it to be in debate with the others, did not move.

"The Great Palace never saw a single year without an addition, you know. Of course you know." His eyes raised from the pages and sent an icy message to my own. "You know so much, Ramsey."

My heart sank and I looked to the floor, and cupped my hands tightly before my frock. Whatever I could do to submit and retreat; retreat from the Emperor, retreat from his presence. He knows.

"These grounds are measured in ages. Thousands of years and immeasurable expense. It is a city. Every turn reveals another incalculable structure. Soaring vaulted heights, to remind the people here of godliness. My godliness.

"The Empire began here, Ramsey. In this study. You did not know that, of this I am sure. From the time of my ancestor when this was a village and he a mere chieftain. And now, the Grand Palace. A symbol. But what symbol so vast and empty. A city of air and gold."

The Emperor slammed shut his tome, shocking my ears and giving me a visible start. He dropped it on the desk. He looked at me now, directly. Fury shone red in his eyes as he squared up not a meter from where I stood. I cowered in submission and untameable fear.

"Godliness in a man is preserved by the space around him. It is a buffer, like a protective cloud. It raises us, and paints us like gods at the height of grand murals. All else is below, separated from we who are untouchable and godly. My Empire. My holiness!"

Just then he lurched, and knocked me to the ground in a rage. I fell, but out of obedience rather than the force of his lunge.

The Emperor's royal garment tangled in his elbows, and he struggled briefly to right the knot.

"Folly! " he cried. "This Empire is built on the momentum of my standard's conquests. It is preserved by the space this palace has created." His voice broke, and he was heaving. Desperate.

"Never before has one come so close, Ramsey. But never has an Emperor known what must be done."

I couldn't manage even a word. The Emperor was on his knees now. An impossible vision of a man. A broken man.

"You see now, Ramsey? A year wasted planning an act so easy to undertake as it happens. You see what you must do, now? Here and now, Ramsey?"

Though my knees were buckling in terror, I managed to regain my feet. The Emperor stayed like a beggar before me. A small person in a small room.

I retrieved the heavy tome that had been dropped onto the cherry desk. A workable instrument for the task. The Emperor prepared this to be his fate, because the title of the book fit the occassion. "The Last Emperor", it read.

As I looked from the engraved golden letters back to the Emperor, I saw that the rage in him had been replaced by a subtle, knowing smile.

My own fate was sealed. But the Empire would change, forever.

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It shows :)

You ,as the best slinger in the county, are shocked as you engage in a dual with the foreign gun man, and instead of dying, he just shouts wildly everywhere with bad aim.

You have a six shooter with one bullet but an army of Confederates to get through to inact your revenge for your gang

I’m glad you like it! I enjoy hopeful stories!