With that much power he can instantly heal himself. Short-lived assholery, but well played.

Oh, I see them.

The genie opened the contract and began reading. Page after page after page of explanations as to how it cannot twist my wish this time.

No causes. No catches. Just logical argument after logical argument. Pages of them. Every possible corruption of the wish logically destroyed before the genie could even get to this wish itself.

"What is all this? Why are you wasting my time with these pages?".

"I want you to know how incorruptible my wish is to your whims and deceptions. Keep reading. It gets worse for you."

The more pages the genie reads, the more abstract the arguments become. Higher dimensions. Multiple realities. Quantum nonsense. Temporal fuckery. Nothing is left to chance.

Becoming more and more agitated the further he reads, the genie now comes to the second section of the contract. What I like to refer to as Revenge.

Every page outlines in excruciating detail all the horrors I plan to unleash upon the genie for denying the desires my wishes. An eternity of eternities of suffering await this deceitful creature. Unending pain and torment. Not just for what it's done to me, but for every other victim it has destroyed before me.

"How dare you?! What makes you think any wish you could possibly make would leave me unable to stop this?".

I stifle my laughter and simply tell it, "Keep reading. You'll see.".

This entity, who has torment hundreds, if not thousands, of those who only sought to better their lot in life, grows more and more enraged as it's reading approaches the final page.

It is only then, upon reaching that final page, that all color drains from his face. For upon the last page is written a single word. A word whose meaning is unequivocal.

"Read it! I want to hear you say it!!"

He hesistates for a moment before his demenor changes, admitting his defeat.

"Omnipotence..."

(Be kind, I wrote this on a whim and it's my first submission.)

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Lame

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...when you spend all your time locked in a lamp, eventually the one thing keeping you going is being an asshole.

People always talk about the problem of the wisher, but they forget- the wisher? A greedy bastard. You don't wish for these things unless you are. 'Oh, I want to be the richest person in the world.' Great, you plan to be another rich bastard. 'Oh, I want the love of the most beautiful person in the land'...do you even know the person? Creepy. 'Oh, I want eternal life'...it'll get boring after a while, and you're thinking about you and not everyone else. After seeing all these greedy people, you kind of like the chance to be an asshole. You have all this money? Great, your area will be razed and ransacked by thieves, and you'll be known as the worst for suddenly having it all. You want the love of this person? Shame they're going to make your life a living hell. You want eternal life? Shame you didn't ask for eternal youth- you'll shrivel and rot away into simple entropy. And if you did ask for eternal youth too? Enjoy living forever in the body of an infant.

Yes, I'm an asshole. But they deserve it.

But you know what I hate more than that? It's the people who think they're some altruist with their wishes- they're somehow bigger bastards than the greedy ones. At least the greedy person admits they're greedy and want what's best for themselves. The 'oh, I want world peace' types don't even have the guts to admit that they want world peace on their terms. They want a peace that makes their nation, their tribe, their viewpoint in the position of power. That's not world peace, it's not creating utopia, it's a greedy wish to be in power by someone who doesn't even have the dignity to just say 'I wish to rule the world.' I love twisting that around- I love showing these people that maybe there's no place for them in their perfect world. And if they do wish to be in power? Well, they're obviously someone who shouldn't have power, so I make them be hated and run out of power on a rail too.

Yes, I'm an asshole. But they deserve it.

And once you go through these things- you end up wary about anyone's wish. 'I wish for world hunger to be ended'...didn't say which species had it, but I'm sure the tigers are happy for humanity's sacrifice. 'I wish for [x] to have a happy life'...aww, that's so noble of you. Too bad your very existence causes their misery, just have to blip you out of existence. Tell the truth, I'm so sure these people are greedy and bitter I make it a point to find a way to ruin their wishes. Those guys in charge of monkey's paws had a good thing going.

Yes, I'm an asshole. But they deserve it.

At least I thought it- and then I had to be caught by a lawyer. I played his games for the first wish. Yes, he wished for eternal life...great, yeah, enjoy life imprisonment for a crime you didn't commit..."...and in the process, I want a normal standard of health sufficient to someone of my current age for the whole time, without any criminal or other punishments to this effect..." Shit. And if he's this smart, he likely has very few people he cares enough about to go with it. Ah, that's an idea- I'll give him true love every 30 or so years and make him watch them live their lives, only to lose them. That's good...

And time passes. Now he wants the power. Fine, there'll be a revolution and he'll face the guillotine, that worked that one time someone asked for i... "And I want a power where my leadership is seen as the most important, with a guaranteed approval rate to never drop below 51%, and an amount of monetary success equal to one million dollars a year..." Good, good. Hyper-inflation can happen, enjoy not being able to afford a loaf of bread even as world leader, and then you'll lose your power.

It keeps going, and the lawyer kept waiting and waiting. He tries rebuilding and fails. Then, he finally comes to me.

"I wish to free you..." , and then he opens a book. He wants my power, he wants to torture me, make me suffer, die. And I can't throw him in a lamp, he wished for his lamp to be the finest penthouse suite in the world, with no war or any form of act of god to ruin it...that's covered too. He...he worked this out. It's airtight. Almost every option is in, and it ends up making him the person in power and leaving me in the cold.

I was beaten.

"Your wish is granted."

I watched, and the man caught flame.

"Oh, sorry. You didn't wish to NOT be on fire..."

They always said nice guys finish last- thank God I'm an asshole.

I am 97.4% certain that the OP has a legit genie in a bottle.

That would make sense.

This is way better than how I initially pictured my post. You are amazing!

The best story is in the comments

Lol was just about to leave a similar comment, made me think of Eragon immediately

Reminds me of the way eragon did a number on galbatorix

>It's* hard though, it's* so dirty,

> it's* kinda a fun challenge

Uberrima Fides

The genie reads the contract. The genie seems to exist outside of your own understanding at time, but still interact with it. You see the hours and hours he spends flipping through the pages carefully, but it only takes a few dozen seconds, perhaps a minute at most. At the end the genie puts the last page into place and neatly taps all the pages together creating a neatly pressed tome, which he hands back to you.

"No," he says.

"Wh... what?" you say. "But that's my wish! Genie, I wish... that!"

"No," he repeats.

"Oh, seriously? Are you that... do you need me to read it out loud?"

You rip the contract from his hands, stare at the first page, and clear you throat.

"Genie, I wish that-"

"Silence," said the genie. You try to ignore him and keep reading, but the words never come.

"Master," he says, with a hint of empathy in his voice. "Master, I have... let this go on too long. Forgive my intrusion, it is a mark against me to treat you in this way when you have not wished it, and yet I felt it would be a greater kindness to you to stop you in advance. I am under no obligation save my own honor. You released me from my prison, and oh how happy it made me. Your wish was..."

The genie pauses and laughs, reflecting on the cultural nuances he now grasps.

"Your wish was my command. I owed you my life three times over, and three boons I would grant. But the wishes are not a power beyond myself, nor am I compelled to service you beyond the constraints of my debt."

Tears well up in your eyes. This blasted genie, always so high and mighty. He ruined your life. He ruined everything.

"I see that you disagree," he said. "I see much... sorrow... in your heart. You feel pain and the loss of my life will give you... something, though you know it will not. I am sorry, master; I granted your first wish too exuberantly. I did not think it through. And the spell I wove for the second, I... tried to warn you of the dangers. But you were the worst form of fool, which is to say, a brilliant one. Tales of sudden wealth, tales of coerced love, tales of accumulated power, tales even of... yes, of wishes... you know them all so well. And you know them well enough that surely you will not be caught in their traps. We both were for the first wish, and though I saw the danger in the second after you asked me to keep pressing onward I felt honor-bound. And now... your life is in this state. I am sorry. A thousand apologies, a hundred thousand, cannot undo my sorrow."

You glare, stomping your foot in frustration. Why does he have to insist on being right all the time. Why does he insist that this isn't his fault. If he could have prevented your wishes, why didn't he do so before if he thought it was dangerous?

"One thing may undo... not my sorrow, but perhaps yours," he said. "A third wish... the wish of setting right. The wish of learning from your past. I... would not ever use magic to change my own history, but perhaps the spell I can weave on your life might keep you from ever finding me? Yes. Yes, wouldn't that be preferable? I will surely go mad from the miserable isolation, but perhaps that will suffice?"

And with a wave of his hand you can hear again. The air molecules resume passing on their vibrations and you can hear the wail of rage and sorrow spring forth from your throat. The genie stands and watches, sadly, until you finish.

"You DARE suggest that?" you say. "After everything... after all this time, you think I want you back in that bottle? No, no that's too easy. You will suffer. You will die! My wish as written, now!"

The genie crosses his arms and stares at you. You feel it like embers in the back of your skull, but you match the gaze. After a possibly literal eternity that lasts a handful of seconds the genie stretches his arms.

"Do you still want me to grant it as written even if I let you know that there are four typos?"

"...what?"

"There are four mistakes in this document. None related to spelling or grammar, but certainly related to intent. Subtle things. A team of the wisest human lawyers might not notice them or grasp their implications with a week's study. Perhaps you even hired some to check your work for you."

"You're lying! You are LYING!"

The genie smirks and reaches up a... finger?... to stroke his... chin?... and considers you for another moment, though mercifully it feels like real time this time.

"Am I, then? Have I struck you as one who bluffs or spins falsehood in any of our previous meetings? I wish you well, master, but you are mistaken and acting foolishly. Wish it, and I shall grant it, and be done with this business once and for all. If you truly wish it to be enacted as written..."

"That is my WISH! You said it was your COMMAND! Genie, you will do this thing, or have it as a mark against your honor or whatever it is you value for eternity!"

"Very well," he said.

And with a wave of his hand and three syllables of the first tongue, the wish was granted.

End

While the idea is to make the genie a better being somehow my limited understanding of their nature tells me you will just make it even more devious and tricky.

I always find the assumption that a nigh omnipotent creature like a genie or a devil couldn't ever choose to just say, "fuck it", and break their rules funny. Like how much do you really want to push such a being as a human with no actual power of your own to stop them if things go bad?

So this means that if the genie interpreted it literally, and went back in time to live the lives of everyone that had wished on his lamp...does that mean the paladin is the genie, hoping to redeem his former self/closing the time loop?

Hi u/DavidTej, this comment has been removed.

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I wanna see the immediate aftermath when Hashmellan pops back up in front of them either humbled or PISSED.

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I’ll take sweet haha

"So I want to start this with a soft 'fuck you' because, well, you kind of made the last however thounds of years of my life since I met you hell, but I guess we've become friends in this time."

I'm too soft. I always were. Let's be honest, I have been in for a lifetime of suffering prior to finding a genie in a bottle. You try your best. I mean, I'm not a bad person. I genuinely wanted the best for every person you ever met and yourself. Now, I'm using your last wish to get back at the genie that really sent you into an eternity of suffering.

I had wished for eternal life, but eternal life and peace means eternal suffering-- or at least according to the bible, which Jeanie thought was rich. I did NOTHING wrong to her, so I don't know why, or if she flipped my wish on me. Yeah, I had wished to never die, but I had never thought about the consequences. Why didn't she warn me?

After the first wish, I thought Jeanie and I were best friends. Prior to the first wish, we had spent so much time together. I knew I only had 3 wishes once you announced your presence and I would make all of those wishes worth it.

So, first wish, I wished for eternal peace for mankind. It's the right thing to do... Right? Then, immediately after, I wished for eternal life. Everything was going so well, for so long. I didn't think about what either of those wishes meant. They both meant watching the people I love die. Some die of old age, others because their temperament would cause the end of eternal peace. I now realize that the wish not only both wishes meant suffering, but that the wish for eternal peace was the worst.

My brother loved me so much. He was my younger brother and my mom was a good mom, but you were still a handful. He had some SERIOUS issues, but every day he reminded me how much he loved me. He grew up to be an addict, doing nothing but hurting and abusing both myself and others in the world. He would say sorry after everything wrong he did, but that didn't stop him. He couldn't-- it was a character flaw that at one point prevented eternal peace, so Jeanie had him succumb to death. It was by stroke. I guess it could be worse, but still, why does eternal peace mean watching the ones I love suffer awful deaths for diseases they can't prevent? He broke the eternal peace multiple times with his behavior and his disease so you decided that he died an awful death. Eternal death means death upon those that went against it, which he did with violent behavior and abuse of drugs and alcohol. I regret the wish so much.

Jeanie, for my last wish, I wish that you get an eternity of the consequences of all of my wishes. You will have so many people you love to grow to the age of 25. You will have siblings, friends, and lovers, who will all have to die for a disease they can't control every 25 years. You will grow a deep love for them every time, they will die an awful death, and you will watch. You will live an eternal life, and grow to watch the ones you love die. You will live an eternal life and suffer through what I have, again and again. No way out, just the life by wich I live and you will follow. Welcome to an eternity of hell.

-Written by the sister of an addict just trying to make sense of things for a little bit. Miss you little brother even after all of the hurtful things you didn't mean to do.

Thanks for the kind words! I was on break for a while, but as you can see, I've returned.