Recent comments in /f/nottheonion
CEU17 t1_j5iw79g wrote
Reply to comment by midnightdiabetic in Girl asks police to run DNA test on Christmas cookie for evidence of Santa Claus by koavf
Or was convicted of a felony
InfanticideAquifer t1_j5ivjr8 wrote
Reply to comment by fatmand00 in Girl asks police to run DNA test on Christmas cookie for evidence of Santa Claus by koavf
Presumably against her parents? A match would be damning evidence of a conspiracy.
Effective-Elevator83 t1_j5iv6vm wrote
Reply to comment by Time-Opportunity-436 in ‘Cow Dung Protects From Atomic Radiation’, Says Local Court While Sentencing Youth to Life by chacko96
As long as we’re on the same page
Time-Opportunity-436 t1_j5iv595 wrote
Reply to comment by Effective-Elevator83 in ‘Cow Dung Protects From Atomic Radiation’, Says Local Court While Sentencing Youth to Life by chacko96
This is from USA
jimi15 t1_j5iv14y wrote
Reply to Gardener loses four fingers after the grenade he used as the key holder explodes by rocketboy44
And the darwin award goes to...
Nazamroth t1_j5iub1e wrote
Reply to comment by midnightdiabetic in Girl asks police to run DNA test on Christmas cookie for evidence of Santa Claus by koavf
If he is not in the system after those millions of break-ins, what is the police even there for?
therealsirlegend t1_j5itcj1 wrote
Reply to Gardener loses four fingers after the grenade he used as the key holder explodes by rocketboy44
He was lucky he didn't have his keys in his pocket at the time. Fingers might not have been all he lost...
mypeepeehardz t1_j5ismu3 wrote
Reply to comment by cbbuntz in Girl asks police to run DNA test on Christmas cookie for evidence of Santa Claus by koavf
Well, in science you need evidence before making an absolute conclusion, so i’d say bright future.
Avethle t1_j5iqtns wrote
Reply to comment by brownsfan760 in Girl asks police to run DNA test on Christmas cookie for evidence of Santa Claus by koavf
Why the fuck do people think that finding out Santa Claus isn't real means a "ruined" childhood. Like seriously, most cultures throughout history never had a Santa Claus. Hell, I wasn't raised believing in Santa Claus. You guys are weird.
mekatzer t1_j5iopr2 wrote
Reply to comment by Cat_Crap in The Fyre Festival fraudster is launching his latest thing, and it looks like a party on an island by Worldly_Pirate_9817
He might also be lying about the durations
Fausterion18 t1_j5iod3z wrote
Reply to comment by SB_90s in The Fyre Festival fraudster is launching his latest thing, and it looks like a party on an island by Worldly_Pirate_9817
He didn't get to keep the money lol.
swordswamp t1_j5in5i3 wrote
Reply to comment by swordswamp in Girl asks police to run DNA test on Christmas cookie for evidence of Santa Claus by koavf
I never got the DNA kit and the fingerprint kit was made for kids & cheap so I obviously could not gather the evidence I needed
swordswamp t1_j5in2a5 wrote
I remember asking Santa for a DNA kit & a fingerprint kit to see if Santa was real and I tried doing a bite analysis of the carrots with my dogs. Unfortunately I was too slow to take the carrots away from them in time...
Sikmagician t1_j5imgw3 wrote
Reply to comment by Kezzii96 in The Fyre Festival fraudster is launching his latest thing, and it looks like a party on an island by Worldly_Pirate_9817
Wait did this really happen
cerberus698 t1_j5im6gl wrote
Reply to The Fyre Festival fraudster is launching his latest thing, and it looks like a party on an island by Worldly_Pirate_9817
Billy must be so mad he missed the crypto bubble by a few months.
framsanon t1_j5im3z6 wrote
"The test results show, that Santa‘s your dad." "I knew it! I knew it all the time they couldn‘t be my parents! I‘m adopted!"
youjerkfaceyou t1_j5ilthe wrote
Reply to comment by phatassgato in Man Calls Police After Hearing A Woman Screaming In NYPD Precinct Parking Lot, Turns Out It Was Two Officers Having Sex by nimobo
Police unions are not unions.
sudomatrix t1_j5ilo1z wrote
Reply to comment by brownsfan760 in Girl asks police to run DNA test on Christmas cookie for evidence of Santa Claus by koavf
> “she never trusts the police after 8”
Don’t worry this one will sort itself out.
Askesis1017 t1_j5ijmn3 wrote
Reply to comment by Mitthrawnuruo in Man Calls Police After Hearing A Woman Screaming In NYPD Precinct Parking Lot, Turns Out It Was Two Officers Having Sex by nimobo
...disturbing the peace and public indecency, while at least one of them is cheating on their spouse.
[deleted] t1_j5ij2v5 wrote
twitch_delta_blues t1_j5iiq4s wrote
Reply to comment by humboldt77 in Girl asks police to run DNA test on Christmas cookie for evidence of Santa Claus by Pessimist2020
Well, I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus.
Chard069 t1_j5ii2nm wrote
Reply to comment by Ryimax in Girl asks police to run DNA test on Christmas cookie for evidence of Santa Claus by koavf
Would you be satisfied with a verdict of Satan Claus?
nothxshadow t1_j5ihy31 wrote
damn now how can they get out of this without crushing the dreams of thousands of kids? Say santa is real?
Bainshee t1_j5ix1vp wrote
Reply to comment by Avethle in Girl asks police to run DNA test on Christmas cookie for evidence of Santa Claus by koavf
Childhood ruined is a bit of an exaggeration, but a lot of the christmas magic is gone. You can't understand it if you never had it. I think you can compare it to being heartbroken after a break up. If you never loved someone before, you wouldn't get how it feels.