I had an annual trip with the guys. Someone would always bring a Pono mag. On the way home, we stick it in this guy's mailbox. Once a year, same mailbox. Always wondered what the effect was.

It’s like a Sandusky Steamroller, only a little less messy.

Before the physical assault, he assaulted me verbally and stated “my mother was a hampster and my father smelled of elderberry” 😭😭😭

So what's this "expert"'s agenda, in your opinion?

a tiny percentage might sublime into the air if the air is dry but yeah, almost all of it will just melt into the water supply. And the bit that sublimes falls as rain too eventually, same way almost all the water taken by trees transpires into the air to form clouds and fall as rain, often locally. These people are at it.

Well I guess it’s time to reanimate Paul Bunyan’s corpse and declare war on those water guzzlin, leaf havin, good fer nuthin trees!

Plot twist: She knows her dad is a serial killer, but also knows nobody will believe her - this is her way of turning him in by getting his DNA on file.

I wish someone did this to me. I'll put a little bell on my mailbox so I can get to it while it's still hot.

I noticed that it is "lost" too. Seems "unlikely".

I imagine it eventually melts and does the same thing as rain does: drips onto the ground. Right?

I find high intelligence and mental health or similar issues are two sides of the same coin.

" Expert" .. that word is now no longer valid.

Easy: Santa is illusive. You teach that DNA tests require a sample to match it to, so they'll hold onto her request, but unfortunately have to wait until they aquire a sample from Santa to match it to.

Now if she gets wise and says "ok, try to match it to a sample from my dad," that could get a bit trickier

i love how the tone of this reads like an unironic r/kidsarefuckingstupid moment. i just can't help but imagine seeing this info get delivered onto this poor little girl left in tears, i shouldn't be laughing.

this story treats it like it's a cute little aw kids moment but in reality this poor girl is questioning everything 😭 like, this logically has to be her last step. she would be thinking "ok, this would prove it!" but if she knows it would, she would may have already considered "but how can i be the only one to have tried this? if there's such debate about him being real...wouldnt they have already tried..?"

this isn't someone writing with hope of proof. this poor girl is writing for closure. she's about to bust into dad's room going "WHAT ELSE DAD, HUH? THE TOOTH FAIRY? JESUS? MICHAEL JACKSON? ARE YOU EVEN MY REAL DAD!?!"

"of course i am! honey it's just sant-"

"I GOT THE RESULTS BACK DAD. I SENT IN MINE TO COMPARE TO SEE IF IT WAS YOU OR SANTA, BUT YOUR DNA DIDNT MATCH MINE DAD!"

she wont get gifts from santa anymore, but she will get two christmas' from now on! 😭

edit 21 hours later : the police accepted the request for the DNA test. grab the popcorn. for the film rights, i want 10% of the film's profit on top of 50k upfront. the world needs this story, streaming services. have your people call my people.

Someone waived their right to remain silent.

Big sausage doesn’t care about the little guy. Just type porn into google. Half of it is videos where they can’t afford women!? Where’s that funding coming from!? Big sausage

Can confirm

it's a match to your mum and her boyfriend. sorry kid no evidence of your Dad/Santa

It's time for the talk.

The headline makes me think they intend to announce a "War on Trees" next

do they think the snow caught by branches just sublimes into the air or something?

Hard to be discrete with a screamer, just saying

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“Water production”

Mystery Meat Mailbox, sounds amazing!