Submitted by Such-Diet-2657 t3_zwv3r2 in personalfinance
TLDR: Married, 3 kids, 180k/year combined income before taxes. I have $0 in my account.
The title says it all. I am married with 3 kids. I am the sole manager of my family's finances. My wife hates looking at anything money related (bills, bank accounts, etc). She has severe depression and anxiety, and grew up never knowing if they would have money for food or to keep the lights on. So the moment she could, she gave me the responsibility of managing our finances and never looked back. If I start talking about budgeting, affordability, etc, she gets too anxious and we have to stop the conversation.
I won't pretend like this is any one person's fault. Through a series of shared bad finance decisions, we have landed in this predicament and I am not entirely sure how to get us out of it. All my accounts are dead in the water. Credit is maxed. I even took out a personal loan to try and get us back afloat and it didn't work. I spend my entire day with a knot of anxiety in my chest, terrified to open my bank account. I am constantly trying to find ways to cut expenses and save money, but it never seems to be enough. I end up "money hunting" (my term), aka returning purchases, selling things, anything I can to remedy this situation and put some money back in my account to keep us going.
And it isn't like we don't make a lot of money. Combined income close to 180k/year before taxes. But I somehow can't seem to start getting us caught up. Even if it seems like I start to make progress, something happens and I take a financial hit, and I'm back to scrambling. At this point, all I can do is keep trying. My kids rely on me, and I don't want to let them down.
I don't want money. Or donations. I want to be able to stand with pride and know that my finances are stable. Any advice is appreciated.