I(M27)know ultimatums are a no-go, but I won’t accept 3 people (F22/F21) in my marriage.

Submitted by throwrajigz t3_11enho1 in relationship_advice

On mobile. My fiancee and I have been together for 4 ½ years. We have a 1 year old daughter together and are supposed to get married this summer, but I’m thinking of calling it off because of how much she prioritizes her best friend. Before you think that this is me trying to control her, let me explain to you what’s been going on.

I love my fiancee and I love my family, but I wish she would cut off her friend—-for good. She’s done nothing but try to break us apart and cause issues in our relationship for almost the whole time. She single white females my fiancee and it’s seriously becoming too much. For years I wondered why she hated me, until I realized it’s because she’s in love with my fiancee. So why do I want them to stop being friends now after many years together? Because of recent events.

There was a dating app thing that occured where my pictures were used on a dating app to make it look like I had cheated on my girlfriend done by none other than her “friend”. Her mistake? Using a picture taken on my girlfriend’s phone that was only sent to her. She’s done some shitt stuff, but this was beyond shitty. I mean, this isn’t just some measly relationship with a fling, we are a family and we’re about to get married for crying out loud. And the things that we’re being said coming from “me”. Absolutely disgusting.. My fiancee realized that…for a while, but then she went right back to forgiving her. Well I don’t. I don’t forgive her friend and I no longer want her to be a part of our lives. She has wiggled her way in this relationship and I refuse to be in a relationship like this. Did I mention that she’s currently in our guest room while looking for a permanent place? My best interest lies with our daughter, and if co-parenting and moving on is how that will work, than so be it. So if I present an ultimatum, there’s 3 major possible outcomes. She cuts her off and grows to resent me, She doesn’t cut her off and I resent her, or she cuts her off and things are great…Something tells me that last one might be a little slim.

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the-mirrors-truth t1_jaf21ty wrote

So her "best friend" made this account and she what forgave or brushed it off? How does she accept this behavior?

I mean their continued relationship says a lot about how she feels about you but you could if you want to try tell her.

"Best friend" has done abc for x time, I'm no longer comfortable with her in our lives and what she is trying to do to us, for us a couple to continue i need xyz from you.

Before discussing this is her, speak to a lawyer and get your ducks in a row regarding your child

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throwrajigz OP t1_jaf2u7o wrote

She didn’t just brush it off. They stopped talking for about 2 months, but then they started talking again just recently.

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NotMyCircus170 t1_jaf25q2 wrote

I don’t think it’s time for an ultimatum yet. I think you need to sit down for a conversation (when things are going well and explain your POV. If she doesn’t listen to you or continues making excuses for her best friend I’d highly recommend you have pre-marital counseling with a professional or even a relationship counsellor given that your relationship is established.

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throwrajigz OP t1_jaf2q46 wrote

Oh we went through this the first time, and the 2nd time, and then the list goes on and on. We have talked about this several times, but this is officially the last straw for me.

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