I resent my 30M husband for not helping enough around the house but he work more than me 26F

Submitted by mcci12345 t3_11e1o7h in relationship_advice

I resent my 30M husband for not helping enough around the house but he work more than me 26F

I 27F work 50 hours a week in government office setting job. My husband 30M works as a firefighter and can work between 60-75 hour weeks. This is possible because he can sleep on station at night between call outs.

I don't know if my feelings are valid with household chores and labor. Because my husband works more, it is fair for me to do more chores. But what ends up happening is I end up doing everything on top of my own full time job and I am getting bitter about it. He says he helps out by folding the clothes and emptying the dishwasher every once in the while but I am the one who does grocery shopping, meal planning, vacuuming, cooking, cleaning and doing all household labor.

I feel like he should help me an even bit, but he refuses due to his hours BUT I work full time too, 50 hours a week.

To try make more things fair I made a weekly checklist with the idea of whoever is home they do the task. e.g. Monday clean kitchen, Tuesday clean bathrooms. I will be home everyday but he will be home somedays to help, however this has turned into "I did this and you didnt do that" and had caused further arguments.

I am not sure how to balance it, and don't know whats fair.

TLDR I work 50 hour weeks but husband works more so doesn't want to do as many household chores. I understand him but don't think it's fair on me

Edit: we have discussed both reducing hours (we both don't think we can afford it until end of next year), can't afford housekeeping.

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KarlmarxCEO t1_jabyz00 wrote

It depends. Are there any tasks that he does and you don't? For example fixing things around the house, cutting the grass, washing the cars etc. The reason I ask this is because he may feel that you're undervaluing the things he already does by asking him to do more.

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mcci12345 OP t1_jabzea2 wrote

I am one to contact body corp with issues for house - anything to fix around house I attempt first before asking him. Don't have a garden. I wash the cars exterior and interior, and take them for maintenance. . I do get frustrated with what he does do e.g. clean toliet and not clean under seat, mop floors but not empty bucket, so I ask him to do more but feel like it's to do the bare basics

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KarlmarxCEO t1_jadfvau wrote

Then it sounds like its fair for you to feel frustrated.

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bleep-bloop-meep t1_jacodro wrote

You both work over 100+ hrs a week and still can't afford housekeeping? Sounds like you guys aren't compensated very well.

How about hiring housekeeping for just sundays or saturdays? At least save the deep cleaning of bathrooms and stuff for this whole day.

Not sure if you have kids. If you don't, instead of frequent grocery trips how about ordering planned meals like hello fresh? With inflation now adays it's surprising how not much pricier these kinds of meals are compared to normal groceries. Will also probably cut your dishes by half as many of the products come prepped and ready to cook.

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