Submitted by eagle3546 t3_10ruqvz in relationship_advice
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33(m) with 32(f) - together 9 years. Married 5 years.
I'm in a position where I may take a new job that would likely come with a salary increase. Finding a different job has been a slight stressor for me as its been hard to find a new one. I like my current job, but its a deadend for my career and isn't technically permanent, though there is some job security as its on a very long project (were on year 14 with no end in site). SO I'm not dying to leave, and not dying to stay. The pay has allowed me to be selective about what job I take next.
Im about to be offered a new role with harder work, more stress, and demands, and I am losing my ability to work from home. However, the work will be interesting and will be better for my career.
My wife has wanted to cut back how many days she works and in the past we determined it wouldn't be a good idea. Our financial situation is decent but not great. We have some larger bills that could be paid off and haven't been paying about $800/mo in student loans due to the pandemic. So that bill is coming.
Now that I want to take this job she wants to cut back because her job gives her anxiety. Were also planning to have a kid in about 2 years if everything goes smoothly and I really want to save for this. Shes told me she wants to work still when we have a kid but I honestly don't believe her. All she does is complain about working now and wants to cut back without a kid Id imagine she wont want to work when we have a kid and if I can make that happen that would be great. Im just not crazy about the idea of cutting back now when we don't have a kid and could be saving.
From a financial perspective, the thought of her cutting back is taking the wind out of my sails because Id be taking a harder job only for us to be in the same situation financially and for her to work less. I feel like I'm getting shafted (I recognize this is selfish of me too - I wish I didn't feel this way). Although it would likely benefit my career....but more in the long run.
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Thoughts? Thank you
Edit - I should note when we bought our house 4 years ago I told her we’d need two full incomes to afford it. She was cool with that 4 years ago. Now she floats getting rid of house since she wants to work less if it’ll make things easier on us.
2nd edit - a lot of comments are disappearing after I see the notification and I don't know why. So if I ignore a question this might be why. sorry.
3rd edit - her anxiety is def real from her job. Also should note my parents were far from well off growing up. Money was a big stressor for my parents until I went to college. I don’t want to do that again, especially with any kids I have
4th edit - don’t focus on student loans. Those are already addressed the most optimal way with an adviser.