Submitted by ThrowRAcourtsson t3_10rxxvh in relationship_advice
The courts said I would have to share custody with my S abuser for my son (who coerced me into having him), so I gave up my rights. But now my family won’t speak to me.
The courts said I would have to share custody with my S abser for my son (who coerced me into having him), so I gave up my rights. But now my family won’t speak to me.
They’ve also been spreading rumours about me abandoning him. I love my son. But I know the situation the courts were suggesting would have weighed so heavily on my mental health that I wouldn’t have been a good mother to him. The idea of our son learning any of his mannerisms too, shook me to the core.
Apparently courts do this, thinking it will benefit the child to have both parents even if the father abused the mother…apparently so long as it isn’t the child itself it’s not unusual. I wish I’d known that before involved myself. It was something I hadn’t discussed with my lawyer but I realized in court, I could have live happily with my son, but I couldn’t live with that man in my life ever again. So I just relinquished all rights, almost on the spot. Everyone tried to ‘reason’ with me but it was just a pointless argument.
I just feel like this whole world failed me. I think I could have been a good mother if it hadn’t. My friends agree, and think I made the right choice, but my family doesn’t. I think they’re planning on trying for grandparents rights or something, but if they do I’ll be cutting off all contact with them. I hope they do, but I just can’t involved.
How do you restart again after this? My ex has called me from separate numbers and asked me to come see my son, I can only think my family is giving them too him. It’s making me resent hearing about him because he’s only being used against me. And I never resented him through any of this before.
I’m staying with a friend but my family is harassing them and I feel like such a burden.
How to you start a new life and make new relationships? I think I need to move and cut everyone out of my life, but I also don’t want to be ungrateful to the friends who have stood by me. I have enough money saved since I worked until I went into labour and had been saving for my son an I, but it’s just me now. So I can leave. I just don’t know how to start a new relationships somewhere else.
And before anyone asks, yes, I was in therapy for the abuse. She recently went on sabbatical with her own family emergency but I didn’t like the male therapist who’s number she’s given.
Thank you
Edit: I think going to leave now. I appreciate everyone's kindness and suggestions. I've taken a number of the to heart.
As for everyone who feels so strongly and thinks I am the worst person. I suggest you take that energy to the court system to protest. This is not uncommon. It destroys many women's lives, and children's too. If you think this is a bad situation, and you think it should change. All I can say is, I agree, and I would have chosen any end but this one of I thought for a moment I'd have survived it, and that it wouldn't have ended the same way.
If you think it's wrong. You're right. It is. Maybe put some of you're anger at me and you reddit-time in to working to fix it.
Thank you for the kind people here. Sending love and hope.
I want to add one more thing, I've not a huge reddit user in general and I don't think I will continue but I thought I'd make this for anyone who wants to join and share their stories of how the court have failed because there are so many of you. r/custodywithabusers
Thank you all again. And again I with you all the best.