Submitted by ThrowRAClammy t3_10sixo1 in relationship_advice
Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/10qvvwo/my_gf_f25_of_4_years_and_i_m24_both_tested/
Well, I now know how I got Chlamydia.
I got a lot more comments than I expected on my previous post, most of them saying I should snap out of the delusion. But also some alternative suggestions of how it might have happened.
People suggested that she might've lied about me being her first. At first I didn't think this could be it as we are both very feminist (and progressive generally) so it didn't feel like something she'd lie about. We are not religious either. But who knows, we had only known each other for about a year when we got together and maybe she got freaked out? (Some people also suggested she might not see oral as losing virginity, but we both do).
The other possibility that seemed likely was that she had been sexually assaulted and either don't remember or didn't want to tell me.
Anyway, after work I stopped by a youth clinic and did a new test just to make sure, as someone suggested. When I got home I spent the evening trying to figure out how best to ask her about these possibilities. I'm either suggesting she might've lied to me or possibly bringing up trauma, so I wanted to make sure I did it in the best way possible. But I won't have to worry about that anymore.
Reveal here: Luckily she hasn't been sexually assaulted and unfortunately she didn't lie to me about being a virgin. The morning my last post I was eating breakfast and watching YouTube on our shared iPad like I usually do. I remembered that the iPad is logged into her Snap account. Just to make sure, I checked. If she's cheating, surely Snap would be where she's talking to this guy right? Didn't see any unfamiliar names, I did however see that she had an unread message from my best friends GF (F23). I don't know why but I checked it: "Gonna get tested today".
At first I thought that they had just discussed it (they are friends after all) and she had decided to get tested as well. But, I scrolled up and saw the conversation they had yesterday and well... I got cheated on.
My GF woke up ~5 minutes later and immediately asked me what was wrong. She said I looked pale. I sincerely apologized (going through her private messages is not okay after all) and told her what I had seen. She came clean immediately.
My best friends GF had only ever been with men, and my GF had only ever been with me. Apparently, they were both questioning if they were bi. So, while my best friend (M24) and I were at they gym they were hanging out at my best friend's place (like they usually do). That day the curiosity got the best of them and they had sex. This was last year and she assures me it hasn't happened since and won't happen again.
I'm not really sure how to feel right now. I always imagined that if I got cheated on I'd feel crushed but I'm surprisingly neutral over it all. I don't know. My biggest worry right now is how I'm gonna tell my best friend about it. They've been together for almost 2 years and his new years resolution this year was to propose to her. He's gonna be crushed and I hate to think about it. We're going to the gym after work today so I'll tell him then. Just need to figure out how.
One question I got a lot and I want to answer is why I got tested in the first place if I was asymptomatic. The reason I was doing a check-up is kind off embarrassing but I had noticed an unfamiliar lump on one of my testicles and just wanted to make sure it wasn't cancer or something. When done with the check-up the nurse told me everything seemed fine and then asked if I wanted to do a urine test for Chlamydia. I don't know if it's standard procedure or if she just thought "might as well do it".