Submitted by ThrowRAburnthehouse t3_10xw7uj in relationship_advice
My husband has ptsd (no not from the military) and for the last 6 years he has helped less and less at home.
I am the one who does almost everything at home. Apart from my husband sometimes loading and emptying the dishwasher and taking out the trash. But I'm the one who does the laundry, vacuums, cleans up (also after him), cleans the bathroom, shops, cooks, cleans the oven, washes the floor, etc. I'm also the one who does most of the mental load, and even though we don't have any children (thank God), there are still holidays to plan, shopping, birthdays and so on.
I have a demanding job, long hours, lots of responsibilities but it is amazing and I'm doing what I like and I help make the world a better place by doing it! And it also pays unreasonably well. I am from a working class background, an I have never had money like this before. I also have some amazing friends, and I like partying, travel, concerts and other fun stuff with them. It gives me energy to be with my friends.
My Husband is looking for work at the moment.
The problem is - I am burned out. I feel the house work is dragging me down, and I feel ashamed I cant keep our home nice. I feel conflicted whenever I stay late at work or go out with my friends because it means no one is going to cook, clean, wash the cloth and all the boring stuff. My husband don't want me to hire a maid, because he don't want strangers in the house. PTSD and all - that's fair.
But I need my husband to pull some more off the load.
He has three arguments for not cleaning:
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"I can't because I don't have energy. And I need clear instructions on what to do if I'm not going to feel burned out by doing it".
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"I don't like our apartment, and we have to move at some point anyway, so maintaining it is not important to me. "
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"We have different standards for cleaning. There is no need to vacuum every two weeks. We do not need to eat homecooked meals four times a week, so what if my plate have been by the computer for 5 days "
How do I make him understand, that it is not unreasonable, that he has to clean? And it is not something he does for me, it is something he has to do because he is a human being person, and every person in the world needs to clean, cook and wash the cloth at least some times?