Submitted by throwraaway2587 t3_10ytgly in relationship_advice

how do I (F28) tell my husband (M33) that I want a divorce?

I'm miserable. So so miserable. We used to be really happy, and like each other. Since our daughter was born, everything has changed. She's almost a year old, and he's yet to do anything to help with her. He sleeps in a different room to me (and the baby, she's still in my room) so he's never done a night feed, or rocked her back to sleep, or anything like that. He doesn't sort her meals, her bottles, he doesn't do laundry or clean the house, he sits on his ass constantly and just plays on his phone. No matter how much I say I need help with every day things, he always says he'll change but doesn't. We argue every single day. He's self employed, works constantly and still brings home hardly anything. What he does earn, he takes for petrol in the car, vaping and tattoos. This has been on going for years, he has a job for a bit then gets fired and doesn't do anything for a while until he goes to the next thing. For 6 years I've single handedly been financially responsible for every single thing. All the bills, the rent, etc is all down to me. We're in a lot of debt, and I pay my own as well as his too. And obviously now we have a child, I'm also doing all the parenting. I do 99% of her care, and he maybe gives her a bottle once every so often. His patience is awful, and his attitude is worse. He constantly believes I'm cheating, If I'm on my phone he wants to know exactly who I'm texting and what we're talking about. It isn't because he's interested it's because he thinks it's someone else. I want to divorce, and be free I'm already doing everything alone so it makes no difference. I feel like I'm trapped though, he has no where else to go if I ask him to move out, he can't afford to get a place of his own. The house we live in is owned by my father, ànd every bill etc is in my name so I'm not leaving. Doesn't matter what we say he thinks we're happy. He can't take the hint I'm miserable and wish he'd go away. Despite it all I want him to be okay moving forward, and I'm worried about hurting his feelings saying I'm done. I'm worried about custody, and his family (who don't like me anyway) and the impact of that too. I'm worried the opinions of everyone else with this. And I don't even know how to say I'm done. I've been trying for 6 months to tell him but he says he'll change and things will be different. I don't know how to do it but I know I need to.

I'm sorry this is a lot of rambling, just feel like I'm at breaking point with life in general. Mental health isn't great, and I need to escape. I don't want to keep trying to make this work when I don't feel anything towards him but resentment

Edit: in response to the constant "why did you have a kid with him" comments, because I'm obviously an idiot and I've ruined her life already by dragging her through this. I don't need the reminders that I'm a shit mother, I'm already aware. I'm trying my best for her and she's always first. I'd have started this process months ago but I'm afraid of him alright?

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