Submitted by Reaper27900 t3_10zef1h in relationship_advice
So last night I (M32) was in bed with my fiancee (F29) we have been together for 6 years and have a son and we normally would play around a bit and sometimes she gets a bit out of hand and it get a bit aggressive on her part. Where she would start trying to grab me by the balls or try putting her fingers up my ass (over the clothes) just to mess with me.
Normally it's fine and a bit annoying but it's just how she is. but last night, When I was in bed trying to go asleep she came up the stairs and got into bed behind me.( I go to bed earlier then her because im up earlier for work) i was turned around she came behind me and tried getting me to turn around to cuddle her. I was near asleep so I didn't. Then she started the playing messing tiggeling, poking and pinching. And when that didn't work she grabbed me by the boxers and just started pulling them up my ass very forcefully to the point it really hurt. So I said stop a couple of times and readjusted myself. Then it just kept escalating and getting more painful. I kept saying stop and at some point I started crying. Then I could hear my boxers start ripping and it hurt really bad. Eventually it hurt so much that I stood up out of the bed and started shouting for her to stop and why is she tormenting me. To which she just turned around and ignored me.
I stayed up for a couple of hours after to make sure she was asleep before I went to sleep and cried a little more. The next morning I was trying to poo and it just hurt I realised that she pulled so hard the she actually cut me on my ring and it was bleeding a fair bit.
I sat her down when I got home from work and nearly in tears I told her how much she hurt me and its getting pretty regular that she gets out of hand play messing and I see what she did last night as the worst thing she's ever done to me. And I view it as sexual assault. She listened for a bit and said I was right about everything and I had a point but she's very upset I called it sexual assault as that's a terrible thing to accuse her of.
I said I view sexual assault as any unwanted physical attention to a private area especially when painful and I said stop multiple times and I just feel so violated after it.
I know in the grand scale of things it was pretty low on the list of things that are called sexual assault but I still feel so demeaned and violated.
I hope no one that has been a victim of sexual assault is offended by my statement I know that there are many worse forms of it. But I feel like she thinks because I'm a man it's not valid.
But I don't know what to do, I know she doesn't want to hurt me she's just really strong and it gets a bit out of hand. But I feel how I feel.
Any answers or advice is welcome.