Submitted by ThrowRA20233210 t3_11251zi in relationship_advice
Background: I asked my bf if we could start going on more dates together. Over the past months, I’ve felt like he’s stopped planning anything for us. I can’t remember the last time we went out for dinner or he surprised me. Things have been feeling stagnant.
So I suggested things like a painting or cooking class, spa day etc. He seemed uninterested in what I was saying and said he can’t really afford any of those options. I do understand that as he’s a full time student atm. But then he suggested he take me to get a wax (Brazilian).
At first I laughed it off and said ‘when you do!’. But I was genuinely upset at the comment. He later told me he was ‘just joking’. (For context, I do trim a couple of times a week).
Now he’s been annoyed and stand offish since I brought the date ideas up. He said he doesn’t like being told what to do, that things should happen “organically” and he feels he’s not enough. I’ve tried to explain this is my love language and the dates don’t have to be expensive. He responded that he took me for “burgers” 3 months ago and that was him making an effort.
I feel uncomfortable that he commented on my body like this. I feel like I’m asking too much of him. How do I get him to understand that I value and need quality time in a relationship?
TL;DR - My boyfriend suggested he take me to a wax place to get a Brazilian as a ‘date’ suggestion