Submitted by ThrowRaashes7382 t3_113ut7f in relationship_advice
I’m 25f. My daughter was born sleeping and even though it was 3 years ago, it has always looked in the back of my mind as the worst day of my life. My ex (let’s call him M), was unsupportive of me my entire pregnancy. He would constantly tell me how he wasn’t ready and didn’t want to be a dad. He begged me to give her up. As soon as we found out she was born sleeping he immediately started acting like he had always wanted to be a father.
Just soaking up all the attention he got from having a deceased daughter. I saw right through it all of course. Our relationship gradually got worse and worse until I couldn’t take it anymore. The house was a mess and he was using our daughters death as an excuse for everything.
Why didnt he have a job? “Yknow how it’s been since she died. I can’t work”.
Can he please take the trash out? “Sorry I keep getting flashbacks of Lily. Not gonna do it.”
It got to the point where he started blaming Lilys death for his abhorrent behavior towards me. He’d yell and scream at me for the smallest things and then say that it’s just because he’s grieving. As if I wasn’t also grieving and yet still working to support the both of us. I finally broke up with him last year and it was a horrible ordeal. It was so stressful trying to get him out of the apartment that I didn’t even notice he had taken the urn with Lilys ashes in it until a few days later.
Of course I frantically called and texted him, asking if he moved it. He finally got back to me and said “She’s my daughter, she’s gonna be with me”.
I yelled at him so bad on the phone. I shouldn’t have but it was too much emotion to deal with. I told him that he was a a terrible father and he never even wanted our daughter. And you know what? He just laughed and said I was too crazy to have been a mother anyways. He’s since blocked me and every attempt to reach out to his family to get her back has failed. He moved to an entirely different state.
Maybe I am crazy. But I know one thing. Lily was truly loved by me. Even if she’s not with me physically, I’m sure she knows who actually loved her.
I can’t help but worry about the conditions that my ex is keeping her in though. She’s probably in a box collecting dust and it tears me up inside every day. I miss my daughter so much and I can’t tell you how much I cried wishing I could have her back.
Is there anything I can do?? Should I apologize and pretend to be nice so I can get her back?