Submitted by ThrowRAshallowhelp t3_113vx0r in relationship_advice
My husband and I have been married/together for around 10 years. TA for obvious reasons. I know I might get ripped to shreds but I'm honestly, really looking for help before it impacts our relationship further. I feel awful but I just can't help it.
TLDR: I'm losing attraction to my husband due to weight gain and don't know how to fix it.
I'll start by saying I know I have issues with body image, bordering on distorted sort of deal with myself so I know this plays into it, but im also worried about his health. I'm absolutely in love with my husband who is a wonderful person and there is 0% chance I'll leave him because of this.
I've always been attracted to 'skinny guys', which my husband was. The classic 'eat whatever you want and won't gain weight'. Only with Covid, working from home, etc he has continued to gain weight. Honestly when he's fully clothed I'm still very attracted to him. I know this makes me sound terrible but it's when he's shirtless that I feel myself lose a lot/all attraction to him. When his stomach touches mine when we are 'intimate' (which it never used to do) it is an instant turn off no matter how hard I try to ignore it which means we haven't been as intimate as we'd both like lately.
I know he's a bit self-conscious about this but he won't do anything to fix it, shoots down my attempts to eat healthier/smaller portions, exercise more, etc. I've tried to bring up that I'm worried about his weight gain in such a 'short' amount of time but nothing comes of it. It's been a year and I've been trying to get over it, but I just can't and it's getting worse. Husband refuses the idea of couples therapy. Thanks for any and all help, suggestions, or if anyone has dealt with something similar.
Edit: when I said couples therapy, it was just simply my assumption that someone would suggest it based on other posts. He won't see a therapist, even though, for reasons entirely unrelated to this or in the past, he probably should. I'm literally here seeking help, and so many of you have been helpful, blunt, or both - and that's fine. I struggle with having difficult conversations and maybe too much 'bluntness' myself (which i cant be in this convo) and after a year of trying to have this convo and not - i really appreciate all the true suggestions. It might shock some people below calling for me to leave him after a sudden and severe weight gain combined with my own issues, but after 10 years of loving someone - there will probably be a difficult conversation or two. I'm thankful to the reddiors that are helping me have it.