Submitted by ThrowRA_wanttodie t3_1173fec in relationship_advice
We have been married for 10 years and have 3 kids.
About 2 years ago, she told me that she didn't want to only be a mom and took a hobby. I have been depressed since lockdown but encouraged her to do so, it was a one evening per week commitment.
This last year, her hobby took more importance, and she goes there 2 times a week, plus 3-4 saturday or sunday per year for competition.
She started losing weight and i could feel that she loved her new self. Being depressed and stuck at home 2 times a week to take care of the kids while she was having fun, i started to resent her.
Last week, she handed me a note (we both are not the talkative type), saying that she loved me very much, loved our family and the home we built but that she wasn't in love anymore. She didn't know where to go from there but wanted to talk.
It came out of nowhere for me and i felt the ground fall under my feet.
Being in a bad state of mind, i took that as an opportunity. I apologised and started to help more at home. I love her with all my heart and want to better myself to keep her, i'm deeply motivated to get out of that depression (it's so fucking hard), want to get couple counseling (she agreed) and have some time together (which we haven't had for a looong while). I just wish that it will be enough to rekindle something in her.
But then things started to get worse. The shock threw me in a very talkative mood, we go to bed at the same time and talk on the bed (i mostly do). She then told me that this questionning started for her in april 2022 when she started having feelings for someone. She assured me it is not the case anymore. Later, she confessed they kissed. I wanted to know who it was but she refused to tell me.
I then did something i shouldn't have, i checked her messages. I trust her, i just wanted to know who it was.
I found the guy, the really cut contact and i truly believe there is nothing between them anymore.
But then i found another one. He is married. They started seeing each other in November, he came to eat with her at noon, after her hobby the met up at least once in his car, to hide from the others. I don't know for sure how far they went.
On monday she texted him, she told him things i crave for and at the same time they both agreed to stop seeing each other. He is apparently trying to fix things with his wife too. This was monday, she did not tell a thing about me or what she told me.
My only hope is that this change of heart is due to me and my efforts and she is willing to give me a chance but right now i am DESTROYED.
Should i fight for this or is this a lost cause ?
TLDR : Married for 10 years with 3 kids, she doesn't love me anymore, i'm ready to fight but i don't know if i should.